It's Been One Year - I Made It

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stillgood
stillgood Member Posts: 46
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Ladies, A year ago today (July 9), I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. Both breast completely full of cancer (ductal, lobular, and invasive mass).

Let me tell you everything leading up to that date told me I would not be able to make it. The crying, the uncertainty, the not knowing if the mastectomy was the right thing to do. Just down right scared. I was frozen in fear. I was just going through the motions.

I'm here a year later got past those terrible drainage bulbs (4). Trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. 4 rounds of chemo (A/C), hair loss, black tongue and nails, itchy and burning eyes, no energy, night sweats, cold head, couldn't make another day. Thought I would die. But I made it.

The discomfort of having breast implants expanded weekly. Getting tired of sleeping on my back being so uncomfortable with the implants. Having fluid removed attempting to get just the right breast look they were so ugly, I couldn't look (I have Becker Implants that are expanders with a silicon core. Only one surgery to put them in). Tight chest muscles feeling like they are squeezing the life out of me. I made it.

So depressed about my life and the me without real breasts. Having to accept these new Barbie Doll, non-descript breast. I couldn't even say my name without crying. But I made it.

One year ago my life totally changed.

Today, I can look back and see the scared person I was. Also today, I can tell you that this has been a tremendous journey that has taken me so many places. Along the way, I've met many ladies (young and old) all survivors of breast cancer.
One lady's cancer has metastasized to her brain but her light still shines so bright with hope.
You ladies, always sharing of yourself when I had questions. Everyone I've met on my journey has contributed to calming the waters for me one way of the other.

I MADE IT!!!!! I just needed to shout it out. I MADE IT. I didn't think I could. I just want to tell everyone.

I know I could do that with you.

So, if you are at the beginning of your diagnosis or after your surgery, please know that you will make it. You will be surprised how you will feel about yourself after all the bad stuff is over. While you are going through it, it doesn't seem like it will ever come to an end. It does. That end will make you stronger to survive each day that you get.

I am rambling right now. Just wanted to share

Linda

Comments

  • stillgood
    stillgood Member Posts: 46
    #2
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    I forgot the dreaded Tamoxifin. I postponed taking it for 3 months because I was afraid and didn't want to deal with the side effects. But so far, I Made It. No side effects to mention at this time. I'm truly blessed

    Linda
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #3
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    I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to me to find your message here today. Thank you so much for taking the time to put it all into words and share it. I am so grateful. Love, Denise
  • mci
    mci Member Posts: 7
    #4
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    It`s so good to hear about you. THANK YOU!!!!!
    I`m looking forward to a day that I can say I
    MADE IT. No, it`s hasn`t been easy, but WE can
    make it. May GOD bless you!! mary
  • mc2001
    mc2001 Member Posts: 343
    #5
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    Hi Linda!!!
    Michael here (aka mc2001). So glad to hear of your triumphant journey! Congratulations!! More than statistics and medical journals, you have provided hope for many of these newly diagnosed BC patients!! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your joy. And you are not rambling. You are reaching out to those who need that hope, and frankly you are courageous for sharing that with us. I am not a BC person, but a leukemia survivor. Thank you for sharing.
    God bless,
    -Michael
  • Sandis
    Sandis Member Posts: 85
    #6
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    Thanks for your message. It meant a lot to me. Actually I'm crying as I respond to your message. I just had my 7th of 8 chemotherapy sessions and I know I'm nearing the end of chemo, but my wig and scarf are hot, my legs ache, my feet are numb and I'm tired of being tired and tired of not being me and I guess I'm pretty discouraged and I know that one year will come soon and I hope I can look back and feel good. Thanks! Sandi
  • momof4
    momof4 Member Posts: 56
    #7
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    CONGRATULATIONS :) I am truly happy for you and i can tell for your message so full of joy that you are happy yourself :)
    Hugs and the best for you that may every day be a happy and fullfilled one for you.
    Mariateresa
  • ryley
    ryley Member Posts: 55
    #8
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    Thank you for sharing that. I know I've had all the same feelings. Will it ever end? Will I ever be myself again?

    Well I have 6 more rads to go and I'm almost done. Reconstruction will have to wait until next year. I got my short, crappy, gray hair dyed RED!

