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When it rains, it pours.

Posts: 10
Joined: Oct 2004

I cannot believe what is happening in my family. We just lost my mother-in-law last month to lung cancer following a 3+ year battle. Now, I find out my father has esophageal cancer, don't know any details yet. He visits an oncologist & surgeon next week to figure things out. In addition to that, my mother has to have a breast biopsy next week. We don't know what she'll be facing either. I am just numb. I can't believe we just got done with one terrible process, only to begin again. It was absolutely heart-wrenching to watch my mother-in-law die. I can't bear the thought of having to do this again so soon. I know I am just being selfish, need to quit all these "poor me" feelings, but honestly, how much can we endure? I have always thought God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but this is unreal. I can't even be angry about it, I'm just numb. I guess it will hit when we find out what is happening with both of them.

Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2005

Hi there. Your post title got my attention, because that is often a saying I use myself. And trust me, I can identify with that NUMB feeling. You are not alone my dear. My name is Kelly....I am 23 years old with a 14 year old sister. Our father passed away 5 years ago...he was 46. He had many health complications but what eventually took him was a massive stroke. Last year, near the anniversary of my father's death, my mother who was 46 at the time had a hysterectomy for what was thought to be a uterine fibroid.....turned out to be stage IV cervical cancer. She has been battling it for almost a year, and we have not seen too many changes. And that is exactly how I feel most of the time.....numb. And you sit there with kind of a blank expression, because you can't even cry. And some days, it's the small trivial things that truly add up.....like the roof has a leak, or the grocery shopping needs to be done or the washer breaks or money becomes a concern. It all adds up...it pours. But there are some things I have learned through watching it rain..pour down rain the last few weeks in my home town of Phoenix, AZ........the rain makes everything new again. It washes away and purifies, leaving the world refreshed and beautiful, and eventually the sun shines again. And if you believe in the bible story about Noah and The Great Flood......HE gave us a rainbow and promised to never again give us more than we could handle. You are stronger than you know. And I pray that you see a rainbow in your life soon....God bless you, and all those close to you. You are not alone.

Posts: 10
Joined: Feb 2004

This post really hit a chord with me. I have felt completely overwhelmed myself--my dad, who 6 years ago beat lung and prostate cancer (neither were metastisized, they were two separate cancers!), was recently diagnosed with inoperable bladder cancer. He has been in the hospital for 4 weeks with one complication after another. We are not sure if he is ever going to come home. I am a cancer survivor myself--two years ago this week I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. I had a six month old daughter at the time. Between dad's two previous cancers, and mine, and now this terminal illness, and caring for my two-year-old, and working full-time....it sometimes gets the best of me.

Take time to take care of your emotional and physical needs. Don't bear yourself up over how much time you spend helping, etc.--we can only do the best we can. And those of us (and there are more than we realize) who are facing these seemingly insurmountable circumstances can help each other with emotional support.

Posts: 6
Joined: Jun 2005

And when it pours it floods... I'm very sorry to hear about your trajic situation. I am not sure how telling you my story will help. I am new to this site, and not yet sure what I have to offer, becuase I certainly am in a flood. My name is Ben I am the eldest son of a amazing superhuman Dad, who is dieing of prostate cancer. It's raining today, and your message seemed to reach out to me, the exact words I would use... I cannot possibly know HOW you feel, but I know that you DO feel and that it is the most raw, numbing, horrible feeling in the world. I have found some comfort in a book given to me called "How to Survive the Loss of a Loved One" by Harold Bloomfield. It's a short, practical series of suggestions when dealing with a loss. While I have not lost my father yet, the time will come and I have found some peace in the simple words in this book. I would highly recommend it. I hope some of this helps.. I certainly hope it doesn't worsen your situation. I, like you, am just trying to ride out the flood, because as you so eloquently put it, when it rains, it pours.

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