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My Dad is Gone

Donna
Posts: 23
Joined: Dec 2002

I lost my Dad today to non-small cell. We just found out in Oct 2002 that he had it. I can't believe it took him so fast. His cancer had spread more than what was at first thought apparently. Our lives will never be the same without him. He was such a great son, husband, and father. It's so hard but I know he is in a better place and not in any pain now. Still, it's so unfair--he was only 56! He just retired after 32 years working for the State of KY. He retired due to his illness so he didn't get to enjoy retirement at all. He served in Viet Nam in 1966-67. He spent his whole life thinking about and doing for others. Now he is gone and there is a big void in our lives that will never be filled again. I feel like my heart is literally breaking. I wish a cure could be found for this dreadful disease and that more screening tests would be created to catch lung cancer in its earlier stages. Good luck to all of you out there fighting this disease.

betty2
Posts: 91
Joined: Apr 2002

Donna I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad,Just know hes in a better place. Its hard for you and your family cause we are never ready to loose a parent, husband or best friend. Just know that in time God will lessen your pain and that you will remember the wonderful times you had together.
I will be thinking of you in the next days ahead.
betty2

michaelcie
Posts: 133
Joined: Nov 2001

Donna, I am sorry to hear of your Fathers passing. I know how you feel as I lost my Mother to cancer and you just have to believe theyl are in a better place. Always remember the good times and your Father will be there with you. God bless, Mike

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bobmc
Posts: 47
Joined: Nov 2002

Oh Donna, I too am so so sorry to here of your loss, He sounds like he was a wonderful man, certainly loved by many, may God bless you and help you and your family.
Keep the faith & know he is in a better place
Bobmc dx. stage IIB NSCLC 4/15/01

LaDeana
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2003

i am in the same situation as you, we lost our daddy jan.18th to small cell, inoperable cancer. he had it in his esophogus, and spread to his brain. it dont even seem like he's really gone. i am the baby girl, and i really am having a hard time dealing with him being gone. he just retired also. he was 67, turning 68 in april. till his last breath i know he could hear us telling him how much we loved him, he died at home like he wanted to, he was diagnosed in late july 2002. had the best dr.'s and i suppose it was something that was meant to be for him, but it doesnt make it one bit easier knowing he was in gods hands, my heart will hurt forever! i know he is in a better place but, it'll never be the same!please email me at daddysbabygirl62@aol.com if you like to have someone to chat with, put" our dad's" in the subject line, guess what, he's from KY. too, wow!

Donna
Posts: 23
Joined: Dec 2002

Thank you all for your kind responses. It's so hard to cope with this loss. Cancer is so horrible! I can't believe with all the research that's been done on it all these years that they can't come up with better treatments and screening. I am so angry right now and know that I have to get past it because nothing is going to bring him back.

Sad_Boy
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Dona,
I lost my dad in January 2009. He was diagnosed with Small cell lung cancer last April. I was surprisingly fine and strong and stayed with him until he passed away. Now and few months later, everything is coming to haunt me down. I think of him every day. Sometimes I think maybe he had Pneumonia or something that could have been treated. I watch my dad videos and I feel that I will always have a broken heart all my life. I feel what you are going through and it is that anger that you really don't know how to take it out. I only wish Lung Cancer was a creature with a life. Only God knows what I would have done. It is a tough time and we have to live with our deep wounds hopefully they heal with time.

