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Hope someone can answer

lolad's picture
lolad
Posts: 671
Joined: Jun 2009

I am fairly new to the bc life, just diagnosed in april at 36. I had a double mastectomy four weeks ago and am going to find out my treatments next week. I replied to someone about feeling tired and fatigued all the time and that is totally me now even tho i havent had any treatments yet? My question is i guess i dont understand why im so tired now without having had chemo/therapies ect. And omg will the fatigue get worse when i do? I have three children and feel so bad because i try to still do activities with them and cant hardly do anything it seems. They have been so great thru it all and understand, but i still cant help but feel bad for them not having the full me. I am so glad i found this site and may not post many questions or comments, but am on often and read about everyones stories and i think that you all are wonderful and it feels good to know that im not alone in all this.

laura

lynn1950's picture
lynn1950
Posts: 2574
Joined: Jun 2008

Laura, a double mastectomy is some major surgery and being a single mom taking care of three children is a big job in itself. I am hoping that you are going to a cancer center that has social services that can also support you and your family. You have probably always been the giver and now it is time for you to be the receiver. That's really hard if little kids are involved. You are not alone here. I think many of us read lots more than we post, but everyone supports each other no matter what. I wish you the best in this journey we share. Lynn

chenheart's picture
chenheart
Posts: 5180
Joined: Apr 2003

Oh My Gosh~ I so second Lynn's response to you! Not only have you gone through a major surgical procedure, a Cancer diagnosis is also an emotional assault. Add to that the womanly art of being a Nurturer with 3 children~ dearheart, is there any wonder really why you are tired????

I hope you have a wonderful support system~ a husband, siblings, church group, workmates, girlfriends...and that you will lovingly and happily accept any and all generosity they want to share with you! be it childcare, a casserole, sleepovers, a foot massage, or just letting you nap when you need to~ ALL of the women in here will tell you the same thing: ACCEPT THE HELP! Your body needs to be cared for~ as does your emotional self! We walk your journey with you...please keep us posted!

Hugs,
Claudia

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

Your wondering why your tired? I crashed the day I was diagnosed!! Literaly...my hubby had to put me to bed. I ruled out depression, etc. since I keep a positive & healthy attitude (with the very rear breakdown here & there). I think the very idea of your world being turned upside down, let alone test, procedures, biopsies, pokes, proding, and surgery, not to mention the torment of constant waiting in between, is enough to wear you down. And I haven't even started my treatment yet either!! So, what your feeling at this stage of the game is very real!!
I was given a story tonight that I may follow. A BC sister was telling me that she had a hard time taking people up on offers to help. She just didn't really have specifics that she could think to ask them to do and feel comfortable about it. Then it dawned on her. She decided that by them offering was their way of feeling better about themselves because they had done something to help you out. So she began to say things like..."I'm really having a craving for lasagna" or "I would love to have a pot roast some night" etc. Before she knew it, friends were stopping by daily with meals for them (people love to feel like they are making you well for by feeding you!). Best part.....she has not cooked a meal in 8 months!! How helpful is this? The money you save on groceries can go towards other much needed expenses and the people bringing a meal were feeling much better about doing something to help.
Since my husband does all the cooking (always has) plus he is taking over my yard work and other duties I did, besides working extra jobs, I have decided to make my list and start making my phone calls and start excepting these offers for help!! Just one area in our life as a meal once a day will be a tremendous help to ease stress!!
Hang in there and always look up (never down!) and you will come out stronger on the other side!! :) Pammy

zahalene's picture
zahalene
Posts: 680
Joined: Nov 2005

Having been both a caregiver and a survivor, I heartily agree with your take on allowing people to help out in times of crisis. It certainly does make people feel better about themselves, and you as well, if they are able to do SOMETHING. There is no worse feeling than standing helplessly by while someone else struggles.
Most people just need suggestions of what needs doing that is in their range of possibilities. Of course, when someone says, 'Is there anything I can do?', we can't very well say, 'Um...could you just make this go away?'. But when we ask for help with meals or child care or transportation, we allow others to join forces with us in the battle and that is key to everyone's mental and emotional well-being, ours as well as theirs. We feel supported and they feel supportive.
In some very definite way, when we accept help from someone, we are validating that person as an important part of our lives. There is no better way to strengthen relationships and build strong bridges.

aurora2009
Posts: 545
Joined: Jun 2009

After I had surgury last week (lumpectomy) my father in law said the same thing to me "tell me what you want for dinner tomorrow, and I'll have it sent" he said "ask for anything if it needs to be cooked then some one will have to do that for you" I was kind of hestitant at first, and then he said "okay I'll just surprise you" and he sent over 4 rib eye steaks, corn on the cob, salad, and dessert. It worked out great, my daughter BBQ'd everything and dinner was great. Later that evening my cousin called and asked how I was doing and had the same offer, this time I had Pizza and salad and sodas, sent over for the following night. It just so turned out that I would be alone, and at 6pm sharp the Pizza arrived.
I realized that sometimes this is the only way people know how to help and it the long run it can really work out for us.
Aurora

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

Just an after thought....if you do mention a meal, I don't see any harm in mentioning a particular desert you may be in the mood for either (unless your on a serious diet!!). Te he!! :) Pammy

ohilly
Posts: 446
Joined: Jan 2008

I can relate: I was very, very tired after my mastectomy. I think it's common to have fatigue after major surgery. My chemo, on the other hand (four treatments of Taxotere/Cytoxan) was comparatively a piece of cake with few side effects (loss of hair and a bad taste in my mouth - I was able to work thru the whole thing with no problem).

