false hope?

phoenixrising · January 2008

I have a copy of a relatively new mag called "beyond Breast Cancer". In it are stories of women who have fought and beat (so far) breast cancer as well as practical information and advice. A couple of stories are wonderful but annoying. Did I mention I experience a cyclic mood disorder since taking docetaxal?? I only mention this in case you think I'm cranky:)

Story #1 is called "Create your own Destiny" and is about a woman who 23yrs ago "declared war on Breast Cancer". As well as breast cancer she had 8 years of chemo for ovarian cancer, 12 different types of chemo and 16 operations. A woman who has certainly paid her dues. What bugs me is the phrase "declare war on cancer" because it insinuates there is something specific you can do to destroy it and there isn't. We can have our surgery, take our chemo, radiation and hormone pills and it's still a crap shoot although a better one than not doing them. And you never really know if you've gotten rid of it or not. I can declare war on high blood pressure because there are specific things I can do to lower it. We usually know the cause or contributing factors. I can declare war on a number of illnesses but not this. Because even if I do say the words and get pumped about it, I'm still just standing here wondering what exactly to do that I wasn't doing before. With no known risk factors to fall back on (and 80% don't) how do you choose your weapon? (I'm the only one on both sides of my family who has gotten any type of cancer)
What about those who have given the battle cry and with steely determination have declared war on the beast. Did everything, food, exercise, positive attitude...etc and found the beast had won. How would she feel if someone told her to "create her own destiny" after all the work she had done and all she went through. Would she feel she failed or is less of a warrior? I would hope not. With all that fight not having worked what is there left to do? I guess this is where "God"s will" and "meant to be" come into play. Then what happened to the "create your own destiny"?

I think we are always creating our own destiny we just don't know exactly how we're doing it

Story#2 is called "Climbing through Breast Cancer" where a woman who is a professional rock climber developed breast cancer at 33. An incredibly fit lady she chose to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. She regains her precancerous fitness level and continues to ice climb, ski, scuba dive,....etc. What puzzles me is at the end of the article she claims that beating cancer was her greatest accomplishment. Unless assuming that every day we are not diagnosed with it is a day we have beat it, I don't know how she conquered it.
And since it can rear its ugly head at any point in time no one knows if it is truly conquered.

It is just my take that while a lot of stories are meant to give hope and encouragement, it seems that depending on where you stand they can make you feel even more isolated and alone than you were before.
Am I just being cranky or do I have a point? Thanks for listening
jan

Unknown · January 2008

jan - I am like you. Given to analyzing. I agree with the points you make. Many people write how religion helps them. Not me. I spend a lot of time looking behind the curtain in the land of oz and seeing the tired man making a smoke screen. I loved your analysis of the article. It seems that everyone looks to their particular strength when it comes time to need some and I can guess that clear thinking is yours. So stay crabby! Stay questioning! You will stay strong.
So here is my take. And just what does it mean not to be strong? I think I would take that option if I could, it just doesn't seem to be an option. Strength seems like it is something that should be voluntary, but it hasn't been for me. Strength has been yanked out of me daily even when I am begging to be weak but the restaurant I am eating in doesn't have weak on the menu and I can't order it.
None of this makes much sense but hopefully it will let you know I read all you said and thought about it and thought about you. And that you/we are not isolated or alone.
Best wishes.
Joyce

phoenixrising · January 2008

unknown said:
jan - I am like you. Given to analyzing. I agree with the points you make. Many people write how religion helps them. Not me. I spend a lot of time looking behind the curtain in the land of oz and seeing the tired man making a smoke screen. I loved your analysis of the article. It seems that everyone looks to their particular strength when it comes time to need some and I can guess that clear thinking is yours. So stay crabby! Stay questioning! You will stay strong.
So here is my take. And just what does it mean not to be strong? I think I would take that option if I could, it just doesn't seem to be an option. Strength seems like it is something that should be voluntary, but it hasn't been for me. Strength has been yanked out of me daily even when I am begging to be weak but the restaurant I am eating in doesn't have weak on the menu and I can't order it.
None of this makes much sense but hopefully it will let you know I read all you said and thought about it and thought about you. And that you/we are not isolated or alone.
Best wishes.
Joyce

