Feeling Lost

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jenn02
jenn02 Member Posts: 17
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
If anyone remembers my story I was dx with colon ca 8/2002 at the age of 28. Started the oxcal. protocol and had a good report 9/2004. Discontinued chemo and was not feeling well in Jan. 2005 went for CT scan and tumors were now back on my liver and lungs again. Than come to find out it had also spread to my ovaries which I just had removed 4/5/2005 one was 15cm and the other was 1.3--saw oncologist the other day commented that I still had a little back pain and his response was that if the new chemo they are starting me on in May does not work that I will be in rough shape by this Fall. I will be starting on CPT 11,5FU and Avastin since I had a severe reaction the the oxcal. back in Feb. I know that none you you can make me better but I just felt like I needed to release. I have been so upset since that Drs. appt. I just feel like he told me I was going to die this fall and I just can't die and I am only 30 years old and I have a 3 year son and a husband that I love with all my heart. Thank you for listening

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  • bsrules
    bsrules Member Posts: 296
    #2
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    Hello Again!!!! Yes I remember you and your story!!! You have every right to feel as you do!!!! As everyone here has told me I will tell you again - you can vent anytime!!! This monster is the toughest fight you will ever have to do. Don't give up hope!!!! We are all here for you!!!! My husband Bob lost his fight to this monster and he is up with the big guy pulling for you!!!! He told me once that no one should ever have to go through this!!!! So dig down deep inside which I know that you have done before and take a deep breath and dive in. I am pulling for you!!!! People ask me if I am angry with Bob for leaving me and I tell them with everything I have that I am not mad at him I am dam made at the monster that took him from me!!!! So I am useing that anger to help all the people here fight this beast for Bob's sake!!!!!!

    I am pulling for you!!!!!

    Best Wishes and Prayers and a special rainbow!!!!

    Love Always,

    Sue
  • CAMaura
    CAMaura Member Posts: 719 Member
    #3
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    Oh Jenn,

    Please don't give up. You have a heavy plate right now....

    Give this up to God. Truly...be angry and sad...But ask for his help and guidance.

    It is hard for me to say this to you because I have been a big baby through my chemo...It is hard - both mentally and physically - and my condition is pretty hopeful (at least right now).

    You have been asked to be very strong right now....
    and I wish you all of the strength that you can muster....

    Hugs and prayers,

    Maura
  • CAMaura
    CAMaura Member Posts: 719 Member
    #4
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    Oh Jenn,

    Please don't give up. You have a heavy plate right now....

    Give this up to God. Truly...be angry and sad...But ask for his help and guidance.

    It is hard for me to say this to you because I have been a big baby through my chemo...It is hard - both mentally and physically - and my condition is pretty hopeful (at least right now).

    You have been asked to be very strong right now....
    and I wish you all of the strength that you can muster....

    Hugs and prayers,

    Maura
  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova Member Posts: 906 Member
    #5
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    I am sorry that your doc said that to you. OK, well, IF the treatment doesn't work, then you will worry about that when the time comes, but you have no reason to think it would not work. IF it does work, then you could be healthy this fall and looking forward to spending your holidays w/ your family. Think of it that way. I know it is very cliche to say "stay positive", but what else can we do? We have no choice.
    Take care and best of luck w/ your treatments.
    Susan.
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #6
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    I think sometimes our doctors don't realize the impact which their words -- even a phrase or tone -- can have on us. I am sorry your last chemo regime didn't work out so well for you -- but isn't it great that there is another chemo "cocktail" which you can start on -- soon. Best wishes for that to work great. Meanwhile, vent here anytime. We are pulling for you.
    Tara
  • angelcake
    angelcake Member Posts: 6
    #7
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    Jenn,
    I don't remember you but I can understand some of your feelings. I was diagnosed through a routine colonscophy in January 2004 and had surgery the next day. They did a CT scan on my abdominal region and everything was ok. However they did discover some nodules at the bottom of my lungs so they did anothe cat scan of my lungs. After the lung biopsy results, my oncologist called me in and told me that my condition was very grave and that it would eventually "carry me away" I was so disdraught and upset. Im not as young as you , but I have 2 children that I want to see married and , of course, the grandkids!!! Anyways, I went on the protocol of CPT11, 5FU and leucovorin. Avastin had not been approved at the time. I was on the drugs for 7 months and I tolerated them remarkedly well. The tumors shrunk.......the largest is now 8mm. and I am in remission since October 2003. I have had periodic cat scans but everything is stable so far. I once reminded the oncologist of his words to me. He apologized and he said that he was unaware of the dramatic promising effects of the new chemotherapies for colon cancer. So please take heart. The chemo will work and hopefully you will be in remission soon. If it worked for me, it can work for you