cabbott
Posts: 1048
Joined: Aug 2006

Dear Sad Boy,

Lung Cancer is a nasty beast and no one will rejoice more than I will when a cure is found. It was NOT YOUR FAULT that your Dad died. Crazy cells that don't belong in a lung or his body disrupted his body's function and immune system and unfortunately we don't have the effective treatments we need yet to make those nasty varmits vanish. I remember visiting my Grandfather when he was at end-stage prostrate cancer. (I knew he had prostrate cancer, but we thought he just had an eating disorder at the time because he wouldn't eat.) He was breathing funny(kind of roughly like a rattle) and not responding to me that night. I was worried about getting close or even visiting at all as I had a bit of a cold, but I wanted to see him and thought it would be okay if I didn't get too close. I didn't want to give my cold to him, but I knew how much we both enjoyed seeing each other. I didn't stay long as a result of the cold and besides, he wasn't up to responding to my visit which was unlike him. He didn't talk to me or anything. I told the nurse as I left who got a funny look on her face and rushed off. The next day I got a call from my Dad who said that my Grandfather had died that night about 1 to 2 hours after I had left. I was very upset and not just because I missed my Grandfather. I thought in the back of my head that maybe my visit had killed him. Maybe I had given him a cold or pneumonia that was the last straw. He had played cards and beat us all soundly the week before, but that night he was breathing funny and maybe it was my fault. I was really worried that maybe I was what caused his death even though I know I took precautions not to as much as breathe on him or spread germs by touching him. I didn't know at the time that his prostrate cancer was the cause of his death. And I certainly didn't know that the change in his breathing and appetite was a sign that the end was nearing. The nurse did and she had hurriedly called my Dad so he could be with his father at the end. After I voiced my thoughts weeks after the funeral, my parents assured me that the doctors had found cancer riddling his body and that that was what had killed him. They hadn't discussed the doctor's reports because they didn't want to upset me with medical details when really that was what I needed. Reading a pamphlet put out by hospice on what to expect at the end further put my mind at ease. Not eating is very common with terminal stage cancer. I wish we had known so we hadn't fussed at him so much about not eating right. A change in breathing also, as I mentioned before, is normal too. It was not my fault that my Grandfather died and it is not your fault that your father passed away either. Just thought you might want to hear that even if you already knew it.

C. Abbott

Zelle
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2009

My Mother began having back & mid-section pain last Nov. She saw an Orthpaedist, family physician & Neurologist to no avail. She would hurt so much she would vomit. She could not lay down to sleep. She lived in her recliner. No one seemed to know what to do. I thing because she was 86 yrs old, they snubbed her off as old with old person pain. I was back & forth for months watching my Mom suffer and I did't know what to do. Finally, a few days before Memorial Day, I decided to take her to the ER & when they did the chest x-ray, the golf ball size cancerous mass in one lung & the other was collapsed from fluid build-up. She went thru pleural effusion, a procedure to glue the layers of her lung together to prevent fluid build-up, numerous x-rays. She was scheduled for chemo, but the glue didn't work and she had fluid build up again and her health declined and she passed away with me holding her hand on July 12th. I understand the void. I can't believe I will never hear her voice, hold her hand or just go shopping with her. It hurts beyond belief. I know have to pack up her life in boxes and that hurts also. I just don't believe time heals for me. I just feel numb. I miss her so much. I also hold resentment toward her family dr for not doing a simple x-ray. One simple chest x-ray last Nov might have saved her life. I get so angry!!!

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MarykayUSMC
Posts: 9
Joined: Jul 2009

after reading your comment I had to respond. I just found out I have stageVI lung cancer. They found it from an ultrasound, my stomach was upset for months. Prior to that - probably a good year or so, I had pain in my back, in the middle of my back. I thought it was from the little bit of exercise I did or just starting to age (49). I am so mad at myself that I didn't listen to my own body- if I would have they may have found the cancer sooner. Still, they say that the back pain probably wasn't the cancer but I believe it was my body trying to tell me something was wrong. My stomach being upset for months,,, several test were done and it took months before they did an ultrasound that found a mass on my liver which then the Cat scan showed the rest.

lorif2362
Posts: 3
Joined: Aug 2009

Donna,
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Your dad sounds like an amazing person. My mom has Stage IV lung cancer and now I have only a couple of months left with her. She is my best friend and I don't know how to let her go. I know your pain. I don't know if I am strong enough to do this. I just don't know how to let her go. She is at peace with it and is ready but I am not. I know how your heart is breaking as mine is too. I hope you are doing OK and I am here for you if you need to talk. I am trying to enjoy the time we have left but it is always in the back of my mind that it could be the last. Donna, I am truly sorry and hope you find a way to mend your broken heart.
Lori

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cobra1122
Posts: 244
Joined: Jul 2009

I am truly sorry to hear your Dad passed away, but his suffering is over and he is at peace. Now is the time to rejoice in his memories and relish the time you had. You won't ever get over lossing him, but you will learn to look back with less pain and more fondness. At this time I am creating more memories of laughter for my wife and family, in hopes that when my time does come they can fall back on that and not the pain and suffering they have witnessed. Your Dad will always be there if only in memories, he will be the one you think of for answersm and if you think hard enough you will get the answer from him. I realize that you get the same old you'll get over it in time, you won't but you can try and think of the good memories and think what he would say if he were with you at that time. I am sorry for your loss and wish you all the best in the future, and hope that peace replaces turmoil in your heart..

our prayers are with you and your family...
Dan and Margi Harmon

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