Last Round blues...update

maglets
maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
so here I am the night before the last round and I have I got a case of Jitters? First scenerio....the blood will be too low and they won't start the chemo. Scene 2, I already feel so low and so sick from the chemo that this round will be really bad and even though it is the last, I will be really sick.....blah blah you know the mind routine. Oh yes and then there's the...I must have cancer again because i feel to rotten so it must be back.


Sound familiar? thanks gang, I know once i get up and at "em in the morning all will be well.
just jitters?

hugs to all
~mags

PS thanks for all your wonderful good wishes. Had a new onc today and first thing he said was "would you like to skip the oxy this time?" I can't believe I said NO. Vicki i was thinking of you and actually everyone here who has soldiered on. So he reduced the dose by 50% and I hope it won't be as bad. Still have to do the theo weeks of xeloda and then

scan scare in 4 weeks .....did cea's today.
on we go ! another step to meet NED

hugs to all and thanks
~mags~

Comments

  • pcs1453
    pcs1453 Member Posts: 75
    #2
    Last Round
    Hi Mags,

    I didn't have the jitters but I was much more emotional. During chemo and after I just wanted to cry. I think it was just overwhelming that I was really done and I didn't know what was going to happen next. But now all is good and I hope it will be for you too. Next week the port comes out, my last constant reminder of chemo.

    Hugs,
    Paula
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #3
    pcs1453 said:

    Last Round
    Hi Mags,

    I didn't have the jitters but I was much more emotional. During chemo and after I just wanted to cry. I think it was just overwhelming that I was really done and I didn't know what was going to happen next. But now all is good and I hope it will be for you too. Next week the port comes out, my last constant reminder of chemo.

    Hugs,
    Paula

    hi Paula
    yes that's it....I do do feel more emotional, more worked up.

    I hope your port removal goes smoothly and you continue to feel better and better Paula.

    thanks and hugs
    ~mags~
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #4
    Go get 'em, Mags!
    Hello Mags!

    I remember those last round jitters and the emotions that Paula wrote about. I think it was that I could finally clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel and it was not only a relief, but it was also the beginning of a new phase of life - life after cancer - which was both exciting and scary. It brought a lot of emotion to the surface.

    You will get through this last round and all your friends here at CSN will be supporting you all the way, and as you transition into the next phase of your journey, we'll be here cheering you on still.

    Be well...and sending you good vibes for a strong finish...
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    #5
    pcs1453 said:

    Last Round
    Hi Mags,

    I didn't have the jitters but I was much more emotional. During chemo and after I just wanted to cry. I think it was just overwhelming that I was really done and I didn't know what was going to happen next. But now all is good and I hope it will be for you too. Next week the port comes out, my last constant reminder of chemo.

    Hugs,
    Paula

    Paula
    Can I ask why the port is coming out so soon? Just curious. My doctor wants me to leave it in at least a year. Insurance against recurrence I think.

    I understand the emotional. My last round will be in a month and I am already anxious about the scans, etc.

    Vicki
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #6
    pcs1453 said:

    Last Round
    Hi Mags,

    I didn't have the jitters but I was much more emotional. During chemo and after I just wanted to cry. I think it was just overwhelming that I was really done and I didn't know what was going to happen next. But now all is good and I hope it will be for you too. Next week the port comes out, my last constant reminder of chemo.

    Hugs,
    Paula

    Mag........
    It wasn't long ago I was in the same boat....Kind of sad to leave and not have to be back in 2 weeks to do it all over again.....It wasn't what I had imagined though....No big parades or circus clowns, just simply me hugging my main nurse and telling all the staff that me as well as my family thanked all of them for saving my life. It was emotional when I got out to the car...I kinda lost it there...I relived there in a moment everything that had happened in the last year and it all came to a head.........Then , I started all over to enjoy what I haven't in a year....and it sure is a good feeling......it will be for you also....
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    #7
    Mags
    You will handle this fine. I always am up all night when I start each cycle. You'd think I'd be used to chemo, I only get 7 days off at a time but I just hate the thought of starting again.

