Wings

BrittanyC
BrittanyC Member Posts: 100
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
My mom will be getting her pair of angel wings within a matter of time. Whenever the Lord decides to take her, and for her to feel no pain. And she will see the land of where her father is and be happy to be with him.

Chemotheraphy is not working for my mother.

She has been battling on since May of 2009, when she was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.

I had requested a talk with her doctor and he spoke to her about what is happening to her. The Gemzar is not working. In fact, it is making her feel worse. Her bowel obstruction is getting worse.

Sometime, my mom will pass of complications from this horrible monster.

I am scared.

My mom has been protecting me from all of this. But I had told her that I know everything. Everything that has been going on.

My mom was in a lot of pain tonight (she is stubborn and isn't good with pain management, but got a good talking to by my grandma, lol) and she wanted me to be there, so grandma took me at midnight to go see my mom in Seattle.

When I hugged her, I cried. She kept telling me that she doesn't want me to worry and not to be scared. I just lost it. I told her,"I am afraid of losing you, mom."

I am. I am frightened.

Right before I left for the night, she told me,"I don't want you to worry." I told her,"I am strong, mom."

Comments

  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #2
    DEAREST BRITTANY
    I am so sorry to hear that your Mom's treatments are of no help, and that she is enduring so much. As I read your post it reminded me of my mother's battle with colon cancer, and how I was there with her till the very end. My heart aches for you, as I think of all the 'phases' that I witnessed, and how helpless I felt. But, in hopes to console you, I will tell you that the very end was peaceful and calm. Hospice came in 1 week before, and told us that they would put on pain patches for my mother as there would come a point that she would not be able to ask for anything. My mother NEVER complained. And she never asked for pain meds. So one day before the end she began to be less and less 'awake'. Hospice put the pain patch on, and the last 36 hours it was as though Mom were 'sleeping'. But we still talked with her, sat with her, and I was there when she took her last breath.

    I have a strong faith, Brittany, and I pray that you and your Mom also have a faith to lean on. Something happened 1 week before my Mom passed that confirmed, once again to me, that I know the Lord was with her all the way. The last months, Mom was always thirsty and was so happy to have just simple cold water. One week before, she said to me, 'Mamma (her mother) gave me some water and is was the best, coldest water I had ever tasted'! Then one day, she was staring straight ahead, pointing, and talking so quietly. I asked her what she was looking at and she said, 'Dad is sitting on the grass and asking me to join him! It's the greenest, most beautiful grass I've ever seen!' My Dad had passed in 1994 and Mom missed him so much. I found peace at that moment.

    My love, hugs and prayers to you, Brittany. You have been a wonderful daughter for your Mom. Regardless of how she may be at this moment, know that she loves you. And as a Mom I can tell you that I'm sure she is thinking of you more than she is herself.

    (((HUGS)))

    Monika

    'Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning.'
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #3
    Dearest Brittany,
    What a wonderful daughter you have been, which speaks well of your mother. She showed you how to love and you will have all of these lessons from her for the rest of your life. Monica told you of a wonderful hope for life everlasting that many of us rely on. It was a comfort to me when I lost my mother from here on Earth and my only brother. I knew that they were with Daddy, who passed years ago. It helped me to keep thinking that they were free of pain and in the most wonderful place one can imagine. We, daughters, are left behind to carry on the lessons we learned from our MOTHERS of the years we had them. God will give you the strength to make it through the next days and the comfort that you will need. Remember the good times and talk about them with your Mother. The beautiful memories, even when she doesn't seem to be awake. This is what I want from my children. We are here praying for you and your Mother and I do hope that you can feel the cares coming your way over the miles. ((Hugs and Prayers))) Saundra
  • BrittanyC
    BrittanyC Member Posts: 100
    #4
    mopar said:

    DEAREST BRITTANY
    I am so sorry to hear that your Mom's treatments are of no help, and that she is enduring so much. As I read your post it reminded me of my mother's battle with colon cancer, and how I was there with her till the very end. My heart aches for you, as I think of all the 'phases' that I witnessed, and how helpless I felt. But, in hopes to console you, I will tell you that the very end was peaceful and calm. Hospice came in 1 week before, and told us that they would put on pain patches for my mother as there would come a point that she would not be able to ask for anything. My mother NEVER complained. And she never asked for pain meds. So one day before the end she began to be less and less 'awake'. Hospice put the pain patch on, and the last 36 hours it was as though Mom were 'sleeping'. But we still talked with her, sat with her, and I was there when she took her last breath.

