Fired for showing 2 women employees surgery scars

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jkswen
jkswen Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Does anyone have any information (or personal stories) about the need breast cancer survivors have to show their surgery scars (mastectomy and reconstruction) to other women (as a part of the emotional healing)?

I was on a retreat, staying in a hotel with 2 of my employees, and as I was changing in the bathroom I realized it was the first time I'd been around other women who might see my scars, or be curious about my surgery. (They both had been supportive during and after surgery and chemo.) So, I asked if they wanted to see my "new boobs" and then proceeded to show them and share about the surgery (lateral flap).

4 months later they went to my supervisor and filed a complaint. One of them said she could no longer work with me anymore. They also must have used the terms "lawsuit" and "sexual harrassment" because after a week of paid "leave", my employer handed me a separation agreement. I had to hire an attorney to get any kind of severance.

I can't get my job back but I will be meeting one more time with my supervisor and would like to be able to share how "common" and even "necessary" it is for women survivors to do this as a part of their recovery and survival.

jkswen

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  • mssue
    mssue Member Posts: 242
    #2
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    Hi-Sue here.I haven't posted in a while-but when I read your post I thought I let you know you're not alone.I myself do not desire to show and tell but I've had other women flash and show,the first time was the Lady at the hospital that did my mamogram and found the cancer-we were discussing different options when she lifted her shirt and bra to show me her scars-it caught me off guard and it was also before I had my own mastectomy.I thought she was very brave and wanted to pass along the feeling of not being alone and to show me everything would be alright.I saw her today as a matter of fact-at the hospital getting a check up.I think it's all in how it is presented.The last time I was flashed was by a customer of ours at work-During my interview with her and her spouse she stated that she had to take her cancer med-I said excuse me -cancer med?That lead into an indepth conversation as you might imagine since I've been there too.Then she pulled her blouse down and exposed her bare scarred chest and ask me if my doctor left anything behind like for cleavage-I politely said just a little-I couldn't bring myself to show mine and especially with her Husband sitting there.Anyway everyone is different and handle situations differently.
    Did those Ladies say they wanted to see?I guess sometimes it pays to know who your friends are.Why on earth did they wait 4 months to speak up-or why didn't they say something to you first if they were that uncomfortable.It kinda of sounds like something else is up-maybe they're jealous of you or your job.It sounds a little underhanded to me-a real friend would not have done that to you.
    I'll keep you in my prayers-you know what they say when one door closes another one opens.I hope your job hunting goes well-hang in there ,remember that everything happens for a reason,God Bless You!

    Sue
  • Idalia
    Idalia Member Posts: 76
    #3
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    I have never shown my breast scar to anyone except my husband and doctors. I am very close to my two sisters, godmother and two lifelong best friends (one of whom is also a b.c. survivor) and I have no interest or need to show any of them my scar (or see any of theirs!) Jkswen, I think where you crossed the line was the fact that these two women were your EMPLOYEES. If they were your friends or fellow workers, they might have felt more comfortable stopping you from exposing yourself. As their boss, you were in a position of authority over them, however supportive or curious they may have been. I'm sure you had the best intentions in what you did, but evidently they weren't ready to share in your recovery. There are support groups and organizations where you can be open and help others who are dealing with breast cancer. Don't consider this job change a bad thing - you will find a better place to be. Good luck.
  • seeknpeace
    seeknpeace Member Posts: 259
    #4
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    I am not sure why some of us have that need, but, I was one of those as well.

    Every person who came into the hospital room after my surgery, bilateral and tram, I asked if they wanted to see. And, I guess most of our town saw my scars. I am so sorry that happened and I agree that there must be something more than just this with these women. But, karma is a **** and you cannot reap rewards when you hurt someone else intentionally. I really believe that. I would guess that the personality of each person would determine their need to share. I would bet that you could call some of the bc hotlines and get some info from the counsellors there. See, the thing is that sexual harassment is an issue if there is a complaint and they do not act on it. Just telling you to never do it again would be sufficient. If they did not tell you, and you did something that these "women" construed as sexual, albeit so far offbase,then they could be sued. But, not for a first complaint. It just sucks. I hope that you can get your job back, if you want it and if not, I hope that you can sue them. Jan

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