I feel like a cancer fraud

helen e
helen e Member Posts: 223
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I know that I have breast cancer. I have had a lumpectomy with a sentinal node biopsy. The biopsy was negative and stage 1b tumor. Now I have to have a mastectomy. I don't have to have chemo or radiation. I feel like this isn't even really cancer. I have to have two surgeries (and yes lose a breast) and take a pill for 5 years. I see everyone else on here struggling, losing their hair and being sick and here I am not having any of that. It just seems so surreal. I'm not complaining, I don't want to have any of that. I guess my emotions (and hormones) are all over the place and I'm feeling like a fraud.
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Comments

  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    Hi Helen
    Losing your breast is a huge price to pay. You shouldn't feel like a fraud at all. You are just lucky it was caught early. Why do you have to have a mascetomy? Are you doing it to avoid radiation? Just wondering.

    Hugs
    Jadie<3
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    I don't feel that I'm a
    I don't feel that I'm a cancer fraud but I know what you saying. I've been diagnosed for 2 months, Stage 2 A, was put on Femara to shrink the tumors, which is happening, but for the most part I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines while my strong courageous sisters are going thru all these horrific treatments. Sometimes I cry when I read the posts and I pray often for all of you. I don't have much to add since I haven't had a whole lot of experience with this beast. I know that my time is coming and I know that I can count on the beautiful people here on this board. Helen, just because you're not having chemo or radiation just means that you have a different situation from others. Having 2 surgeries and losing your breast most certainly is cancer. Be thankful for just having to take a pill. Your emotions will be up and down and all over the place. You're not a fraud, you just feel so bad for those here who are suffering. And that makes you a wonderful supportive woman for all your sisters. Let us know how you progress and keep us on your next surgery.
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    I know how you feel
    Up until a couple of days ago, I thought that I was skating through this as well. I had a lumpectomy on 10/16 with clean margins and clear lymph nodes, and expected to get by with only radiation (although I could have opted for a mastectomy and skipped the radiation as well).

    Now that I have my Oncotype score, I'm leaning toward having the chemo done as well to be on the safe side, although I haven't made the final decision yet, so I may get to join in the "fun" after all.

    So far, I don't even feel sick, and other than a few days of relatively minor pain after surgery and being more tired than usual since, I feel absolutely fine and still have to remind myself that I do have cancer.

    If you feel you haven't suffered, then everyone on this board will be nothing but happy for you to have been spared the worst of this. Nobody feels that you have to earn your membership through pain and suffering. Instead, we will all rejoice that at least one of our sisters was able to find her way through without being beat down by the beast.

    You lost a breast. To many women that alone would be devastating. If you don't feel devastated, then don't feel like you should just for anyone else's benefit - just be glad that you are able to be at peace with your treatment and move forward a little more quickly than some with the rest of your cancer-free life.

    Congratulations on being one of the lucky ones!!!

    Your sister,
    Cindy
  • helen e
    helen e Member Posts: 223
    Sunrae said:

    I don't feel that I'm a
    I don't feel that I'm a cancer fraud but I know what you saying. I've been diagnosed for 2 months, Stage 2 A, was put on Femara to shrink the tumors, which is happening, but for the most part I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines while my strong courageous sisters are going thru all these horrific treatments. Sometimes I cry when I read the posts and I pray often for all of you. I don't have much to add since I haven't had a whole lot of experience with this beast. I know that my time is coming and I know that I can count on the beautiful people here on this board. Helen, just because you're not having chemo or radiation just means that you have a different situation from others. Having 2 surgeries and losing your breast most certainly is cancer. Be thankful for just having to take a pill. Your emotions will be up and down and all over the place. You're not a fraud, you just feel so bad for those here who are suffering. And that makes you a wonderful supportive woman for all your sisters. Let us know how you progress and keep us on your next surgery.

    Mastectomy
    Sunrae - I have to have a mastectomy because my cancer was more agressive than they thought when they opened me up and it was in other places in the duct. They were unable to get it all and because I have small breasts they need to take the whole breast. They told me that if I didn't have the surgery there is a 30-40% chance that it will come back even with radiation. So I'm having the surgery on the 11th.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member

    I know how you feel
    Up until a couple of days ago, I thought that I was skating through this as well. I had a lumpectomy on 10/16 with clean margins and clear lymph nodes, and expected to get by with only radiation (although I could have opted for a mastectomy and skipped the radiation as well).

