In a slump today
I was divorced 4 years ago. I was extremely unhappy in my marriage. My ex worked a lot and we had no family life. I was scared to divorce as I was so afraid of being alone. I got involved almost right away with a guy that was like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. He had a very low self-esteem even though he really had a lot going for him. I spent nearly the last 4 years of my life trying to convince him that I was in love with him... I guess in the long run, trying to convince 'myself' that I was. We would break up and get back together numerous times. When I found out I had breast cancer, we were broken up, but our break ups were never more than a week or two long. His last words were 'this is heavy duty'... referring to my breast cancer. OUCH!
I don't want to go out and mingle because I'm afraid of the germs that are out there and surely don't want to get sick while I'm on chemo. My favorite movies to watch are romantic comedies but lately I have a very difficult time watching them. I guess I always imagined that one day I might actually be fortunate enough to meet my Mr. Right and live happily ever after like these movies portray. As I look at myself in the mirror and see a reflection of a freak with only one boob, no hair and gaining weight like crazy because I'm eating like it's going out of style, I want to just lay down and cry! Yes, I have my wonderful kids that I love with all my heart, but we all know they grow up & move out to live their own lives, as we, as mothers, want for them. Being dealt this bad card, I get in moods where I feel that now I will never have the opportunity to have a loving and caring man in my life.
I have friends that I can talk to, but, as some of you have seen from my posts on here, I am a very positive and optimistic person... I always have been. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I contend with whatever comes my way with an upbeat fortitude. When I talk to my friends whenever I feel down like today, I get a very worried and angst type of response. They all feel that my positive attitude is going to help me beat this and they get worried when I feel down and surely they can't relate to cancer as no one can unless they have it or have had it.
So here I am. I know that many of you have husbands from most of the posts and profiles I've read. But I'm just hoping that there are one or two of you out there that possibly are or have been in my situation and can give me some positive words to get me through today. These thoughts have never stuck around for longer than a day, but I have noticed since being locked in my cave that they occur more often than they used to.
Thank you if you made it through to the end of this and I'm so sorry for ranting... it's not at all my style. I'm in very rare form today!
With much appreciation for the opportunity to post here... Marlene
Comments
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I truly understand how you
I truly understand how you feel. My kids are grown and I am divorced so I spend a lot of time alone. I so want to fall in love again and seems to be on my mind more lately. But when I was going through chemo and surgery, I almost made myself asexual because I had a hard time dealing with the physical changes and that no man would want to start a relationship with someone who has/had cancer.
I don't know what will happen. I still hope. Right now is the hardest part so be kind to yourself including your thoughts. I have to remind myself that my future (as well as my present) is in God's hands.
Beth0 -
Breast Cancer is a lonely journey at times.elizarose said:I truly understand how you
I truly understand how you feel. My kids are grown and I am divorced so I spend a lot of time alone. I so want to fall in love again and seems to be on my mind more lately. But when I was going through chemo and surgery, I almost made myself asexual because I had a hard time dealing with the physical changes and that no man would want to start a relationship with someone who has/had cancer.
I don't know what will happen. I still hope. Right now is the hardest part so be kind to yourself including your thoughts. I have to remind myself that my future (as well as my present) is in God's hands.
Beth
I'm glad you are letting yourself rant. You have been through so much and it's hard to imagine that life will ever be normal again. It will be a new normal but it will return to something you recognize. I used to be a magnet for the wrong men because I was really afraid to be alone. After my divorce, I went from one relationship to another always with men who weren't right for me. I was settling for less than I wanted. After one of the breakups I decided to spend some time unattached and it made a big difference. If you can take this time to discover and appreciate yourself you will be able to attract the right person. Someone told me once that I was attracting the type of man who reflected how I felt about myself. She was right! I have been remarried to a kind and loving man for 10 years now but I had to take the time to accept myself before any relationship could work.
When you can, plan outings with your friends. For now, feel your feelings so you can let them go. You may want to start a journal.
The right man will love us "warts and all".
