Its that time of the month again anxiety taking over need wise words of wisdom.

Sonia32
Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
my semi colon family sorry for posting my anxieties again where do l start have two more chemo sessions left one being on monday the last one on the 30th as with all sessions of chemo my anxiety goes into over drive a week before hand and l get the what ifs for chemo ie what if bloods are bad etc. then l have my ct scan on the 14th dec god knows how l will be nearing the time but lm already thinking alsorts. l just wish l could be brave like some of you have had scans recently it all fits in to my depression/panic related disorder. my new anti depressant meds are not working so they have changed it again. diazpam is my bad friend but helps when lm really anxious. l think lm posting to ask how you all do it before your chemos/scans etc how do you keep it together before hand. would appreciate prayers or good vibes so l can find some peace and not have to relay on my friend mr diazpam which l will be coming off once chemo is finished and god willing l have a clear scan. .so some firm words appreciated hugs sonia

Comments

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Cheer up?
    Hmmm, maybe you need more than those words. It's not an easy thing to go through but you are so close to being done. I get scanxiety and all as do most all of us. Things overall have been going well though so always keep thinking that. What I did on Sunday was to go out on my kayak. It's something I find relaxing and I am at peace with nature, it's my source of comfort.

    Have you tried Zoloft for depression and Xanax for anxiety yet?


    HUGS Sonia
    -U.P.
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    Hi Sonia,
    I have been

    Hi Sonia,

    I have been continuing to keep you in prayer. I don't know a whole lot about the depression meds, but keep asking about different ones, if you haven't gotten one to really work for you yet. Do you also see a counselor/therapist? That might also be helpful for you. Does your cancer center offer any kind of cancer support group? If not, many hospitals do offer such things & it's definitely worth looking into and asking about. I know this board is a great place, but a group could offer you peole who are right there near you, and who are going through the same or similar situation.

    I get anxious near scan time too. As Phil said, it's helpful to find another activity to take your mind off from it a bit.

    You hang in there Sonia, and don't apologize about sharing your anxieties or worries with us.

    Hugs,
    Lisa
  • neon356
    neon356 Member Posts: 137 Member
    Hi Sonia,
    I don't

    Hi Sonia,
    I don't know if this will help but someone once defined anxiety to me as "Fear in search of a cause". What if this? what if that? what will I do if this or that happens? It can certainly drive a person nuts. I don't think you're any less brave than any of the people here. It's for most of us the biggest battle of our lives and takes its toll on every single one of us. Perhaps some here are better able to deal with the moment, concentrate on what they can do in the present and understand that we have no control over the future. So it does no good to worry about it, it will take care of itself and we'll deal with whatever reality the future brings. We have no choice but to live in the present. I know it's sometimes difficult, but we have enough real things to deal with in this battle with the beast as it is, so why add to the confusion by spending much time on the "what ifs". You'll be ok no matter what, try and not let the future interfere with the joy of life in the present.
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    Anxiety
    I think they need to get your meds that work,and if diazpam works when you need it thats something.I take zoloft,and ativan,they work for me so far.Hopefully you can find some that work for you.I will pray for you and send good vibes.Try and stay busy ,that might helps me,I try to keep busy with things that take some thought,that keeps my mind busy.Good luck
  • sheri22
    sheri22 Member Posts: 273
    zoloft
    Sonia
    I agree with Phil on the zoloft I take it also it does help me a lot
    I had taken it before but was able to quit taking it until I found out I had ca,
    I get really down and moody the day befor chemo and CT scans I am lucky though I can work 2 days a week and I work the day befor chemo so it keeps my mind off of it
    Chemo does have its downers but it keeps us alive. I will keep you in my prayers to have a clear scan. good vibes too, Try to keep your mind off of it until that day, I tell everyone
    as far as I am concerned I dont have ca except on chemo week, but I have been fortunate so far, so good luck keep us posted hope this helped

    I do have my down days too mine is stage 4 just try to keep your mind off of it and this is the place to vent we all need to sometimes
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    So sorry
    Sonia,

    I'm so sorry about the way you're feeling. I'll keep praying for you!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    PhillieG said:

    Cheer up?
    Hmmm, maybe you need more than those words. It's not an easy thing to go through but you are so close to being done. I get scanxiety and all as do most all of us. Things overall have been going well though so always keep thinking that. What I did on Sunday was to go out on my kayak. It's something I find relaxing and I am at peace with nature, it's my source of comfort.