WOW thank you Joyce, yes it does make sense and thank you for your thoughtful reply and having the patience to read all of it and think about it. I do appreciate it and understand what you're saying. It's at this point that I wish strength were something you could make, bake or buy and give to someone. All we have is our words bouncing around in a post chemo brain to give to someone and hoping they have the intended effect. Hope the sun shines soon for you.

jan

seof · January 2008

Phoenix and Joyce,
Let me preface what I am going to say with this: my intention is only to present another viewpoint, not to furhter annoy either of you. Now, Here's what I want to say:

1. I am one of those who take refuge in my faith in Jesus..."faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the manifestation of things unseen" according to the Bible. Therefore, if there is hope, it cannot be false. I will undoubtedly not make sense to you, but faith/hope/strength to me is an inexplicable and inescapable deep sense that it is and will be OK, even when what I see and feel should make me think otherwise.

2. Cancer has a mind of its own and is unpredictable. I am now and forever after a cancer survivor. Once treatments are done, Drs. may eventually pronounce me in remission, and there may or may not ever be evidence of cancer in my body in the future, but I will always define myself a cancer survivor and will always have the suspicious mindset...cancer cannot be trusted. I agree with both of you that it is not something that can be conquered...I think you have to learn to live with it at whatever stage you are at.

3. I go through an emotional buffet at least daily, if not weekly: optimism, pessimism, anger,fear, loneliness, frustration, determination to keep doing whatever it takes as long as it takes, desire to give up, desire to be independent and act as if none of it ever happened, desire to be cared for like a helpless invalid....I think all this is normal and OK. Today is a "down" day. I want to call the Drs. and call the whole thing off. Take the expanders out, cancel the appointment to start the next round of chemo, forget the radiation, just let me sit here and wallow in the mud. I want to do that, but I won't. Why not? a) the desire to wallow will pass b)I have a family who love me and to whom I am responsible to do my best to live as well as possible for as long as possible.

That's all the rambling I'm going to do for now, thanks for listening.

I wish you peace. seof

phoenixrising · January 2008

seof said:
Phoenix and Joyce,
Let me preface what I am going to say with this: my intention is only to present another viewpoint, not to furhter annoy either of you. Now, Here's what I want to say:

1. I am one of those who take refuge in my faith in Jesus..."faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the manifestation of things unseen" according to the Bible. Therefore, if there is hope, it cannot be false. I will undoubtedly not make sense to you, but faith/hope/strength to me is an inexplicable and inescapable deep sense that it is and will be OK, even when what I see and feel should make me think otherwise.

2. Cancer has a mind of its own and is unpredictable. I am now and forever after a cancer survivor. Once treatments are done, Drs. may eventually pronounce me in remission, and there may or may not ever be evidence of cancer in my body in the future, but I will always define myself a cancer survivor and will always have the suspicious mindset...cancer cannot be trusted. I agree with both of you that it is not something that can be conquered...I think you have to learn to live with it at whatever stage you are at.

3. I go through an emotional buffet at least daily, if not weekly: optimism, pessimism, anger,fear, loneliness, frustration, determination to keep doing whatever it takes as long as it takes, desire to give up, desire to be independent and act as if none of it ever happened, desire to be cared for like a helpless invalid....I think all this is normal and OK. Today is a "down" day. I want to call the Drs. and call the whole thing off. Take the expanders out, cancel the appointment to start the next round of chemo, forget the radiation, just let me sit here and wallow in the mud. I want to do that, but I won't. Why not? a) the desire to wallow will pass b)I have a family who love me and to whom I am responsible to do my best to live as well as possible for as long as possible.

