I haven't posted in a while as I had a setback in my treatment; my last chemo (Carboplatin, Taxol and Avastin) stopped working and I had to make some decisions. I had no more than weeks if left untreated.
I was given a choice of clinical trials- one being Gleevec and the other a very toxic phase one trial that wouldn't even work for me, just give the docs info on dosage for the next people. Not much choice there; I did ask for the Gleevec trial and had to go through genetic testing and some other routine tests to see if I would qualify. I had a CT and a brain MRI; the MRI came back with lesions present. Suffice it to say, my family and I were devastated!
Then a miracle occurred!!! The oncologist had a neuro-oncologist look at my films and he felt that the lesions were not tumors but vascular abnormalities. We were very relieved! I waited 3 weeks for the results of the genetic testing and God granted us another miracle- I beat the very long odds that I would have a rare protein mutation that made me eligible for the trial!!
A man that I had known and considered a friend for over 20 years asked me while we waited and prayed "if this was all worth it?" WOW!!! I couldn't believe the insensitivity that he showed on a day that we were expecting results and praying for God's favor. I was blown away; he and his wife have been both casual and cavalier about my cancer journey and I guess I should have known better but I just couldn't believe his attitude. This same man had a major stroke and spent 2 grueling years rehabbing from that and I thought he, of all people, should understand the will to live. I have a family to live for and am not done raising my son- he knows this, and yet, he was so insensitive that I will never see him the same way again.
I don't know how many of you have experienced comments like that ( I'm guessing quite a few)and I just wanted to let you know that I have more appreciation for the all of you everyday and every time I go through something like that. Your friendship and support are truly life-saving!! With so-called friends like that, I could end up so depressed and I can't imagine going through this without the love and support of family friends and all of you.
So, give yourselves a pat on the back for being here for everyone who needs you, for listening and sharing and for letting me do the same for you when I can. This is a journey that none of us would choose, but the courage and dignity that are revealed in all of us is such a profound and life-changing gift that I can't imagine being angry or resentful about it anymore. It is because of my friends and family that I can take whatever comes my way and still be grateful to God for the beautiful, bountiful life I have been given.
I hope you all have a peaceful, pain-free day today. You are in my prayers.
With so much love,