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Prayers Needed and a Gripe

dixchi's picture
dixchi
Posts: 438
Joined: Jun 2008

I see the oncologist Tuesday afternoon to go over results of CT Scan and
CEA.....this is the first since I ended chemo Dec. 8 so I am really anxious
about the outcome.....would appreciate your thoughts and prayers.....am trying
to battle the anxiety......and I keep thinking I will have to go through
this every two months for the next year......the beast is really hard on the
emotions.

My 50th high school reunion is this May and wow, does this ever hit the new
normal. I have to go through another CT Scan/CEA and colonoscopy before May.
It is so hard to plan anything. I have a high school girl friend who wants
me to room with her at the hotel and I am fearful to make any plans because
I don't know if I will be ok to go. I hate this.....and really don't know
how to handle it.....feel I need to let her know what the situation is and
just see what time brings. Of course they want payment for the events by
the end of March......sorry, but this so much sucks!! My life has to be
lived in two month increments??? A real gripe!

neon356
Posts: 137
Joined: Mar 2004

I can certainly appreciate your anxiety, I've been free of the beast for 15 years and still worry that I'm not home free. But I'm not sure why you're reluctant to make plans to go away in May. I just went to my 50th HS reunion a few months ago and would have been very disappointed had I not gone. Even if you're not ca free you can work around it and still get away for the few days. Go for it! We can't let cancer rule our lives every second. Isn't that why we're fighting the cancer and enduring all of those nasty side effects and pain- to be able to go to that once in a lifetime event or special moment? Go to the reunion, meet up with old friends and have a great time. ....Carl

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

aaahhhhh dix I am sorry you are having a droopy time. Can i share a little tid-bit from my chemo nurse? He is a young man about 35 , expecting their second child and he is a wizard about finding a good vein..the IV king.

So when he was about to infuse me last time and looking over the arm.....I said...." I am so scared this is going to hurt!"......and he said

"There's no problem...till you have a problem"""

I love that....so maybe Dixchi you could go for a walk in the sun cuz really right this sec maybe you don't have a problem?

I know trite butwhat the heck.....good good luck on Tues. It's going to be good
Hugs
Mags

dixchi's picture
dixchi
Posts: 438
Joined: Jun 2008

Neon and maglets, you are so right......don't have a problem until there is,
and then maybe I can work around it.i'm just a gloomy gus!
Barbara

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

Ah sweetie...I really don't mean to belittle what you are feeling.....we all get down we all obssess we all worry about every test...it's bloody Hard Work!

right this minute my problem is trying NOT to eat the chocolate icing I am putting on a cake.

Love ya,
Mags

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Hey Dix! Wow... a 50 year reunion!! I have LOVED every high school reunion I've gone to and am looking so forward to my 40th (which won't be for 4 years). Of COURSE you are going to go to it... get your money in now and make those hotel arrangements/travel arrangements now!

First of all, I have a gut feeling that Tuesday night you are going to come back here and tell us that the scan/blood test results are all clear... and you are going to celebrate that Tuesday night.

So, if that's the case, you are going to go to that reunion with the only worries being, "What am I going to wear???" ;)

Just to play devil's advocate... I'm sure the CAT scan will be clear because the chances of anything recurring in the same area is pretty darn small and that will be the area they take the CT scan of. Now, if the CEA has elevated a few points, they are not going to get too excited because that is the nature of CEA... to fluctuate a few points here and there. What they will do is have you come in a month later for another CEA test if that is the case. If that one is elevated yet again, then they will order a PET scan to see what is going on. If they find anything, they may suggest a wait and watch mode (sort of like where I am with my lung spots)... then again, they may suggest a form of treatment. Either way, you mention about this event in May and your oncologist will be able to work around it. But that is the WORST case scenerio.

If I give you a "for example" of time line -- my chemo ended at the end of Oct. So, I had my first post-treatment CAT scan and CEA test in the middle of Dec. The scan came back clear, but the CEA level measured a 6.0... which she said is slightly elevated. She said we'd do the CEA again in a month, but I told her that I had planned on going to Hawaii in January... so fine, we'd do it when I got back. When I got back we did it again in Feb, and it was a little higher... so she ordered a PET scan. Just my luck, that's when we found the lit up adrenal gland and the 2 spots in the lung. They then had to do a bunch of tests/biopsy, etc. which all took time and I ended up having my adrenal gland removed in June. So what I'm saying here.. if they do find something, it will take some time for them to double check (and you will want a second check to make sure there was no mistake), then do whatever testing they need to do, before they start the treatment... whatever that treatment will be. If it means going back on chemo, then for sure they can schedule it so that you have a break around that time and that you are feeling just fine to go away and have a good time!

