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Trying to make it through "forever"

Posts: 64
Joined: Mar 2006

Hi everyone. I am sitting here the night before another treatment and I am having my normal emotional break down. I hate going. If we had stuck to my original plan of treatment this would be my last month of chemo...that was before they found it in my lungs. Now the doctors are telling me that I will doing treatment for the rest of my life. Every three weeks. I know that I "have" to do it....that doesnt help. How do you adjust to going through this crap...forever? I feel like the day before my treatment I am hanging on to my sanity by a thread....is there anyone else out there feeling the same?

nanuk's picture
Posts: 1362
Joined: Dec 2003

we share a similar history; I stopped treatment (chemo and radiation) a few treatments short of the protocol, and had recurrence (lung mets) 3 years later.
Went back on chemo, & had good response, but no NED..since then, trials, experimental meds, etc., and stage IV with stable growth, but prognosis is
I'm not sure that finishing the tx would have made a difference though; who knows? My Onc isn't giving me the "chemo for life" dx. He says what we are doing (monoclonal anti-bodies) are not a cure, they will just buy a little time..
feel free to e-mail me-I'm more a lurker than a poster here anymore. bud

kerry's picture
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

I also had a recurrance in lymph nodes and liver. THe liver lesion is essentional gone, but the lymph nodes have given me a problem for the past 4 years. I've been on chemo for that long and will probably be on it for a good while longer, if not the rest of my life. Yes, it is emotionally draining, physically draining and just plain depressing at times. But if it extends my life to enjoy my family and friends, I'll do it. They are what keeps me going.

My best wishes and prayers for you.


valeriec's picture
Posts: 350
Joined: Oct 2006

My mom has also been told by her onc that she is looking at treatment for the rest of her life. We are still just hoping for NED. Once that happens....who knows?? My thought is that one day soon there will be a cure for this disease and the longer my mom is here, the better chance she has at getting the newer meds. I know that doesn't help, my mom gets depressed about all her treatments too. Hang in there and stay strong, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
My mom's original plan of treatment would have ended in November but along came the mets. That was a very hard month to get through for all of us. I kept thinking..."we should be done." But, that did not happen so on we go. My thoughts are with you.

Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

I'm not on the "forever" schedule at the moment -- but I sure know what you mean about that feeling of dread the night before heading in for treatment. I'm on chemo now. I cry in the car as my husband drives me in for the next treatment. What helps me is to focus on the things (sometimes just one thing) that is keeping me going. I still have kids at home so that is my focus. Also, I try (very hard!) to think of the chemo as "the healing medicine", or "the elixer of life", rather than "that #$ poison". Not easy, I know.

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