That's all the rambling I'm going to do for now, thanks for listening.

I wish you peace. seof

Ahhh Gee Seof, you know you can't annoy us:) There is no right or wrong here, only exploration and I really appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Sounds like weak isn't on your menu either, you must be at the same restaurant Joyce is;)

I am so happy you have something to lean on that can see you through another day. It's important. My question was with stories that lead people to feel that somehow someone else was able to conquer/destroy their cancer for good and that's not something we can know for sure. I've only had one diagnosis so far but I wondered how others who have had it return again and again feel about reading these stories.

I don't subscribe to any particular religion but I've turned my face to the sun and felt the warmth in my soul and the whispering of the Aspens have stopped me dead in my tracks, so I know something is going on....just not sure what

Nature has always been my refuge.

Please do something kind for yourself today and please accept this big hug I have just sent you.
jan

Tigger35 · January 2008

I don't come here often, today was a good day to be here after reading your comments. I am the patient everyone fears, so it gets lonely and some articles do bother me just like you had stated. I had breast cancer once and did all the things I was told to do, "charge, bring on the fight". I got breast cancer again and did everything I thought was possible to keep my cancer away. Now I have mets in 3 bones and had thyroid cancer too. I have done everything possible, I was strong, positive, listened to the doctors, and even kept my faith. Strength is something that I have only a few days a month, positive attitude comes and goes with mood swings and hot flashes, my faith is unwavering, but I find it hard to go to church. I won't allow people to say "remission" anymore because it is a "false hope". I say, "for now the cancer has stopped playing PacMan on my bones". "God's Will"? I don't think God willed me to have cancer almost continuously since Jan 1998, I would hope not. As for my destiny, today I have nothing to lose for there may not be a tomorrow, so "bring on the fun" screw the war.

I ordered a meal in a restuarant that I frequent, so they know me. I asked the waitress to order me the easiest meal to eat because I was just too tired to work at eating that day. She laughed and brought me a bowl with mashed potatoes, peppers, onion, cut up filet mignon, and gravy. I could eat the whole thing with a fork. Until they can bottle strength and put it in my body I will find ways to improvise.

Sunshine, vibrant colors, my family, and friends are my strength when I don't have any strength of my own. Thanks for the articles and input, it really made my day.

phoenixrising · January 2008

Tigger35 said:
I don't come here often, today was a good day to be here after reading your comments. I am the patient everyone fears, so it gets lonely and some articles do bother me just like you had stated. I had breast cancer once and did all the things I was told to do, "charge, bring on the fight". I got breast cancer again and did everything I thought was possible to keep my cancer away. Now I have mets in 3 bones and had thyroid cancer too. I have done everything possible, I was strong, positive, listened to the doctors, and even kept my faith. Strength is something that I have only a few days a month, positive attitude comes and goes with mood swings and hot flashes, my faith is unwavering, but I find it hard to go to church. I won't allow people to say "remission" anymore because it is a "false hope". I say, "for now the cancer has stopped playing PacMan on my bones". "God's Will"? I don't think God willed me to have cancer almost continuously since Jan 1998, I would hope not. As for my destiny, today I have nothing to lose for there may not be a tomorrow, so "bring on the fun" screw the war.

I ordered a meal in a restuarant that I frequent, so they know me. I asked the waitress to order me the easiest meal to eat because I was just too tired to work at eating that day. She laughed and brought me a bowl with mashed potatoes, peppers, onion, cut up filet mignon, and gravy. I could eat the whole thing with a fork. Until they can bottle strength and put it in my body I will find ways to improvise.

Sunshine, vibrant colors, my family, and friends are my strength when I don't have any strength of my own. Thanks for the articles and input, it really made my day.

