sleeping after the loss of someone

hunpot
hunpot Member Posts: 90 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
well here goes. Mom passed away in August and of course i had my times and days earlier on but things got better as the time has gone on. The holidays were hard, but i managed had my times but i think because i was so busy shopping, wrapping, decorating etcc for my 4 boys that it was jusy easy busy not thinking so much. except of course on xmas day that was a hard one kept looking at the door for mom to walk in as she always came over to see the grandkids but i did have her best friend and long time companion over it was very nice and im glad they werent alone and could spend it with us as they were all so very close and would do holidays with mom so it was my turn to make sure they new they werent alone now. Then new years eve i was a mess at the drop of the ball nowing mom wouldnt be with me this whole year it just hurt so bad to think about a new year to come without her.

So for the past 2 weeks have not been able to sleep it seems i am fine all day and afternoon and night no crying i mean littel bit here and there but nothing much, but as soon as i shut that TV off to go to bed and (i stay awake till like 1-2 am) i just cryy and cry and cry i am so tired from not sleeping at night that it is starting to effect me during day i get up early in morning of course to put kids in school then i sleep for like 3-4 hrs. Any ideas on how to sleep at night or suggestions to make it easeier?
Im not a medicine girl but was thinking maybe i sould ask for something? What do u all think? has this happened to any of you ?
it still just hurts so bad knowing that the next morning i cant call and see how shes doing or go visit i just miss her so much my days are just not the same. I was doing so good now im a mess again aaahhhhhh. We were just so close once the kids went off to school i had mom to go shop, visit, take walk with, talk to, play cards just the little things because all my friends and family all work days except me and her maybe thats why its so hard because now i feel i have noone during the day why get up in morning.
thanks for listening and any ideas?
tracy

Comments

  • MR_SAD
    MR_SAD Member Posts: 91
    Sleep
    Tracy
    You definitly need to ask your doctor for something to help you get a good nights sleep.
    I went the first week after My wife Passed away without hardly any sleep at all. It does take a toll on you. I talked to my doctor and she gave me something. I have to cut them in half,
    because I still need to get up and get my Boys off to school and to Work. They have never been to good at getting up in the morning. I take one about a 1/2 hour before I go to bed and they give me a good nights sleep. With 4 boys I know you have a lot to keep you busy during the day, Its the night time that is the hardest for me also. I know that your are going through a very tough time. Things around here get awlful lonely after the boys leave. I try to stay busy, but it still hurts. Tommorrow will be 2 weeks, and it seems that time has stopped for me. The days go by very slowly, Do you ever feel that way? How old are your Kids?
    Hopefully in time the hurt will get easier to handle, Sometimes I just loose it. We both will always have a Hole in our hearts that will never mend.
    Your friend
    MR_Sad
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    Seek your doctor's advice.
    tracy,

    After my brother's death, I made the mistake of using a triple-martini as a sleep inducer, waking up feeling worse than I did when I wasn't sleeping. I finally sought medical help with a strong counseling component to deal with life after the horror of a family suicide. Today, when I need occasional help, I use an OTC sleep-aid, shaving off just enough with an Exacto knife to feel sleepy without being groggy the next day. Mellowing out on the couch at least an hour before bed-time helps as a primer, also.

    Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

    Rick
  • hunpot
    hunpot Member Posts: 90 Member
    MR_SAD said:

    Sleep
    Tracy
    You definitly need to ask your doctor for something to help you get a good nights sleep.
    I went the first week after My wife Passed away without hardly any sleep at all. It does take a toll on you. I talked to my doctor and she gave me something. I have to cut them in half,
    because I still need to get up and get my Boys off to school and to Work. They have never been to good at getting up in the morning. I take one about a 1/2 hour before I go to bed and they give me a good nights sleep. With 4 boys I know you have a lot to keep you busy during the day, Its the night time that is the hardest for me also. I know that your are going through a very tough time. Things around here get awlful lonely after the boys leave. I try to stay busy, but it still hurts. Tommorrow will be 2 weeks, and it seems that time has stopped for me. The days go by very slowly, Do you ever feel that way? How old are your Kids?
    Hopefully in time the hurt will get easier to handle, Sometimes I just loose it. We both will always have a Hole in our hearts that will never mend.
    Your friend
    MR_Sad

    thanks sleep
    I did have some anxiety meds (clonezapam and valium) when mom first got sick and after to calm me down it did work but made me very groggy the whole day there after so i stopped taking. Im not a medicine person at all, hate pills unless its aspirin. It seems sleepy meds or even flu like meds Nyquil (OTC) make me groggy and very tired for like 2 days prob just my body.
    My boys age 18, 14, 9, 6 its very lonely once they go off to school. Mine dont like to get up either thats why my day starts at 6am my youngest is in half day kindergarden so i cant get a full time job yet with him home at noon. so i have to work part time nights for now thats another reason why my day is so lonely by myself. It did semm to go by so slow at first for me but its been almost 5 months so its not that bad its just always there the fact i cant see, talk , hear or visit her during my quiet boring times now. grrrrrrr. The hurt is okay i seem to get by just cant find a way to sleep lately without crying for 2 hrs first. It does go away because it was good for a few months just seems past 2 weeks is hard.

