becoming obsessed
Did any of you experience your hair growing at different rates in different spots, and did you feel this terrible depression about it? I feel like cancer has permanently changed me: people used to tell me I had such beautiful hair. I feel like a baby constantly complaining about this and I know I should let it go, but I don't seem to be able to. I feel like I just will never be the same. I don't know what's wrong with me. I realize so much worse things could have happened to me.
You have all supported me so much through this whole thing. I want to thank everybody for your patience with me. I think I am having some body image problems which my girlfriend told me is common for survivors.
Hugs, Ohilly
Comments
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Peach fuzz to curly top
It seemed like it took forever for my hair to finally become peach fuzz.....then even longer for the peach fuzz to start taking shape. I finished my chemo in March (had Herceptin through December, but that doesn't cause hair loss). I do remember thinking FOREVER that my hair looked thinner and finer and lighter in color. My hair was curly, dark, thick, fast-growing and coarse prior to chemo. It did eventually start filling in and darkening up, and the front top seemed to take the longest. It's back to its curly and thick state, but maybe not as coarse (which is fine by me). It's about 2 1/2 inches long. So that's eleven months after finishing my chemo. I think your family is right. Give it some more time.
I don't think you're obsessing. You're just ready to have as much of you back as you can. We can ALL relate to that. You just happen to voice what most of us are thinking!
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thank youChellebug said:Peach fuzz to curly top
It seemed like it took forever for my hair to finally become peach fuzz.....then even longer for the peach fuzz to start taking shape. I finished my chemo in March (had Herceptin through December, but that doesn't cause hair loss). I do remember thinking FOREVER that my hair looked thinner and finer and lighter in color. My hair was curly, dark, thick, fast-growing and coarse prior to chemo. It did eventually start filling in and darkening up, and the front top seemed to take the longest. It's back to its curly and thick state, but maybe not as coarse (which is fine by me). It's about 2 1/2 inches long. So that's eleven months after finishing my chemo. I think your family is right. Give it some more time.
I don't think you're obsessing. You're just ready to have as much of you back as you can. We can ALL relate to that. You just happen to voice what most of us are thinking!
Chelleburg, it made me feel so much better that you said it took eleven months for your hair to get back to semi-normal. I do tend to be a very impatient person, so I guess I will just have to learn to be more patient. Not that many people on these boards talk about their body image, so I guess I was just assuming that everyone else is back to normal in a few months (at least as far as their hair). Thanks!
Ohilly0 -
It is totally okay and very
It is totally okay and very normal to be upset that your hair is not as it once was. And your family could be completely right that with time it will be as like it was before. We all know that many have had curls and a different texture and maybe hair grows in like babies hair does. Some babies have very even coverage and hair right away and it grows fast. Some are balding and sparse for a long time. My granddaughter is 6 months old and her hair looks like George Constanza on Seinfield. Her brother had thick ringlets but it was longer and grew faster on the sides. We have a picture of him in someone's black fedora and he looks like the Hasidic Jews with this long ringlets on the side and his hat on. And maybe there are far worse things that could have happened to you but it doesn't mean you have to be cheerful about this. I feel like that sometimes when I am upset about the cancer and then I think well, I only have stage 1 no nodes, What do I have to complain about? I didn't have to do chemo, What do I have to complain about? It is estrogen positive, What do I have to complain about? Well, the reality is that we all have things to complain about, vent over and deal with. Just because it could be worse doesn't mean we have to be Mary Sunshine and grateful for the crappy days, bad hair, or whatever is bothering us. Personal appearance has so much to do with self esteem and its hard to feel your best when you don't feel you look your best. Some people deal with the hair loss and have a tough time with the loss of their breast, others may be reversed. For some it is the invasive into their private being, the exams, the intrusion into self, some it is the emotional toll, some have all of this. It is as different as our diagnosis are and we all have demons to deal with during this. For me, it isn't this cancer or the others, it is an evil little voice that sometimes whispers in my ear, Well, you are going to be fine for now, but what till you see what's next. Most of the time, my good little voice tells me that it will be alright and that I am strong enough to handle anything but sometimes the evil voice makes me very afraid and very sad. So don't feel that you can't or shouldn't be angry, sad or upset about your hair. It is important to you and that is all that matters. And if it matters to you, it matters to us. I am sure that most of the ladies that have lost their hair know how you feel. Body image is so important. We are blitzed by images of woman that are young, thin, beautiful, with gorgeous hair and perfect in so many ways and it is hard to measure up to those standards under normal circumstances let alone while fighting this dreadful disease. I hope that your hair comes back in all its glory and don't worry that something is wrong for you because you want it back. We all want pieces of our old self back. We don't want these reminders of what we have been through. And I think that you should see a dermatologist and see what they have to say. They might say to wait but they could also have ideas that might help. My sister's hair starting growing back and is still a little sparse, very curly and very fine right now. She had thick, coarse, straight hair. She is very self conscious about it but it is actually quite cute. But it is different and that bothers her.0 -
Give it some time. My hair
Give it some time. My hair is growing slowly after finishing chemo on 10/31/08 and it's about one inch in length. Color changed to more grey but the texture seems to be the same. My eyelashes grew so much faster. Life after breast cancer is very different. Maybe the old version of normal hair no longer applies and you can find new ways to style your hair once it grows more.0 -
Ohilly, what we both need is
Ohilly, what we both need is to go shopping together. I think insurance should pay for it because it is really necessary to rebuild that body image (you are not whining!). We should buy ourselves goodies from head to toe. And laugh and try on wierd stuff and have lots of fun. Take a moment of time and go with me virtually. All my love, Ohilly!