You sound more like a Tiger than a tigger;) I am so glad you got something out of the post. We don't fear you so please DON'T be lonely....jump in, the water is warm and there will always be someone here to help you...no matter how crappy you feel. In fact the crappier the better. I love your "bring on the fun" and "screw the war" attitude and you know what they say about holding a handful of sand too tight...you lose it whereas if you loosely hold it in your hand, it stays. Power to you!
jan

cabbott · January 2008

Tigger35 said:
I don't come here often, today was a good day to be here after reading your comments. I am the patient everyone fears, so it gets lonely and some articles do bother me just like you had stated. I had breast cancer once and did all the things I was told to do, "charge, bring on the fight". I got breast cancer again and did everything I thought was possible to keep my cancer away. Now I have mets in 3 bones and had thyroid cancer too. I have done everything possible, I was strong, positive, listened to the doctors, and even kept my faith. Strength is something that I have only a few days a month, positive attitude comes and goes with mood swings and hot flashes, my faith is unwavering, but I find it hard to go to church. I won't allow people to say "remission" anymore because it is a "false hope". I say, "for now the cancer has stopped playing PacMan on my bones". "God's Will"? I don't think God willed me to have cancer almost continuously since Jan 1998, I would hope not. As for my destiny, today I have nothing to lose for there may not be a tomorrow, so "bring on the fun" screw the war.

I ordered a meal in a restuarant that I frequent, so they know me. I asked the waitress to order me the easiest meal to eat because I was just too tired to work at eating that day. She laughed and brought me a bowl with mashed potatoes, peppers, onion, cut up filet mignon, and gravy. I could eat the whole thing with a fork. Until they can bottle strength and put it in my body I will find ways to improvise.

Sunshine, vibrant colors, my family, and friends are my strength when I don't have any strength of my own. Thanks for the articles and input, it really made my day.

The God I believe in never promised that bad things won't happen to me. He just promised that he would be with me when they did. And when the cancer struck and I couldn't handle it, I just gave it to God. My body won't make it; none of us make it out of this world alive. But that doesn't stop me from believing that God is in control of my future, He is good, and I can lean on him for comfort when I can't take it anymore. It took about a minute after the doctor said, "you have cancer" for me to get to that point (of not being able to handle it anymore!). I agree though, that articles that talk about "beating cancer" are just not medically valid. If someone had the sure cure, we all would stay well. Life just doesn't work that way.We don't get any choice in what kind of cancer we get or how aggressive it is. I asked the doctor if I was cured after he did his surgery and the nodes were clear. He looked away and then told me if I lived 20 years and died of something else, then I was cured. Otherwise, I still had it. I know he thought he was giving me good news when he said I had a good chance of making it 10 years...but I was only 45 and I had been planning on living to 108. He snorted and suggested that it may only be 106.

manna1qd · January 2008

This is a great post. Thanks phoenix! Well, I couldn't handle it either. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to be cured though. It took me awhile to figure out why I was scared and depressed even though I had a good prognosis. My well meaning plastic surgeon told me I was cured. I finally realized what was going on. A breast specialist was a group leader at a conference i went to. she put it in perspective (used the example about not knowing if cancer kills you until something else or it does too) She said it's a like a chronic disease. You can't say, "I am cured" You will always need to be on top of it. If it returns, you will need to manage it and so on. Finally, I realized that I will always live with "it" and that helped me learn how to cope. I knew then, I wasn't a crazy, ungrateful patient who was cured. But, I wasn't in denial either. I will give some people credit for their attitude. Some may really know somehow that they will be ok, that the cancer will not come back. I think it's more a mind body connection than an act of will if it exists at all. I did what I could and I turned it over to my higher power to worry about. And I turn it over every day. I am weak but that is when the strenth of turning it over comes through! BTW, my higher power is Jesus. I also prefer the title, "more than a conquerer" over survivor. Surviving isn't thriving. I don't think in terms of conquering cancer. I don't respect it enough to give it a life force or personality. It's a thing and it is present or not. The conquering is about living in the present, hoping for the future, having the courage to do what you need to do, taking the risks to live the way you were meant to live, stuff like that. Loved reading this one from all of you

