The Emotional Roller Coaster

Join the club....
Natly,

Been there, done that (just last week). I know what you mean about handling things with a matter of fact attitude. My surgeon was surprised that after a lumpectomy and bilateral mastectomy I was in a good mood during my follow up appointment. I was still in the "learn, ask questions and get things done" mode at that point and hadn't taken the time to think about all I've been through in the past 5 months (seem like it's been years).

There are certainly highs and lows throughout all of this and although each person is different I am comforted to know that I am not alone.

Every day that I start to feel sorry for myself and my situation it does me good to read about all of the others who have/will have it worse than I do. I wish I could comfort those who are new to all of this, those who are afraid of what surgery or treatment plans will hold for them, and those who have been diagnosed with cancer at a higher stage than I have or who are dealing with re-occurance.

Take care.

New Flower said:

Natly we are here for you
Natly,
Yes it is a long touch journey. It is a lot a fight, and you need be brave and keep the Faith. You should believe in yourself and cancer will be scared of your determination. Yes, we all have low and high moments, often it looks like you do not have control of events, omplications, additional diseases. It is difficult physically and emotionally. i am in nonstop treatment since June 2208. Not fun and there is always something...

Your participation on this board is critical. Your comments alway very thoughtful and to the point.
Please continue to help other with your wisdom and talent.
Hugs
Hugs

Natly
When you were describing how you handled yourself when you got your diagnosis, it sounded so much like me. Well, first i was in total shock, but then i was like, ok i have bc and i have to be strong and just fight it. I cant get emotional because i felt like it would make me weak and i have three kids i had to stay possitive for too. I stayed strong and possitive for a while, then one day it was like boom. It hit me, i have breast cancer. I really have it and i am so scared and all these emotions just took over me. How you are feeling right now is totally how i am and was. I wanted to just stay strong and didnt allow myself to grieve at first. I was in a denial i guess you could say. Like thinking i could just move on in my life and be able to stay strong. WRONG. You will have good days and bad days. I had to allow myself bad days and accept that it was totally normal. You cant fight off the bad days sometimes no matter what. I didnt know what hit me when reality set in and it was quite awhile after i was diagnosed. And anger set in too. Boy was i ever p-ssed off. I guess im just letting you know that you are not alone. As a single mom, i was always putting myself on hold and my feelings void. My kids had to be first and had to be taken care of. They were all that mattered. I couldnt show them that i was scared and sad and mad about having bc. That has changed now of course. Just try to be kind to yourself. Know that your emotions are going to be on a roller coaster. Know you are not alone. We are here for you and you come and vent anytime you want to. Im sorry if my post seems like i just babbled. I just want you to know that how you handled everything in the beginning is how some other people handle it like i did too.

Take care
laura

chenheart said:

I am the Mistress of
I am the Mistress of Repetition when I find something which I think works! So, as always, I trust my longtime sisters here on the boards will forgive me for giving once again, my description of the Emotional Rollercoaster we are on..

Not only are we on a rollercoater, but OMG~the seatbelt is broken, there is oil on the tracks, and it's starting to rain! So, you know what we do? We hang on for dear life! We are so glad that at least we aren't on the rollercoaster by ourself~ someone is sitting next to us, equally afraid, and we give each other "the look" hoping to gain courage from whoever is with us on the ride of our lives. We hold onto each other, scared but trying to be brave, though we sometimes give way to tears as we fly through the loops and turns, not knowing if we are going to get off of this ride alive.

But you know what? After what seems like an eternity the coaster has come to a complete stop, we find we are ALIVE! We are battered and bruised, and soo afraid of rollercoasters, but we get off of that ride and collapse in tears that we are SURVIVORS!!!

Every now and then, we are made aware that the carnival has come to town, and just seeing the rollercoaster makes us emotionally re-live the fear. But we also know that no matter what,we are not alone; we can take on the day and be victorious!

Hugs,
Chen♥

Chen
You are such a beautiful person. That was beautifully said as you usually do.

laura

we have all been there...
we have all been there... It's like some days you have multipersonality disorder.. The thing that helps you through is the empowerment of knowledge of the disease.. and the support from woman who walked this bumpy road before us... and when your ready to guide a newbie through..

I find writing helps express the fear and angry easier than verbalizing it some times.. I keep a journal at my bed side and nights when the insomnia hits cause my mind can't settle.. i pull it out and write my feelings down.. both good and bad... I will admit my early journal entries where mostly bad and full of anger...

feel your feelings.. allow yourself to express what is on your mind.. We are here for you and wont judge... because we truely understand....

