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Personality Changes

Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2006

Well - it's me - who was hopeful that my life was getting back to normal. My current opinion is - what's normal??? My husband beat his Stage IV inoperable tonsil cancer - but now he's just not him. I married one man; through out his treatments, I had another; now, I have a third. Just how much am I and my three children (ages 9, 7, and 2) suppose to stand by and tolerate?? Does anyone know???

Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Hi, only you and your kids can answer that question of how much to tolerate . I dont' think life is ever normal after this disease touches you or a loved one. It either gets better or worse, but I doubt it stays the same. Thats just my personal opinion. I don't know what you and your children are tolerating, but if it's destructive or abusive or neglectful, it may be necessary, if not for your sake , for your children's sake, to move out of that environment. Your kids are young and they've gone thru enough with their dad's illness I'm sure. Hopefully it's none of the above. Have you had a frank discussion with him ? Maybe time to seek some counselling?. If he won't go, then I suggest maybe talking to someone yourself . Maybe it will at least help you understand some of the changes in his behavior you may be seeing. Good luck and God Bless

Posts: 24
Joined: Jun 2006

Thanks!! I've already gone to counseling. He refused to go. He refuses to see that he has changed. He isn't physically abusive - but the mental is worse - I think. The bruises would heal, the inner bruises don't as easily. He says he's the same and now he's refusing any follow-up care, so I think I'm refusing to give him more excuses for his behavior. We're on a vicious carousel and I want off. Thanks again....wish someone had an answer.

RE's picture
Posts: 4641
Joined: Feb 2004

I cannot say for sure why your husbands personality has changed I can only give you the insight of a survivor. I have had breast cancer 3 times and readily admit during all of this I have sometimes been less than charming. The drugs they administer to fight the cancer can alter your personality during treatment. In regards to his unhappy demeanor now that it is all over my view is of course speculative. Cancer is an extremely scary illness, when you first hear it you assume you are going to die. Should you survive now you must learn to live with the constant thought in the back of your mind that it is going to come back, that it may actually be lurking somewhere inside of you right now. As you can imagine this is very stressful.

I am not excuseing your husbands behavior, just giving a bit of insight. It is good that you are seeking counseling, perhaps with a bit of time he will as well.

My best to you,


Posts: 32
Joined: Sep 2010

Its definitely tough, I have seen those personality changes consistently and of course they begin before we even had a diagnosis. So now dealing with all this its tough to put some of it behind you. I do agree though if he is "cured" then he should have a better perspective on life. Maybe if he's strong enough you could take the kids and yourself on a mini vacation to enjoy some fun time together.
My husband has been up and down and I know it can't be easy for him. Heck we know moods, I mean as pregnant women we know its never easy, but you try to step back and focus. Good Luck and hopefully you can find a good balance.

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