    Huggs and Kisses,
    Angel
  • nanuk
    nanuk Member Posts: 1,358 Member
    #8
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    Your situation is not hopeless; don't depend upon one doctor's opinion just because you have back pain.
    what does this doctor know about the power of the mind to heal? Probably not much. My wife was dx'd with S4 Breast cancer and given a death sentence..she lived 5+ years which was over 50% over any expectations for survival at that time..consider alternatives-supplements, juicing, exercise, etc. in conjunction with your chemo. get a second opinion; be proactive about your treatment plan, don't accept without question what this doctor says-there are many reasons for back pain, many of which have nothing to do with your cancer. Your attitude is everything..keep it positive; resolve to live and defeat the monster, and tackle it one day at a time. You are only defeated if you believe it... Nanuk
  • Shandle
    Shandle Member Posts: 204
    #9
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    Dear heavenly father, please give comfort to Jenn & Sue. Give them strength.. shine your glorious light of love down on them and pull them through these darkest days. Be their guide, and their physician. Help their Dr.'s heal them. Give them hope.. give them comfort. Please I ask that you bless them with health, and many years of sunshine and laughter with their families and friends... Amen


    Don't give up... and don't let you're Dr. get you down. You are stronger than you know. You can make it! ~ Wanda
  • rejoyous
    rejoyous Member Posts: 259
    #10
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    I'm so glad you wrote to us. No wonder you're upset! The physical end of cancer is relatively mild compared to the psychological stress.

    My cousin is a doctor and was diagnosed with cancer this past summer. She says that her diagnosis has transformed the way she practices medicine. Hope is a healing tool, just like chemo or surgery. You've made the decisions about the medical end of your healing. Now you need to take care of your spirit.

    Try to stay focused on each day, each hour, each moment as it comes. That's all life is, anyway, these tiny little moments strung together. Treasure the moment that you're actually living in and deal with the later ones iwhen they come.

    There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel the tremendous difference cancer has made in my ability to appreciate my children and my husband. Try to stay in that zone. They'll help you. We'll help you.
  • swelsh
    swelsh Member Posts: 10
    #11
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    Dear Jenn,

    I can't believe that your doctor was so pessimistic with you. I have been blessed with one of the most optimistic doctors there is. I know of one patient that asked him what if the chemo doesn't work and his reply was "we will hope for the best". His smile brightens my day each time I see him.

    Also I have been on the chemo regimen that you are going to be on and it kept my tumors stable for 9 months. It does work for a lot of people. When I was dx my CT scan report said that I had innumerable tumors in my liver and tumors in my lungs and I'm still around after 18 months. Besides if this chemo (the CPT-11, Avastin, 5FU and Leuv.) doesn't work there is still Erbitux to try. You are not out of options by a long stretch.

    Please try to keep a positive attitude and forget your doctor's comments- I know that's soooo much easier said than done. But you have so much to live for and you have fought a great fight so far. You can continue to rid your body of this monster and prove your downer doctor so wrong. Any questions you have about the chemo regimen let me know and I'll be glad to help if I can.

    Sally
  • nettie4
    nettie4 Member Posts: 145
    #12
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    dear jenn. we have a bit in common. i was dx at age 28 while pregnant. in 02 at the age of 33 i was told of recurrence in my lungs and in pelvic area. did surg in 03 for both lung and pelvic area but cancer came back in just my lungs and dr sd i am no longer surgable. i have 2 kids ages 6 and 8 and i plan to fight to be around for them. i am on a break from chemo right now until aug and i will get a scan again in june to see where things stand. i know you are under alot of stress but maybe you might think of getting another oncologist who shares with you the same fight you want to have. dont forget drs only go by what they are told which is standard of care and everyone is different. you will get through this just like you did before and you are not out of options so find someone who wants to fight just as hard as you do. the Lord be with you and your family and give you peace. take care

    nettie

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