Roseann0 -
You Are Enoughroseann4 said:Breast Cancer is a lonely journey at times.
I'm glad you are letting yourself rant. You have been through so much and it's hard to imagine that life will ever be normal again. It will be a new normal but it will return to something you recognize. I used to be a magnet for the wrong men because I was really afraid to be alone. After my divorce, I went from one relationship to another always with men who weren't right for me. I was settling for less than I wanted. After one of the breakups I decided to spend some time unattached and it made a big difference. If you can take this time to discover and appreciate yourself you will be able to attract the right person. Someone told me once that I was attracting the type of man who reflected how I felt about myself. She was right! I have been remarried to a kind and loving man for 10 years now but I had to take the time to accept myself before any relationship could work.
When you can, plan outings with your friends. For now, feel your feelings so you can let them go. You may want to start a journal.
The right man will love us "warts and all".
Roseann
Marlene, this post from Roseann is right on~!! I learned that I'm enough with or without a man in my life. When I learned to love and accept myself, my relationship with my husband became so much better. No one person can provide all my needs. I've learned to take care of myself, nourish myself with the things I love, and many of those things my husband does not enjoy, but its ok. This is such a difficult time in your life right now, the last thing you need is to be there to try and please a man. This is take care of you time. Like
roseann suggested, get your strokes from your friends and relatives. You dont need a man to complete you, you are enough just the way you are. You are a very pretty lady, and we are more than our hair and our bodies. Be easy on yourself, give yourself hugs, and take time to be with you. A longing for Mr. Right, can wear you down, and you dont need anymore of that while fighting this BC. Hugs to You!0 -
Funk
We all go through the BC funk. It changes so much about us, our appearance, our relationships, our lives. I am married to a WONDERFUL man, but I had this same funk at times too. How can he love me when I look like a freak show. Will he look for someone without all this baggage? Would anyone else ever look at me? So, you are not alone in these thoughts and it is great that you are able to express them. Here is how I responded to Eliza when she wrote that she "wants to fall in love":
I pray that you will fall in love! It is a wonderufl feeling. But.....
right now......I recommend that you work on falling in love with yourself. BC is pretty hard on the self esteem but I think that if you can focus on loving yourself, in spite of the physical, mental and emotional scars, that someone out there will notice this and fall in love with you too. I do KNOW that the scars that we carry, do NOT prevent others from falling in love with us. There are people that are willin/able to either over look those scars or rejoice in them for they have helped make us who we are.
I'm praying for love for you! It sounds like a great reward for all that you've been through! I will be praying for you as well.
God bless you.
Rita0 -
The right words...natly15 said:You Are Enough
Marlene, this post from Roseann is right on~!! I learned that I'm enough with or without a man in my life. When I learned to love and accept myself, my relationship with my husband became so much better. No one person can provide all my needs. I've learned to take care of myself, nourish myself with the things I love, and many of those things my husband does not enjoy, but its ok. This is such a difficult time in your life right now, the last thing you need is to be there to try and please a man. This is take care of you time. Like
roseann suggested, get your strokes from your friends and relatives. You dont need a man to complete you, you are enough just the way you are. You are a very pretty lady, and we are more than our hair and our bodies. Be easy on yourself, give yourself hugs, and take time to be with you. A longing for Mr. Right, can wear you down, and you dont need anymore of that while fighting this BC. Hugs to You!
Thanks for saying the right thing, Nat! When I dated that man after divorce, I spent so much of my time worried about his feelings and worrying about making him happy, that I forgot that my feelings and my happiness mattered too... we women tend to do that I suppose. But your words really struck a note with me and it's what I needed to hear. Men need constant attention and I believe God took him out of my life once and for all for a reason! I would be ten times more miserable right now if I had to contend with him 'not getting enough attention'. I am much better off for the next several months concentrating on getting well, loving myself for who I am and what I have to offer, because inner beauty is what matters most. Thanks for taking the time to write and give me what I needed on this very down and miserable day... it doesn't help that everything aches on me today (it's the 3rd day after chemo). Thank you, too, Roseann, for also offering very inspiring words.
