Teen Scared

This is a frightening time
This is a frightening time for you and your mom, but you have found a network of survivors of breast cancer who will be able to answer questions, offer support, or just listen to you and your mom any time of the day or night. You mentioned living with your father during the first battle with cancer. Long distance support is possible by way of frequent phone calls and emails (I had lots of this while I was fighting cancer last year). Your mom will be exhausted, anxious and worried and support from family and friends will help. Your mom will wonder why this has to happen to her again. The good news is that she survived it once and she can do it again.

Marcia527 said:

Try not to worry about
Try not to worry about recurrance. Just work on having a good relationship with your mom.

special daughter
Dear one, Sounds like you and your Mom may have some of the same fears...recurrance. Don't let the fears paralyze you from seeing what you know right now...you are well and so is your Mom. Ask your Mom if it is OK to ask her some questions. She might be thinking the answers are scary for you and wants to protect you. Like you, she probably has many emotions scrolling around. Many Drs have a special cancer support services group. This may be an avenue for you. Depending on your questions, there are also genetic counselors to help you gauge your own risk factors. No matter what resources you choose you already found us here and we will answer, listen and be here for you.

Hi J; Sorry you and your mom
Hi J; Sorry you and your mom are facing this but unfortunately it does happen. I know my kids had a hard time when I was diagnosed and going through chemo. My son was 15 and my daughter 13 when I was diagnosed. Now, 2 years later it is a bit better. Your mom may be cranky because of the fear of recurrence. That is something that is always in the back of our minds. Hopefully, with time, it will get better and she and you will think less of this. Just be there for your mom, sometimes a hug and just saying I love you mom goes a long way. If you are living close to her spend some time together. And know we are here to "hear" you out. Hugs, Lili

I think "not knowing what to
I think "not knowing what to do" is about the healthiest response you can have. Some of the times when people "know just what to do", they are not being truly sensitive, but hiding behind some formula that lets them hide from the reality. Like, "If she would just think positive everything will be okay!" and then the survivor has to feel bad for not thinking positive enough. Or my teenage son's solution (for a while) which was I will hide with experimenting with some drugs. Life is complicated. Keeping an open mind, a sensitive mind is the best path, but not as comforting as an "Answer". So, keep trying, keep feeling, and know that you are not alone, but joined by all of us, looking each day for away to get through the problems, however complicated, honestly and with caring. You sound like a great daughter to feel your mother's pain with out shirking. But it is a two way street. Pain may go one way, and joy travels the street in the other direction. Look for things you and your mother can do together to strengthen what is good between you and what brings you both joy and comfort. Shoe shopping (!) as well as talking, cleaning house together, laughing at a TV show. And here is one more thing that might help. Sometimes I know we don't want to burden another with our own seemingly silly problems, so we try to put on a happy face all the time. But, as a mother, you mom will quite likely feel useful and loving if she can help you with your struggles. Share with your mom your life and let her meddle in a little. She may feel useful to you, which makes us moms feel capable, to help our children.
All my love to you both,
Joyce