I hate cancer..... because...

e_hope
e_hope Member Posts: 370
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I hate cancer..... because...

* I hate cancer because it took my body from me... so many scars (port scar, mastectomy
scar, biopsy scar and drain site scars)
* I hate cancer because it tore a hole in my soul
* I hate cancer because of the financial hardship it caused
* I hate cancer because of my bald head and am tired of looking at the alien in the mirror
(no hair on head, barely any eye brows, and no eye lashes... yuck)
* I hate cancer because I am so tired.. lol.. makes pregnancy tired a joke
* I hate cancer because of the look others give you... you know the look...
* I hate cancer because of the constant statements others give you...
your so strong... its not strength its doing what you have to if you want to live
you look so GOOD... when you feel like total crap
* I hate cancer because of the stress it puts on my marriage
* I hate cancer because my children had to be exposed to this disease at such young ages
* I hate cancer because of the terrible night sweats
* I hate cancer because of the hot flashes
* I hate cancer because we all know there is a chance it can take my life
* I hate cancer because there is a chance it might come back...
* I hate cancer because you all of a sudden have "new friends" you know the ones I'm talking about... your my "cancer" friend...
* I hate cancer because of the 10 pounds I have gain since treatment
* I hate cancer because others think they can empathies with what it feels like to have breast cancer... no one can really understand my feelings until you walk the road
* I hate cancer because I don't know where it came from.. I could better process this
diagnosis if I had a concrete thing to blame it on..
* I hate cancer because everyone feels the need to ask you how your doing... do they really want to hear the trough... So you just give the patent OKAY
* I hate cancer because of its uncertainty


Sorry just having a bad day today.. And no I'm not new to this diagnosis... I just find writing my feeling out helps.. it's just been challenging since returning to work and now all of a sudden everyone cares what I have been through... so I'd thought I'd share them with you today....

Comments

  • pitt
    pitt Member Posts: 387
    #2
    Yeah - I hate it too. I hate
    Yeah - I hate it too. I hate what it implies for my children's futures. I hate when people can't look me in the eye. I hate the people who suddenly want me to be their token cancer friend.

    I'm also amazed by the kindness of my friends. I'm amazed at the courage my kids are showing in the face of adversity. I'm stunned by the new respect i have for each day.

    There is no magic spell to suddenly make things right. It's good to vent: scream, throw things, and be furious!!! That's good. And then...remember the good things. You can get through this...just take it one day at a time and focus on the things you can actually do something about.

    Stay strong,
    Pitt

    PS Kick cancer's ****!!!
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #3
    pitt said:

    Yeah - I hate it too. I hate
    Yeah - I hate it too. I hate what it implies for my children's futures. I hate when people can't look me in the eye. I hate the people who suddenly want me to be their token cancer friend.

    I'm also amazed by the kindness of my friends. I'm amazed at the courage my kids are showing in the face of adversity. I'm stunned by the new respect i have for each day.

    There is no magic spell to suddenly make things right. It's good to vent: scream, throw things, and be furious!!! That's good. And then...remember the good things. You can get through this...just take it one day at a time and focus on the things you can actually do something about.

    Stay strong,
    Pitt

    PS Kick cancer's ****!!!

    We all hate cancer!
    e-hope, you said it for every one of us! I was especially touched by your remark about those who want you to be their new "cancer-friend". "Why didn't you TELL me??" Huh? They weren't interested in any other phase of my life...like when hubbydearest was in the hospital and nursing home for 2 months, or when I was in a leg brace for 6 weeks, or when our daughter's twins were born preemie (they're fine now, by the way), or the time our house was devasteded when a water pipe broke and flooded the whole place. I could have used some help during those times! That is when I found out who my real friends aren't.

    Oh, boy. I guess we all carry a lot of anger, and need to let it out from time to time. This is a good place to do that. Everyone really does understand. At one time or another we've all been there.

    And we all HATE CANCER!!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
    I am by NO means taking away
    I am by NO means taking away from what you posted; Lord knows we have all felt that way! But, there is a fabulous 3 minute online movie I want to suggest to you ( and any of the newbies here who may not have seen it yet!) My long-timers in here already know what I am going to suggest! I would be a wealthy, wealthy woman if I had the proverbial nickle for everytime I have recommended this movie! It used to have its own site, but lately has moved to YouTube. So....

    Go to YouTube, and look for Cancer Crusade~ when you get to it, click on their movie which is called The Survivor Movie~ it won't make you stop hating the things you hate, but it is truly empowering without being preachy or dismissive of what we are going through. Enlarge your screen, turn up the sound and watch~ you won't be disappointed!