    Have you tried Zoloft for depression and Xanax for anxiety yet?


    HUGS Sonia
    -U.P.

    Uncle Phil :-)
    Knew you would jump in to my rescue as always. You are right I should cheer up, just need a good kicking up the backside and I know I can get that coming here. They had me on mirthazphine, which turned me into the b&&^c monster from hell, made me gain weight which its known for, and made my sweet tooth worse god knows how my husband is keeping it altogether, wonder how I am. But now I'm on proxateine, second day so far no urge to turn to the dark side touch wood. It's anti depressant and anti anxiety combined drug so hopefully it will help, along with mr diazapam. Just take a day at a time and breathe
    Hugs
    Sonia
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    lisa42 said:

    Hi Sonia,
    I have been

    Hi Sonia,

    I have been continuing to keep you in prayer. I don't know a whole lot about the depression meds, but keep asking about different ones, if you haven't gotten one to really work for you yet. Do you also see a counselor/therapist? That might also be helpful for you. Does your cancer center offer any kind of cancer support group? If not, many hospitals do offer such things & it's definitely worth looking into and asking about. I know this board is a great place, but a group could offer you peole who are right there near you, and who are going through the same or similar situation.

    I get anxious near scan time too. As Phil said, it's helpful to find another activity to take your mind off from it a bit.

    You hang in there Sonia, and don't apologize about sharing your anxieties or worries with us.

    Hugs,
    Lisa

    Hugs Lisa
    I've started to bake not sure if it's a hobby in itself, but for some reason my husband wont go near my cakes lol. sorry I haven't pm you back yet, as talking to phil above the mirthazphine I was on just made things worse for me, I will pm you soon.
    My hospital is 30 miles from where I live so the groups are located there, have checked in my area as well and there are groups, but just being on the dizapam really drains me then I have no energy to go anywhere or do anything. I have family and friends, but they try and understand what I am going through but can't, I know my second family ie you guys might get sick of me but at points you are all I have along with the man upstairs.
    Anyway hugs to you
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    neon356 said:

    Hi Sonia,
    I don't

    Hi Sonia,
    I don't know if this will help but someone once defined anxiety to me as "Fear in search of a cause". What if this? what if that? what will I do if this or that happens? It can certainly drive a person nuts. I don't think you're any less brave than any of the people here. It's for most of us the biggest battle of our lives and takes its toll on every single one of us. Perhaps some here are better able to deal with the moment, concentrate on what they can do in the present and understand that we have no control over the future. So it does no good to worry about it, it will take care of itself and we'll deal with whatever reality the future brings. We have no choice but to live in the present. I know it's sometimes difficult, but we have enough real things to deal with in this battle with the beast as it is, so why add to the confusion by spending much time on the "what ifs". You'll be ok no matter what, try and not let the future interfere with the joy of life in the present.

    Thank you
    Neon your comments are really inspiring and I am going to try and think like that, heck if it doesn't get through when I'm really bad, then meditate on it.
    Thank you for your wise words
    Hugs
    Sonia
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    karguy said:

    Anxiety
    I think they need to get your meds that work,and if diazpam works when you need it thats something.I take zoloft,and ativan,they work for me so far.Hopefully you can find some that work for you.I will pray for you and send good vibes.Try and stay busy ,that might helps me,I try to keep busy with things that take some thought,that keeps my mind busy.Good luck