Joyce0 -
JOYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJoycelouise said:Ohilly, what we both need is
Ohilly, what we both need is to go shopping together. I think insurance should pay for it because it is really necessary to rebuild that body image (you are not whining!). We should buy ourselves goodies from head to toe. And laugh and try on wierd stuff and have lots of fun. Take a moment of time and go with me virtually. All my love, Ohilly!
Joyce
Joyce, so nice to see you again I have missed your presence here. I also wanted to tell you I am going ahead with reconstruction thanks a lot to several of your posts! Happy to see you!
RE0 -
Hair.RE said:JOYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Joyce, so nice to see you again I have missed your presence here. I also wanted to tell you I am going ahead with reconstruction thanks a lot to several of your posts! Happy to see you!
RE
I get it!.. My hair is growing but it looks bloody awful, I look like an avatar off yahoo!.. I hate it, I also hate my body shape and everything else this vile disease has done to me/us!..I have appointments with my surgeon and Doc on wednesday.........I have a load of questions for them, won't borew you with them now, but if I get any results... I'll post 'em. Keep ya chin up hun..........i'll be back0 -
Woohooo Joyce is back!!!!!!!!!Joycelouise said:Ohilly, what we both need is
Ohilly, what we both need is to go shopping together. I think insurance should pay for it because it is really necessary to rebuild that body image (you are not whining!). We should buy ourselves goodies from head to toe. And laugh and try on wierd stuff and have lots of fun. Take a moment of time and go with me virtually. All my love, Ohilly!
Joyce
Are you back with us Joyce, because I really did miss you. I hope all is well with you. Hugs, Lili0 -
JoyceJoycelouise said:Ohilly, what we both need is
Ohilly, what we both need is to go shopping together. I think insurance should pay for it because it is really necessary to rebuild that body image (you are not whining!). We should buy ourselves goodies from head to toe. And laugh and try on wierd stuff and have lots of fun. Take a moment of time and go with me virtually. All my love, Ohilly!
Joyce
Glad you're back and hope all has been well. Lynn0 -
thankslynn1950 said:Joyce
Glad you're back and hope all has been well. Lynn
To all who wrote, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Only you, who have been in my shoes, can understand how I feel. My body image is truly disturbed. And yes, Joyce, I will go shopping with you!
By the way, is there something with the bangs growing in more slowly and thinly? Marilynn (many of you know here) replied to me in a message off this post that she is having the same problem with her bangs I am. I set up an appointment to see a dermatologist on March 20, thinking that I can always cancel the appointment if I see more growth between now and then.
Hugs, Ohilly0 -
tasha_111tasha_111 said:Hair.
I get it!.. My hair is growing but it looks bloody awful, I look like an avatar off yahoo!.. I hate it, I also hate my body shape and everything else this vile disease has done to me/us!..I have appointments with my surgeon and Doc on wednesday.........I have a load of questions for them, won't borew you with them now, but if I get any results... I'll post 'em. Keep ya chin up hun..........i'll be back
Please let me know whatever you find out! I am desperate - the worst part is the thinness in the front of my hair.
Ohilly0 -
i just read you post and iohilly said:thanks
To all who wrote, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Only you, who have been in my shoes, can understand how I feel. My body image is truly disturbed. And yes, Joyce, I will go shopping with you!
By the way, is there something with the bangs growing in more slowly and thinly? Marilynn (many of you know here) replied to me in a message off this post that she is having the same problem with her bangs I am. I set up an appointment to see a dermatologist on March 20, thinking that I can always cancel the appointment if I see more growth between now and then.
