I'm not ashamed, just can't talk about it

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SDM1984
SDM1984 Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello Everyone:
It's me again. I'm glad I found this site. I have been reading many of the postings and I find that I'm not alone. For seven years I didn't think I needed anyone else to talk to about my condition. I never sought out any type of group counseling or therapy. In fact, you could say I tried to keep it a secret. I never really felt comfortable talking about it. I'm just now beginning to feel a bit more at ease.

In the beginning, I don't know what I was feeling. It sounds crazy, but I guess I felt embarrassed or ashamed. I didn't want people to know about the cancer because I didn't want to be treated any differently. It seems like when you tell someone you've had cancer, they look at you differently as if they're thinking "Oh no! It's cancer and people die from that. Hummm....I wonder if she's really alright." And then, sometimes, you can see how much they feel sorry for you. Well, I want people to like me, or dislike me, for who I am and not because I had cancer. I want people to be my friends because they truly want to and not because they feel sorry for me. In fact, many of my friends (new friends, that is) don't know I'm a breast cancer survivor....there never seems to be a perfect time to tell them.

The fact is....I'm not ashamed. I'm very proud to be a breast cancer survivor and I'm very grateful to God for helping me find and fight it. I just can't seem to talk about it, although I do seem to be doing a great job right here.

I know this has been a long posting, and I appreciate all who are listening. Maybe I'm not alone in how I feel.

Thanks for listening and caring,
Sharon

Comments

  • hummingbyrd
    hummingbyrd Member Posts: 950 Member
    #2
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    You have valid reasons for not talking about your medical history, and as long as you're not suppressing feelings that result in guilt, depression, etc...I don't see any reason for you to discuss it.
    Some people don't talk about their history because of fear, example, talking about it may make it "real". That is paricularly a problem with family members; 'if we don't discuss it will go away'. Denial, and that's not healthy.
    Others are just private or don't want a stigma attached to them; it gets frustrating to feel like people define you according to your illness.
    The most aggravating question is "How's your cancer doing?" I mean like how do you respond to that?
    "Well, it's a pesky little critter, but we seem to have it under control right now. By the way how's your thought process? Getting any clearer?"
    LOL Just teasing, it really doesn't make me mad, just seems like a dumb way to phrase the question.
    Kinda like my neurologist; I go in by myself to see her and she asks "are you having any episodes of confusion or delusions?" Hello? doc IF I was would I know? LOL
    People are funny! Anyway feel free to share your 'secret' with us...you can vent and still keep your own identity elsewhere!
    God bless.
    hummingbyrd
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #3
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    We'll all listen, and we all care. You're not alone there are a lot of cancer survivors that just don't want to talk about it - some of us do, some of us don't.
    So glad you're doing well
    Clara
  • wildangel
    wildangel Member Posts: 81
    #4
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    hummingbyrd said:

    You have valid reasons for not talking about your medical history, and as long as you're not suppressing feelings that result in guilt, depression, etc...I don't see any reason for you to discuss it.
    Some people don't talk about their history because of fear, example, talking about it may make it "real". That is paricularly a problem with family members; 'if we don't discuss it will go away'. Denial, and that's not healthy.
    Others are just private or don't want a stigma attached to them; it gets frustrating to feel like people define you according to your illness.
    The most aggravating question is "How's your cancer doing?" I mean like how do you respond to that?
    "Well, it's a pesky little critter, but we seem to have it under control right now. By the way how's your thought process? Getting any clearer?"
    LOL Just teasing, it really doesn't make me mad, just seems like a dumb way to phrase the question.
    Kinda like my neurologist; I go in by myself to see her and she asks "are you having any episodes of confusion or delusions?" Hello? doc IF I was would I know? LOL
    People are funny! Anyway feel free to share your 'secret' with us...you can vent and still keep your own identity elsewhere!
    God bless.
    hummingbyrd

    That's ok! Just the other day I had a resident take my medical history and he actually asked me "Do you know which breast you had your cancer in?"
    We sure get to hear everything!
  • nganga4
    nganga4 Member Posts: 17
    #5
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    The only people who NEED to know are on your treatment team. I haven't told some members of my family because they are going through their own miseries and don't need to hear mine. On the other hand, there are cancer survivors whose opinions I value (my mom among them) and I can share things with them based on past relationships. Play it by ear. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You just don't want to tell people who are either enablers ("Poor you.") or so self-absorbed that they only care about how it affects them.

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