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double mastectomy reconstruction on hold

Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2007

My original surgery was Mar 12. Expanders were placed. After 2 infections and 3 more surgeries to correct problems I had expanders removed July 30th. I now look like a "sharpee" and am depressed. I feel marked more then ever and need to return to work after drains are removed Monday. My fiance is having some kind of mid life chrisis and feels he needs to get a band together! Hello, I could use some support here, can't you forget the band for now! At least this week. I could use you just to be with me even though I maybe boring you right now. Has any one felt abandond buy there partner and felt lost? I know I should just be happy to be a stage one CA survivor but I guess I have to admit to feeling vulnerable and vein at the same time. There is where the guilt comes in. I did go look at prostetics but seemed to be more depressed after. Any one care to comment?

terato's picture
Posts: 383
Joined: Apr 2002


I had testicular cancer and debated the necessity of having an implant. My then wife told me that it wasn't necessary, as far as she was concerned. She left anyway (good riddance!) and I had my implant! I feel better, and isn't that what is most important, how "we" feel?

Love and Courage!


davidsonxx's picture
Posts: 137
Joined: Mar 2007

First of all you need to cut yourself some slack. You have been through a lot and any long term illness has a tendancy to get you depressed. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have some of the feeling you mention. It is hard to adjust to having a mastectomy much less a double followed by problems. It's only been a few days since you had the expanders removed. Give yourself some time to come to terms with the setback.

As for your fiance, it is really hard to stand by and watch a loved one struggle and not be able to DO anything to help. Men in particular want to DO something to help. Just being there doesn't seem like helping to them. The band thing might be because he wants to be doing something. If you haven't you should talk to him about how you feel. Tell him that you really need him to be with you. It might help if you can give him some things to do, maybe something like I've been blue lately can you pick up a good comedy movie or my favorite treat to cheer me up.

Going back to work could be a good thing. It will give you something to focus on besides what what you have been through. Hang in there. I know this is a tough time.

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