Hugs, Ohilly
i just read you post and i can really relate.my hair has always been thick and full. and i too, was always complemented on my beautiful hair. welllllllllllllllll it all disappeared and my baldness really bummed me out. when you are identified by others by some feature that you have, and all of a sudden you don't have it anymore, then you begin to grieve your loss. i was a mess . i never could wear a wig, i hated it. so i wore different scarves during this period. i remember looking in the mirror one day and i said to myself, you really look terrible. the good news is that hair does regrow. i have had my hair cut several times. it came back in curly and white and the texture is not as full. i have to keep it very short because of all the curls. i debated whether to color my hair because the gray was beautiful, but in the end i decided to color it. maybe at some point i will let it grow out. in the whole scheme of things, hair is really not that important. but i did grieve my hair loss!! i had a lot of trouble with it. hugs, peggy0 -
Peggy,peggy65 said:i just read you post and i
i just read you post and i can really relate.my hair has always been thick and full. and i too, was always complemented on my beautiful hair. welllllllllllllllll it all disappeared and my baldness really bummed me out. when you are identified by others by some feature that you have, and all of a sudden you don't have it anymore, then you begin to grieve your loss. i was a mess . i never could wear a wig, i hated it. so i wore different scarves during this period. i remember looking in the mirror one day and i said to myself, you really look terrible. the good news is that hair does regrow. i have had my hair cut several times. it came back in curly and white and the texture is not as full. i have to keep it very short because of all the curls. i debated whether to color my hair because the gray was beautiful, but in the end i decided to color it. maybe at some point i will let it grow out. in the whole scheme of things, hair is really not that important. but i did grieve my hair loss!! i had a lot of trouble with it. hugs, peggy
You hit the nail on
Peggy,
You hit the nail on the head. The hair loss must be hard for everyone but when it is "our crowning glory" or "our best feature" is must be more difficult. My hair is fine and thin and nice but not fantastic and it was never lovely long so I don't think I would have the same sense of loss that someone who loves their hair would. My best feature is a lovely smile so if something happened like a stroke and I lost that it would be devastating. My daughter has a beautiful smile and when she was 16 she developed bell's palsy and for weeks her mouth drooped and her eye and I was shattered by the loss of her smile. But it cleared up without any lasting effects and the beautiful smile was back. But my job as mom was to tell her that it would be okay and she would smile again. I think she was better with it than me or else the "stiff upper lip" gene was inherited by her. So I can see how you, Peggy, and all the other ladies mourned the lose of your hair. And add that it is a visual reminder every day of this disease, how awful is that. I think that you are all so brave in facing this and finding ways (scarves, wigs, hats, bald) to make it work.
Stef0 -
Hairfauxma said:It is totally okay and very
It is totally okay and very normal to be upset that your hair is not as it once was. And your family could be completely right that with time it will be as like it was before. We all know that many have had curls and a different texture and maybe hair grows in like babies hair does. Some babies have very even coverage and hair right away and it grows fast. Some are balding and sparse for a long time. My granddaughter is 6 months old and her hair looks like George Constanza on Seinfield. Her brother had thick ringlets but it was longer and grew faster on the sides. We have a picture of him in someone's black fedora and he looks like the Hasidic Jews with this long ringlets on the side and his hat on. And maybe there are far worse things that could have happened to you but it doesn't mean you have to be cheerful about this. I feel like that sometimes when I am upset about the cancer and then I think well, I only have stage 1 no nodes, What do I have to complain about? I didn't have to do chemo, What do I have to complain about? It is estrogen positive, What do I have to complain about? Well, the reality is that we all have things to complain about, vent over and deal with. Just because it could be worse doesn't mean we have to be Mary Sunshine and grateful for the crappy days, bad hair, or whatever is bothering us. Personal appearance has so much to do with self esteem and its hard to feel your best when you don't feel you look your best. Some people deal with the hair loss and have a tough time with the loss of their breast, others may be reversed. For some it is the invasive into their private being, the exams, the intrusion into self, some it is the emotional toll, some have all of this. It is as different as our diagnosis are and we all have demons to deal with during this. For me, it isn't this cancer or the others, it is an evil little voice that sometimes whispers in my ear, Well, you are going to be fine for now, but what till you see what's next. Most of the time, my good little voice tells me that it will be alright and that I am strong enough to handle anything but sometimes the evil voice makes me very afraid and very sad. So don't feel that you can't or shouldn't be angry, sad or upset about your hair. It is important to you and that is all that matters. And if it matters to you, it matters to us. I am sure that most of the ladies that have lost their hair know how you feel. Body image is so important. We are blitzed by images of woman that are young, thin, beautiful, with gorgeous hair and perfect in so many ways and it is hard to measure up to those standards under normal circumstances let alone while fighting this dreadful disease. I hope that your hair comes back in all its glory and don't worry that something is wrong for you because you want it back. We all want pieces of our old self back. We don't want these reminders of what we have been through. And I think that you should see a dermatologist and see what they have to say. They might say to wait but they could also have ideas that might help. My sister's hair starting growing back and is still a little sparse, very curly and very fine right now. She had thick, coarse, straight hair. She is very self conscious about it but it is actually quite cute. But it is different and that bothers her.
How hard all these side effects and lingering effects are for us. Ohilly, you have every right to complain, vent, and otherwise make a big stink about all of this crap. But I am sure your hair will return to its normal ways before long. I have heard that sometimes it takes a while, although being patient is so hard. You want it to come back now and look the way you did, of course. The dermagologist is a good idea; you are being proactive and taking charge. That always makes me feel better.
I think fauxma really hit the nail on the head when she talked about that little evil voice that tells us we shouldn't complain about anything, or that we are being petty. I have that voice, too. It tells me that others have suffered more than me and that I should just shut up and be grateful. Well, we can be grateful and have concerns at the same time. We can recognize the grace in our lives, while still being human and worrying about everyday stuff and about what this illness has done to us, big, small and intermediate. I think we all need to tell that voice to shut up.
Anyway, let us know what the dermatologist says. It'll probably help others on this board, too. We all do have similar issues, don't we?
Mimi0
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