But this long note is the worst case scenerio. You are going to get good results and then you have to start the long process of WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR??? And go shopping to find the perfect reunion outfit :)

Huggggs,

Cheryl

dixchi's picture
dixchi
Posts: 438
Joined: Jun 2008

Cheryl, I can always depend on you to boost my mood......started wondering what
I am going to do with my hair which is spotty bald thanks to chemo and has become grey/white.
I had been coloring it my natural color of brown for years and now I don't think I want
to do that anymore......so hello white haired lady....hehe.....that takes some
getting used to. Maybe my hair will have grown out better by May. Then I can always
order a white/grey wig!!

Hugs
Barbara

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

There ya go!! Now you've got your priorities straight! HAIR and CLOTHES... and perhaps what kind of makeup (something a little subtle but that brings out the highlights in your eyes and bone structure).

As for hair... that might take a little planning. If you want to keep it natural and celebrate the white/gray, then go for it! You've earned every single one of those hairs!! And don't, for a minute, think you will be the only one with white/gray hair there :) :) As for a wig... there are soooo many out there to choose from... the more places you go to, the more the variety. So you might have to add that to your shopping list... getting a cute, perky wig in a hairstyle you've always wanted to have. OR, get one in just the right colour that you want, then you can take it to a hairstylist who can cut and style it into the hairstyle you've always wanted to have.

Then it's back to what to wear. I think reunions are the perfect excuse to go buy a new outfit. I'm not sure if your reunion is going to be a one night affair, or a whole weekend affair with get togethers during the day and evenings... in which case , start shopping now!! You are going to need a couple of outfits :) And even if you have some in your wardrobe that will do just fine, put that thought aside... this is a special event and it requires new outfits :) Not only are you celebrating a 50 year reunion with your school chums from 50 years ago... you are celebrating the fact that you can be there!! :)

Hugggggs,

Cheryl

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

Will be praying for you and waiting to hear your news after the scan!
mary

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

I also see my oncologist Tuesday...to start the plan for the 6 months of chemo. I am not letting it interfere...I have plans for a Trade Show in May and Doc says they will schedule around it. We have to have a LIFE mixed in with this crap.

Many hugs and good thoughts your way. Vicki

dixchi's picture
dixchi
Posts: 438
Joined: Jun 2008

Good Luck on your chemo Vicki, I hope you find it not as difficult as you
might have imagined. I disliked the tired feeling mostly and the messed
up bowels that appear for a while. Treatment ended Dec. 8 and I had not
noticed any issues until this month when I shoveled snow two Tuesday in a
row.....now I am getting numb and tingling sensation in feet and ends of
fingers, hopefully that will eventually go away. I do have arthritis and
rotator cuff problems in both arms so the sensation in my fingers might be
related to that as well. It does not seem to be interfering with any of my
activities.
Hugs
Barbara

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6183
Joined: Feb 2009

Things will be fine on Tuesday. I would call your girlfriend and send in the deposit for that reunion and have a good time. You will be so disappointed if you didn't go. Kim

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Who makes up your mind ? Certainly not cancer, its not there, you are in control with God guidance, why do you battle this beast down and then still allow it to rule your life. Whats the point ? Now, Make up your mind to enjoy what you have fought so hard for , a normal lifestyle again, now actually live it. For if you don't you have wasted all the precious time fighting for your freedom back.I say make your reservations then tell us how much fun it was.............God Bless ya Hun....Go have a ball !!!

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

If you're feeling well enough, I'd say go ahead and plan for that reunion. You deserve it!

I understand how this all can make you anxious, particularly when you have to play that waiting game for results so often. Here's praying you get nothing but GREAT reports.

*hugs*
Gail

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

I can sure relate. Since my diagnosis (6+ years ago), I feel like I have been living my life in "pencil" ie I often have to erase and redraft. I made a decision quite a while ago that I was going to say YES -- accept all invitations, make fun plans, etc. And if I need to cancel/reschedule//adjust, I will do so. I am simply not willing to put my life on "hold" for year and year. Well, OK -- I have had to cancel some things (including summer vacation with family). But, that's better than the alternative. Of course when one has to put money down, things get a bit trickier. I have become very good at asking "what is your cancellation policy" (hotels) and even paying more for plane tickets which allow you to change the date....That is just my life now. You need to do what feels best and right for you. But my advice would be to go for it! Ah, and clothing/hair choices -- that is half the fun! (I did buy a couple of short sassy wigs recently -- one platinum blond!_).

All the best,
Tara

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

woops and I forgot to say best wishes for the scan results. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have a scan on Thursday. It is such a hard way to live....but we are alive!! Yea!!

Tara

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

You'll be fine dixi! and think positive, you will be in my thoughts and prayers and am sure you'll be able to attend your HS reunion :)

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