phoenixrising · January 2008

cabbott said:
The God I believe in never promised that bad things won't happen to me. He just promised that he would be with me when they did. And when the cancer struck and I couldn't handle it, I just gave it to God. My body won't make it; none of us make it out of this world alive. But that doesn't stop me from believing that God is in control of my future, He is good, and I can lean on him for comfort when I can't take it anymore. It took about a minute after the doctor said, "you have cancer" for me to get to that point (of not being able to handle it anymore!). I agree though, that articles that talk about "beating cancer" are just not medically valid. If someone had the sure cure, we all would stay well. Life just doesn't work that way.We don't get any choice in what kind of cancer we get or how aggressive it is. I asked the doctor if I was cured after he did his surgery and the nodes were clear. He looked away and then told me if I lived 20 years and died of something else, then I was cured. Otherwise, I still had it. I know he thought he was giving me good news when he said I had a good chance of making it 10 years...but I was only 45 and I had been planning on living to 108. He snorted and suggested that it may only be 106.

Exactly, this is why the articles rubbed me the wrong way. I was very happy for them and the place they had fought so hard to get to and maybe they are cured but they are still really in the same place a lot of us are when there are no signs.......remission.

Glad you have found yourself a big shoulder to lean on to get you through this journey. And thank you for your great sense of humour.
jan

amelia · January 2008

Jan, thank you so much for saying what I think we are all feeling, but not knowing how to say ourselves, (or too scared to admit). Takes a bit of weight off my shoulders. ;-)

You mentioned you seek solice in nature. It works for me!! After chemo and radiation, the boyfriend and I took off in the fifth wheel, with my cats too, and traveled all across the whole U.S. I soaked my bald head in the steam from yellowstone, (which I am sure helped my hair grow faster), and hugged the huge Sequoia's in California (which gave up a small bit of thier energy to me) and also walked in the amazing church of God in the Redwoods at Cresant City, (it truly is a spiritual experiance) and inhaled the healing salt air of the Pacific. If any of you have not done these things, find a way. You will be amazed at the healing powers and the strength you will feel ( to body and soul) when you get home!! I am sure the Atlantic and area's of the East coast, or where-ever you are also have these same powers. So get out there in the sun and find them!! God Bless all, Amelia

KathiM · January 2008

What a great, thought-provoking post!

On my recent trip to Europe, I was asked how I felt about my cancer experience (rectal, followed by breast 6 months later). And I was told I was an inspiration (something that sort of rubs to this day....I didn't choose this to happen, any more than the death of my daughter...).

ANYWAY.....my answer to 'Why?' was and is:

Because. That's it. And whatever floats your boat as to how to handle it when it happens. As you may recall, I had a scare not too long ago that breast cancer had returned. In the other breast. My reaction? "I will NOT take the chemo I had last time AGAIN!!! Even if it means my life". I was later lucky twice...first, according to my onc, I can only have the 'red devil' Adriamycin once....too much risk for heart damage (which I did end up with);and second, the lump doesn't look like a threat at this point.

I must agree, Jan, I have no answer to why, after fighting the good fight, with the strong attitude, sometimes it isn't enough. Again, because is the only answer I can offer....

Sadder yet, are all of these people that feel that other people's lives are not worth anything, and kill in cold blood.

I am not afraid of death. I have faced it twice. My time now is a gift...I open everyday. I cannot answer the question..."What do I have to live for?" any other way than "Do you feel your life has accomplished everything you want it to?".

