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hi everyone. i'm new here.

Posts: 41
Joined: Oct 2006

hey there!

i'm new to this discussion group, but not new to CSN (I've been posting in the lung cancer group). Right now my family is going through a really tough time and when I saw the "caregiver" discussion group, i knew I needed to connect with you because you're the ones who really know what we're going through.

my mom was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer on sept. 15/06 with mets to her bones and lymph nodes. she started treatment with Tarceva on nov. 1st. she's been doing great until a recent trip to asia where she started experiencing pain and when we got back (we're from Vancouver), docs found more cancer on her pelvic bones so she was put on radiation asap. blood thinners were also started because of blood clots that she's formed from our trip. the radiation was harsh on her, although she's only had 10 treatments (5 on abdominal area and 10 on pelvic area), she suffered severe diarrhea. til this day she has to go almost every hour (but still an improvement from her previous 15-minute trips to the washroom). The sideeffects of diarrhea are taking a major toll on her and making her very weak. she is now mostly lying in bed all day, only getting up to go to the bathroom. she now needs help with most things, like showering. It's just so disheartening when you see her from being "alright", to being weak and helpless. She's even formed some bed sores due to lying down so much (also her skin around her back is super sensitive due to radiation).

I'm 19 (3rd year university) and an only child. other than my dad, the rest of my family is back in asia. it's so hard to have to deal with something as major as this without having someone to REALLY lean on to. honestly, prayers and my relationship with Christ are the major things that wakes me up every morning. I'm sorry i'm blabbering here but it's just been a little much to bear and it all had to come out of me somehow.

i want you to know that you all are in my prayers even though we don't know each other. but you guys have a pretty good idea of what it's like to go through being a caregiver for someone dear to you. and because we share this pain I share my prayers and blessings with you.

God bless!

davidsonxx's picture
Posts: 137
Joined: Mar 2007

I have been a caregiver twice (mom and sister) as well as being a cancer survivor myself. I think it is harder being a caregiver. It is hard when you have just a few people to help. I suggest you reach out to others for help. Perhaps someone at your church could come in and spend some time with your mom so you and your dad can have a break. Being able to have a break from the stress of caregiving is important to help fight burnout and fatigue. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Hi. I was caregiver for a long time for my mom, and my husband now has stage IV colon cancer w/mets to liver. It's tough on us "caregivers" but whatever faith you are, God is always there to lean on. Having a 27 year old daughter myself, who is a "daddy's girl " , this is a hard time for her as well. I urge you to remain positive and know that you are doing all you can to help your mom.I personally read "Footprints" from time to tome to give me encouragement to do what I need to do to remain strong, positive and thankful for the blessings I do have. You and your family will be in my prayers . God Bless. Diane

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

The only good thing about me being a caregiver is that I have experience with cancer, and so I can talk myself AND my sister into "normal".

The hardest job is the caregiver one...you have all the fear, but have nothing to focus on except your loved one....

Hugs to you and your mom,

Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2006

There's another poem to help ---
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
This helped me with my husband and our 3 young children during his battle - and still. Keep your faith, choose a "prayer star", and laugh!!

Posts: 2
Joined: Sep 2007

to anyone out there? Don't you ever wish that God would just come and take us all home? i'm so tired, you know the end is coming for them, you know they are in pain and you can't fix it. i just don't want to be left behind and feel the emptiness/loss pain. why, when heaven is so much better. i'm ready, as long as the kids come too so the pain wouldn't be left with them. is there anything else left in the world that doesn't cause cancer? eat, drink, breath it. everything is ruined. i just don't see the point in waiting to endure more hardship and pain.

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Well, I like to remember the good stuff in the world. Having been both a cancer patient (twice) and a caregiver (twice), I have a bit different perspective.
First of all, life is a gift. It is precious. Granted, there are things wrong in the world, but there are things right, as well. Friendships. The simple beauty of a sunrise.

Caregiving is VERY tough. You are correct, we have to stand and watch helplessly as our loved one fades. And turn away so they don't see our anguish.

MY theory, however, is that leaving this life is out of our hands. Depression can cause trouble, but there are places that we can seek out help for this. I have a WONDERFUL cancer cousellor that I can just call whenever it gets over the top.

The pain that would be caused by ending MY life would be far greater than any pain I am enduring now. My high school boyfriend took his own life, and I still remember the devistation I felt...and still, 30 plus years later, feel.

Empty your life is not....you have kids. Seek the wonder in that...and love them with all of your might...

You are not being 'left behind' I feel. See, the passing of a loved one (I just recently lost my daughter), really means that instead of seeing them thru your eyes everyday, you look for and find them in your heart.

Please, if you truely have these feelings, find a professional to speak with. Just from your post, you are obviously a loving, caring person...just what this weary world needs.

Please feel free to e-mail me here...

Hugs, Kathi

Posts: 10
Joined: Jul 2007

Hi itrustgod,
I too am the family caregiver for more family members who have had cancer than I care to mention. My mom had small cell lung cancer diagnosed last September also.
I have found that cancer care has on going web support/chats for a variety of folks - for those who have lost their battle, for those who are currently caregivers, for those who are survivors etc... I have found them incredibly useful because it is much more interactive than this site. You can choose to post or not to but everyday there is someone like you, like me, talking about issues of day to day life. It has helped me immeasurably. I urge you to look into it they have beeen a great source of comfort for me.

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