VENTING
Okay this may not be the place but here I am anyway. I just heard from a dear friend of mine that my friends wife is dying, she has two weeks. She was dx with breast cancer several years back and chose to have surgery and no other treatment, she was stage 2b at the time. It came back (well it probably never went away) at a later date and had moved to her bones, she then decided to seek additional treatment (chemo). This is the third friend I will have lost to cancer due to the choice not to seek additional treatment beyond surgery. I know we all have our reasons for the choices we make and we all have the right to make those choice but dang it!!!! I am frustrated, angry and very saddened, I don't have more to say I am just crying and sad. Sorry to be the bummer of the day, but this too is cancer.
RE
Comments
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{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry Re. Some of us choose quality of life over quantity and some act on the blind faith that nothing more can happen. Only your friend's wife knows why she made the decision she did. And, then again, maybe if she would have had chemo the first time around, it could still have come back. Who knows? Really, it's in God's hands and as sad as this makes us we have no control over this darn disease. It really saddens me that so many people die from this every day and I'm frustrated with you. I really wish they would find a cure already. Hugs and love you, Lili0 -
Oh RE, I am first of all, so sorry about your friend's wife. I'm also sorry that you have lost others to this horrible disease.
I don't know why some choose to forgo additional treatment. Maybe it's because of horror stories regarding chemo and radiation. Maybe it's because they never come to accept that they indeed, have cancer. Maybe it's because they have faith that God will heal them. Or maybe it's because they simply have little or no hope for a cure.
I personally feel fortunate in that if I had to get cancer, at least treatments are much better today than they were even five years ago. And they will be even better five years from now. As a child, I watched my father lie in a hospital bed in our living room and slowly die of lung cancer. There was so little that could be done, way back then.
So I am very thankful for the advances that have been made in treatment, and I myself, will take advantage of everything I can in order to survive.
Great big hugs to you....
CR0 -
Shaking my head...CR1954 said:Oh RE, I am first of all, so sorry about your friend's wife. I'm also sorry that you have lost others to this horrible disease.
I don't know why some choose to forgo additional treatment. Maybe it's because of horror stories regarding chemo and radiation. Maybe it's because they never come to accept that they indeed, have cancer. Maybe it's because they have faith that God will heal them. Or maybe it's because they simply have little or no hope for a cure.
I personally feel fortunate in that if I had to get cancer, at least treatments are much better today than they were even five years ago. And they will be even better five years from now. As a child, I watched my father lie in a hospital bed in our living room and slowly die of lung cancer. There was so little that could be done, way back then.
So I am very thankful for the advances that have been made in treatment, and I myself, will take advantage of everything I can in order to survive.
Great big hugs to you....
CR
RE, I am so sorry. A dear friend of ours, who passed away from ovarian cancer in 2003, went the "natural cure only" route for a while before finally admitting she needed to go with chemotherapy. She fought very bravely, for a long time, but no doubt she hurt her prognosis badly.
When Moopy and I met our oncologist in Springfield for the first time, he hauled out the adjuvant.org printout of Moopy's prognosis with and without chemo. It was the last thing Moopy needed to see: there was no doubt that we were planning to go on with chemo anyway. Nobody likes to see their life on a printout. I will say that he figured it out very quickly and has been absolutely great ever since.
Joe0 -
That was the treatment in times passed..
Many, many 25-year-plus survivors I talked to said "Yup, my breast came off, and that was that! I had no other treatment". So, she was not operating completely blind. It's all about choices. I KNOW cancer can happen more than once...it did to me...
Kathi0 -
((((hugs))))mmontero38 said:{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry Re. Some of us choose quality of life over quantity and some act on the blind faith that nothing more can happen. Only your friend's wife knows why she made the decision she did. And, then again, maybe if she would have had chemo the first time around, it could still have come back. Who knows? Really, it's in God's hands and as sad as this makes us we have no control over this darn disease. It really saddens me that so many people die from this every day and I'm frustrated with you. I really wish they would find a cure already. Hugs and love you, Lili
Lili, Thank you for your thoughtful words. You are right as I too believe it is in Gods' hands, however this so frustrates me because in the cases I speak of these folks had a chance to survive and when it came raging back they choose treatment in a last ditch too late effort. I know they wish their choices had been different and that is what upsets me so. Thank you again as your words did bring me comfort.
RE0 -
Thank you!CR1954 said:Oh RE, I am first of all, so sorry about your friend's wife. I'm also sorry that you have lost others to this horrible disease.
I don't know why some choose to forgo additional treatment. Maybe it's because of horror stories regarding chemo and radiation. Maybe it's because they never come to accept that they indeed, have cancer. Maybe it's because they have faith that God will heal them. Or maybe it's because they simply have little or no hope for a cure.
I personally feel fortunate in that if I had to get cancer, at least treatments are much better today than they were even five years ago. And they will be even better five years from now. As a child, I watched my father lie in a hospital bed in our living room and slowly die of lung cancer. There was so little that could be done, way back then.