Hugs, Kathi

phoenixrising · January 2008

manna1qd said:
This is a great post. Thanks phoenix! Well, I couldn't handle it either. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to be cured though. It took me awhile to figure out why I was scared and depressed even though I had a good prognosis. My well meaning plastic surgeon told me I was cured. I finally realized what was going on. A breast specialist was a group leader at a conference i went to. she put it in perspective (used the example about not knowing if cancer kills you until something else or it does too) She said it's a like a chronic disease. You can't say, "I am cured" You will always need to be on top of it. If it returns, you will need to manage it and so on. Finally, I realized that I will always live with "it" and that helped me learn how to cope. I knew then, I wasn't a crazy, ungrateful patient who was cured. But, I wasn't in denial either. I will give some people credit for their attitude. Some may really know somehow that they will be ok, that the cancer will not come back. I think it's more a mind body connection than an act of will if it exists at all. I did what I could and I turned it over to my higher power to worry about. And I turn it over every day. I am weak but that is when the strenth of turning it over comes through! BTW, my higher power is Jesus. I also prefer the title, "more than a conquerer" over survivor. Surviving isn't thriving. I don't think in terms of conquering cancer. I don't respect it enough to give it a life force or personality. It's a thing and it is present or not. The conquering is about living in the present, hoping for the future, having the courage to do what you need to do, taking the risks to live the way you were meant to live, stuff like that. Loved reading this one from all of you

Hi Manna, thanks for taking the time to give your thoughts on this matter. Sounds like you've found a good place to be and I really like that
"more than a conqueror" and to thrive instead of just surviving. A worthy goal for sure. Thanks again for your input.
jan

seof · January 2008

amelia said:
Jan, thank you so much for saying what I think we are all feeling, but not knowing how to say ourselves, (or too scared to admit). Takes a bit of weight off my shoulders. ;-)

You mentioned you seek solice in nature. It works for me!! After chemo and radiation, the boyfriend and I took off in the fifth wheel, with my cats too, and traveled all across the whole U.S. I soaked my bald head in the steam from yellowstone, (which I am sure helped my hair grow faster), and hugged the huge Sequoia's in California (which gave up a small bit of thier energy to me) and also walked in the amazing church of God in the Redwoods at Cresant City, (it truly is a spiritual experiance) and inhaled the healing salt air of the Pacific. If any of you have not done these things, find a way. You will be amazed at the healing powers and the strength you will feel ( to body and soul) when you get home!! I am sure the Atlantic and area's of the East coast, or where-ever you are also have these same powers. So get out there in the sun and find them!! God Bless all, Amelia

Amelia,
If ever you want to soak in WARM salt water, come to Texas and experience the Gulf of Mexico...Corpus Christi, South Padre Island...even Houston, if you like the big city. The Pacific is OK, but to COLD for my pleasure. I'm in Fort Worth, in case you pass through on your way down.

seof

phoenixrising · January 2008

amelia said:
Jan, thank you so much for saying what I think we are all feeling, but not knowing how to say ourselves, (or too scared to admit). Takes a bit of weight off my shoulders. ;-)

You mentioned you seek solice in nature. It works for me!! After chemo and radiation, the boyfriend and I took off in the fifth wheel, with my cats too, and traveled all across the whole U.S. I soaked my bald head in the steam from yellowstone, (which I am sure helped my hair grow faster), and hugged the huge Sequoia's in California (which gave up a small bit of thier energy to me) and also walked in the amazing church of God in the Redwoods at Cresant City, (it truly is a spiritual experiance) and inhaled the healing salt air of the Pacific. If any of you have not done these things, find a way. You will be amazed at the healing powers and the strength you will feel ( to body and soul) when you get home!! I am sure the Atlantic and area's of the East coast, or where-ever you are also have these same powers. So get out there in the sun and find them!! God Bless all, Amelia

Hi Amelia, I've been to Crescent City to visit the Redwoods, they are absolutely magnificent and I've always wanted to see the Sequoia's...it's on my list to do in this lifetime. Sounds like a fantastic trip. Thanks for your thoughts and inspiration.
jan

phoenixrising · January 2008

KathiM said:
What a great, thought-provoking post!

On my recent trip to Europe, I was asked how I felt about my cancer experience (rectal, followed by breast 6 months later). And I was told I was an inspiration (something that sort of rubs to this day....I didn't choose this to happen, any more than the death of my daughter...).

