I just want to help, but I don't know how...

MeganElyse
MeganElyse Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
My grandmother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year, (07). She just started her second round of chemo last wed. During her "resting period", after the first treatment, her numbers went from low 100's into the 1000's. She is now in her 70's, weighing , maybe , 95 pounds, and is stage 4. The whole family, including my grandmother, have all kept a positive outlook. At this point however, it feels like the beginning of the end. I want her to be well , but I except that that is probably not going to happen. I don't give up hope, but I don't live in denial either. I was looking up some things the other day, to help her find foods she could eat that she could not only keep down, but that could also give her a few pounds back. I stumbled across this website and thought... I just want to help her live comfortably for as long as possible, and I have no idea how to do that. I want to spend time with her, but I don't want to invade her privacy. I want to suggest meal options without seeming pushy, or nosy , or overly concerned. I don't know. I was told to offer to take her to a treatment. I thought about buying her some puzzles and books. She is not completely stuck in the house, but she does rest a lot , and she tells me how bored she gets. I just want to be there for this woman I love so much. She has been a huge support to me , for my whole life. I want her to know if she needs me , I am here. Sometimes words don't convey all we need to express. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any advice, or thoughts would be appreciated. I have so much admiration for the strength of the people whose lives are on these pages. The compassion, and the will to continue to be positive in the face of grief and frustration .... I could go on. I don't need to. I would assume anyone who is reading this, in some way or another, is no stranger to what I am feeling. My best to all of you. -Megan

Comments

  • kris43
    kris43 Member Posts: 275
    Megan - I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like your grandma is very special to you. I would suggest you do whatever you would normally do with/for your grandma. When you have cancer you want to be treated the same as before and not like a sick person. Chemo effects your sense of smell & taste - so if you hear her say something sounds good, try it even if she only eats a couple of bites. If she has a metal taste in her mouth try using plastic utensils - it's weird but it helps. Eating light snacks/meals throughout the day is better then trying to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner. I'd say watch her and take her lead. These days people are living with cancer instead of dying from in. That's what I try to do - ovarian cancer doesn't have great odds, but if you've read any of the posts from this site you will realize that people are resilient, have uncompromising hope and cheer each other on.

    I wish the best for you and your grandma - and keep asking your questions okay? Take care.

    Kris
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    Ditto for me. I am a 69 year old grandmother and would add that rest is important to us. So I would give her permission to retire for a nap and not worry about entertaining me. I personally enjoyed ice cream during my surgery recovery and developed such a liking that I now weigh more that ever. Every thing that I could add calories too, I did. The more spicy foods worked good for me but the web sites say avoid them. I had little nausea so I react differently than others. That is the point.
    Everyone is different. I think the only thing common to us all is the extreme fatigue from the cancer and chemo. I have found that tiny walks help with this. Even if it is to the corner and back as long as you get her outside some. Just ask her what you can do for her. Saundra
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    Megan:
    You've been given some wonderful advice already. I'd like to add a couple of things.

    As far as nutrition, it is very difficult to eat or even have an appetite during this time. But there are several wonderful protein supplements on the market that can be made into smoothies, shakes, etc. I've even used the protein powder in my oatmeal, pudding, etc. And protein is a very important nutrient to maintain strength, rebuild tissues, and fight this disease. Having said that, every day is going to be differnt for your Grandma, so being there and available as you have been is all you can do. I always told my mom I would make anything for her or get anything for her that she wanted to eat. Some days it was a Wendy's Frosty! For me, I also found that very cold things were more appealing than hot foods during my chemo.

    You are both so lucky to have eachother. God bless you for your concern and love. Yes, it sounds grim right now to you, but hold on to all the hopeful and inspirational stories here. And rather than anticipating the worst, or looking too far ahead, take one day at a time - I always say, one MOMENT at a time. Worrying and having anxiety about this will steal the good moments that you two can share.

    Keep us informed. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

    Monika
  • groundeffect
    groundeffect Member Posts: 639 Member
    Megan, you sound like a wonderful granddaughter, and I give you credit for taking a step our and asking survivors for suggestions as to how you might help.

    Your grandmother may not be up to working on puzzles, unless she was a fan of them before being diagnosed. It was very difficult for me to keep a good train of thought going when I was having chemo, so my attention span was a little short. Maybe she would enjoy listening to books on tape or cd - I take them out at our library. They take little effort to listen to, and I don't have to keep the books. There are short ones, long ones, good ones, bad ones - something for everyone! I've enjoyed listening to Jimmy Carter's books about his growing up in Georgia, and my mom enjoyed them, too.

