Enough Cancer Already

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3cbrca
3cbrca Member Posts: 206
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi All
I haven't been on this site for awhile. I'm back at work and feeling good and not thinking much about my cancer. Until today. My youngest (45) brother was diagnosed with Melanoma. That brings the total up to 4 siblings (including me)diagnosed with cancer by 50. The positive way to look at it is since my sister died at age 46, we're all more proactive and three of us are still here. On the other hand, enough already! I've had cancer twice and I know the shock that runs through you when the doctor says its cancer and I don't want that for my brother. He's watched his parents and sister die from cancer, I have a "guarded at best" prognosis, and my other younger brother is doing well but has no colon and the chance of recurrance. Although he understands how "lucky" he is to have an early stage cancer, with our family history he's scared. I know how it feels -and it doesn't matter what stage you are - I've had early and late stage cancers - it's the same shock. I know his head is spinning right now and it will take several days to slow down but he's my baby brother and I just wish I could take away the fear!

Thanks for listening.
S

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  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #2
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    3Cbrca,
    I am so sorry that you have had so much experience with cancer in your family.

    I know what you mean about the fear, no matter what the level or diagnosis. In our family, cancer started with my grandfather's skin cancer when I was too young to remember. He was a smoker and had part of his nose removed before I knew him. My Mom had a "pre-cancerous condition" in her uterus and had surgery for that when I was in my 30s (now 44). My Dad occasionally has spots of skin cancer removed. So far it does not seem to spread to other areas. My brother-in-law had prostate cancer, (treatment was successful, he's an over 15 yr. survivor)My older Sister was dx with breast cancer in 1999. She was a survivor till 2003, now she is living cancer free in heaven. I was diagnosed in may 2007,(treatment/surgery,etc seem successful to date, not done yet). Some may say that skin cancer is not as bad as breast cancer, or whatever. Maybe in some ways that is true, but it all has potential to turn into something worse, if you ask me, so it's all scary.

    You are in our prayers, seof
  • rmap59
    rmap59 Member Posts: 266
    #3
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    Hi,
    So sorry you are having to deal with this much. I too have had enough, I told my Mom yesterday that I feel obsessed with cancer sometimes and that I would like to stop thinking about it for a while but she is just 5 weeks out from early stage breast cancer and I am one year out from rectal stage 3 so you see it is part of my life. Just know that there are others like yourself who know what you mean. Prayers to you.
    Robin
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #4
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    rmap59 said:

    Hi,
    So sorry you are having to deal with this much. I too have had enough, I told my Mom yesterday that I feel obsessed with cancer sometimes and that I would like to stop thinking about it for a while but she is just 5 weeks out from early stage breast cancer and I am one year out from rectal stage 3 so you see it is part of my life. Just know that there are others like yourself who know what you mean. Prayers to you.
    Robin

    Robin, I can relate to your feeling of being "obsessed" with cancer. Its as though once you go through the horrible shock of getting it, then the nightmare journey of treatment and being a "cancer patient", it becomes irreversibly entwined with your sense of who you are. For me, it seems impossible to completely get over the experience. It is always in the back or at least way-back of my mind. I do feel tired of thinking about cancer, and wish I could get away from it. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in that feeling that cancer is always shadowing you. Hopefully with the passage of time we can be successful in pushing it away. Take care, Eileen
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #5
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    S, My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry that your family has been visited so many times by that awful monster cancer. I will pray that your brother's skin cancer will be treated and gone forever. And I am also very sorry about the loss of your sister. I am very close to my siblings and can't imagine the pain that you must have gone through. Blessings, Eileen
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #6
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    Life is hard to begn with. With a cancer diagnosis I think we see why it is named cancer, the crab, because its tentacles seem to reach everywhere. Not just in the immediate sense of those who have to battle it, but in the way it gets into every aspect of our lives. It is a constant battle to pull those claws OUT of where they don't belong, relationships, fatalism, the very meaning of our lives. I am so sorry you must battle again and again. I wish you strength to beat cancer where it is and discernment to kick it out of where it doesn't belong. Keep your holy holy, your love pure, your hope weedless. What else can we do? We must encourage each other. It will form a big circle that someday may come back to my son, who is dealing with childish perceptions of his mother dying (I'm not!). Lets all put our hearts into this circle. Mine is with you now. Love, Joyce
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    #7
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    Thank you all so much - I so appreciate knowing that I'm not alone.There has been so much loss and trauma in my "clan" this year. Last night I told one of my friends that I want to call my friends and ask how they're doing or announce that I met a new man and had great sex, instead of calling for more support.

