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I've lost the love of my life

pepperdog's picture
pepperdog
Posts: 96
Joined: Jun 2006

Dear friends: It's been many weeks since I've visited this site. I've spent the past 5 weeks in the hospital with my sweet husband who passed away on Friday, Oct. 20th. We were married only 3 years, and they were the happiest of my life. I am 55 years old, he reached his 56th birthday on Oct. 11th. The heartbreaker is, he's been cancer-free since mid April when he had surgery for colorectal cancer. The tumor was gone; all the tissue and nodes were clean. At the urging of the oncologist and for our own peace of mind, we elected follow-up chemo to minimize chance of recurrence. He took 7 of 12 treatments and was to finish in November. His immune system was compromised, he got a respiratory 'bug' that anyone else would have thrown off or had a cold. It resulted in ARDS, DIC and he was septic. He ended up on life support. I can't tell you how heartbroken I am and how lost. This man was absolutely wonderful and sent by God to be in my life. I was able to hold him as he passed from this life; I had my arms around him telling him how very much I loved him. Please pray for me, I wish I could have gone with him.
Pepperdog

AuthorUnknown
Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some piece in knowing that you have been able to spend these 3 years together and that he is in much better place with God now and is not suffering any more. But I know that words probably will give you very little help now, only time will heal.

Chemo can cure and it can kill also, like in the case of your husband. My mother took chemo also, her immune system and kidneys were compromised and she almost died from pneumonia. That is why I think that chemo is poison and should not be used for treating stage II and III patients. I agree with somebody on this board that hopefully some day will come when medical care will think of chemo as they now think of "bleeding" patients in the past.

So, I completely agree with you that it is heartbreaker what happened to your husband. I think you need to tell you story to everybody so that they would not know what chemo can do.

Oh, my dear, may God send an angel to help you through this. Somebody here posted this poem here. I have copied it and pasted for you below.

May God bless your husband's soul.

I stood by your bed last night,I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep. I whispered to you softly as you brushed away a tear, It's me, I haven't left you, Im well, Im fine, Im here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,. You were thinking of the many times your hands reached out to me. I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore. I longed to take your parcels, i wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care. I want to re-assure you, that Im not lying there. I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my hand on you, I smiled and said its me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. Its possible for me to be so near you everyday. To say to you with certainty, I never went away. You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew... in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. The day is over.. I smile and watch you yawning and say "Good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning light". And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side by side. I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

LLLady's picture
LLLady
Posts: 67
Joined: Aug 2006

pepperdog
I'm so very sorry

pepperdog's picture
pepperdog
Posts: 96
Joined: Jun 2006

Thanks dear friends for all the kind replies and encouragement. My sadness is so heavy I can hardly breathe. Please pray for me, my name is Terry.

alta29's picture
alta29
Posts: 435
Joined: Mar 2005

I'm sooo sorry for your lost....True love only happens once in a life time. I thank God every day for my husband of 8 years...His my huband, firend, caregiver, psycologist, ...can not imagine my lije without him... God be with you and give him thanks for putting him in your life ..bacause you experienced something in 3 years that a lot of people dont get to experience in a lifetime...

pink05
Posts: 553
Joined: Mar 2006

Dear Pepperdog,

I can't imagine the pain you have been feeling. How difficult and cruel it must feel to have finally found the one true love of your life and lose that person so soon after. I don't know why God allows these things to happen, but he is responsible for you meeting your husband in the first place. May God bless you through this difficult time. Know that you are in my prayers.

-Lee-

vinny3's picture
vinny3
Posts: 933
Joined: Jun 2006

Terry,
Your loss just breaks my heart. I was going to send you an email as you hadn't posted, your husband and I had surgery on the same day and he was one cycle ahead of me on the chemo. It certainly makes one think when deciding to do the chemo. Before each cycle I question whether or not I want to continue but have decided I need to see it through. Were his blood counts real low?
There is nothing that we can say that will help but we will pray that you get some peace and find out where this stands in the great order of things. Dick

valeriec's picture
valeriec
Posts: 350
Joined: Oct 2006

You are so right when you say that the love of your life was sent by God to be in your life. Please hang in there and know that there are many people praying for you during this difficult time. God bless you-you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Valerie C

LOUSWIFT
Posts: 372
Joined: Aug 2006

I'm so sorry for your loss. If my time should come I hope that my wife has her arms around me. My regret would be that I know how hard it would be for her and there is nothing I could do. I spent a life time loving and protecting her. But I am sure your love his smiling at the luck that he had being with you!

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but I know that your husband is looking down from Heaven to you right now. He is truly wanting you to carry on. As you were with him every step of the way, so is he here with you in spirit so that you can gain your footing. Please post often. Please chat and use us as a shoulder and a soft place to fall. I am thrilled that you had the energya nd the resillience to post this note. Again, I am so sorry for your husband's passing. Looking forward to hearing from you very soon - Maura

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Oh, dearheart, my heart is breaking for you.

