Need Honest Advice From This Family

nudgie
nudgie Member Posts: 1,478 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Looking for honest advice from my family here.

Took vacation in 2005. Dx with colon cancer in 7/06. Finished chemo in 11/06. All surgeries completed in 2/07. Took a week vacation in 8/07 with family members and 2-yr old niece.

September 24 will be our 25th wedding anniversary and my husband would like to go away. He is NOT ROMANIC, but he tries. He did not plan our getaway as agreed so I did something on the fly and now feeling kinda upset because he didn't plan as planned so I feel he has agreed due to guilt, but anyways, here is the question:

Money is tight right now and he wants to to away and be alone for a few days and my wife half says YES but my financial and bound half says NO because of money.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

  • claud1951
    claud1951 Member Posts: 424 Member
    #2
    Hi there,

    I would GO on vacation! Life is to short not to enjoy yourself AND don't feel guilty while you are on vacation.

    The way i look at it, if you are short on money (which I have been there, too), you will still be short on money even if you do not go on vacation.
    Does that make sense???

    Hope you go.

    Take Care and be careful
    claudia
  • alta29
    alta29 Member Posts: 435 Member
    #3
    GO !.....if you think you will enjoy it without guilt. If you are going to regret it when you come back ( because of a very valid reason )don't go. Or....maybe you can go somewhere else where you think you are going to spent less ? I was thinking on going back to Puerto Rico this month...well, can't afford it right now, so we are going to San Antonio....hey...better than nothing...you will make your vacations as pleasant as you want to...Enjoy !
  • Monicaemilia
    Monicaemilia Member Posts: 455 Member
    #4
    Don´t think about it twice...GO. Enjoy your time alone and worry about money later. One lesson cancer teaches us all is to take one day at a time and enjoy every single moment as if it were your last. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Monica
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #5
    Hi Nudgie!

    Congratulations for NED and for 25 years of wedded bliss!

    Interesting question...

    Yes, life is short. Life is too short to have worries about money, so the best advice is not to put yourself in a position where you have to worry. If taking a vacation would cause financial struggle, then perhaps you just need to scale back your plans so you can be comfortable and worry-free.

    Your husband feels guilty and you're worried...may not be the right mindset for an enjoyable vacation. And think of your health...guilt, worry and stress is foder for cancer. I believe when we create things like guilt and stress in our lives, cancer does a victory dance.

    Some of the most enjoyable times I've spent with Bob were sharing things that didn't cost a lot of money....walking on the beach, bowling, playing Scrabble, a picnic we shared at a local park (one of my favorites), tasting cheap wines....they were all time spent together on mini vacations from day-to-day life and are lasting memories we share.

    Cancer taught me to appreciate what I do have, and not be disappointed about what I don't have.

    You survived cancer! I know you now appreciate life more than ever, so why live recklessly?

    I hope this helps, and more than anything, best wishes for a very happy anniversay!
  • jams67
    jams67 Member Posts: 925 Member
    #6
    alta29 said:

    GO !.....if you think you will enjoy it without guilt. If you are going to regret it when you come back ( because of a very valid reason )don't go. Or....maybe you can go somewhere else where you think you are going to spent less ? I was thinking on going back to Puerto Rico this month...well, can't afford it right now, so we are going to San Antonio....hey...better than nothing...you will make your vacations as pleasant as you want to...Enjoy !

    Alta, I agree with you that if money is tight do something fun and romantic on a shoestring budget. Go to the beach, plan fun things to do close to home. Go out for dinner and a movie, and light some candles. At least if you are staying home, it is only one dinner and not several meals out. I just don't see spending money you don't have. Be creative and let us know how your weekend went. Step over the line and do something exciting. Wrap yourself in suran wrap. Ha! Never ever tried this but why not?
    Jo Ann
  • JoyceCanada
    JoyceCanada Member Posts: 134
    #7
    When the kids were small we didn't have a lot of extra cash. Every year I would look at my furniture etc and think "lets not go on vacation this year and get a new couch". Well my kids are now grown up and they don't remember the furniture but the do remember the times we went to the beach. Later in life hubby and I went to some very exotic and romantic spots alone and we have great memories. Now the Grandkids came along and we are at the stage of "do we need a new truck" and instead we pay for the "family" to spend time with us at the "beach".

    This is long and rambling but the point is during our Marriage (40 next) year we have always managed to "make memories with vacations".

    Go on the vacation...enjoy!!! Memories can't be measured by money!!!
  • Limey
    Limey Member Posts: 446 Member
    #8
    GO GO GO. I can think of many times in my life when I didn't now how i would pay/buy something but somehow it worked out.

    As far as who planned what. Big breath in. hold it. big breath out. not another thought about it. you have a husband of 25 years that woiuld like to go away with you. how kewl is that.
    enjoy. worry later
    Mark
  • crazylady
    crazylady Member Posts: 543 Member
    #9
    I think you should take the vacation. As others have suggested, it doesn't have to be expensive to be fun. Life is too short, so celebrate and enjoy it! Happy Anniversary!
    Jamie
  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova Member Posts: 906 Member
    #10
    Nudgie! You must go! This is your 25th anniversary we are talking about. PLUS, you survived cancer!!! You ought to go out and enjoy yourself. You don't have to go completely nuts (with money) while you're on vacation. I recommend going to the book store and getting a Lonely Planet guidebook. They have recommendations for great stuff to do and a variety of price ranges for food, etc...
    Besides, that's what credit cards are for! Just set that "financial and bound" part of yourself aside. This is a big deal! Celebrate!
    That is what I would do,
    Susan H.
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    #11
    GO! Like the others said - you've survived cancer and you have a husband who not only is still around but wants to go away with you.
    Stop thinking and enjoy!
    Have Fun!
  • Faith4Cure
    Faith4Cure Member Posts: 405 Member
    #12
    I do understand. That money thing always causes trouble!!!! I really value getting away on vacation and I think it can do so much for us. I agree that you should go if you can go without feeling guilty. It isn't worth it if you go and come back regretting it. However, if you can go without causing to much financial stress, I say go for it!! Whatever you do, enjoy your special day with your husband!