    It's very strange that this has hit me harder than my own cancers - maybe some of its a delayed reaction- but I think its because he's the baby of the family. Now I know how my older sister and brothers felt when I was diagnosed - I'm the "baby girl".

    I had a massage yesterday and tears rolled down my cheeks the whole time as I remembered all the times I had to take my two little brothers for a walk when I got home from school. They were adorable kids and we are so close - I guess having been through it myself I am actually feeling his fear and pain. The good thing is - he's one of the brothers that knows how to talk about fear and let some of it go.

    I drove past the old house where we grew up today and thought about stopping in to tell the new owners that they might consider hiring an Exorcist before they get too settled - I don't where all this cancer is coming from, but I am beginning to understand why I only have 1 first cousin!Not terribly sturdy genes!

    Again, thanks for listening.
    S
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
    #8
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    3cbrca said:

    Thank you all so much - I so appreciate knowing that I'm not alone.There has been so much loss and trauma in my "clan" this year. Last night I told one of my friends that I want to call my friends and ask how they're doing or announce that I met a new man and had great sex, instead of calling for more support.

    It's very strange that this has hit me harder than my own cancers - maybe some of its a delayed reaction- but I think its because he's the baby of the family. Now I know how my older sister and brothers felt when I was diagnosed - I'm the "baby girl".

    I had a massage yesterday and tears rolled down my cheeks the whole time as I remembered all the times I had to take my two little brothers for a walk when I got home from school. They were adorable kids and we are so close - I guess having been through it myself I am actually feeling his fear and pain. The good thing is - he's one of the brothers that knows how to talk about fear and let some of it go.

    I drove past the old house where we grew up today and thought about stopping in to tell the new owners that they might consider hiring an Exorcist before they get too settled - I don't where all this cancer is coming from, but I am beginning to understand why I only have 1 first cousin!Not terribly sturdy genes!

    Again, thanks for listening.
    S

    Hey Sweetie,
    I'm glad you had a massage because that is so good for you and it is a healing. There has been much success with cancer and massage therapy so keep that up. As to the house, I know what you mean. I had the BRAC1 and 2 done and found that my cancer seems to be environmental and not genetics. That opens a whole new can of worms. Was it the house, food I ate, bug spray, old schools I taught in....etc. I am glad you are close to your brothers and can be there to give hugs. You know exactly what he is going through and this beginning is one of the stages and you are there to comfort him as he has been for you. I did find a great site with multiple videos that might help. Go to this site and type in "skin cancer". There are several good videos.http://www.healthline.com/video/a-z
    I was amazed at all the videos. Angela
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    #9
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    Hi S,

    First, I am very sorry that your family is dealing with this. I think it's harder to deal with someone you love with C than it is your own.

    I have a little bit of different perspective -- now don't get me wrong -- I would never, ever wish this beast on anyone. I am adopted, and the only one in my family to have cancer, let alone in their early 30's. My biological family is very healthy. The grandparents all lived to be close to 100 and didn't require any assisted living. My grandfather worked as a handyman until he was in his 90's -- climbing on roofs, etc. My grandmother is 95 and still cooks and cleans in the house that she's lived in for 60 years. My mother, her siblings, and their children all look 10 years younger than they are. My mother recently boasted to me that the doctor said at her last checkup that she had the bloodwork of a person 10 years younger. There are times when I feel envious of their good health and strong genes. I feel like a bit of a loner and a freak. The only thing I know about my biological mother is that she was one of five girls. I often wonder how many of them have been diagnosed with C? Not that it makes much difference, but it would be nice to have a reference point. And while it is truely tragic and heartbreaking that your family has to go through this, I think of how close you and your brothers and sisters must be, and how you must have such a deep understanding between all of you. That aspect is really beautiful.

    Please don't get me wrong. I love my family and they love me. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I have always been different than all of them -- in looks and attitude. The C just kind of compounded that.

