tears and fears / he is terminal -- i am caretaker

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sally72
sally72 Member Posts: 25
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
we have decided to not simply try to ignore this but openly discuss things . he want's to be part of helping me plan for when he's gone . been doing alot of crying --- yet know we need to or go nutts

i have an excellent support system in place and now hospice is here to our rescue ... it still hurts beyond belief . he has been my primary caretaker for multipul sclerosis and now out roles have reversed . i need hospice and my other support team to help because of the ms . i do what i can and can call for help 24/7 ...

he came home from his last trip to rehab yesterday ... until then it wasn't quite real... then i saw how tired and weak he was when he first came home . i needed to go to the drug store for his meds . hospice came and he had privacy for his home part of his intake . i thot that was important that he feel free to be totally open not worried i'd overhear from the other room .

then as the day moved forward i could see him pick up and feel stronger and more comfortable . this is so great . he had been so down at the rehab seeing him perk up and realize he was really home and he could simply be who he really is .

today has been difficult --- loveing him is so easy and being aware that he's "short time" that haveing him to see touch hold and love will one day too soon be gone --- but 20+ years would be way too short ....

right now emotionally exhausted and that aggrivates the ms and creates extra weakness . i'm going to be able to do this but not without help . my sister is a huge support and we are in contact often . i also have plenty of people who can get to our home in a big hurry so even tho i feel so alone i know i'm not ...

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  • maya00i
    maya00i Member Posts: 42
    #2
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    I will pray for you.We are
    I will pray for you.We are all with you in spirit.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #3
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    I too will say prayers for
    I too will say prayers for you. My heart is breaking for you both.
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #4
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    Eil4186 said:

    I too will say prayers for
    I too will say prayers for you. My heart is breaking for you both.

    Sally, You also have my
    Sally, You also have my prayers as well. Just remember to keep coming back here. There are so many who can help you with emotional support because we all care.
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #5
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    MichelleP said:

    Sally, You also have my
    Sally, You also have my prayers as well. Just remember to keep coming back here. There are so many who can help you with emotional support because we all care.

    Sally
    I am sorry, I just lost my husband to after taking care of him. And i did all i could for him but it seems to me not enough, I will say a prayer.

    michelle n
  • Hopeful Deb
    Hopeful Deb Member Posts: 1
    #6
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    tears and fears
    Hi Sally,
    I am new in this forum as of today. When I saw your post I could relate to your heartache.
    I will also pray for you. My fiance was given the words, " terminal" on July 9th of this year , with a possible 10 months to live.

    As his primary caregiver, and as the woman who loves him so much..I am so fearful and scared right now. But, trying to be brave and hopeful .

    Blessings, Deb
  • sandysharer
    sandysharer Member Posts: 2
    #7
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    Hopeful Deb said:

    tears and fears
    Hi Sally,
    I am new in this forum as of today. When I saw your post I could relate to your heartache.
    I will also pray for you. My fiance was given the words, " terminal" on July 9th of this year , with a possible 10 months to live.

    As his primary caregiver, and as the woman who loves him so much..I am so fearful and scared right now. But, trying to be brave and hopeful .

    Blessings, Deb

    my tears and fears
    Dear Sally,

    My heart goes out to you and your fiance. My husband was diagnosed with cancer 4 weeks ago. He's 56 and has always been very healthy. This diagnosis was completely unexpected. Because of the type and location of the cancer the doctors at the Mayo Clinic have told us it is inoperable and unresponsive to chemo. He has been given 6-12 months to live. I, too, am scared of what we will encounter in the upcoming months. I'm especially scared of the emotional "turmoil" that this diagnosis has already caused in our relationship. My husband is very angry and I'm the one he lashs out at. Like you I'm trying to be brave and hopeful.

    I wish you both happiness and you'll be in my prayers.

    Sandy
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #8
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    sandysharer said:

    my tears and fears
    Dear Sally,

    My heart goes out to you and your fiance. My husband was diagnosed with cancer 4 weeks ago. He's 56 and has always been very healthy. This diagnosis was completely unexpected. Because of the type and location of the cancer the doctors at the Mayo Clinic have told us it is inoperable and unresponsive to chemo. He has been given 6-12 months to live. I, too, am scared of what we will encounter in the upcoming months. I'm especially scared of the emotional "turmoil" that this diagnosis has already caused in our relationship. My husband is very angry and I'm the one he lashs out at. Like you I'm trying to be brave and hopeful.

    I wish you both happiness and you'll be in my prayers.

    Sandy

    Sally........
    I am so very sorry about what you and your husband are going through. All of us will go through this sooner or later either one or the other spouse will have to watch the other one pass on. The main thing I believe is that you both are able to be open about it and loving each other as the days go by. There will be lots of memories made. I hope that the both of you use this time to be advocates to others in getting checked and also advocates to help others love their spouses and not miss anything before something like this upsets their balance of life also. It is very hard to think that life may not be a long term option, but its how you live it and how you treat people that matters. Celebrate each day with each other, tend to each others small wants and needs. Baby each other and kindle good thoughts and memories. Laugh, love, giggle, and most of all be happy that each of you were brought together to share yourselves with each other. Life on earth is the shorter of the two journeys.....Bless you both.........Clift

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