    Does she enjoy music? Perhaps something new to her in her favorite genre would be appreciated. I borrow music from the library, too.

    As for food, it's always good to offer nutritious food, but go for the sweets if she has a taste for them. Ice cream is good, especially in the summer. How about a smoothie?

    My treatments were almost all-day affairs-I checked in about 10 and didn't leave until about 4. There was a lot of time to rest, read, and listen to music, and I put my cd player on just when the IV would be placed because of the sleep-inducing Benadryl that was one of the first medications given. After a little nap, I was ready to read. It takes time, but it's not necessarily an active time.

    One more suggestion-how about taking her to see a matinee movie? It wouldn't require a lot of physical effort on her part, and there are a few movies out now that might appeal to her (the American Girl movie sounds like good clean fun). Watching a movie at home just isn't the same as going to a theater, and it could break her routine.

    Above all, don't be afraid of her, and don't worry about being pushy. It sounds as though you're being advised by other family members, so try running some of our suggestions by them.
  • Ann Claire
    Ann Claire Member Posts: 1
    I just want to help but I don't know how
    Hi Megan...my dear mother was 78 when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer...she struggled through it and went into remission..then got brain tumors...so she had a tough battle on her hands. My mother had 11 children, and we were always the light of her life...she enjoyed our company more than anything else...we didn't have to do a lot of entertaining or talking..sometimes I would just sit by her and hold her hand, or stroke her arm..we found some tv shows that we both enjoyed. Often times she slept because it really tired her out..and often times I napped too..it was just the idea of being together. Every person is different in how much attention they want...but I don't think any of us don't like knowing we are loved. I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer 14 days before my mother passed away..she fought long and hard and would have been heartbroken if she knew I had gotten ovarian cancer too. I am a 5 year survivor this month, and expect to be around much longer..I try to keep a positive attitude, count my blessings and surround my self with people who love me..trust me, it has kept me going, and I know it kept my mom going. You and your grandmother are so lucky to have each other and a good relationship - priceless to both of you. Enjoy your time together and find reasons to laugh. It's still the best medicine. And give her big hugs often. Bless you and your grandmother..
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    Bless you for caring so
    Bless you for caring so much. Try puddings made with whipped cream or half and half, ice cream, cream soups, etc. High fat, and don't worry about heart healthy at this point. She may only take a couple of spoons every hour. Small servilngs. If she is having nausea, is she on an anti nausea medication? I'm 70 yrs, and Stage IV. This is what I would want offered, but I didn't have nausea. ((Hugs and Prayers)) Saundra
  • JeanneA
    JeanneA Member Posts: 6
    saundra said:

    Bless you for caring so
    Bless you for caring so much. Try puddings made with whipped cream or half and half, ice cream, cream soups, etc. High fat, and don't worry about heart healthy at this point. She may only take a couple of spoons every hour. Small servilngs. If she is having nausea, is she on an anti nausea medication? I'm 70 yrs, and Stage IV. This is what I would want offered, but I didn't have nausea. ((Hugs and Prayers)) Saundra

    Bless you, Megan
    I have recently completed chemo for ovarian cancer. I had 6 treatments, one every three weeks. I experienced the severe nausea in the beginning but after trying several anti-nausea drugs, my oncologist prescribed a combination of 3 different drugs that worked very well. I was still very weak and slept a lot the first week of each treatment. The second week I was a little stronger and the third week was when I felt great and did whatever I couldn't do the first two weeks. I, too, had little appetite and found that apple sauce and raspberry sorbet were about the only things that appealed and seemed to stay down during the worst of the nausea. (I must tell you that I can't stand the sight of them now!!! It is true for many chemo patients that food likes and dislikes can change dramatically.) And, at that, I only ate a couple of teaspoons at a time, maybe 4 or 5 times a day, sometimes not even that much. I also found mashed potatoes worked pretty well as well as chicken rice soup, again only a few teaspoons at a time. My oncologist told me that she wanted me to gain 4 pounds a week, something never in my whole life had anyone ever told me to GAIN weight. During chemo I was lucky if I gained 2-3 pounds during the two weeks after the chemo, I always lost during the chemo week. She also told me to eat whatever I wanted, especially high calorie foods. She said if you want a snack at 9:00 pm, have a glass of milk with some cookies. During my good weeks, I did just that. The best medicine, however, was my family. Knowing I had their love and support, both emotionally and physically, did more for me than anything. My children and I have been blessed with a great sense of humor so they kept me laughing (generally at my expense!!)which carried me through the worst times.