    Now that I have my Oncotype score, I'm leaning toward having the chemo done as well to be on the safe side, although I haven't made the final decision yet, so I may get to join in the "fun" after all.

    So far, I don't even feel sick, and other than a few days of relatively minor pain after surgery and being more tired than usual since, I feel absolutely fine and still have to remind myself that I do have cancer.

    If you feel you haven't suffered, then everyone on this board will be nothing but happy for you to have been spared the worst of this. Nobody feels that you have to earn your membership through pain and suffering. Instead, we will all rejoice that at least one of our sisters was able to find her way through without being beat down by the beast.

    You lost a breast. To many women that alone would be devastating. If you don't feel devastated, then don't feel like you should just for anyone else's benefit - just be glad that you are able to be at peace with your treatment and move forward a little more quickly than some with the rest of your cancer-free life.

    Congratulations on being one of the lucky ones!!!

    Your sister,
    Cindy

    We all celebrate the fact
    We all celebrate the fact that you do not have to go through chemo. Nobody wishes this on their worst enemy let alone a nice person like you . My first time I had a mastectomy for a 1cm tumor node negative. becuse I had scant but scattered in situ cancer and they could not get margins. I did not feel lucky to be 34 and lose my breast. That is not an easy thing at all. When i got diagnosed this time they thought I would have the mastectomy(I wanted it) and then tamoxafen, and I definately would have taken that no guilt. I wish you good recovery and good health!!!!
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    carkris said:

    We all celebrate the fact
    We all celebrate the fact that you do not have to go through chemo. Nobody wishes this on their worst enemy let alone a nice person like you . My first time I had a mastectomy for a 1cm tumor node negative. becuse I had scant but scattered in situ cancer and they could not get margins. I did not feel lucky to be 34 and lose my breast. That is not an easy thing at all. When i got diagnosed this time they thought I would have the mastectomy(I wanted it) and then tamoxafen, and I definately would have taken that no guilt. I wish you good recovery and good health!!!!

    helen e
    Your initial diagnosis evoked the same gut wrenching fear and panic the rest of us have experienced, and until the tests and pathology reports were completed, there was the anxiety that comes with waiting what seems like an eternity. I rejoice that your cancer treatment does not require the IV chemo! How wonderful if everyone could say the same. Even so, you have lost a breast to this viscious beast, so please don't feel guilty about anything. I hope you heal quickly, and continue in a healthy and productive life. Gracie.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    You are not a fraud!!!!
    I would have LOVED to find someone who would tell me that I didn't need chemo!!!

    BUT, I think the term is 'survivor's guilt'. I have said 'goodbye' to many dear friends that have lost their battle. On the one hand, I feel guilty for having such a good life while others lost theirs....on the other hand, I can have them in my thoughts when I am doing something grand...

    ANYONE who must hear those 3 terrible words 'you have cancer' is NOTHING other that a brave soul, in my opinion. Doesn't matter what treatments you have, the head trip is just the same...I remembering fighting with my sister (of all things!) after HER treatments had started for rectal cancer, 2 years after mine, as to whose was worse...THAT's taking sibling rivalry to a new height!!!

    We are all in this together, and will remain part of a larger family forever....

    Hug yourself for me, strong warrior!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    KathiM said:

    You are not a fraud!!!!
    I would have LOVED to find someone who would tell me that I didn't need chemo!!!

    BUT, I think the term is 'survivor's guilt'. I have said 'goodbye' to many dear friends that have lost their battle. On the one hand, I feel guilty for having such a good life while others lost theirs....on the other hand, I can have them in my thoughts when I am doing something grand...

    ANYONE who must hear those 3 terrible words 'you have cancer' is NOTHING other that a brave soul, in my opinion. Doesn't matter what treatments you have, the head trip is just the same...I remembering fighting with my sister (of all things!) after HER treatments had started for rectal cancer, 2 years after mine, as to whose was worse...THAT's taking sibling rivalry to a new height!!!

    We are all in this together, and will remain part of a larger family forever....

    Hug yourself for me, strong warrior!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

    Helen
    You are upset and it is understandable. You have got some good news: no Chemo, no radiation.
    Mastectomy is a serious surgery which gas a very emotional element. Are you going to have an immediate reconstruction? I think because you have been waiting for the surgery for 3 weeks you have this surreal impression of yourself.