    Finishing, well, that's even scarier. Maybe you can't finish and what if you do? What then? I don't want to go...I don't want to stop chemo. It sucks.

    You know how you'll do when you get in there...it will be ok. Please do me a favor when they hook you up. Think of me in my Sponge Bob pj's and disco earrings pole dancing with the iv pole. And smile. That would be the greatest compliment you could give me.

    Know you are alone and we love you here. Hugs

    Kimby
  • scouty
    scouty Member Posts: 1,965 Member
    #8
    I'm with you Mags
    When you need a lift, close your eyes and think of us when you can. Do you have a Lance livestrong bracelet? If not, I'll send you one so you can touch it and feel the strength from us all.

    For some reason I always felt that the worst I felt from chemo meant that the **** cancer cells felt even worse!! I envisioned that when I vomited it was all cancer cells that came out. I am a total believer of visualization.

    I can't wait to hear from you after after it's over.

    Lisa P.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #9
    usakat said:

    Go get 'em, Mags!
    Hello Mags!

    I remember those last round jitters and the emotions that Paula wrote about. I think it was that I could finally clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel and it was not only a relief, but it was also the beginning of a new phase of life - life after cancer - which was both exciting and scary. It brought a lot of emotion to the surface.

    You will get through this last round and all your friends here at CSN will be supporting you all the way, and as you transition into the next phase of your journey, we'll be here cheering you on still.

    Be well...and sending you good vibes for a strong finish...

    Blues
    Hi Mags: I thought of that today as Monday I started my first round. How would I feel when that last round was to come up and I was feeling so exhausted from the treatments thus far and I can imagine what you are going through. I thought of it too as an ending to something that was helping me so I hope you go through this last round with flying colors and celebrate by doing the happy naked dance around your house and then letting all of us know how the dance went. Good luck in your last treatment.

    Kim
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #10
    Scene III
    You forgot this one I think.
    You go for your last treatment, everything goes very well (no traffic even), you return home from chemo, and it's the last you hear of chemo/cancer again. Except of course, you visit us here to cheer us on to recovery.
    :-)
    {{{hugs mags}}}
    -phil
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    #11
    PhillieG said:

    Scene III
    You forgot this one I think.
    You go for your last treatment, everything goes very well (no traffic even), you return home from chemo, and it's the last you hear of chemo/cancer again. Except of course, you visit us here to cheer us on to recovery.
    :-)
    {{{hugs mags}}}
    -phil

    Phil
    That's the scenario I like BEST! Great response, friend.

    Kimby
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    #12
    Sounds familiar
    Hi Mags,

    This is a familiar feeling. But once you get it over with, you will be relieved and possibly feel at loose ends. But get this! There's no law saying you can't drop by with cookies for the staff! I stop off every couple of months with something for the folks who helped save my life, and I always come away so grateful for them and for still being here. It helps to go there, look at the chemo room, and like Scarlett O'Hara, swear that I'm never going to be in there again:-) OK. We don't know the future, but it helps you to savor the present.

    One more, and it's over, so you get your blood going and "git 'er done!"

    Hugs,
    Kirsten
  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117 Member
    #13
    kmygil said:

    Sounds familiar
    Hi Mags,

    This is a familiar feeling. But once you get it over with, you will be relieved and possibly feel at loose ends. But get this! There's no law saying you can't drop by with cookies for the staff! I stop off every couple of months with something for the folks who helped save my life, and I always come away so grateful for them and for still being here. It helps to go there, look at the chemo room, and like Scarlett O'Hara, swear that I'm never going to be in there again:-) OK. We don't know the future, but it helps you to savor the present.

    One more, and it's over, so you get your blood going and "git 'er done!"