Eliza, it seems you and I have something in common and surely there is something in store for us. You are much ahead of me in your recovery, but I know God has a plan and through the inner strength that we obtain from this journey, we will overcome!
I need some sleep because I long for a new day with a much brighter outlook. I despise down days!
Thank you VERY MUCH!!0 -
Slump
There are plenty of men out there that will stand by you. The man you find might be someone you might have overlooked before (that's what happened to me). My ex-husband was a successful business type, and my boyfriend is more of a blue-collar-punching-the-time-card kind of guy. He's wonderful.
My ex-husband likes to still make my life miserable (he was abusive, but can't for the life of himself figure why I wanted to leave) since he's jealous of my "new" (almost eight years) boyfriend. I was leaving my PET scan and he called me on my cell to ream me out for ruining his life. Yeah, we were divorced nine years ago.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry . . . I'm having my own little pity party when I'm supposed to be supporting you. Bottom line: there are plenty of GROWN UP men out there who can deal with all of our "stuff."
Your hair will grow back and you'll be less fatigued and more positive so that you can start moving around more instead of snacking. (I'm one to talk . . . I've gained thirty pounds in the last five years!)
Your picture is beautiful! YOU are beautiful. Just give yourself this time to retreat from the pressures of sex, relationships and all of that. There will be plenty of time once you're on your feet.
RE: your attitude. It makes people uncomfortable when we have bad days and when we are down. They've seen so many "Lifetime" movies about women with positive attitudes that fight the fight like "Norma Rae" or something. The fact is, none of us can keep that up 24/7.
My kids are with their dad on the weekends, too. My boyfriend, as wonderful as he is had to relocate to NC for work (I'm in MD). On the weekends he's not here, I try to cram as much "girl time" in as I can. I look up old friends and reconnect for dinner or lunch or something. If no one's around, I light a fire in the fireplace, get out a book and a glass of wine and sigh. Sometimes I end up low, but more often, I go to bed peaceful.
I hope you don't mind my rambling, Marlene.
I send you my love,
Linda0 -
Thank you, Rita!ritazimm said:Funk
We all go through the BC funk. It changes so much about us, our appearance, our relationships, our lives. I am married to a WONDERFUL man, but I had this same funk at times too. How can he love me when I look like a freak show. Will he look for someone without all this baggage? Would anyone else ever look at me? So, you are not alone in these thoughts and it is great that you are able to express them. Here is how I responded to Eliza when she wrote that she "wants to fall in love":
I pray that you will fall in love! It is a wonderufl feeling. But.....
right now......I recommend that you work on falling in love with yourself. BC is pretty hard on the self esteem but I think that if you can focus on loving yourself, in spite of the physical, mental and emotional scars, that someone out there will notice this and fall in love with you too. I do KNOW that the scars that we carry, do NOT prevent others from falling in love with us. There are people that are willin/able to either over look those scars or rejoice in them for they have helped make us who we are.
I'm praying for love for you! It sounds like a great reward for all that you've been through! I will be praying for you as well.
God bless you.
Rita
That is just so sweet of you and OH so true! I will get through this day and look on the brighter side of things tomorrow and count on all of you beautiful, knowledgeable, caring women to get me through the 'funks'!!0 -
OMG Marlene, 3rd day afterMarlene_K said:The right words...
Thanks for saying the right thing, Nat! When I dated that man after divorce, I spent so much of my time worried about his feelings and worrying about making him happy, that I forgot that my feelings and my happiness mattered too... we women tend to do that I suppose. But your words really struck a note with me and it's what I needed to hear. Men need constant attention and I believe God took him out of my life once and for all for a reason! I would be ten times more miserable right now if I had to contend with him 'not getting enough attention'. I am much better off for the next several months concentrating on getting well, loving myself for who I am and what I have to offer, because inner beauty is what matters most. Thanks for taking the time to write and give me what I needed on this very down and miserable day... it doesn't help that everything aches on me today (it's the 3rd day after chemo). Thank you, too, Roseann, for also offering very inspiring words.