ANYWAY.....my answer to 'Why?' was and is:

Because. That's it. And whatever floats your boat as to how to handle it when it happens. As you may recall, I had a scare not too long ago that breast cancer had returned. In the other breast. My reaction? "I will NOT take the chemo I had last time AGAIN!!! Even if it means my life". I was later lucky twice...first, according to my onc, I can only have the 'red devil' Adriamycin once....too much risk for heart damage (which I did end up with);and second, the lump doesn't look like a threat at this point.

I must agree, Jan, I have no answer to why, after fighting the good fight, with the strong attitude, sometimes it isn't enough. Again, because is the only answer I can offer....

Sadder yet, are all of these people that feel that other people's lives are not worth anything, and kill in cold blood.

I am not afraid of death. I have faced it twice. My time now is a gift...I open everyday. I cannot answer the question..."What do I have to live for?" any other way than "Do you feel your life has accomplished everything you want it to?".

Hugs, Kathi

Hi Kathi, I've been wondering if you were back yet. Looking forward to hearing about your trip. Thanks for your input. You know I just went back for another look at the magazine and the articles. The one story is listed under the title, "Be Heard", mountain climber conquered her cancer....etc. and it's these leading headlines, I think, that can be aggravating because there is nothing in the article that is a cancer cure. Personally for me, I don't care.
I'm not fooled by their headline. But my thoughts go out to others who have been more diligent than I and wonder how they must feel. An empathetic approach.

You know in the end it's probably about selling magazines and knowing we will buy it "wondering what she did". Thanks again Kathi
jan

toninasky · January 2008

I don't feel angry, but I got upset when the morning show gals were made out to be such heroes in their fight with breast cancer. First of all I did not see them lose their hair from chemo, and although I tried to keep myself high in spirit, their attitude seemed just a bit too high. I don't think they give false hope, but I believe they make gals who are not surviving this beast very well feel low. I wonder who their doctors were?
I too have my faith, and I believe that God will help me thru anything, even if it is facing my death, which we will all do someday. I watched him help my son face it with such courage that I cannot possibly doubt his care for us. He did not want me to have cancer, but we live in a world that we created with carciogens, and pollutants, and so many other poisons, that we humans had a hand in. He gave us all free will, and sometimes we don't do a very good job with it.

I am a positive person and I will live what time I have as a survivor. I have had to make some decisions about after treatment. I have stopped the Femara, and I am refusing Tamoxifen. The side effects were not pleasant, and I don't want to live feeling horrid. My decision again, not God's will, but my FREE WILL.
It would be great if some magazine took notice of the posts on this site and gave a true picture of the struggle we all face. It might lead a lot of other cancer newbies to this site and the support all of us can give them. Honest answers, and a feeling of I am not alone.
I don't think the stories are false hope, but surely they are not about the majority.

Blessings to all,
Toni

phoenixrising · January 2008

toninasky said:
I don't feel angry, but I got upset when the morning show gals were made out to be such heroes in their fight with breast cancer. First of all I did not see them lose their hair from chemo, and although I tried to keep myself high in spirit, their attitude seemed just a bit too high. I don't think they give false hope, but I believe they make gals who are not surviving this beast very well feel low. I wonder who their doctors were?
I too have my faith, and I believe that God will help me thru anything, even if it is facing my death, which we will all do someday. I watched him help my son face it with such courage that I cannot possibly doubt his care for us. He did not want me to have cancer, but we live in a world that we created with carciogens, and pollutants, and so many other poisons, that we humans had a hand in. He gave us all free will, and sometimes we don't do a very good job with it.

I am a positive person and I will live what time I have as a survivor. I have had to make some decisions about after treatment. I have stopped the Femara, and I am refusing Tamoxifen. The side effects were not pleasant, and I don't want to live feeling horrid. My decision again, not God's will, but my FREE WILL.
It would be great if some magazine took notice of the posts on this site and gave a true picture of the struggle we all face. It might lead a lot of other cancer newbies to this site and the support all of us can give them. Honest answers, and a feeling of I am not alone.
I don't think the stories are false hope, but surely they are not about the majority.

