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New and needed to type :)

Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2007

Hi all, my husband is a testicular cancer survivor! He was diagnosed on Dec. 28, 2005. Every December I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I know that I should be celebrating the fact that he is a survivor...but I often tend to dwell on the fact that it can happen to anyone at anytime. I am terrified that lightening will strike...again. We have had some many hardships in our 8 years of marriage, yet we have had so many wonderful things. We have been truly blessed. I don't know why I felt the need to get on here today. I guess I just needed to let a few things off my chest. I hate to burden him with my fears. He already carries so much. He is so wonderful and the thought of having to watch him go through treatments again makes me want to throw up. I love him so much and can't bear the thought of him ever having to go through any of that again. Anyway, I'm really starting to ramble now...I guess all of you caregivers out there know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I'm done.

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Yup, happens to me, too. And, when my turn came and I became the patient, the 'anniversaries' can be tough. My mom was diagnosed August, and I December...

BUT, we always celebrate another year of being together. And realize that we are special in that, even tho we all know that we don't live forever, those of us touched by cancer just get a bit closer view of that reality. So, we live each day, and enjoy each other...who knows...

Hugs, Kathi

Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

My husband is stage IV colon cancer 10/04. In the big picture he is doing well. Our life is different, but it is good in many ways. Quick history-John had chemo one month, colon resection and liver resection and ablation next month, chemo 7 more months-was NED and pain returned in 2 weeks and cancer found in 2 months - reoccured in abdomen and chest. Has been on weekly chemo for over 2 years now..(few breaks for different reasons)..It has progressed to his chest, but basically all is stable. I have my fears that I too hate to burden him with and hope I don't regret tht someday. He is dealing with so much with his fight and he does not discuss the "what ifs"....to him that is negative thinking. I don't have the courage to force him to decide some things that I need to talk about, just hoping it will all work out (guess that sounds irresponsible, but I don't know how else to say it). He is so dependent on me to decide all now anyway, not sure it would be worth upsetting him. And then I wonder if I am wrong? It is a constant background thought I have. Thanks for listening.
Mary Kay

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