    I spent my two weeks before radical mastectomy preparing for the surgery and recovery after the surgery. Think what you would like to do and have fun.
    Happy Thanksgiving
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    No way!
    Please do not feel badly because you do not need chemo or rads, I personally am rejoicing for your good fortune! Frauds don't have mastectomies, 5 year of meds and a host of medical appointments to boot!

    I am betting that no one here feels you don't belong here, you most certainly can benefit from the wisdom of the many wonderful people here and I am sure we can learn from you as well.


    RE
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    RE said:

    No way!
    Please do not feel badly because you do not need chemo or rads, I personally am rejoicing for your good fortune! Frauds don't have mastectomies, 5 year of meds and a host of medical appointments to boot!

    I am betting that no one here feels you don't belong here, you most certainly can benefit from the wisdom of the many wonderful people here and I am sure we can learn from you as well.


    RE

    Cancr is cancer is cancer,
    Cancr is cancer is cancer, it dose not matter to what degree you have it, it is still the beast, you still have to face it head on, no matter what your battle will be. I agree with our dear Re I am so very grateful that you do not have to have chemo, or rads, I am saddened that you have to face the beast. I am honored though to call you sister.
    tj
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    Helen e, You silly thing.
    Helen e, You silly thing. You have already been through the cancer mill. Just hearing the words and entering the cancer world makes you a cancer warrior, dear sister. I am so grateful that you do not have to go through chemo and radiation and I am saddened that you have to take a drug for 5 years. My hope is that one day, no one will have to hear the words " You have cancer." xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    lynn1950 said:

    Helen e, You silly thing.
    Helen e, You silly thing. You have already been through the cancer mill. Just hearing the words and entering the cancer world makes you a cancer warrior, dear sister. I am so grateful that you do not have to go through chemo and radiation and I am saddened that you have to take a drug for 5 years. My hope is that one day, no one will have to hear the words " You have cancer." xoxoxoxo Lynn

    I understand
    I have felt the exact same way... When I found out I had cancer I was terrified for many reasons. The biggest was that I had watched my Dear Mother suffer from having breast cancer. She didn't make it and I knew I was destined the same fate. But God had a different plan for me. I had both breasts removed and had immediate reconstruction using my body tissue. I was radical but I didn't want to worry about it coming back in the other breast. I had seen what radiation and chemo did to my Mom (Treatment has really changed from 15yrs ago). My onco type score was 10 and my dx was 2a with no lymph nodes. So like you I don't have to have chemo or rads. They have recomeded I take Tamoxifen but I'm choosing not to do that due to being afraid of side effects (my recurrance is 10%). I too have read about how much our Sisters on here have suffered and felt guilty for not having suffered as much and I too pray for all of you.. I just hope that I can offer comfort along my Journey to give back to another Sister who needs a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.

    Calleen
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    We cry over the fears and
    We cry over the fears and setbacks of our sisters, and REJOICE with every triumph of our sisters on the boards! You are part of our family, a valued sister, and by no means a fraud. Do you not breathe a sigh of relief when one of us reports that a test went well? Do you not keep positive thougts/prayers when you read that one of us is having surgery and is frightened? It matters not if we are stage 1 or 4, it matters not what treatment we will have, or what we won't have~if you heard those 3 little words "you have cancer", you are connected with every one of us here. And we are connected to you.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    chenheart said:

    We cry over the fears and
    We cry over the fears and setbacks of our sisters, and REJOICE with every triumph of our sisters on the boards! You are part of our family, a valued sister, and by no means a fraud. Do you not breathe a sigh of relief when one of us reports that a test went well? Do you not keep positive thougts/prayers when you read that one of us is having surgery and is frightened? It matters not if we are stage 1 or 4, it matters not what treatment we will have, or what we won't have~if you heard those 3 little words "you have cancer", you are connected with every one of us here. And we are connected to you.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Helen, As you can see your
    Helen, As you can see your sisters here are rejoicing that you don't have to suffer thru chemo or radiation. We all rejoice in each other triumphs and cry in our disappointments as Chen posted. You are ahead of me in the battle. I'm going Dec. 11 to the surgeon to see when she thinks I should have surgery. Am wondering if I should consider a double masectomy. I feel like I'm in a dream and will wake up and everything will be back to normal. But this is the reality and we all have to get used to the idea in our own good time. You are there for me and everyone else and I know I can count on you when the going gets rough because you have been there too. Truly, you are our sister in every sense of the word. Be kind to yourself and know that you are fighting the battle everyday and winning. Much love to you, Sunrae
  • crselby
    crselby Member Posts: 441
    Fraud? No, Survivor.
    Hi Helen. All these people are right; we wish you the best, no matter what. You are feeling 'survivor guilt' but that doesn't mean you are going through something awful.