Blessings to all,
Toni

Thank you Toni, you are right. Just how do those gals who are not doing well feel when they see stuff like that. I suspect it would get them very down. It would be nice if they could read the posts that you ladies have bravely written so they would know they are not alone. I am so sorry to hear about your son. You've been through a lot and I'm glad you have something to help you through.
Blessings to you
jan

Unknown · January 2008

Phoenix, you (and friends) have created one of the most thought provoking threads I have ever encountered here (or anywhere).
I had 3 cancer diagnoses in 10 years...2 breast and 1 bone...between 1986 and 1996. If I see that actress (I think it is Vanessa Redgrave) once more declaring that she 'refuses to die of breast cancer' on tv I think I am going to do something...well unladylike (Southern Belle here...lol).
Does she (or whoever wrote that crap... told you I was feeling unladylike) and paid her to read it think any of us CHOOSE to die of breast cancer? And who gave her a choice none of the rest of us have? I hate to say it, but it will be interesting to see what she DOES die of.
Anyway, I so much admire all of you on this thread for stating your positions so effectively and articulately.
God bless us every one.

phoenixrising · January 2008

unknown said:
Phoenix, you (and friends) have created one of the most thought provoking threads I have ever encountered here (or anywhere).
I had 3 cancer diagnoses in 10 years...2 breast and 1 bone...between 1986 and 1996. If I see that actress (I think it is Vanessa Redgrave) once more declaring that she 'refuses to die of breast cancer' on tv I think I am going to do something...well unladylike (Southern Belle here...lol).
Does she (or whoever wrote that crap... told you I was feeling unladylike) and paid her to read it think any of us CHOOSE to die of breast cancer? And who gave her a choice none of the rest of us have? I hate to say it, but it will be interesting to see what she DOES die of.
Anyway, I so much admire all of you on this thread for stating your positions so effectively and articulately.
God bless us every one.

Zahalene, whenever I read stuff like this (3 diagnosis in 10yrs) I curse heavily (it must be the ex-truck driver in me). I get so angry that we haven't gotten further in either finding a cure or more importantly finding cause. We have over 200 listed carcinogens and hormone disrupters while our prospective governments think it's OK all the while complaining about health care $. Don't get me going!!!

Anyway, your view is what I suspected a lot of us feel and I thank you for sharing it.

Don't worry about being ladylike, sometimes the lady needs to step aside and let the warrior in her take the lead.

Thank you and bless you too
jan

chenheart · January 2008

I am not sure exactly WHY, but this entire thread reminded me of an old joke...
Three Southern Belles were sitting on the veranda discussing their marriages. One says: "My husband bought me a 3 carat diamond ring for my birthday"...To which the woman next to her replied "Isn't that nice"? Woman 2 declared that her husband bought her a week at a health spa. To which the woman again replied, "Isn't that nice"? When asked what her husband had done for her recently, she said her husband had sent her to charm school. "Charm School??? Whatever for"? asked one of the shocked women.
To which she sweetly replied..."Well, I used to say, I don't give a @#*%$#@%....and now I just say "Isn't that nice"????

I offer a big "Isn't That Nice" to the entire group of women who were featured in the magazine, and how they chose ( HA!) to beat cancer! Some of it no doubt is in the editing of the articles, and perhaps the women were even encouraged to use specific words to describe their journey.

What all of us here know: This is the room and the venue to experience the REAL DEAL as far as fighting, winning, and sometimes, sadly, NOT winning this battle. We are the most insightful, inspiring, complex, honest group of women I have ever had the honor to know.
We can hope that more women ( and men too, of course) find their way to CSN and be part of what is the best of all of us during what is not always the best part of our lives.
Hugs,
Claudia

false hope?

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