Good luck!

Ohilly

bfbear's picture
bfbear
Posts: 382
Joined: Mar 2009

for a significant time after a double mastectomy.

I had mine, with reconstruction, May 6th and I am just now starting to get back to an energy level that I can be happy with (getting up at 5:30, dog walking/puppy training, 10-yr-old daughter's summer activities, Relay for Life captain, working artist, simple dinners, bedtime 10 p.m.).

For the first couple of months I had to take naps and I had to let friends bring me dinners. So, just try to rest as much as you can to let your body heal, and you will get to the other side of this. And everybody here will hold your hand as you walk through your bc journey.

Hang in there and don't feel alone!

Gentle hugs,
Debi

Joanna723
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2009

I can relate to your story I'm 30 and was diagnosed in may had a double masectomy June 19th and have 2 little ones. I found after I stopped my pain meds I couldnt sleep in turn which was making me tired during the day my doctor prescribed a sleep aid and am sleeping well and feeling more energized. Also make sure your taking a multi and getting enough protein to help with your energy level and the healing process. I hope this is helpful. Joanna

lolad's picture
lolad
Posts: 671
Joined: Jun 2009

Thank you all for all the suggestions and well wishes. Joanna i never thought of the protein thing or taking a multi. What is wierd is that just this past week all the fatigue has caught up to me. Not that im saying that this recovery has been easy, but i was only going on a couple of hours of sleep here and there until now. I cant stay awake morning, noon or nite now! Haha. I want to thank all that said it was ok to accept help from others. Thats a hard thing for me to do because ive been on my own with three kids for 10 years now and im only 36. I think its time for me to let down some walls now though huh ladies? You all are wonderful people and im so glad i found this support site. hugs and well wishes to all

laura

confused123's picture
confused123
Posts: 251
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi,
I just wanted to say that some people had talked about multivitamins a while ago. People with estrogen positive cancer should not have soy proteins and they are in some multivitamins. If your are ER positive please check the ingredients to the multivitamin.

As stated before, you had major surgery and this makes you tired, plus being a mom on top of it all. I am not one to ask for help but I also had a mastectomy and have 3 small kids. I accepted lots of help from friends and family. They helped cook, clean and run the kids around for me. I was so sad not to be able to take care of the kids the way I am used to and they were too but we wre managing. I finished chemo and am doing radiation now. It is getting better.

You already have a major step behind you, take one step at a time.

Kim

lolad's picture
lolad
Posts: 671
Joined: Jun 2009

thank you for sharing the multivitamin info on er positive. I am both er and pr poss and wouldnt have known about the soy proteins if you wouldnt have shared that so thank you again. I hope i can soon find some kind of help support with all im trying to do in taking care of my wonderful kids. I know finding this site is a very good start as far as keeping my sanity. god bless and hugs to you

laura

aurora2009
Posts: 545
Joined: Jun 2009

Hope you don't mind me asking but how old are your kids?
I don't think I'm as young as you (45) but I also have children under 18, well one is 17 ands that ever so big 1/2, but the youngest has just turned 6, and so far he's been realy understanding, he's really the light of my life he loves to cuddle and just be near me. The last week has been really hard on him, but my daughter has really pulled through in helping him understand.

The other night he was all upset because he said that everyone kept asking him to do stuff for them, but that no one would do anything for him anymore. He just needed some plain old loving and thank god, I was finally able to hold him.

This is a tough thing for kids even my teenager, but with a little love they'll get through this and so will you.

Take care

Aurora

confused123's picture
confused123
Posts: 251
Joined: Jun 2009

Aurora, I also have a 6 year old who found all this hard. She was so excited one day when I said next time mommy feels tired and is resting in bed we can watch a movie in my bed together. She was so happy. She is also a cuddle bug. I find that she enjoys the little things I do with her more than anything big or expensive.