    Hugs Karguy
    Again like phil coming to my rescue as always, I will try and keep busy. As mentioned I have changed anti depressant meds, to a new drug which combines and helps for both anxiety and depression so fingers crossed I hope it starts to help, but that's only part of it, and as you said keeping busy will help.
    Hugs
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    sheri22 said:

    zoloft
    Sonia
    I agree with Phil on the zoloft I take it also it does help me a lot
    I had taken it before but was able to quit taking it until I found out I had ca,
    I get really down and moody the day befor chemo and CT scans I am lucky though I can work 2 days a week and I work the day befor chemo so it keeps my mind off of it
    Chemo does have its downers but it keeps us alive. I will keep you in my prayers to have a clear scan. good vibes too, Try to keep your mind off of it until that day, I tell everyone
    as far as I am concerned I dont have ca except on chemo week, but I have been fortunate so far, so good luck keep us posted hope this helped

    I do have my down days too mine is stage 4 just try to keep your mind off of it and this is the place to vent we all need to sometimes

    Hugs Sheri
    Thank you for your prayers and good vibes. I admire you that you are still working, I think the main thing that yourself and everyone is saying is to try and keep my mind occupied and I am going to try and do that, even if it means taking two diazpams to chill. lol

    Thank you again
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    tootsie1 said:

    So sorry
    Sonia,

    I'm so sorry about the way you're feeling. I'll keep praying for you!

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Hugs Gail
    Your prayers and post mean a lot to me as always
    Big hugs to you
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    easier said then done
    I have to be honest I thought I was going to lose my mind waiting on my last scan results. I hear everything everyone is saying and its great advise, but again easier said then done for some people. I just prayed alot and cried when I needed too. Time will pass and you will have great results and then you will look back and think, why the heck I wasted so much time and energy on worrying just to realize it was all for nothing. Its time you cant get back, it may be time that could have been spent enjoying yourself, so try to stay positive and enjoy as much of the day as you can, that way when its all said and done, you wont look back and think of all the time you wasted. Not sure this helps, but you are not alone we all go through it in our own little ways. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that you have some peace during this time.

    God Bless You
    Beth
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Sending big hugs!
    Breathe. Also, I played the "one down, one to go" game....even had a calendar that I marked off the squares...

    I tried to stay around people as much as possible. Not the sad-faced "I'm so sorry" ones, but just people...not too close (my immune system was down). The day before chemo, I baked myself a big pot of scalloped potatoes, and laid in the ginger ale...after chemo, I knew, I wouldn't be able to stand the smell of food cooking.

    Accept that I have no choice. (Yeah, I do...but the choice is between living and not...not much of a choice). "It is what it is, I can't ignore the cancer away".

    Found funny movies that were sure to bring a laugh...I LOVE Mel Brooks, and the Faulty Towers series, and Monty Python...Oh, and MASH....

    Planned something to do AFTER treatment....I picked a spa/hotel in Palm Springs. During some moments in h e l l, (including my obstruction), I thought about all the things I would do there, just for MY comfort...my counsellor called this 'visualization' and 'buying into the future'...I did it, too...a bit delayed (by 9 months) because of my second cancer (breast) fight.

    Drink water, water water...flushes the chemo faster...still gets where it needs to. I started the day before infusion...plumped up the cells....(especially the good ones..).


    Oh, dearheart, we are standing right with you....sending big warm vibes...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • cyndi2324
    cyndi2324 Member Posts: 72
    KathiM said:

    Sending big hugs!
    Breathe. Also, I played the "one down, one to go" game....even had a calendar that I marked off the squares...

    I tried to stay around people as much as possible. Not the sad-faced "I'm so sorry" ones, but just people...not too close (my immune system was down). The day before chemo, I baked myself a big pot of scalloped potatoes, and laid in the ginger ale...after chemo, I knew, I wouldn't be able to stand the smell of food cooking.

    Accept that I have no choice. (Yeah, I do...but the choice is between living and not...not much of a choice). "It is what it is, I can't ignore the cancer away".

    Found funny movies that were sure to bring a laugh...I LOVE Mel Brooks, and the Faulty Towers series, and Monty Python...Oh, and MASH....