    Let me know what you think, all of you!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #5
    I hate cancer, too, and I
    I hate cancer, too, and I mean every type of cancer. Sorry you're having a bad day but we all have them. It helps to vent and I hope you feel better soon! One day at a time. We WILL beat this beast, together!!
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #6
    chenheart said:

    I am by NO means taking away
    I am by NO means taking away from what you posted; Lord knows we have all felt that way! But, there is a fabulous 3 minute online movie I want to suggest to you ( and any of the newbies here who may not have seen it yet!) My long-timers in here already know what I am going to suggest! I would be a wealthy, wealthy woman if I had the proverbial nickle for everytime I have recommended this movie! It used to have its own site, but lately has moved to YouTube. So....

    Go to YouTube, and look for Cancer Crusade~ when you get to it, click on their movie which is called The Survivor Movie~ it won't make you stop hating the things you hate, but it is truly empowering without being preachy or dismissive of what we are going through. Enlarge your screen, turn up the sound and watch~ you won't be disappointed!

    Let me know what you think, all of you!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Chen,,, thanks for the
    Chen,,, thanks for the reference to the movie... I am just in a slump of a day... Returning to work has just been a transition. I haven't seen these woman or spoken to most of them in almost 8 months. It has just brought up feels I thought I was pass.
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #7
    MyTurnNow said:

    I hate cancer, too, and I
    I hate cancer, too, and I mean every type of cancer. Sorry you're having a bad day but we all have them. It helps to vent and I hope you feel better soon! One day at a time. We WILL beat this beast, together!!

    Well said.

    Well said.
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    #8
    I hate it too
    I hate the unknown, the pain, the disfigurement, all the reasons you mentioned. I did watch the Cancer Crusade that Chen mentioned, very uplifting. It's just an unexpected bend in the road.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #9
    e_hope said:

    Chen,,, thanks for the
    Chen,,, thanks for the reference to the movie... I am just in a slump of a day... Returning to work has just been a transition. I haven't seen these woman or spoken to most of them in almost 8 months. It has just brought up feels I thought I was pass.

    ((((((((HUGS))))))) to you~
    ((((((((HUGS))))))) to you~ the transition back to women who seem untouched by lifes adversities can certainly be a challenge. Of course that isn't true, it's just that generally, their dramas/traumas aren't so obvious to the outside world! Debilitating as depression or abuse certainly are, and I wish that on NO ONE let there be no mistake about that~ baldness doesn't usually accompany those conditions! We all have our troubles, and some of them are indeed horrific and need serious intervention, I realize that. I also know that many of our sisters have abuse, depression AND cancer to deal with. And I wish I had the magic for all of us; alas, I don't.

    That having been said~ I do hope that you will get the chance to watch the movie~ and I'll bet you wll bookmark it for future reference! It's that good!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Paula1001
    Paula1001 Member Posts: 35
    #10
    Hating cancer
    You express yourself well. This site is a great outlet.

    I hope tomorrow is better and the next day, etc.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #11
    laurissa said:

    I hate it too
    I hate the unknown, the pain, the disfigurement, all the reasons you mentioned. I did watch the Cancer Crusade that Chen mentioned, very uplifting. It's just an unexpected bend in the road.

    Laurissa,
    I'm glad you
    Laurissa,

    I'm glad you watched the Survivor Movie...it is truly special, and I know of no one who has ever watched it who wasn't moved! And we all need the empowerment, don't we?

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    #12
    E_HOPE
    So well said. We all feel the same way and have those days too! Hope your tomorrows are better. Hugs, Diane
  • cyndeejean
    cyndeejean Member Posts: 1
    #13
    I hate cancer too.......
    Because it took my son 4 years ago and now I am scarred because of breast cancer!! Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I am home alone recuperating from reconstruction and I hate it. I used to enjoy it. I can't wait to go back to work.
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #14
    Hating Cancer
    I was babysitting a friend's daughter many many years ago when it came time for her to go to bed. This was a challenge, believe me. She kept coming downstairs and I kept taking her upstairs and she refused to go into her room. I asked her why and she said she hated her room. She wanted to take it all apart, smash it and put it in the garbage. Yeah, sort of how I feel about this cancer now. You are not alone, we are all here with you!!!!
    Hugs - Pat
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #15
    Cause of bc
    Last week I was watching the news when they said something about researchers in Canada possibly finding the gene that causes breast cancer. I'm sure the rest of the story was about how finding this gene could one day lead to a cure or something, but I shut off the TV because at this point in my life I don't want to hear that they've found a cure. My breasts are gone and the rest of my life is changed forever. Although I do hope they find a cure (and develop better detection methods) in the future for others, I don't want to hear about it right now - it won't help me.

    e_hope: I have been at work for 3 weeks now and I know what you mean about people caring about what you've been through. There are only a few people at work who know I have bc but everyone says things like "How are you?" or "You're back...." (and then they stand there looking at me like I'm going to tell them my whole life story). Many people have told me that I look good (did I used to look bad?) and some have told me I look tired (thanks for that - I wouldn't have known otherwise that I was tired).