    I have a strong faith, Brittany, and I pray that you and your Mom also have a faith to lean on. Something happened 1 week before my Mom passed that confirmed, once again to me, that I know the Lord was with her all the way. The last months, Mom was always thirsty and was so happy to have just simple cold water. One week before, she said to me, 'Mamma (her mother) gave me some water and is was the best, coldest water I had ever tasted'! Then one day, she was staring straight ahead, pointing, and talking so quietly. I asked her what she was looking at and she said, 'Dad is sitting on the grass and asking me to join him! It's the greenest, most beautiful grass I've ever seen!' My Dad had passed in 1994 and Mom missed him so much. I found peace at that moment.

    My love, hugs and prayers to you, Brittany. You have been a wonderful daughter for your Mom. Regardless of how she may be at this moment, know that she loves you. And as a Mom I can tell you that I'm sure she is thinking of you more than she is herself.

    (((HUGS)))

    Monika

    'Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning.'

    mopar and saundra, your
    mopar and saundra, your messages made me cry.

    I have been crying randomly and it comes in spirts. I already look horrible LOL

    Well, my mom knows now.

    I am going to visit her today and she has no idea.
    It is breaking my heart because she is so alert and her pain in managed.

    I am going to wear the necklace that grandma gave to me and I'm going to show her.

    My mom is strong. She has always been.
    I have not given myself much credit, but I have tried to laugh through all of this, with people that I know. Laugh and go crazy sometimes, because I need to laugh and want to. My mom would want me to laugh.

    My goal is to make my mom as comfortable as possible.
  • arbor3
    arbor3 Member Posts: 103
    #5
    MY PRAYER ARE WITH YOU
    DEAR BRITTANY

    I AM SORRY, BUT YOUR MOM WILL BE IN A BETTER PLACE, FREE OF PAIN. YOU ARE THE MOST DEVOTED AND LOVING DAUGHTER, YOUR MOM IS VERY LUCKY. I ALSO WAS WITH MY MOTHER UNTIL THE END WHEN SHE HAD COLON CANCER IN 1986. SHE WAS ON MORPHINE AND WAS IN NO PAIN. BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU KNOW THIS IT IS SO HARD, BUT ALSO A BLESSING THEY ARE NOT SUFFERING ANYMORE. AT THE TIME I TOLD MYSELF THAT I DID NOT WANT MY GIRLS TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH LOSING ME TO CANCER. WELL NOW THAT THE REALITY IS HERE I KNOW THAT MY GIRLS ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THROUGH. BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY STRONG GIRLS AND SO ARE YOU. PLEASE KEEP IN TOUGH NOW AND AFTER BECAUSE YOU WILL NEED TO TALK AND WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU.
    MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU, YOUR MOM AND YOUR FAMILY

    HUGS!!!!!!DINORA
  • BonnieR
    BonnieR Member Posts: 1,526 Member
    #6
    Hugs ♥ Prayers
    Dearest Brittany, what a difficult time for you and your mom. It is okay to cry and let her know how much you love her. Lots of hugs n prayers Bonnie
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #7
    I am so sorry
    Dearest Brittany,

    I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. You have been the best most devoted daughter ever. I hope you can spend as much time as possible with her at this point and tell her everything....you need/want to. I know that she has cherished these days with you and you will always know that you have been her special special angel here on Earth. I feel sad for you as well. I know the feeling of slowly watching your Mom slip away. I know though, that she'll be watching over you....her very very special daughter...
  • Northwoodsgirl
    Northwoodsgirl Member Posts: 571
    #8
    ANGELS
    Dearest Brittany,
    You are going through so much thinking that your Mom is in her last days. You are stronger than you think as you are your Mother's daughter. Rely on your faith. I believe in the angels who will come to help her and you get through the days ahead. It's OK to cry. Don't think too far ahead. Keep your mind in the present moment. You know your Mom best and know how to show your love for her. It's OK to be frightened. Your Mom likely doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. It is so hard for she has gone through so much fighting her battle with cancer.

