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Family don't understand!

miraclemom's picture
Posts: 42
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi everyone-its been awhile since I have been in here but its time I need some help or ideas with a problem I have. My mom is dying of heart diesease and my sisters and me have been taking turns caring for her along with hospice. Problem is my health is still not what it should be because of having breast cancer with chemo just two years ago. I work, go to school and a single mom of three-they have no job, kids are grown. They think I am cured so I don't need to see doctors no more, go for pain injections,I have no side affects from chemo-I am healthy and should be able to do what they do. I can't anymore, its driving me crazy with guilt. Why can't people understand that cancer changes your life forever and just because I look fine doesn't mean i am fine. They don't have a clue to what my life is like trying to fight cancer and raise my children. Any ideas, besides telling them to leave me alone. I want to take my turn with my mom but its getting to much for me and my mental state. In the past everyone here has always been a great help so please e-mail me if if would mrclmm1@aol.com or thru here.

Posts: 11
Joined: Jun 2004

If you don't take care of yourself first then there's no way you can take care of anyone else. You have to tell your sisters the truth. You don't have the energy to do it all.

It's been 4 years since my chemo and I still can't do, nor do I think I ever will be able to go as long or as fast as I used to be. That's the facts! Chemo nearly kills you before you are better, how is a body suppose to ever get back to the way it was? I don't think it can.

Take care of yourself!!!You don't want to get weak and then get sick again.


chiligrl's picture
Posts: 20
Joined: Mar 2004

I know what you mean! My treatment has only been over for 4 months and I appear healthy. But about once every week or two, I am just so tired that I can't cope. I miss about one day of work every 3 weeks because of this. I go home from work and go right to sleep and sleep for hours, then sleep all night...my hubby (God Bless him, he is so wonderful)doesn't quite get it. He ask's over and over, "Well, what is it? What is wrong?" It's hard for him to understand that I am still torn down from the chemo and radiation. But YOU have to take care of your body! You just have to listen to it and if they can't understand that,then explain it as best you can, then do what you have to do..
Best of Luck to ya'

Posts: 41
Joined: Dec 2004

Hello miraclemom,

I will give you an idea, something that worked for me. I also had breast cancer and I am on Tamoxifen for the 5 year period, but I am also fulltime caregiver to my husband and have been for the past 10 years. The stress of all of it has my body dragging, and I feel fatigue all of the time. Just because I look o.k. on the outside and it has been almost one year since my first surgery, everyone seems to think that I too can handle anything. It doesn't matter what it is that comes up, any crisis or problem I hear about it and it is laid on my shoulders. Finally, I had enough. I wrote e-mails to the ones that were unloading their problems on me and simply told them that they were going to have to work out their own problems, that I had more than enough to deal with around here. I hated to be so blunt with them, but I had to think of myself for once and think "SURVIVAL MODE". That is what I am suggesting to you. Whatever you feel like you have to do personally in order to survive all of the turmoil, do it for YOU. You have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about, because all of the medical people told me very clearly that I was going to have to put myself FIRST in order to survive all of it. Now, I am passing that suggestion on to you. You can and will come up with something that works for you in order to put a stop to it.

When my Mom was dying and I wanted to be with her, others still unloaded their problems on me just as they have been doing to you. We as women, are always suppose to be "rocks", well even rocks crumble. You put yourself first please. I am realizing that more and more in my own life. The best of luck to you!


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