Mindy10 posted a wonderful peice a while back, I thought I would re-post it here...

Hi, I saw this poem today and it brought me comfort when I thought of my dad. I know your having a hard time with losing your husband and I hope this poem brings comfort to you and all others out there that have lost a loved one. Mindy

I stood by your bed last night,I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep. I whispered to you softly as you brushed away a tear, It's me, I haven't left you, Im well, Im fine, Im here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,. You were thinking of the many times your hands reached out to me. I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore. I longed to take your pacels, i wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care. I want to re-assure you, that Im not lying there. I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my hand on you, I smiled and said its me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. Its possible for me to be so near you everyday. To say to you with certainty, I never went away. You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew... in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. The day is over.. I smile and watch you yawning and say "Good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning light". And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side by side. I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

Kathim: I am sending you warm, conforting hugs, hoping that somehow you can find peace.

Hugs, with a heavy heart...
Kathi

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Oh, dearheart, my heart is breaking for you.

Mindy10 posted a wonderful peice a while back, I thought I would re-post it here...

Hi, I saw this poem today and it brought me comfort when I thought of my dad. I know your having a hard time with losing your husband and I hope this poem brings comfort to you and all others out there that have lost a loved one. Mindy

I stood by your bed last night,I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep. I whispered to you softly as you brushed away a tear, It's me, I haven't left you, Im well, Im fine, Im here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,. You were thinking of the many times your hands reached out to me. I was with you at the shops today. Your arms were getting sore. I longed to take your pacels, i wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care. I want to re-assure you, that Im not lying there. I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my hand on you, I smiled and said its me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. Its possible for me to be so near you everyday. To say to you with certainty, I never went away. You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew... in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. The day is over.. I smile and watch you yawning and say "Good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning light". And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side by side. I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

Me again(Kathim): I am sending you warm, conforting hugs, hoping that somehow you can find peace.

Hugs, with a heavy heart...
Kathi

jerseysue's picture
jerseysue
Posts: 626
Joined: Oct 2005

I'm very sorry and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

I am so very sorry to learn of your loss. Your love found and lost experience really struck a chord in me. My husband and I are also newlyweds coping with cancer. Damn this beast!

chynabear's picture
chynabear
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. It brings tears to my eyes to read about losing loved ones and lovers.

With various instances that have happened in my life, and reading the stories of others, it just reminds me that in the blink of an eye our whole lives can change forever.

I pray that you will find the strength and courage to get through your loss.

Sending all my virtual hugs to you,

Patricia

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Dear Terry,
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. He is so blessed to have had you in his life to help him through his cancer journey. May you now find peace and comfort - I am sure that would be his wish for you.
Dash

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Terry,

My deepest sympathies go out to you on the loss of your dear sweet husband. The fact that your last three years of your life have been your happiest is a testament to your love for each other. May time bring you comfort and may your memories help sustain you during the following difficult days.

Kay

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

Dear Terry,

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

Love, Tara

WendyMarie
Posts: 48
Joined: May 2006

Dear Terry,

I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your husband obviously loved each other very much and you surely were a great support for him. You remain in my thoughts and prayers Terry!

Wendy

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

Terry,

I was wondering where you were!!!!! Now I know and am so very sorry for you dear. About the time you have the beast on the run, the other shoe drops. SUCKS big time.

I hope you know we are all there with you and will try to send enough thoughts and prayers to mend a little of your heart. That is the best we can do today. Thank you for allowing us to.

Lisa P.

crazylady
Posts: 544
Joined: Jun 2004

Hi Pepperdog,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Jamie

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

hopefully you will treasure the time that you had together, and accept that he has gone to a higher or better place where his spirit is free from a diseased body.. celebrate his passing..if you can;
accept this as just a phase, just part of a larger plan. Please stay here for support, and contact with those who truly understand. Bud

nana98
Posts: 31
Joined: Apr 2006

Terry,
I am so sorry for your loss... You are in my prayers..
Karen

debralla
Posts: 205
Joined: Feb 2006

Terry.
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your husband .
Please know that you are in my thoughts and Prayers .
Take Care and God Bless.
Debra

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Dear Terry,
I was so sorry to read aboout the loss of your dear husband; my mom always advises to have your thoughts fly to the good times, to sustain you through the tough ones. I'm so glad that you found each other; I'm so sorry that your time together was too short. You are in my prayers, Judy

jana11
Posts: 708
Joined: May 2004

Terry,

I am so sorry for all you have gone through. You are in my prayers and thoughts. You are blessed to have loved deeply. You mentioned you wish you could have gone with your husband... please know - you are here for a reason. Wrap yourself in the love around you, and carry on. We are all here for you.

jana

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jams67's picture
jams67
Posts: 927
Joined: May 2006

Terry, just know that many on this site never post but will be praying for you. We are all so very sorry for your loss.

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