Kim

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

We have to remember that our kids are scared too and they need comfort from us too. :)

lolad's picture
lolad
Posts: 671
Joined: Jun 2009

My children are 15 who's a boy, almost 13 another boy and my baby is 11 and a girl. They have all handled what im going thru in their own way. My oldest at first refused to talk about it, i didnt push it with him, i told him the truth and let him come to me. My daughter was such a big helper when i came home from surgery. She is the one who is always saying to me that she doesnt want me to die. It is so heart wrenching when she does this, but i tell her that we will be better and will beat this. She started to finally believe it a little when i made it through my surgery. We all just constantly give hugs and smiles. My 12 year old is the best at making up jokes, and all just have a heart full of nothing but love and concern for me. I am so blessed to have them. Thank goodness i do. I cant help but feel guilty at times that i feel they had to rush to grow up because this happened, but then there are times that i can still see the kid coming back out in them. I am so lucky to have such beautiful all around children, and even though raising them on my own was soooo hard at times i didnt think i would make it, they are so totally worth all that i went through. God truely blessed me with my three. I know i got lucky.
laura

aurora2009
Posts: 545
Joined: Jun 2009

You have a wonderful group of kids, I also have a 25 year old daughter that lives in Oregon, I really wish I could see her and my grandchildren more often. But we talk alot and shes a great support for me.

My little one understands, but I don't think he really grasps the depth of the situation, he also has a grandmother fighting cancer of the kidneys, and right now he just knows that the doctors is giving us medicine to fix us. He can deal witrh things on that level.

My 17 is the one I worry about, this is her senior year, and she should be thinking of Proms and pictures, and her vacation to see her relatives on her dad's side, but instead I think she wants to cancel her vacation, and stay at home with me. I got her a job were I work, and the day after my surgury, she went to work and broke down crying to our boss, who asked how I was. I worry that she's keeping in all her fears, trying to protect me and that's supposed to be my job to protect her.

It's rough, but I have faith that we'll all get through this, and be stronger and closer than we ever were.

Thanks for sharing, Laura I love talking about my kids too. I also feel very blessed.

Aurora

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

I believe that someone posted not to long ago that the one multivitamin that does not contain soy was Centrum Silver. I too was surprised to learn this and darn if I hadn't just bought new!! Oh well, my girlfriend was happy to be the recipient!! I did check with Doc and he said don't let the name fool you....you can take it at any age! (I'm younger, although my hair is silver, grey, non-white....). :) pammy

lolad's picture
lolad
Posts: 671
Joined: Jun 2009

i just wanted to tell you that your replies to people are always so uplifting and so heartfelt and i think you are wonderful for that. Like so many others on this board, your words always bring me peace and hope. i hope you are doing ok and thank you so much. god bless

laura

djteach's picture
djteach
Posts: 275
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi Laura,
I am always sad to welcome a newcomer, but a young newcomer is not fair. Four weeks after a double mastectomy and you are feeling fatigue. This is normal. You have had major surgery. Give yourself time. I know you want to give those babies of yours 100% of you, but you can't do that right now. The one thing you can do for them is give them a Mommy jobs every day. Depending on their ages, they can fix you water or whatever, wipe countertops,
When you include them, they feel special and every child wants to help Mom, and what a great time to thank them for helping you fight this cancer battle.

Let your doctor know about the fatigue when you meet. I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how your dr. appt. goes.

Love and gentle hugs,
Donna

lolad's picture
lolad
Posts: 671
Joined: Jun 2009

The mommy jobs is a good idea and i never thought about putting it that way. Thank you for
your prayers and thoughts. I will let everyone know about my dr visits. I dont see the onc again until the 28th and hope she knows that i have tons of questions. thanks again and god bless

laura

rjjj's picture
rjjj
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

I truly know your feeling of fatigue, i just finished rads and am wiped out!! I don't know what i would do if my children were still young like yours...mine are grown.
I think the emotional wear and tear is the worst. That alone can just wipe you out. Get plenty of rest and ask for help (like all of our sisters here have already said) You are not alone and you will be in my thoughts and prayers
hugs, jackie

vannie
Posts: 6
Joined: Jul 2009

i think fatique is one of the symptoms of bc. i didn't know that at first but i looked it up after i was diagnosed. that is one of the things people really don't talk about. i was extremely tired on chemo. i was wondering if it was going to end and finally i see the end. not until february but i see it.lol

faithandprayer's picture
faithandprayer
Posts: 177
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi Laura,
I'm sorry you have to be here. I have little ones, too, and can so appreciate your wanting to be a mommy and keep up with them while still trying to take care of yourself. But please, please, DO take care of yourself. By doing so, you are taking care of them!

Fatigue & low immune has plagued me for the past 4 years due to a Severe Vitamin D Deficiency. It's sort of become my personal mission to be certain what an important link Vit D can be in all of this. It's a simple blood test. If you are low, your dr/onco can address it with you, if you're not, then it eliminates one potential cause for fatigue.

Some experts estimate that Vitamin D deficiency in women could be as high as 75% in some parts of the country (due to geographical/weather/lack of sun)!

I'm so glad your surgery is behind you and will pray that your fatigue lets up for you. We're here for you during this process and pulling for you every step of the way.

survivorbc09
Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Laura, I think everyone here has said the same thing. We all go thru and will continue to be tired going thru what we have with the diagnosis of bc and then all of the treatments. Just try and take it easy and let others help you out. It is alright to ask for help and maybe you need to with the little ones. Good luck!

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