    Like you, I felt like a fraud. The diagnosis came out of the blue; no risk factors that I was aware of. I went through all the stages of denial, fear, anger, more fear, etc. Now that my DCIS was treated with lumpectomy and (OK, it was grueling, but brief) multicatheter interstitial brachytherapy radiation, and ongoing Tamoxifen, I know I got off 'lucky'.

    However, I don't believe my journey is over. If DCIS recurs, it is mostly invasive. If it is invasive, it is most likely the thing that will kill the woman, somewhere down the road. So I don't feel I am out of the woods, even though I got off easy.

    Cancer is curable, but it is nothing to fool around with or take lightly. What starts out as something small can come roaring back despite everything you do.

    Am I wrong to feel this way?
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    I know what you mean
    Other than the side effects of chemo, I feel good. My tumors cannot be felt anymore, though they may still be tiny spots in there. I still need a lumpectomy after chemo is over and radiation. Some people with cancer are really suffering, but, I'm not. Not at this time, anyway. The hairloss is the most traumatic thing I have dealt with right now. I consider myself lucky compared to some others.
  • maryannrogers
    maryannrogers Member Posts: 115
    laurissa said:

    I know what you mean
    Other than the side effects of chemo, I feel good. My tumors cannot be felt anymore, though they may still be tiny spots in there. I still need a lumpectomy after chemo is over and radiation. Some people with cancer are really suffering, but, I'm not. Not at this time, anyway. The hairloss is the most traumatic thing I have dealt with right now. I consider myself lucky compared to some others.

    Helen
    There is no such thing as a cancer fraud. In July, I went through a modified radical mastectomy on my right side. My oncotype dx score came out to 8 so I did not need the chemo. That's still does not negate the fact that it was cancer and still went through the emotions of "what ifs" and "I wonder" which about drove me crazy. Had no reconstruction. The bottom line...my boob had cancer in it and I didn't want any part of it. I'm on Arimidex for the next 5 years and happy to do so. I will live with any side effect it gives me. Yes, alot of ladies here have been through so much with their chemo and all the nasty side effects, but as far as I'm concerned, we are all survivors. There are so many wonderful women on this site that have been there for me. The best of luck to you and Happy Thanksgiving.
  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    Know what you mean!
    I saw this post the other day, but family around so I couldn't reply...I posted about the same thoughts on another string...my dx so far IDC, .4 mm x .4 mm, HR/PR +, HER2 neg...no nodes yet, but don't anticipate them to be positive. Had a lumpectomy and don't plan anything more radical for myself. Been an emotional wreck on and off.

    The good thing about this site is the validation I feel I've gotten. The bottom line is no matter how you slice it...it's still BC and we still have to learn to cope w/this new reality.

    Thanks for posting exactly what I was feeling!!!

    Julie
  • redundant echo
    redundant echo Member Posts: 9
    Feel that way occassionally
    I felt so sorry for myself, but then I would have conversations with fellow chemo patients & they would share that they would have their bladder removed after chemo or they had a brain tumor, etc. I watched my daughter-in-law loose her mother one yr. after dx'd with pancreatic cancer & wondered how fair is that? I don't feel like a cancer fraud, but I did find it humbling to compare notes to others with less hope.
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    tjhay said:

    Cancr is cancer is cancer,
    Cancr is cancer is cancer, it dose not matter to what degree you have it, it is still the beast, you still have to face it head on, no matter what your battle will be. I agree with our dear Re I am so very grateful that you do not have to have chemo, or rads, I am saddened that you have to face the beast. I am honored though to call you sister.
    tj

    Tj said it the best of
    Tj said it the best of anyone. Cancer is cancer. We are all sisters irregardless of how much or how little we have to go thru inre to treatment. We are all equals!