    Don't be afraid to ask your Grandma what she wants to eat or do. And, just being there with her and letting her know how much you love her and value her is the best medicine in the world. Don't treat her as though she is going to break, treat her like she is the same, strong woman she has always been because she is. Also, let her know that it is ok to nap whenever she feels the need even if she has company. This isn't a time for her to entertain but to heal.

    I am an avid reader, however, I couldn't concentrate enough to read while undergoing chemo. I couldn't even watch TV because of lack of concentration and the fact my eyesight was affected (also another reason I couldn't read) by some of the drugs given in combination with the chemo. The eyesight problem has improved and it is pretty much back to normal. Everyone reacts to chemo differently, also depending on the chemo drugs used, they can affect everyone so differently.

    There are many, many of us out here who have made it and God willing, so will your Grandma. Never, never give up hope. May God bless you and your family as you go through this very difficult time.
  • green50
    green50 Member Posts: 312
    My prayers for you, Megan
    Megan,
    I am sorry to hear what your grandmother is going thru. Postive attitude will help her. Sometimes when we are so tired and just don't feel like talking but you still checking on her and being there is a blessing. If she says I want to rest now that may mean she needs her alone time but still she needs you to check on her from time to time and do things with her that are simple. My husband passed three years ago of lung cancer but did what he wanted until the end. He was 54. He didn't like having those who were sad around him but wanted everyone to be up beat and keep going. I have had ovarian cancer 6 years and have my ups and downs but family and friends help. And this wonderful site with those who go thru it are good for me. My doctor told me something when they gave me statistics of 5 to 10 years(some are still here after 13 years of off and on chemo). He said everyone is going to pass on its the attitude of living. We may get hit by a bus or whatever, but we will all pass on, we just have to have the attitude we will live until then and do our best. She needs to do what she wants and that will take stress away. You being there and caring is the best medicine. Give her space but be there if she needs help. Hope I make sense. I am on chemo at this time but doing well again. God Bless and Prayers for her and you
    Sandy Green
  • TracieK
    TracieK Member Posts: 45
    I just want to help, but I don't know how...
    Megan,
    I am so sorry to hear what about what your family is going through. When I was going through treatment, potatoes and vegetables were the easiest on me. Then I developed the ice cream thing. My vision changed too, so reading was not an option. Looking back, it would've been nice if someone would have picked up a book of short, light hearted stories and read to me. I was very fortunate to have a very supportive family, and it sounds like your grandmother is too. Laugh with her, give her many hugs, and ask her what she needs from you at this time. She is a very lucky woman to have you.-Tracie
  • BonnieR
    BonnieR Member Posts: 1,526 Member
    hugs
    Megan, bless your heart, your thoughtfullness will bless her life more than you can imagine ~ this is coming from a grandmother. :-) I know when I am sick the white food group is what I could eat, rice and mashed potatoes, and then scambled eggs for protein. Sending lots of prayers and hugs Bonnie
  • Susan523
    Susan523 Member Posts: 231 Member
    Megan, You are very special!
    Your grandmother is so fortunate to have your love, caring, and support! You certainly came to the right place here, too.

    I don't think there's much for me to add that hasn't already been said, except that I would let her know that it's "okay" to take a nap if you're there. Don't let her think she needs to entertain you. In fact, you may want to bring a book, or knitting, or whatever hobby you have, and say "I brought this to read in case you want to take a nap while I'm here".

    During chemo (I've had 2 rounds; 1 of them being IP Chemo), I rarely wanted visitors, but I didn't have family nearby, and that is totally different. Also, during chemo I would have LOVED IT if somebody would have come with me to my treatments! Even once... It would have been nice if someone were there to help pass that rotten time with me; play cards, talk, get food, or whatever. But my family lives far away, and my husband had to work, so I went alone and packed a lunch. I think it would be wonderful if you took her to chemo sometime; and maybe pack an assortment of things she may like to eat or munch on; and a game or cards to play. I, also, had blurred vision after chemo, so doing puzzles or reading magazines was out.
    If you do get cards, maybe those real large-print ones.

    Popsicles! Mention "Popsicles" or "Big Sticks".... I loved those during chemo, as it seemed to help to get rid of that metal taste in my mouth. And I lived on grilled cheese, however your Grandmother may have a different preference. Chemo does change your taste buds. But my Dad, who died of lung cancer, he loved popsicles, too, after chemo or surgery.

    You are truly blessed to have such a loving relationship with your Grandmother, and she is truly blessed to have you. I will keep you both in my prayers~

    ~Susan xoxo