    Faith
  • hopefulone
    hopefulone Member Posts: 1,043 Member
    #13
    Congrats on the 25 years ! and the NED ! The old saying money isn't everything, but it sure helps is true... BUT, I'd sure go! Save where you can save and carpe diem(seize the day!) I love Joyce from Canada's response! It's so true . Make memories . They last a lifetime. Of course, only you know if it's a question of not being able to meet NECESSARY financial responsibilities(like the mortgage or electric bill or food, and of course you need those things and if that would prevent you from them, have a "local" vacation. BUT IF NOT, GO FOR IT!! and ENJOY it and Don't feel guilty about it. God Bless

    Diane
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #14
    Ahoy, Nudgie!

    So... that vacation with family and a two year old just wasn't romantic enough, eh? Something about being around a two year old seems to have the opposite effect...

    Anyway, here's my free advice (and free advice is usually worth what you pay for it)

    What's your definition of a "vacation"? A 5 star hotel on the beach in Bali? Or a priceline rate at the Motel 6 in Charlestown? It's really a question of scale.

    I paid usakat good money to mention the cheap vacations we've taken (now everyone here knows I'm a cheap-skate, but really Katie is just a cheap date) Anyway, the point is, what are you "getting away" for? To visit a place and see the sights? Or to get away from everyone and be together just the two of you? I suspect it;s the latter. In that case, who cares where you go? As long as it's just the two of you. Heck, I suggest you spend $15 and buy a kiddie pool and a 50 lb bag of play sand and make your own beach. You KNOW it's really all about putting the suntan lotion on each other...

    (wink)

    OK... enough... you get the gist here. Have fun! That's what life is really about.

    Happy anniversary.

    - SB
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #15
    usakat said:

    Hi Nudgie!

    Congratulations for NED and for 25 years of wedded bliss!

    Interesting question...

    Yes, life is short. Life is too short to have worries about money, so the best advice is not to put yourself in a position where you have to worry. If taking a vacation would cause financial struggle, then perhaps you just need to scale back your plans so you can be comfortable and worry-free.

    Your husband feels guilty and you're worried...may not be the right mindset for an enjoyable vacation. And think of your health...guilt, worry and stress is foder for cancer. I believe when we create things like guilt and stress in our lives, cancer does a victory dance.

    Some of the most enjoyable times I've spent with Bob were sharing things that didn't cost a lot of money....walking on the beach, bowling, playing Scrabble, a picnic we shared at a local park (one of my favorites), tasting cheap wines....they were all time spent together on mini vacations from day-to-day life and are lasting memories we share.

    Cancer taught me to appreciate what I do have, and not be disappointed about what I don't have.

    You survived cancer! I know you now appreciate life more than ever, so why live recklessly?

    I hope this helps, and more than anything, best wishes for a very happy anniversay!

    Um... excuse me... "cheap" wine? I think not. That was a very expensive box of wine dear...
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #16
    spongebob said:

    Um... excuse me... "cheap" wine? I think not. That was a very expensive box of wine dear...

    That was wine in that box??? I thought it was a very fine cough syrup - either way, it was a nice little buzz. And the box top is such a lovely little souvenier.
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #17
    usakat said:

    That was wine in that box??? I thought it was a very fine cough syrup - either way, it was a nice little buzz. And the box top is such a lovely little souvenier.

    Cough syrup or not, you know what they say; "Candy's dandy, but liquor's quicker!"

    Yeah, tell me about souveniers... I still have those grass stains...
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #18
    spongebob said:

    Cough syrup or not, you know what they say; "Candy's dandy, but liquor's quicker!"

    Yeah, tell me about souveniers... I still have those grass stains...

    Nudgie...cheap wine and grass stains....all makes for a great vacation...at home or away...oh so romantic!
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #19
    usakat said:

    Nudgie...cheap wine and grass stains....all makes for a great vacation...at home or away...oh so romantic!

    cheap wine and grass stains....all makes for a great vacation

    Or a commercial for Oxy-Clean!
  • StacyGleaso
    StacyGleaso Member Posts: 1,233 Member
    #20
    spongebob said:

    cheap wine and grass stains....all makes for a great vacation

    Or a commercial for Oxy-Clean!

    Will you two rent a room....and stop trying to make my computer smolder.....
  • CAMaura
    CAMaura Member Posts: 719 Member
    #21
    I think you should go...
    he is a little sluggish on the making plans side, but he knew you would - so take adantage of a litttle time to reconnect.
    My thought is just that you are a little cranky with him - and yes, he could have taken the initiative. But, once away, you will enjoy his company...yes? 25 years - that is amazing! Enjoy a little relaxation...
    My two cents. :)

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