    I liked your comment about all the "new friends" you get - that is a very good observation. There have been a couple women I have become friends with since I have been diagnosed. These were women I knew in a professional setting but after they found out I was sick they really came through for me and went out of their way to help (even though they didn't need to).

    You have a great list here - I can't think of anything you've missed.

    Take care and feel better. (Now you say "OKAY")
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #16
    Wolfi said:

    Cause of bc
    Last week I was watching the news when they said something about researchers in Canada possibly finding the gene that causes breast cancer. I'm sure the rest of the story was about how finding this gene could one day lead to a cure or something, but I shut off the TV because at this point in my life I don't want to hear that they've found a cure. My breasts are gone and the rest of my life is changed forever. Although I do hope they find a cure (and develop better detection methods) in the future for others, I don't want to hear about it right now - it won't help me.

    e_hope: I have been at work for 3 weeks now and I know what you mean about people caring about what you've been through. There are only a few people at work who know I have bc but everyone says things like "How are you?" or "You're back...." (and then they stand there looking at me like I'm going to tell them my whole life story). Many people have told me that I look good (did I used to look bad?) and some have told me I look tired (thanks for that - I wouldn't have known otherwise that I was tired).

    I liked your comment about all the "new friends" you get - that is a very good observation. There have been a couple women I have become friends with since I have been diagnosed. These were women I knew in a professional setting but after they found out I was sick they really came through for me and went out of their way to help (even though they didn't need to).

    You have a great list here - I can't think of anything you've missed.

    Take care and feel better. (Now you say "OKAY")

    Thank YOU .. for the up lifting - I hate cancer posting
    It give me hope .. which is what I need right now!!!

    THANK YOU, AGAIN.


    VickiSam
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    #17
    VickiSam said:

    Thank YOU .. for the up lifting - I hate cancer posting
    It give me hope .. which is what I need right now!!!

    THANK YOU, AGAIN.


    VickiSam

    cancer
    i hate it for the fear it put in my sons eyes (28 and 24), i have seen them turn into men right in front of my eyes.
    jeanne
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    #18
    Plates
    I don't know if you saw my post on plates...but almost everything you wrote is what i wrote on a plate, and then smashed them on the floor, one by one.
    I can't tell you the change it made for me....instant turn around. Maybe you could try it?
    Love and hugs,
    Jeanne
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #19
    j916 said:

    cancer
    i hate it for the fear it put in my sons eyes (28 and 24), i have seen them turn into men right in front of my eyes.
    jeanne

    I hear you
    Jeanne,

    I told both of my (teenage) kids at the same time by just blurting out "I have breast cancer". I was very strong until my daughter started to cry and asked me if I was going to die (with her eyes as big as saucers). THAT is when I realized I wasn't prepared to see their fear.

    It was just as hard for me to tell my only brother. I was strong and casually told him, but his whole face changed in an instant and I knew he was very upset and worried.

    Cancer doesn't just change the life of the person who has it - it changes the lives of everone they come in contact with (even if only for very short periods of time).
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #20
    Wolfi said:

    I hear you
    Jeanne,

    I told both of my (teenage) kids at the same time by just blurting out "I have breast cancer". I was very strong until my daughter started to cry and asked me if I was going to die (with her eyes as big as saucers). THAT is when I realized I wasn't prepared to see their fear.

    It was just as hard for me to tell my only brother. I was strong and casually told him, but his whole face changed in an instant and I knew he was very upset and worried.

    Cancer doesn't just change the life of the person who has it - it changes the lives of everone they come in contact with (even if only for very short periods of time).

    Well said Wolfi...
    I
    Well said Wolfi...

    I couldn't imagine having to tell children who could concept the reality of this disease. To have your child ask you if your going to die.. WoW... gives me chills..

    I feel blessed that my children are way to young to understand the full extent of my diagnosis...

    I know what you mean about telling close family.. It was hard for me to tell my siblings( 2 brothers and sister).. We have already been through so much as a family.. We lost both of our parents My mom at 50 and my dad 6 years later at 58... I am only 36... and do wish they were here to help me through this dark time...

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