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Stage 4 and Scared of Losing my Mom

Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2002

My mom told me a week ago that she had lung cancer just one little spot on her lung and it was touching her lymph node. My mom is 55 years old owns a real estate company, like super mom. She got really sick this week and she finally permitted me to speak with her oncologist to find out she is in stage 4 and it has reached several organs and a few spots on her brain. Im just sick, I don't know what to do. Im 30 and my brother is 35. Its not like we are children but I don't think anyone is ever prepared for this. I go for my first meeting tomorrow with her dr. tomorrow. Im so scared, They said she may have a year not sure, I don't have anyone to talk to, I have so many questions, I just keep crying. I live in PA and she is in FL. I flew down for the weekend and to talk to her Dr about our options. Can someone please give me some guidence on where to go, I feel like I am spinning out of control and that is not like me. She is all I have. I can't stop feeling like every time I talk to her it will be the last or when she hugs me and I see her hand trembling, Im not sure of symptoms. etc. I know I am rambling,Im sorry, I m scared of losing my mom. can anyone help.

Posts: 20
Joined: May 2002

My heart hurts for you and this is the time when your emotions are most on the surface and it seems impossible to deal with everything. Knowledge will help you and your mom. Record everything the doctor tells you and remember you do have time to consider options and make decisions. Don't feel pressured to make up your minds immediately. I was diagnosed six months ago (age 60) and my adult daughter (age 34) has been my mainstay through my chemo therapy...so you see, our circumstances are quite similar. Feel free to e-mail me at mbnevada@aol.com and I will be happy to share with you and listen to you, but I know you will find support there to help you...never, never be afraid to ask questions and to ask for help. I will hold you in my prayers. Margaret

Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2002

I think when I was told this I felt like I was alone, I know Im not but I felt that way. this has been a hard week. My mom started chemo this week. She just is sleepy, an now really losing her hair. How was your daughter with this, isn't she scared? I am not going to make any decisions yet. Im going to come back down here for Thanksgiving, and thank goodness my best friend lives here to look in on my mom. Im just going to see how this goes. The dr, said there have been alot of changes in her condition in the last two weeks. just so scary. Thank you for writing. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as well. Erinn

Posts: 29
Joined: May 2001

Keep talking and reaching out. Cancer is not a disease to travel through alone. You already reached out here, and I hope it helped. When I was diagnosed I cried for days--it's natural. I am always reminded that only God knows when the end is here--any of us can go in an instant.

Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2002

Thank you, you are right about not going through this alone. I just hope that my mom knows she isn't alone, she is still trying to accept this herself I think as well as her family trying to accept this. thank you, for you support and for responding, I don't think I can possible cry anymore than I have. but that is usually when I start again, happy to hear this is normal . thank you again.

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2002

you may think of the alternative treatment to imrpove your mom's immune system and ease her pain. I have one friend whose father has brain cancer and there are three tumors in his brain that doctor told him need to have surgery. His father does not want to and my acupuntrist referred him using one alternative treatment which is garmet like undershirt, underpant and underwear that contains negative ion can improve immune system and also ease pain. Improve immune system can increase NK cells that kill abnormal cells. Amazingly he has been wearing this garmet for 6 months and his 3 tumors shrink and he does not even need to have surgery. He still keeps using it and hope he can totally get rid of it.
If you want future info, please contact me

Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2002

as i am sitting here reading your story ifeel for you my mom was also diagnosed with non small lung cancer stage 4 3 years ago she has been taking chemo non stop she is 69 years old and a fighter she feels good and looks good she still goes food shopping many times after her treatment she has a good attitude we have all cried so much her doctor told us when first diagnosed 1 year wellso far its been 3 and she doing well when a doctor tells you a year i can understand you when you say is this the last time we will talk or is this the last hug well i was misserable for the first year so my point is only GOD KNOWS by the way my mom doctor who diagnosed her with a year to live was a very cold doctor never a smile or a kind word safe to say we found a wonderful doctor at the dana farber in boston my prayers are with you your mom any help i can give im there

Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2002

thank you for sharing with me your mom's diagnosis. It is so weird you think you are in this alone at first and then you find out there are so many people in similar situations, i almost feel guilty. It is encouraging to hear that people can live alot longer when they are in this stage and to hear that my feelings are not ridiculous. It is just so hard. I really like her dr. he spends so much time with us, really is concerned for her, I can see that in our conversations. I just try not to cray and try to stay strong, But sometimes it is so darn hard. I just want to thank you for responding and thank you for giving me some hope. Erinn

Posts: 35
Joined: Apr 2002

Don't ever give up hope!!!! Four years ago I was diagnosed with stageIV lung cancer (coincidently when I was living in Florida) and I am still here. I am 59 now and enjoying my children and grandchildren. It is very important for your mom to have a positive attitude. I had surgery, chemo and radiation and a pet scan showed it had spread. BUT here I am. I go to work and live my life. All my scans have been clear since then and I just look forward. My story is not unique. Please keep your chin up and encourage your mom to be positive. I have supportive children and husband and it means alot.....hope this helps you.

Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2002

Did you say four Years ago?? Doctor didn't make it soumnd too good for my husband. Please tell me more!! Doctor refuses surgery
and will only do radation as way to manage pain! Chemo is optional????? Doctor dosen't expect it to help much. Please give my husband hope!

Posts: 8
Joined: Nov 2002

hi erin,
i'm sorry i didn't read your letter prior to writing to you. i have researched a lot about treatments. some chemo combinations are more palitative, less side effects and aimed more to improve the patients quatlity of life. the chemo and radiation combination is the best route to fight the cancer. the doctor was reluctant to put my mom on taxotere while she was getting radiation, but we insisted. i would also have a cat scan done after 3 treatments and not wait, because the chemo will work for a while and then it stops. we wasted some time, when we could of been trying something else. we will be investigating celebrex and aressa as future treatments. i feel just like you and that i am on a mission to find something that will help and prolong her life. please email me if you need to, i'd like to help.
hang in there, lynn

Posts: 33
Joined: Nov 2002

Hi, I'm Jackie and I am 34, I have lung cancer and it is in the third stage. I have gone through chemo then radiation and now more chemo, I hopefully have only one more chemo left, and then remission. I have two kids also they are 13 and 6 years old. God will guide you just ask him too help you out
and he will give you the answers you need. would love to talk again, the more support and faith you have the better and easier it is to handle. Take care and God bless.
Jackie (ohio)

Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2002

Hi my mom has lung cancer too. She is 36 and has two kids and a husband. Im only 13 and my sister is only 6. When I found out about my mom I was the same way you are. What I did to help was to pray all the time and to have faith in the doctor and not let my mom give up. I always say I love you and give her a big hug. This I think is bringing our family closer and the saying is "God has a reason for everything!" I so believe this! when I was little I would through my moms ciggaretts away and tell her to stop smoking, but she never did. When I found out the only thing I could tell her was "I told you to stop but no you had to go do this to yourself" then she found out it was caused by the asbestise in her work. But now the only thing I can do is pray, believe in the doctors, have faith, and thank god for everyday we spend together. Well I hope this helped with anything. I also hope your mom gets better.

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