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Outliving My Caregiver

bc2miraclebaby's picture
Posts: 32
Joined: Jul 2001

During my Breast Cancer diagnosis,surgery,chemo treatments,recooperation, stage 4 recurrence, and recovery, my mother offered the stability only she was capable of providing,even with my very devoted husband, friends and other family members at my side. She went on to care for my Grandmother in Grandma's final few months,as age was the cause of death. It wasn't until my Grandmother had been buried that Mom went to the doctor to see about the pain in her back.She thought it was osteoporosis. Unexpectedly,it turned out to be stage 4 Lung Cancer.It was just under a month and a half from the time of losing my grandmother to losing my mother.
During that short time I spent all the time I could with her in the hospital, helping with her care. She had aggessive radiation, chemotherapy and surgery, to no avail,for the cancer had been long undiagnosed. She was always the last one on her list to fuss over.
I have to think the stress of losing her Mom, and the stress of fighting her own cancer was just too much to deal with , in such a short time.The cancer also was very advanced.She died at age 62. Just 2 months earlier, my favorite Aunt on my Father's side died. So, that made me losing the 3 most important women in my life, all dying in three consecutive months , of the same year. It seemed that for some miracle, I was to outlive them.Parents hope their children will outlive them, that's supposed to be that way, right?
I am now 41, NINE YEARS a Survivor, a mother of two(one child was born after the second round of treatments!) I long for the feeling of "being at home" that my Mother gave me through all the previous years, and miss the friendship we shared. I just think it is ironic that I am here to reflect on all the loving support these three women gave me.I know it helped me to survive. I thank God every day for yet another day of miracles.It is very difficult to carry on without them, but I do, knowing they would want me to live life to it's fullest.I was blessed to have known them all, and hope that every one of you realize the impact you made on your loved one's lives too. They knew your love.Your support was exactly that, SUPPORT! I must assume and acknowledge that their support is evident that everything you do, whether it is to be a quiet companion,or someone to share the tears ,helps.We hurt deeply from the loss of them, because we love them deeply. I have to focus on the treasure of being part of their lives, and know that they felt my love. Take good care of yourselves too,they would have wanted you to do that.

Posts: 105
Joined: Nov 2000

What a series of losses to endure! And what a generous letter to send, in spite of your pain. They were very lucky to have you.


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