Eliza, it seems you and I have something in common and surely there is something in store for us. You are much ahead of me in your recovery, but I know God has a plan and through the inner strength that we obtain from this journey, we will overcome!
I need some sleep because I long for a new day with a much brighter outlook. I despise down days!
Thank you VERY MUCH!!
OMG Marlene, 3rd day after chemo, no wonder you are down. Please feel better. My next round is this coming Tuesday. Chemo is like a "box of chocolates" NOT, but you never know what you're gonna get. Is it nausea, is it bone pain, is it fatigue, is it a tear or 2, for sure it's mostly unpleasant. Hang in there girl, and take care, this is no cake walk, this is BC!0 -
I don't mind one bit...LC815 said:Slump
There are plenty of men out there that will stand by you. The man you find might be someone you might have overlooked before (that's what happened to me). My ex-husband was a successful business type, and my boyfriend is more of a blue-collar-punching-the-time-card kind of guy. He's wonderful.
My ex-husband likes to still make my life miserable (he was abusive, but can't for the life of himself figure why I wanted to leave) since he's jealous of my "new" (almost eight years) boyfriend. I was leaving my PET scan and he called me on my cell to ream me out for ruining his life. Yeah, we were divorced nine years ago.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry . . . I'm having my own little pity party when I'm supposed to be supporting you. Bottom line: there are plenty of GROWN UP men out there who can deal with all of our "stuff."
Your hair will grow back and you'll be less fatigued and more positive so that you can start moving around more instead of snacking. (I'm one to talk . . . I've gained thirty pounds in the last five years!)
Your picture is beautiful! YOU are beautiful. Just give yourself this time to retreat from the pressures of sex, relationships and all of that. There will be plenty of time once you're on your feet.
RE: your attitude. It makes people uncomfortable when we have bad days and when we are down. They've seen so many "Lifetime" movies about women with positive attitudes that fight the fight like "Norma Rae" or something. The fact is, none of us can keep that up 24/7.
My kids are with their dad on the weekends, too. My boyfriend, as wonderful as he is had to relocate to NC for work (I'm in MD). On the weekends he's not here, I try to cram as much "girl time" in as I can. I look up old friends and reconnect for dinner or lunch or something. If no one's around, I light a fire in the fireplace, get out a book and a glass of wine and sigh. Sometimes I end up low, but more often, I go to bed peaceful.
I hope you don't mind my rambling, Marlene.
I send you my love,
Linda
Thanks, Linda! It seems WE have quite a bit in common as my ex made me miserable for years after divorce. I thought he was coming around and being more civil while going through BC, but we just had a 'disagreement' last week which set us back once again. Of course it was about the almighty dollar as that seems to be the main thing that drives him.
In my good senses, I know there is no such thing as the 'fairytale' love that I cry over when I watch them on TV, but my point there was just that my slump was preventing me from watching something I used to love to watch because I was doubting even more than ever that something like that could happen to me.
Hmmm.... sitting in front of a fire, with a good book and a glass of wine sounds absolutely scrumptuous to me. Unfortunately, I don't have a fireplace, I can't drink wine while on chemo and the book wouldn't be the same without the other two, lol. But life is not over, not by a loooong shot, and I will have better days.
Thank you, Linda! I think I made a new friend
Marlene0 -
Yes, you have.Marlene_K said:I don't mind one bit...
Thanks, Linda! It seems WE have quite a bit in common as my ex made me miserable for years after divorce. I thought he was coming around and being more civil while going through BC, but we just had a 'disagreement' last week which set us back once again. Of course it was about the almighty dollar as that seems to be the main thing that drives him.
In my good senses, I know there is no such thing as the 'fairytale' love that I cry over when I watch them on TV, but my point there was just that my slump was preventing me from watching something I used to love to watch because I was doubting even more than ever that something like that could happen to me.
Hmmm.... sitting in front of a fire, with a good book and a glass of wine sounds absolutely scrumptuous to me. Unfortunately, I don't have a fireplace, I can't drink wine while on chemo and the book wouldn't be the same without the other two, lol. But life is not over, not by a loooong shot, and I will have better days.