    In time will get easier for you im sure. Its okay to just loose it. I lost it for like 3 months on differnt days and times I remember just falling to the floor crying one day when the kids all went to school, another time i remember taking a shower and just crying and sobbing histerically just because shes not here. I would give anything to have her back. I miss my best friend to talk with. I feel for you as your used to sharing a house, bed, family with her i dont know what i would do without my hubby i am such a light sleeper when he works late nights or is out with buddies i can feel when hes not in bed and will be up all night till he is in bed its weird. I can feel your sadness and you are in my thoughts. I tried to go to some group counseling through hospice but when i called it was all people who had lost their spouse and the counselor thought it would benefit me, i may just try it to get out of house during day not sure what to do still if it will benefit me as we had a life but its differnt then a spouse. I hope your memories and time spent will bring you happiness as i say we have our children to live for now. I do for them evryday as she would want me to and make sure they are happy and healthy its all about the future and their well being.
    God bless you
    tracy
  • hunpot
    hunpot Member Posts: 90 Member
    terato said:

    Seek your doctor's advice.
    tracy,

    After my brother's death, I made the mistake of using a triple-martini as a sleep inducer, waking up feeling worse than I did when I wasn't sleeping. I finally sought medical help with a strong counseling component to deal with life after the horror of a family suicide. Today, when I need occasional help, I use an OTC sleep-aid, shaving off just enough with an Exacto knife to feel sleepy without being groggy the next day. Mellowing out on the couch at least an hour before bed-time helps as a primer, also.

    Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!

    Rick

    alcohol..
    Rick--
    I am not a big drinker for that one reason-- feeling like crap the next WHOLE day!! I really dislike that feeling so i never was a big drinker my hubby on the other hand everyweekend he feels like crap on sunday and is in bed all day LOL he keeps saying why do i do this to myself and i just Laugh and say youll learn :)
    Im not a medicine person at all cant stand the feeling, when i take OTC flulike meds or Nyquil i am so groggy the day after i cant stand it i had Valium and Clonezapam to help with anxiety throughtout moms illness and death but it just made me so sleepy and groggy and uncoherant i couldnt stand it even tried taking half but just too much meds for me. I want something to take the edge off not make me sleepy or groggy and just cant find it valium was my second meds becaseu i told dct but did same thing as first so i gave up i was doing good but now cant sleep again of course it comes and goes just like the feelings, anger, loneliness, sadness, helpfulness, so i thought i would ask if others had the problem and wat they did to help.
    Thanks for your advice when i go back to dct ill just ask again for now i dont know maybe ill just cut my other meds into 4 quarters who knows i need something just hate pills!!
    thanks for your response and concern im glad your doing well.!!
    tracy
  • arbrab
    arbrab Member Posts: 55
    sleeping
    hunpot

    I'm not a big one for taking pills either, nor drinking alcohol. I did take Ambien but didn't feel good when i woke up the next morning. Quit that right away. What I did find was "Melatonin 5 mg" it's a 100% vegetarian. drug-free sleep aid. Some people can't take it, but I haven't had any problems with it at all. You might give it a try to see if it help. It does come in a lower dose, so that might help too.
    In time things will settle down and the hurt won't be so bad. I lost my husband in 07, and the nights were very long for me. Got very little sleep, but got alot done during the day, had energy plus. I guess I just needed something to do to keep myself preoccupied.

    Hope this helps
    Barbra
  • This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • shukei
    shukei Member Posts: 1
    Sleeping aid
    I just added G Monster Sleeping aid to my supplements Program; it has helped me sleep and has been helping me recover my muscles from the brutal training that I put on my self. It gives me a little buzz before bed and that is good for me because I do not drink, since alcohol weakens athletic performance.

    6 Perfect meals a day

    Work 6 hours a day; 7 days a week
    Sleep 8 hours a day; 7 days a week
    Train 6 hours a day; 5 days a week
    1 heaping tablespoon of G Monster 30 minutes before bed.

    Wake up: 2 tablespoons of Metamucil (this is to remove the bi-products and soreness from my body brutal training
    Immediately drop a deuce, and then have first meal.

    Late Morning
    1.5 hours: Boxing; Muay Thai; Jui-Jitsu
    30 minutes circuit weights
    3 times a week; mixing it up every time
    1 hour: stretch

    Post meal replacement while sitting in an ice bath

    Late After Noon
    1 hour: Boxing; Muay Thai; Jui-Jitsu; Wrestling
    90 Minutes: Bikram Yoga or Power Yoga or Gimnastics
    30 minutes: stretch

    Post meal replacements while sitting in an ice bath

    30 Minutes before bed I take G Monster to help me sleep; when training like this, my body is tired but my mind does not want to shut off; I was sitting in bed thinking and thinking. G Monster has the ability to help me relax and get the REM sleep plus the GH response to rest and recover for my next brutal day ahead of me.

    I bought the G Monster from Narcomundo.com

    http://www.narcomundo.com/legal-drugs/anti-anxiety-drugs/g-monster/