    Hugs,
    Kirsten

    you go girl
    you have gotten this far i envy you.i just finished #6 im half way thru but it feels like it never going to end .so happy for you it will be a joyous day.Godbless....johnnybegood
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #14
    johnnybegood said:

    you go girl
    you have gotten this far i envy you.i just finished #6 im half way thru but it feels like it never going to end .so happy for you it will be a joyous day.Godbless....johnnybegood

    mags
    This is milestone you completed the chemo this is awesome, For angel he wrote on the calender (last chemo thank god i hope i don't have to do this again) The Nurses at the chemo place gave him a purple heart award all the nurses signed the award it was special.I have it framed even thou he did not survive. He still is my hero for induring all that he did.

    michelle
  • JR
    JR Member Posts: 139 Member
    #15
    Envy
    I envy where your at. I have 5 down and 7 to go and I can't wait until #12 gets here. I hear what you are saying about the scan scare. I'm not even half way through and I've been thinking about that. Stay strong. Things will go good.

    John
  • daydreamer110761
    daydreamer110761 Member Posts: 487 Member
    #16
    JR said:

    Envy
    I envy where your at. I have 5 down and 7 to go and I can't wait until #12 gets here. I hear what you are saying about the scan scare. I'm not even half way through and I've been thinking about that. Stay strong. Things will go good.

    John

    Oh Mags....
    I felt some of that too - I was afraid the blood level would be wrong and they would put me off, or felt that for sure something would go wrong - I had been fighting a cold the week before. My doc also gave me an option of foregoing the oxy - and I didn't either. I figured they said 12 for a reason, and I can take whatever they want to dish out - did it, done. I have to say I am going to miss the girls, but will see them probably 2 more times to get the port flushed, but as soon as I get the last scan and all is clear, out it comes! The nurse said I could have it out now, but I do want to wait til the scan is clear and I hear that for sure. Truthfully, I am more scared of the port removal than I was having it put in! They don't put you to sleep for that, and I hate the site of blood....
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #17
    daydreamer110761 said:

    Oh Mags....
    I felt some of that too - I was afraid the blood level would be wrong and they would put me off, or felt that for sure something would go wrong - I had been fighting a cold the week before. My doc also gave me an option of foregoing the oxy - and I didn't either. I figured they said 12 for a reason, and I can take whatever they want to dish out - did it, done. I have to say I am going to miss the girls, but will see them probably 2 more times to get the port flushed, but as soon as I get the last scan and all is clear, out it comes! The nurse said I could have it out now, but I do want to wait til the scan is clear and I hear that for sure. Truthfully, I am more scared of the port removal than I was having it put in! They don't put you to sleep for that, and I hate the site of blood....

    port removal
    ahhh Sherrie I'll bet there isn't much to it....don't listen to me...I never had a port. the veins stood up nicely right to the last round today...no problems finding a vein.

    I think I feel better tonight on the lesser dose of oxy but like you I just didn't want to quit....someone out there must have port removal advice.....

    hope things are going well with you and your daughter

    hugs hugs
    mags
  • scouty
    scouty Member Posts: 1,965 Member
    #18
    daydreamer110761 said:

    Oh Mags....
    I felt some of that too - I was afraid the blood level would be wrong and they would put me off, or felt that for sure something would go wrong - I had been fighting a cold the week before. My doc also gave me an option of foregoing the oxy - and I didn't either. I figured they said 12 for a reason, and I can take whatever they want to dish out - did it, done. I have to say I am going to miss the girls, but will see them probably 2 more times to get the port flushed, but as soon as I get the last scan and all is clear, out it comes! The nurse said I could have it out now, but I do want to wait til the scan is clear and I hear that for sure. Truthfully, I am more scared of the port removal than I was having it put in! They don't put you to sleep for that, and I hate the site of blood....

    Port removal
    Is a cakewalk compared to what you have been thru. They don't put you to sleep per se but they do a local anesthetic so you don't need a driver. I had mine for over 2 1/2 years so muscle and stuff had grown around it and the doctor tugged and pulled to get it out. I never felt anything nor did I see any blood. The bruise from it afterwards was the worst part of it for me. It was huge and lasted for 4 months but that was only because I had my port for so long and had gained back the weight I had lost and added some muscle from working out.

    You will be flat on your back and can't see a thing. Of my almost dozen major and minor surgeries, this was by far the easiest. I went to the grocery store afterwards!!!!

    Lisa P.

    Mags I'm glad you're feeling okay!! Keep it up honey.

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