So I am very thankful for the advances that have been made in treatment, and I myself, will take advantage of everything I can in order to survive.
Great big hugs to you....
CR
Thank you CR, I too am glad we live in the time we do as they are sooo close to finding a cure. I hope that day is very soon.
My best to you,
RE0 -
Grievinglynn1950 said:Grieving
You go, girl! I am so sorry for your loss and your sadness and anger. This is just the right place to come with it! I wish I could hug you and we could cry together...even yell and scream...it is such a nasty, insidious disease. Love to you, Lynn
I feel the hugs all the way over here, thank you so very much!
RE0 -
MoopyAortus said:Shaking my head...
RE, I am so sorry. A dear friend of ours, who passed away from ovarian cancer in 2003, went the "natural cure only" route for a while before finally admitting she needed to go with chemotherapy. She fought very bravely, for a long time, but no doubt she hurt her prognosis badly.
When Moopy and I met our oncologist in Springfield for the first time, he hauled out the adjuvant.org printout of Moopy's prognosis with and without chemo. It was the last thing Moopy needed to see: there was no doubt that we were planning to go on with chemo anyway. Nobody likes to see their life on a printout. I will say that he figured it out very quickly and has been absolutely great ever since.
Joe
Joe, thank you so much for caring. I have read your and Moopy's posts, I am so glad you two found this site. Moopy seems to be doing well all things considered and for that I am greatful!
RE0 -
Thank youKathiM said:That was the treatment in times passed..
Many, many 25-year-plus survivors I talked to said "Yup, my breast came off, and that was that! I had no other treatment". So, she was not operating completely blind. It's all about choices. I KNOW cancer can happen more than once...it did to me...
Kathi
Thank you Kathi for sharing this. I too know cancer can return I have had it three times, My mom had it four times and my sister had it three times. My mom's first treatment was 34 years ago at a military facility and she had double radical mastectomies followed my massive amounts of harsh chemo therapy. I was the one who took her to her treatments and she would be happy and fun on the way to treatment and sick as a dog on her way home. To say I was terrified when I realized I too would need chemo is an understatement. However, chemo gave my mom many years she would not have had, so with that knowledge i went and got hooked up. I am happy to say that yes we do get sick but it is OH SO MUCH BETTER than it was 34 years ago, they have come a long way in treating us.
Thank you again,
RE0 -
RE, I agree that medicine has come a long way. The side effects of chemotherapy are so well documented and even though they could be bad, the potential benefit is greater than the risks. My goal is to live as if cancer won't return, but if it does I will be ready to fight again.RE said:Thank you
Thank you Kathi for sharing this. I too know cancer can return I have had it three times, My mom had it four times and my sister had it three times. My mom's first treatment was 34 years ago at a military facility and she had double radical mastectomies followed my massive amounts of harsh chemo therapy. I was the one who took her to her treatments and she would be happy and fun on the way to treatment and sick as a dog on her way home. To say I was terrified when I realized I too would need chemo is an understatement. However, chemo gave my mom many years she would not have had, so with that knowledge i went and got hooked up. I am happy to say that yes we do get sick but it is OH SO MUCH BETTER than it was 34 years ago, they have come a long way in treating us.
Thank you again,
RE0 -
So sorryRE said:Thank you
Thank you Kathi for sharing this. I too know cancer can return I have had it three times, My mom had it four times and my sister had it three times. My mom's first treatment was 34 years ago at a military facility and she had double radical mastectomies followed my massive amounts of harsh chemo therapy. I was the one who took her to her treatments and she would be happy and fun on the way to treatment and sick as a dog on her way home. To say I was terrified when I realized I too would need chemo is an understatement. However, chemo gave my mom many years she would not have had, so with that knowledge i went and got hooked up. I am happy to say that yes we do get sick but it is OH SO MUCH BETTER than it was 34 years ago, they have come a long way in treating us.
Thank you again,
RE
I am saddened to hear this, RE. Unfortunately, as you say, this is the awful, wrenching part of cancer. I love your attitude about getting the treatment you need. Yes, it is a personal choice for sure, and there are stories we've all heard about persons having surgery only and then going about their business for the next few decades. My grandmothers are examples. They both had breast cancer in Turkey many years ago, and the doctors performed surgery and then sent them on their way. No follow-up, no treatment, nothing. But I believe they were extremely lucky and probably had non-aggressive cancers. Plus, that was all that was available to them at the time. For many, many others treatment saves their lives. I totally understand your frustration, as it seems like so many senseless deaths happen to this disease, and when you think that they could have been prevented -- well, that's even worse.
Hugs to you. You do a lot of good on this board.
Mimi0 -
Re, sorry about your friends wife. Thats so sad. It would be awful to be in her situation and know that you had refused treatment. Regrets are a very heavy burden.
I don't understand how anyone could choose not to take advantage of the advances in treatment we have today. My husband did not want me to have chemo because he was afraid of the long-term side effects. But I knew that if there was a chance that chemo could cure my cancer then I was taking it. I would have to be crazy not to.0 -
never did look at the printout MoopyAortus said:Shaking my head...