    My Mom died of uterine cancer in October of 2005. We kept her at home as long as possible and then moved her to a private hospice home where she got the best end of life care and so did we as a family.
    When people are near the end of their life sometimes they close their eyes most of the time as they have much internal work to do to get ready for the transition and they likely are on pain medication. Three days before my Mom passed away she called each one of her four children to her bedside and had a final brief converstation with each of us. She told us to take care of our Dad and each other. That she was proud of us and loved us. She still showed a sense of humor by telling us children (all in our late 40s) not to fight over anything after she was gone....just like we were little kids again. As adults we haven't ever argued-so thought that was kind of just like my Mom.

    She also removed her jewelry and gave the pieces to my sister and me. She also asked for chocolate cake (she hadn't eaten anything in about 20 days). My Mom passed away at sunrise on a beautiful October day. I miss her dearly every day but carry on knowing that one day we will be together. I see her in myself in my hands and eyes and little mannerisms I have.
    I also feel her presence very often and know that she is watching over me and when it is my time to pass away she will be with me always. My heart goes out to you as you help your Mom with her final jouney to heaven where she will walk in fields of gold.
    You are in my prayers...God Bless
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #9
    So sorry
    Brittany, I'm so sorry for you and your Mom. I wish you both peace.
    Nancy
  • Kgirl
    Kgirl Member Posts: 45
    #10
    My heart goes out to you
    Brittany,

    You so remind me of my three daughters. They range in age from 20 to 25. I know that they will some day have to walk the path you are on now. I just hope that they will have as much courage and strength as you have shown. I love them all dearly and the worse part of all of this is leaving them behind. I hope I have shown then enough love and have taught them what they need to know about life. I want them to live and even thrive without me. I'm sure your mom feels the same way.

    Peace,
    Kathy
  • LPack
    LPack Member Posts: 645
    #11
    So sorry
    Brittany,

    Have not been on for awhile so just read your post. I am so sorry, I can say I do feel your pain and I know about losing a mom to cancer.

    "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" I Corin. 15:55. Brittany, this tells us death is no longer a source of dread or fear, Christ overcome it and one day each of us will also. We have hope beyond the grave!!!!

    Does not mean we do not miss our loved ones ESPECIALLY our moms!!!

    You have been such a model of a daughter.

    In His Grip,
    Libby ♥
  • ladyjogger31
    ladyjogger31 Member Posts: 289
    #12
    LPack said:

    So sorry
    Brittany,

    Have not been on for awhile so just read your post. I am so sorry, I can say I do feel your pain and I know about losing a mom to cancer.

    "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" I Corin. 15:55. Brittany, this tells us death is no longer a source of dread or fear, Christ overcome it and one day each of us will also. We have hope beyond the grave!!!!

    Does not mean we do not miss our loved ones ESPECIALLY our moms!!!

    You have been such a model of a daughter.

    In His Grip,
    Libby ♥

    Brittany
    I'm so sorry that you are going through a difficult time right now.Your such a good daughter.
    Sending you lots of healing and blessings for your Mom and you.
    Hugs and Prayers, Terry
  • carol2dogs
    carol2dogs Member Posts: 132
    #13
    So Sorry
    Brittany,
    I am so sorry. You have been a fantastic daughter and a huge source of comfort for your mother. Your strength will help both of you get through this. God is there for both of you!
    Please keep us updated - on how both of you are doing. Sending you much love and concern, Carol.

Discussion Boards