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I lost my father, and my mind

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2005

I am new this, and was told it may help, I lost my father to colorectal cancer over a year ago, and I am still having a very hard time grieving and accepting, it really affects my everdaylife and the people I love, I don't have much support, other than my boyfriend, and his mother, she seems to really understand me, but he doesnt all the time, and somehow I keep pushing him away, will the pain ever go away, does this ever get any easier?, will I be able to accept love again?

Posts: 4
Joined: Oct 2004

First of all, you need time to heal. I lost my mom a year ago tomorrow and it hurts like it was yesterday. They tell me when you lose someone who was suffering, your pain is postponed, because at first you are so relieved that the person you love so much is now out of the pain that takes over their life. Then you realize the magnitude of what you lost. The second year can be harder and because people think you should be going on with your life and "over it", it seems no one is there for you anymore. If you have a safe person to talk to, please continue to talk to that person. They don't try to fix things, they only listen and try to help you vent. I know, I am still looking for my safe person. I hope someday to find that person. Some days it is all I can do to go on...but I know I have to and you will go on to. You have to put one foot in front of the other and soon your pain will start to be memories of your father. And the joy he gave you. You are stronger than you think. God bless you and take care.

Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2002

I lost my dad October 25, 2004 (throat then lung cancer) and to this day I have not yet got over it, matter a fact, I think I'm getting worse. Not only did I loose my dad in 04, my sister died of cancer (melanoma) in November 02 at age 45. It has been a long hall and my family (mother and one sister) are not much help at all to me. My husband does listen when I talk about it, however, I could talk about it every minute of every day. Sometimes I feel people avoid me because they think I "might" talk about it, it seems the subject is just so taboo. Also, when I see friends and such smoking and overdrinking, and laying in the sun, I try to tell them that its not such a good idea, but they seem to think I'm over reacting and because it happened to me, its not going to happen to everyone. I really am concerned for alot of my friends who engage in this reckless behavior and I do to some extent avoid my friends that continue to smoke and over drink because I just don't accept that behaviour anymore. I guess I'm at a stage where I realize that life is not just a "given" and we need to have some responsibilites as well, but it is playing on the people who I am close too. I really don't know what to do. Jokingly I made a new years resolution and annouced it that in 2006, I will NOT be giving my opinion, unless it is asked for. In other words, I'm not saying NOTHING in 06.......I'm gonna try to stick with it, but I do miss my dad terribly. This Christmas was just a total write off.

Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2004

I have been where you are. Both Parents died in 05. I have a great boyfriend, but it does't help. No one understands me either. I'll help you if I can.

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