Thank you, Linda! I think I made a new friend
Marlene
I'm here for you!
Sleepytime herbal tea is almost as good as wine . . . ahhhhh.
Love, Linda0 -
I think I'll try that...LC815 said:Yes, you have.
I'm here for you!
Sleepytime herbal tea is almost as good as wine . . . ahhhhh.
Love, Linda
along with the ole reliable Xanex and hit the bed! I'm just exhausted from the aches & pains and too much (wayyyy too much) thinking!
I'm a very positive person, Linda... you will see. I just had a very down day. Thanks for making it brighter!
Lots of Hugs! Mar0 -
"Women Who Love Too Much"Marlene_K said:I think I'll try that...
along with the ole reliable Xanex and hit the bed! I'm just exhausted from the aches & pains and too much (wayyyy too much) thinking!
I'm a very positive person, Linda... you will see. I just had a very down day. Thanks for making it brighter!
Lots of Hugs! Mar
Hi Ladies,
I just remembered this great book which I read while trying to break up with my alcoholic boyfriend many years ago. He was the "love of my life" when I was in high school, went into the Navy and returned an alcoholic. We broke up because I had a moment of sanity and decided this was not the life I wanted. He moved away and I had my children and went through a divorce. Would you believe he moved back just as my divorce was final! He had been sober for 2 years and we reconnected. He soon started secretly drinking again. Due to my high school memories, I was "hooked" and refused to see the obvious. A concerned friend gave me that book. What an eye opener! Once I could see that my emotions were not love but a need to control my life and fix him, I could get my freedom and go on with my life...alone but happy. It took some time but I now know that I can make it alone and that's what has made my current marriage work. My husband really loves me and that's a great feeling. I couldn't attract that kind of man until I was secure within myself. I'm 59 years old now and besides the BC ordeal, I can see the signs of aging. I know my husband sees me as beautiful even in the morning! Be patient. There is not Prince Charming on the white horse who will save us but we can save ourselves. Women rule!
Enjoy your day!
Roseann0 -
Marlene,Linda and BethMarlene_K said:I think I'll try that...
along with the ole reliable Xanex and hit the bed! I'm just exhausted from the aches & pains and too much (wayyyy too much) thinking!
I'm a very positive person, Linda... you will see. I just had a very down day. Thanks for making it brighter!
Lots of Hugs! Mar
I'm with you all.
My husband was verbally abusive and moved out a year ago--I fell out of love with him because of this and his drinking. Divorce papers are in the works.
I want to fall in love again.
I have a real good friend-was my first love of high school--and he is married and I and he would never cross the line. He has been here for me with words of encouragement. I can love him as a friend and that is it.
Yes I wish there was more but I respect him as a friend.
Good friends are hard to come by especially if they are of the opposite sex--others may think something is going on if you have a friend of the opposite sex. They don't understand that there is mutual respect for one another.
I don't know if I said everything the right way.
Hugs,
Margo0 -
Dr. Laura Schlessingerroseann4 said:"Women Who Love Too Much"
Hi Ladies,
I just remembered this great book which I read while trying to break up with my alcoholic boyfriend many years ago. He was the "love of my life" when I was in high school, went into the Navy and returned an alcoholic. We broke up because I had a moment of sanity and decided this was not the life I wanted. He moved away and I had my children and went through a divorce. Would you believe he moved back just as my divorce was final! He had been sober for 2 years and we reconnected. He soon started secretly drinking again. Due to my high school memories, I was "hooked" and refused to see the obvious. A concerned friend gave me that book. What an eye opener! Once I could see that my emotions were not love but a need to control my life and fix him, I could get my freedom and go on with my life...alone but happy. It took some time but I now know that I can make it alone and that's what has made my current marriage work. My husband really loves me and that's a great feeling. I couldn't attract that kind of man until I was secure within myself. I'm 59 years old now and besides the BC ordeal, I can see the signs of aging. I know my husband sees me as beautiful even in the morning! Be patient. There is not Prince Charming on the white horse who will save us but we can save ourselves. Women rule!