    On the other hand, I have a two year old daughter now. She looks like me, acts like me, and gestures like me. This is the first time I've ever had that. But I'm scared me to death of her having to go through C. I would go through 100 chemo treatments if it meant that she would never have to have any knowledge or experience with cancer. Maybe when she's older there will be a cure. If there's not, I hope I'm around to help her get through it. I hope she has my husband's healthy genes.

    I will pray that your brother gets through this -- that you all do. Hang in there!

    Love,
    Kim
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    #10
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    kbc4869 said:

    Hi S,

    First, I am very sorry that your family is dealing with this. I think it's harder to deal with someone you love with C than it is your own.

    I have a little bit of different perspective -- now don't get me wrong -- I would never, ever wish this beast on anyone. I am adopted, and the only one in my family to have cancer, let alone in their early 30's. My biological family is very healthy. The grandparents all lived to be close to 100 and didn't require any assisted living. My grandfather worked as a handyman until he was in his 90's -- climbing on roofs, etc. My grandmother is 95 and still cooks and cleans in the house that she's lived in for 60 years. My mother, her siblings, and their children all look 10 years younger than they are. My mother recently boasted to me that the doctor said at her last checkup that she had the bloodwork of a person 10 years younger. There are times when I feel envious of their good health and strong genes. I feel like a bit of a loner and a freak. The only thing I know about my biological mother is that she was one of five girls. I often wonder how many of them have been diagnosed with C? Not that it makes much difference, but it would be nice to have a reference point. And while it is truely tragic and heartbreaking that your family has to go through this, I think of how close you and your brothers and sisters must be, and how you must have such a deep understanding between all of you. That aspect is really beautiful.

    Please don't get me wrong. I love my family and they love me. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I have always been different than all of them -- in looks and attitude. The C just kind of compounded that.

    On the other hand, I have a two year old daughter now. She looks like me, acts like me, and gestures like me. This is the first time I've ever had that. But I'm scared me to death of her having to go through C. I would go through 100 chemo treatments if it meant that she would never have to have any knowledge or experience with cancer. Maybe when she's older there will be a cure. If there's not, I hope I'm around to help her get through it. I hope she has my husband's healthy genes.

    I will pray that your brother gets through this -- that you all do. Hang in there!

    Love,
    Kim

    Kim
    Thanks so much and I don't take it wrong - I understand. In addition to the cancer four of us were also infertile, so I have a lot of adopted nieces and nephews. One of them died last year at 23. My will leaves money to my niece and nephew that were adopted from Korea. I want them to have the opportunity to go there when they are older and trace their family history. My brother has the basic information for the Adoption agency and they will be able to trace their families. I have been doing the genetic testing and this new diagnosis of melanoma actually is helpful because it now looks to be a very specific syndrome. I have been able to share this with my nephews and nieces and the older ones all now do early (age 25) screenings and 3 have them have colon polyp syndromes and are getting them removed. There has been a silver lining. I know its a tough thing to do but, given your age at the time of your cancer, you may want to research your biological history. I know when my niece and nephew get a little older they are going to be so glad they didn't get our family genes!
    S
  • LindaR48
    LindaR48 Member Posts: 26
    #11
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    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I completely understand your feelings. My mother lost her battle in 1990. I have one sister and two brothers. My sister had precancer cells in her uterus. My brother just past away in April from a short fight with his third cancer (melenoma, prostrate, lung}. My other brother was missing for a long time before his death (from something other than cancer) but I have no idea if he ever had any kind of cancer. Three of my grandparents died as a result of this beast. Now it has attacked my daughter. She has had surgery for precancer cells(uterus)and moles removed that were precancerous. All the different cancers in my history are lung, uterus, leukemia, pancreas, melonoma, colon, prostrate, and my breast cancer. At 60 I'm the senior member of my family. My mother and brother were 62 when the lost their life. There isn't a word that describes what I'm feeling at this point. I'm trying to stay positive but at times it's hard. I hope it helps to know your not alone.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #12
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    Hi 3C~
    You are so right~ Enough Already! I have never stopped feeling that as much as I adore all of you, sight unseen, I wish we had met almost anyplace but HERE. However,that we can be in this place to share our stories is awesome indeed, and at this time, with your brother having his cancer dx, I imagine being able to "vent" is just what you need.

    I add my love and well wishes to you and your brother. This amazing, insightful group of survivors stands at the ready for any encouragement you might need. And we know it is reciprocal. Until we find the Cure...I send you
    Hugs,
    Claudia

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