    Planned something to do AFTER treatment....I picked a spa/hotel in Palm Springs. During some moments in h e l l, (including my obstruction), I thought about all the things I would do there, just for MY comfort...my counsellor called this 'visualization' and 'buying into the future'...I did it, too...a bit delayed (by 9 months) because of my second cancer (breast) fight.

    Drink water, water water...flushes the chemo faster...still gets where it needs to. I started the day before infusion...plumped up the cells....(especially the good ones..).


    Oh, dearheart, we are standing right with you....sending big warm vibes...

    Hugs, Kathi

    Sheri you are not alone. I
    Sheri you are not alone. I have had my C monster come back 3 time in 2 years. I can't have any more approved chemo as they won't work on me. I keep reminding my self that I am blessed to have now and to keep giving my problem over to God. This works pretty well plus Wellbutrin everyday and Lorazepam when I get too down. I'm still fighting and am planing trips for after my phase 1 trials, in these I visualize my husband and I doing things together. I just started juicing probable more for something I can control than that it is good for me. Watch comedies
    they help me. Hang in there and try and chase fear away when you can. If you can there is yoga on cable and dish tv. I can't do all that they do but the little that I do makes me fell calmer.
    Praying for you
    Cyndi2324
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    Sonia32 said:

    Hugs Lisa
    I've started to bake not sure if it's a hobby in itself, but for some reason my husband wont go near my cakes lol. sorry I haven't pm you back yet, as talking to phil above the mirthazphine I was on just made things worse for me, I will pm you soon.
    My hospital is 30 miles from where I live so the groups are located there, have checked in my area as well and there are groups, but just being on the dizapam really drains me then I have no energy to go anywhere or do anything. I have family and friends, but they try and understand what I am going through but can't, I know my second family ie you guys might get sick of me but at points you are all I have along with the man upstairs.
    Anyway hugs to you

    Hugs back to you Sonia
    Hi Sonia,

    Hugs back to you! I did get the PM that you just sent- thank you. I figured you were having a rough time, and so I've thought about you a lot and have been praying for you.
    Good for you with the baking! Something to get yourself into! (now you've got to ask hubby what kinds he likes to eat- lol!)

    You take care of yourself!
    Lisa
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Sonia
    You doin' any better?

    Sonia

    You doin' any better? I've missed of what's going on, but everyone has got you covered, so am glad for that.

    Sounds like the new meds will be helping you...I'm pulling for you as I'm trying to get better on this side of the pond.

    I'll be back before anyone knows I was gone. Take care for now.

    Your bro
    Craig
  • TLG320
    TLG320 Member Posts: 167
    Hi Sonia
    You are in my prayers for a clear scan! Keep baking - or knit, read, scrapbook, take photos! Do something that you enjoy - you need to focus on something fun for you.

    Prayers and happy vibes coming your way!
    Tashina
  • sheri22
    sheri22 Member Posts: 273
    cyndi2324 said:

    Sheri you are not alone. I
    Sheri you are not alone. I have had my C monster come back 3 time in 2 years. I can't have any more approved chemo as they won't work on me. I keep reminding my self that I am blessed to have now and to keep giving my problem over to God. This works pretty well plus Wellbutrin everyday and Lorazepam when I get too down. I'm still fighting and am planing trips for after my phase 1 trials, in these I visualize my husband and I doing things together. I just started juicing probable more for something I can control than that it is good for me. Watch comedies
    they help me. Hang in there and try and chase fear away when you can. If you can there is yoga on cable and dish tv. I can't do all that they do but the little that I do makes me fell calmer.
    Praying for you
    Cyndi2324

    cyndi
    Thanks Cyndi,

    I think the way you do on things I do good except chemo week, other than that I wont truly accept it until /unless I have to thanks for the prayers Ill keep you in mine also.
    I just remind myself how fortunate I am , it also really helps to read posts where someone
    gets NED that means there is aways hope, hang in there prayers are with you

    Sheri22