    Yes, it will be done (I can see the light at the end of the tunnel). No, I won't be my old self - I hope I'm better!

    Thank you for your uplifting story.

    Ryley
  • AngelBaby
    AngelBaby Member Posts: 47
    #9
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    Today is my first chemo treatment so I started here this morning looking for courage. And I found it. I want to thank you for putting your story here...especially today. It has given me the push that I needed. Thank you.
  • cammie
    cammie Member Posts: 102
    #10
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    ONE YEAR - We all look forward to that date. It will come and pass then 2,3,4 etc. Your words were comforting, knowing and experiencing first hand how you felt, and how you feel now about yourself is wonderful. Cheers to you Linda. Thank YOU! Cammie
  • sdevilbiss
    sdevilbiss Member Posts: 41 Member
    #11
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    Every year is a land mark. I have celebrated every year for the past 13 years and am soon celebrating my 14th anniversary on August 18. Congratulations and wishing you many more anniversaries of survival!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #12
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    Sandis said:

    Thanks for your message. It meant a lot to me. Actually I'm crying as I respond to your message. I just had my 7th of 8 chemotherapy sessions and I know I'm nearing the end of chemo, but my wig and scarf are hot, my legs ache, my feet are numb and I'm tired of being tired and tired of not being me and I guess I'm pretty discouraged and I know that one year will come soon and I hope I can look back and feel good. Thanks! Sandi

    I'm a week behind you, Sandis. We'll make it together.
  • jake10
    jake10 Member Posts: 202
    #13
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    Thank You for sharing your joy and sucess. It means alot to those of us behind you and should remind those ahead of you to be grateful and joyous. Jump up and down and sing out loud, even wear purple. Live it up Girl! Congrats Beth
  • csharp
    csharp Member Posts: 2
    #14
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    Hi, stillgood!
    My sister has just been diagnosed with cancer in both breasts, so your message was very encouraging to me. She is currently trying to decide whether to have the double mastectomy or chemo first. (Two different doctors have recommended two different courses.) Would you mind telling me what the process was for you? And what stage breast cancer did you have? My sister has stage 3 in one breast and stage 2 in the other. I am praying that she will be in the position you are in one year from now.
    Colleen
  • heavenlee
    heavenlee Member Posts: 113
    #15
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    Hello Linda,
    GOOD FOR YOU!!! I started crying reading your post. I feel the same way..I have made it a year since Feb. and also have a new baby who just turned a year today. YOur post is very positive and I am sure will help others who are started their journey.
    best of luck and GOd Bless..
    Angel
  • stillgood
    stillgood Member Posts: 46
    #16
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    csharp said:

    Hi, stillgood!
    My sister has just been diagnosed with cancer in both breasts, so your message was very encouraging to me. She is currently trying to decide whether to have the double mastectomy or chemo first. (Two different doctors have recommended two different courses.) Would you mind telling me what the process was for you? And what stage breast cancer did you have? My sister has stage 3 in one breast and stage 2 in the other. I am praying that she will be in the position you are in one year from now.
    Colleen

    Colleen,

    I am so sorry to hear about your sister.

    Unfortunately, I did not pay much attention to the stage of my cancer. I can't even remember if I was ever told and I know I never asked.

    My steps were like this. Following the biopsy and confirmation of the cancer, I had a consultation with the doctor team at my hospitals cancer center. I spoke with an ocologist, surgeon and radiation oncologist. All 3 felt that mastectomy was what I had to do. I wasn't given any options. My ductal insitu in one breast was multifocal (all over the breast). I was told that if I did a lumpectomy, I would not have much breast tissue left after removing the cancer and getting clear margins. The other breast had ductal, lobular insitu and an invasive mass (2.5 centimeters). Since that breast was so involved and had the mass that infilterated my breast tissue, I was not given an option of keeping that breast.

    Colleen, I'm not sure how much or how little information you want. If you want, you can send me an email ljpayne1014@cs.com. I can share with you as much as I can.

    You hang in there.

    Linda (Stillgood)
  • stillgood
    stillgood Member Posts: 46
    #17
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    heavenlee said:

    Hello Linda,
    GOOD FOR YOU!!! I started crying reading your post. I feel the same way..I have made it a year since Feb. and also have a new baby who just turned a year today. YOur post is very positive and I am sure will help others who are started their journey.
    best of luck and GOd Bless..
    Angel

    Hey Angel,

    Looks like you've received your share of blessings also. Two new lives, yours and a new baby also. Good For You. Makes you understand what we are suppose to do with each day we are given. Can't waste any of it.

