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Loving Wife of Fishing_Fool - What is important???

fishing_fool
Posts: 18
Joined: Apr 2009

My heart goes out to the men and women who have to deal with this cancer. This discussion board has been a tremendous help to both my husband and myself. We had a specialist and also an oncology nurse tell us that even with a very small cancer... It CAN seed and or basically tentacle out to spread. At first when AJ was diagnosed, we wanted this to all go away. Denial... Okay, so it is a small cancer, one of twelve. Can we watch it? After I talked to the oncology nurse it was clear... SO clear that AJ's life was at risk. Cancer comes to us not to be our friend, but if it has its way - to raise havoc and possibly kill us. Everyone is certainly going to do what is best for them. AJ has decided to have the surgery this fall. If I understand correctly, some prostate cancers that are not hormone feed are the worst and can escalate very fast. None of us really know which one of us is going to be the "Lucky Ones" or are our cancers going to spread with a vengeance.

I Love my Husband with all my heart. Cancer does not care. AJ's life is first... hopefully not being incontinent second... and last, we will get creative if the ED is an issue. It will be another adventure - not a problem. Sorry this is so long. I know for a fact that NONE of you deserve to have this cancer. Those of you waiting, make sure to watch for trends. Those of you that have braved the surgery… Congratulations and continue to get your PSA's.
Wishing you all the Best Health, Happiness and a Cancer free future :0) AJ's wife!

RRMCJIM's picture
RRMCJIM
Posts: 149
Joined: Mar 2009

You sound like my wife!!!! Are you related.....lol...that is what it came down to for us, the questions, will it stay slow, will it speed up and spread( that is the nature of cancer)...now I know it is gone, my margins were clear, I will get my testing done as needed, and pray that we got the jump on this early enough. The ED part, my wife feels the same, after 35 years, we will handle what we need to, when we need to. "Get Creative"..Thank you for your well wishes, and I hope you know, that we are here for you both..... anytime
JIm

fishing_fool
Posts: 18
Joined: Apr 2009

Thanks Jim for sharing your story. I read you got your catheter out. YEAH!!! The funny thing is we start out in diapers and now :0) But thank goodness this phase will be short lived! You are blessed to have such a loving wife aka: Nurse! I appreciate your kind words and thoughtfulness ~ Keep us posted on your fabulous recovery!

Kentr
Posts: 111
Joined: May 2009

I'm glad you have elected to take action although I don't think you should wait until Fall (revisit this with AJ's doctor).

When I was diagnosed it was really confusing as to what approach I should take. The easiest one was "watchful waiting" because it doesn't require a decision, I had absolutely NO symptoms, EVERYONE knows prostate cancer is usually slow growing and, lastly, almost every guy gets it! So just get on with your life, it's no big deal!

WRONG! As my doctor said, "If you take the watchful waiting approach, what are you waiting for? Are you waiting until it's so advanced we can't do anything about it?" That pretty much ended the "consideration" phase and I went forward with brachyherapy. :)

Kent

fishing_fool
Posts: 18
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi Kent, Thank you for your thoughts. AJ and I are NOT doing watchful waiting... His surgery will be in October, 2009. Certain factors are making us shoot for Oct. One being his job ~ they are knee deep in needing every lineman for the summer on Gov. Jobs that have to be completed. Second ~ this Doctor is in our state, but a 4 hour drive. Need to make arrangements, and last ~ we have a grandbaby that turns 1 in September and he wouldn't miss his first birthday for anything.

We can only know what is happening today ~ we don't know what the future holds. We have all found that out the hard way. AJ is having the di vinci method with Dr. Waldman in Meridian, ID (just outside Boise). Everything is set. The Doctor said that he wouldn't operate for 3 months post biopsy anyway... so that is not that much farther out. Thanks Kent.

Kentr
Posts: 111
Joined: May 2009

As long as the doctor is OK with the delay then I'll shut up - it's just the worry wart in me.

Kent

hopeful and opt...
Posts: 2218
Joined: Apr 2009

My decision is to do "Active Surveillance" I am happy with my decision, as I hope you are happy with yours. The reasons that I made this decision is very early detection. My cancer is being monitored very closely. I can live my life without the negative effects that can happen. When, and "if" I need other treatment it will be available, perhaps more advanced or a better one that might be developed. My take.

Ira

Kentr
Posts: 111
Joined: May 2009

Please don't misconstrue my comments about watchful waiting - each of us has to make our own decsion and I certainly respect yours. I was trying to convey the fact for me, the doctor's comment was enough to get me off the dime and make some sort of decision. Frankly, I'm not sure I made the right choice even to this date. I had absolutely no symptons and I can't help but wonder if treatment was really all that necessary. In any event, what's done is done and I'll live with it.

Rest assured, you have all of my support and you can take that to the bank!

Kent

fishing_fool
Posts: 18
Joined: Apr 2009

Ira, This is such a complicated cancer. You, and most men, like my husband, are not having ANY symptoms. I think second to AJ hearing he has cancer, it is weird for him to go into a surgery knowing that he will feel worse than before he had it done.

Most surgeries are designed to make a situation feel better. Having said that, if AJ feels that this is going to save his life or catch this before it "turns" then he has made the right decision for him as well as you have made what is right for you.

Maybe it is different when someone else in the family has prostate cancer as well. Our brother-in-law had a normal PSA -65 years old and went l8 months instead of his usual 12 months before another PSA check. It was way over 10 at that point ~ he had the surgery and now it has spread and he is doing hormone therapy. My sister wishes that his was found and removed when it was at the point that AJ's is ~ Then maybe, just maybe it wouldn't have spread... Like I said above… Cancer is too unpredictable. When Doctor's say... hmmm "I think" it will be okay to do active surveillance, the key is "I think". For AJ he wants it out and furthered biopsied to know for sure it is contained and exactly what the stage is and/or if there is more.

hopeful and opt...
Posts: 2218
Joined: Apr 2009

decision is made for treatment; every single one of them have negatives including "active surveillance". We're all here for a reason. I don't say no to any choice, however, I believe that we have to do a lot of research to make the "best" choice for ourselves, whatever that might be. It's very difficult.

I've been going to some support groups, and I see brand new men coming in who are in shock, and do not know what is going on. Some of the docs are leading them to what is good for that doc., and really are not taking great care of these men. I believe that we have to be empowered to make the right choice.

Ira

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