RE, I am so sorry. A dear friend of ours, who passed away from ovarian cancer in 2003, went the "natural cure only" route for a while before finally admitting she needed to go with chemotherapy. She fought very bravely, for a long time, but no doubt she hurt her prognosis badly.
When Moopy and I met our oncologist in Springfield for the first time, he hauled out the adjuvant.org printout of Moopy's prognosis with and without chemo. It was the last thing Moopy needed to see: there was no doubt that we were planning to go on with chemo anyway. Nobody likes to see their life on a printout. I will say that he figured it out very quickly and has been absolutely great ever since.
Joe
I would not bear to and sill haven't saw what they wrote maybe this is better. My oncologist just told me we were bringing out all the guns and explained how each drug is going to kill/prevent the beast. And that most women my age do well with it. I still think i am going to ask for the dreaded report but never do...What else can i do anyway that i'm not already doing (besides eating some junk food and an occasional glass of wine.
Re dear, you are in my prayers! if only hind sight was 20-20....would any of us do it differently? Maybe maybe not. I always said that after taking care of my mom and watching her die for years of colin cancer spread to lungs..it may not be worth the fight. She had colin surgery,,got all that and then a cough that didn't go away and it was lung cancer. She was only 49 at the time and had no such thing as a port at the end they couldn't find a vein so went through her toes. She fought like the dickens and right when they thought she was in remission she developed an anerism in her brain (clot caused by chemo) and had a stroke she fought again learning to walk and talk all over..physical therapy..THEN cancer comes back but she can't take any more chemo because of blood thinning meds for her stroke recovery...The nasty sneaky beast got my sweet fighting mom. Back then they didn't have anti-nausea meds either like today. Our fight is so much easier now but still such a tough battle.
Guess what i'm really trying to say is it's ok to be angry and cry, you love her. You and your dear freinds are both in my prayers tonight.
God Bless Jackie0 -
RE, you and your friend are both in my prayers. Knowing that you refused to accept what was offered to give you a better survival chance must be a burden she is facing not only for herself, but for her family, friends and loved ones. It really makes you stop and think about what you choose to do for yourself when given a dx of cancer. Your actions will not only affect you, but everyone around you. Your post may make a difference in someone reading this board that is trying to make a decision about their own future, and hopefully they will read the anguish in your words and fight even harder to stay alive. You are an inspiration in your grief, and know that all who read your words have placed you in their prayers.Marcia527 said:I am sorry about your
I am sorry about your friend. It's hard to lose someone. It's always easier to look back and know what we should have done.
Judy0 -
it is so hard to walk in
it is so hard to walk in other's shoes. as we all know, everyone has to make their own choices. i am so sorry about your friend. at this point, i would hope that a higher power could help you and your friend get through. my thoughts are with you, you can vent anytime that you want to. hugs, peggy0 -
:-(
Dear Sweet RE
I am so sorry to hear about the pain once again caused by this beast!
I know there are no true words to erase the once again ... Loss you are facing... just remember that You touch sooooooooooooooooo many lives here and shine light on our dark days, that it is ok to let us hold the "flashlight" for you when it gets to be a burden!!!
You know I am sorry that I havent been here like I usually am ... I have been struggling with "CHOICES"... myself... as I think you know.( ..and I did decide what I will and will not do!)
Just remember you do light up the path for so many of us.. and we are so much richer for having you touch our lives... I remember the day in chat when we spoke in private...
You took the time to ease my fears.... I wont everrrrrrrrrrrr forget that!!
Big hugs and smooches to you!!!! I love ya more than my luggage!!!!!
and Best Wishes this coming Friday !!!!!!!! Woohooo!!!
Love~
Trish0 -
I have missed you!Irishwhispers said::-(
Dear Sweet RE
I am so sorry to hear about the pain once again caused by this beast!
I know there are no true words to erase the once again ... Loss you are facing... just remember that You touch sooooooooooooooooo many lives here and shine light on our dark days, that it is ok to let us hold the "flashlight" for you when it gets to be a burden!!!
You know I am sorry that I havent been here like I usually am ... I have been struggling with "CHOICES"... myself... as I think you know.( ..and I did decide what I will and will not do!)
Just remember you do light up the path for so many of us.. and we are so much richer for having you touch our lives... I remember the day in chat when we spoke in private...
You took the time to ease my fears.... I wont everrrrrrrrrrrr forget that!!
Big hugs and smooches to you!!!! I love ya more than my luggage!!!!!
and Best Wishes this coming Friday !!!!!!!! Woohooo!!!
Love~
Trish
Thank you for the kind words, you my dear have been in my prayers and on my heart. It was truly an honor to have been there for you in chat on that day, I am glad I was able to make your cancer journey a tad easier.
I appreciate the good wishes for Friday, I will keep you posted on the progress!
Love ya!
RE0
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