Enjoy your day!
Roseann
Has written many good books. Some people love her, some hate her... there's not much in between, but her philosophy is that 'we', as women control men, but we have to know how. When you think about it, mom does control the mood of the entire household. If we're happy, so is everyone else. If we're miserable, so is everyone else. We do have a lot of power and woman 'do' rule. The man that I saw for nearly 4 years had me blind sighted as well. I was always quite confident, but he was able to strip me of that... making me believe that it was me who had issues, when truly it was he that was extremely insecure. After a lot of reading, I have diagnosed him as 'paranoid schizophrenic'. Although I'm content that he is out of my life, I still miss the good times, as when they were good, they were really, REALLY good, but when they were bad, they were the worst! He was up & down like a carousel.
I know that I can not move on at this stage in my life and that is what is difficult for me to grasp. I can not join a dating site and meet men right now because of what I'm going through. For the first time ever, I don't feel that I'm worthy of any man's love because I can't predict what will come of all of this. But it's ok... I'm working through it and will most definitely have very low times and at those times, I will again come to this board where there are strong women to get me out of the slump. My life took a very drastic turn and I was dealt a card I'd really rather not play, but I have no choice and I know that one day I will know and understand why this happened. I am the same wholesome person on the inside as I always was. The outside is taking quite a beating, but it isn't forever. I have to come to grips that the next year or so is 'me' time. Roseann, you're right... only I can save myself and I am working on it!
Thank you! Mar0 -
I have always had maletommaseena said:Marlene,Linda and Beth
I'm with you all.
My husband was verbally abusive and moved out a year ago--I fell out of love with him because of this and his drinking. Divorce papers are in the works.
I want to fall in love again.
I have a real good friend-was my first love of high school--and he is married and I and he would never cross the line. He has been here for me with words of encouragement. I can love him as a friend and that is it.
Yes I wish there was more but I respect him as a friend.
Good friends are hard to come by especially if they are of the opposite sex--others may think something is going on if you have a friend of the opposite sex. They don't understand that there is mutual respect for one another.
I don't know if I said everything the right way.
Hugs,
Margo
I have always had male friends in my life. This comment is not meant for any women here as I believe we are of a different caliber, but honestly, I have found many women to be catty. When a big group of women get together, there seems to be a lot of competition going on and jealousy and envy always seem to enter the equation. I don't have the desire for any of that in life. When I make a friend in someone, I wish the best for them. I want for them as much if not more than I want for me.
If this man is filling a void in your life and it is simply platonic, there is nothing wrong with that. I only worry about your feelings as I believe I read that there is more for you. Just be careful not to secretly wish and hope for more as you can set yourself up for major hurt.
What is going on with you anyway? If I remember correctly, didn't you have the last part of your reconstruction done recently? I don't recall seeing an update.
Love, Mar0 -
MarMarlene_K said:I have always had male
I have always had male friends in my life. This comment is not meant for any women here as I believe we are of a different caliber, but honestly, I have found many women to be catty. When a big group of women get together, there seems to be a lot of competition going on and jealousy and envy always seem to enter the equation. I don't have the desire for any of that in life. When I make a friend in someone, I wish the best for them. I want for them as much if not more than I want for me.
If this man is filling a void in your life and it is simply platonic, there is nothing wrong with that. I only worry about your feelings as I believe I read that there is more for you. Just be careful not to secretly wish and hope for more as you can set yourself up for major hurt.
What is going on with you anyway? If I remember correctly, didn't you have the last part of your reconstruction done recently? I don't recall seeing an update.
Love, Mar
Mar,
It is simply plantonic--I am not looking for a relationship at this time--I am focusing on me and Jake. I would much rather be friends than lovers with this man.