    Isn't it funny how our journeys never end. We just keep coming across big and better discoveries.

    Take care as we look forward to another year (day by day).

    Linda
  • stillgood
    stillgood Member Posts: 46
    #18
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    sdevilbiss said:

    Every year is a land mark. I have celebrated every year for the past 13 years and am soon celebrating my 14th anniversary on August 18. Congratulations and wishing you many more anniversaries of survival!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks so much for your sharing. 13 years. WOW I'll remember and celebrate with you in August when you make 14 years.

    Take care
  • stillgood
    stillgood Member Posts: 46
    #19
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    mc2001 said:

    Hi Linda!!!
    Michael here (aka mc2001). So glad to hear of your triumphant journey! Congratulations!! More than statistics and medical journals, you have provided hope for many of these newly diagnosed BC patients!! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your joy. And you are not rambling. You are reaching out to those who need that hope, and frankly you are courageous for sharing that with us. I am not a BC person, but a leukemia survivor. Thank you for sharing.
    God bless,
    -Michael

    Michael,

    Thanks for your encouragement. I guess we have to touch each hand and bring each other along.

    I see you are a survivor also. Good for you.

    Take care.
  • csharp
    csharp Member Posts: 2
    #20
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    stillgood said:

    Colleen,

    I am so sorry to hear about your sister.

    Unfortunately, I did not pay much attention to the stage of my cancer. I can't even remember if I was ever told and I know I never asked.

    My steps were like this. Following the biopsy and confirmation of the cancer, I had a consultation with the doctor team at my hospitals cancer center. I spoke with an ocologist, surgeon and radiation oncologist. All 3 felt that mastectomy was what I had to do. I wasn't given any options. My ductal insitu in one breast was multifocal (all over the breast). I was told that if I did a lumpectomy, I would not have much breast tissue left after removing the cancer and getting clear margins. The other breast had ductal, lobular insitu and an invasive mass (2.5 centimeters). Since that breast was so involved and had the mass that infilterated my breast tissue, I was not given an option of keeping that breast.

    Colleen, I'm not sure how much or how little information you want. If you want, you can send me an email ljpayne1014@cs.com. I can share with you as much as I can.

    You hang in there.

    Linda (Stillgood)

    Linda,
    Thanks so much for your reply. It makes me feel good to know that you are doing well even though both of your breasts were affected (as is the case with my sister). I am flying to Houston to go to the doctor with Maureen this week, and perhaps I will have more questions after that. She has not had any blood work yet, so we do not know if the cancer has spread to other organs. There is no question that she needs a double mastectomy as well as chemo, but the doctor she spoke to at M.D Anderson Cancer Center thought she should have the chemo first to kill the cancer cells before the surgery. But (due to insurance issues), she may not be able to go there for her treatment. We will see what this new doctor recommends.
    Your support means a lot.
    Colleen
  • mslizzie
    mslizzie Member Posts: 1
    #21
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    stillgood said:

    Colleen,

    I am so sorry to hear about your sister.

    Unfortunately, I did not pay much attention to the stage of my cancer. I can't even remember if I was ever told and I know I never asked.

    My steps were like this. Following the biopsy and confirmation of the cancer, I had a consultation with the doctor team at my hospitals cancer center. I spoke with an ocologist, surgeon and radiation oncologist. All 3 felt that mastectomy was what I had to do. I wasn't given any options. My ductal insitu in one breast was multifocal (all over the breast). I was told that if I did a lumpectomy, I would not have much breast tissue left after removing the cancer and getting clear margins. The other breast had ductal, lobular insitu and an invasive mass (2.5 centimeters). Since that breast was so involved and had the mass that infilterated my breast tissue, I was not given an option of keeping that breast.

    Colleen, I'm not sure how much or how little information you want. If you want, you can send me an email ljpayne1014@cs.com. I can share with you as much as I can.

    You hang in there.

    Linda (Stillgood)

    I was diagnosed in feb with lobular. i just had my first taxotere and am wondering what to expect as side effects. the ac went ok for th most part.

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