Akiss4me said:

It comes with the territory....
Claudia has said it so well (I love that story!) and I can tell you that I have experienced emotions that I have never had in my life! I would never believe anyone could go through so much flip flopping with emotions that you really think you are losing your mind! Which only makes me think I have brain cancer as well!
I've said this before, and will announce it any opportunity I have....this board has been the cornerstone of my recovery, aside from the Lord. No where else will you find so many in one place that are going to help you through your journey. No where else will you find someone waiting just a click away. No where else can you vent without hurting someones feelings and then shut the lid, walk away, and feel better. (Unless you get sucked into Pet Pupz on facebook or Farkle or something...then it's hard to shut the lid and walk away)
I like to talk too, but sometimes feel guarded or don't let everything out, afraid the person I am talking to won't understand. Here we get it! And I am always dealing with confusion that needs sorted out (OK, I can hear some of you that know me laughing!).
And sometimes I just want to laugh or make someone else laugh if only for a moment. Then that one moment wasn't given to BC. It was all ours and felt good!
Please come here anytime and for any reason. We are here 24/7 and believe me, I have checked every minute of the night, and I have never been alone ever. So our doors never close. Besides, what do you expect when you have us running the joint?
Hugs and smiles
♥Pammy

I am lucky
I am very lucky as I have always been surrounded with the best husband in the world, a great family, the most wonderful and loyal friends and understanding and kind coworkers. I don't know what I would do without them. Even if I wanted to be depressed or down, they wouldn't let me. They always can sense when I am getting sad and then BOOM, they do or say something that gets me right out of it. They still bring hubby and I meals all of the time, take us out to eat, clean my house, paint rooms that I want painted, work outside in the gardens and mowing the yard, take me shopping, go with us to my appointments...they are just unimaginable. I know that I am not posting that much on here anymore, as, I am growing stronger and finished my rads. So, I feel, for me, my growth and my life is to move on, move on past the bc and to just live life again. This place is wonderful, and, has helped me so much as it will many more!

♥ Noel

chenheart said:

Bumping this up for
Bumping this up for aysemarie!

Danke Claudia!
Reading this made me realize my feelings are valid!

It is a pretty darn scary ride and it is ok to feel like a mess!
I guess I confused myself with all the fake smiles and what
not... it just didn't match what was in the inside!

Move over chenheart, I am coming along on this bumpy ride!

Ayse

chenheart said:

Bitteschoen, Ayse! I will
Bitteschoen, Ayse! I will scoot over; you hold on to me, and I will hold on to you, ok??

Hugs,
Chen♥

WOOOHOOO
Here we come!

I am so, so glad I found this site.

You ladies have been my saving grace.

I learned everything that helped me get
through from this board.

Ayse

You choose the winner
Natly,

I don't see your thoughts as disconnected. Maybe a bit transient (okay to laugh at the geek me) The emotional rollar coaster is open to all - not only BC patients. Sometimes at the start of the journey, we believe in our hearts we will handle it like a champion. Some do - but if you really talk to any one on this board, or any pink sister on the street, we all reach a moment, or quite a few, where we're thinking I would just as soon it were all over and we will accept the outcome, just let it be over.

But then there the days when we experience some of the blessings the good lord gives us, and we don't want to let go. Then we are willing and strongly able to figh Some days we are optomistic. Some days we are pessamistic. If there is anything you can hold on to feel optomistic, that is what we should be doing. Not like there is anything wrong with a little "pitty party" - we need to get that off our chests. And then we can look outside and see how very blessed we are.

I like your attitude about God. He will carry you, and He will comfort you. I cana't quote any verse on this, but I sincerely believe God has a soft spot in his heart for those of us who are suffering through physical afflictions. It is just something I feel. And it has been a powerful feeling in my life, that has proved itself time after time. You can let go of anything, but never let go of God.

Talk as much as you want Natly. I thinkt that's what this board is all about. You express your feeling, and otshers respond. But I have never seen a more loving and caring and compassionate board than here.

Hope all turns to the upside for you. It is somewhat of a "matter of fact" position to be in. But logic and emotion sometimes battle within us. Best part is, you get to choose the winner.

Keep smilin' Natly - and I will keep praying for all of us.

Sharon