I did have my surgery to remove the tissue expanders and silicone implants put in on Tuesday. I have been doing well. I have had a headache for two days that won't quit and huge fever blisters/cold sores on my lip and my inside of my mouth on the right side hurts like hell. I hope I am not getting shingles again which I got after my surgery in February. I may make a trip to the ER this afternoon and have my mother watch Jake. I even took Percocet last night before bed to see if that would help with the pain in my mouth and my headache and never touched it.
Hugs,
Margo0 -
Marlene
I can't relate to your your post in most part,I have been married for 38 years. But you are a very caring and beautiful person and all the advice from the others is so true. Take care of yourself first. You have enough to deal with right know. You will find that special man when the time is right. Feel Better and hugs, Diane0 -
I had to respond...I justtommaseena said:Marlene,Linda and Beth
I'm with you all.
My husband was verbally abusive and moved out a year ago--I fell out of love with him because of this and his drinking. Divorce papers are in the works.
I want to fall in love again.
I have a real good friend-was my first love of high school--and he is married and I and he would never cross the line. He has been here for me with words of encouragement. I can love him as a friend and that is it.
Yes I wish there was more but I respect him as a friend.
Good friends are hard to come by especially if they are of the opposite sex--others may think something is going on if you have a friend of the opposite sex. They don't understand that there is mutual respect for one another.
I don't know if I said everything the right way.
Hugs,
Margo
I had to respond...I just reconnected with my hs bf a few weeks ago. He is also married with children and I won't let it go beyond platonic. The week before we reconnected his mother was diagnosed with lung cancer with a poor prognosis and has the same doctors and hospital I have. So we talk. He has been an incredible source of encouragement the past few weeks and I even had lunch with him and his mom a few days ago. Yeah, I wish things were different, but it is just wonderful to be able to get to know him again after 30 years!!
As for me, I am trying to love myself and attract the kind of guy I know will be good for me. I have spent too many years hating myself and going from one bad relationship to another.
Love to you all!
Beth0 -
Mentommaseena said:Marlene,Linda and Beth
I'm with you all.
My husband was verbally abusive and moved out a year ago--I fell out of love with him because of this and his drinking. Divorce papers are in the works.
I want to fall in love again.
I have a real good friend-was my first love of high school--and he is married and I and he would never cross the line. He has been here for me with words of encouragement. I can love him as a friend and that is it.
Yes I wish there was more but I respect him as a friend.
Good friends are hard to come by especially if they are of the opposite sex--others may think something is going on if you have a friend of the opposite sex. They don't understand that there is mutual respect for one another.
I don't know if I said everything the right way.
Hugs,
Margo
Hey you all, take your time. There will be plenty of it once everything is back to your "new normal."
I remember being so upset about my scars when I first had surgery. I tried everything to get them to go away. I had tatooing and a nipple as part of my reconstruction. They look nothing like a real breast. Now, five years later, I am so used to the way I look that I don't mind it a bit. Okay, maybe that's a bit of fib, but . . .
There will be a man/men out there who are comfortable with themselves, and as brave as you all are. He/they won't shy away from us because we look different under our clothes.
I met my boyfriend when a friend dragged me to a big party after my divorce. I walked in and immediately wanted to walk out, but I came with her, so I stayed. I looked around the room and thought, "There's no one for me here." Toward the end of the night, after I made the best of things my having some food and listening to the band that was really good, a guy came up and introduced himself. He called me the next day and the rest is history. It wasn't love at first sight, I'll tell you that, but he has evolved into the love of my life.
You'll find yours too.0 -
Men! You can't live with 'Em.. You can't shoot 'Em!chickad52 said:Marlene
I can't relate to your your post in most part,I have been married for 38 years. But you are a very caring and beautiful person and all the advice from the others is so true. Take care of yourself first. You have enough to deal with right know. You will find that special man when the time is right. Feel Better and hugs, Diane
Most of you know my story, so I won't bore you with it again. Bottom Line.........If he can't be decent when you most need him, What use is he now?
Hugs to all you awesome SINGLE ladies... and the ones who got lucky 1st time too. It's not YOU!
Jxxxxxxxxxxxx (PS.. I still want to believe in Prince Charming....Coz I like Horses!)0
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