I lost my cheerleader

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Knignog
Knignog Member Posts: 1
in Grief and Bereavement #1

I lost my Mom on March 3rd, 2015 to stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in January and it was way too fast to imagine. She was cheerleader and was the only person who kept me grounded. I cannot describe what I'm feeling at this time in my life. I'm am lost, and I need her guidance. She was my best friend and since I have lost her, my life has been in a whirlwind of emotions. I've always been a confident person but she was one who pushed me to be a better person. Everyone says they will always be there when I need to talk, but frankly, all I want to do is talk to my Mom. I feel as though I've lost a part of my identity, she was the one who was always there rooting by my side. Now I have no one. I get so frustrated with people who want to help me, I get so frustrated with myself. How does one go through this point in theier life? I feel so lost without her.

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  • socrossedup
    socrossedup Member Posts: 10
    #2
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    It's a day to day thing.

    I lost my Mom on March 6, 2015 after a 11 month battle with lung cancer after just losing my Dad last May to a sudden stroke. Those first few weeks were pure hell. Everyday I find some little part of me wishing like crazy I could hear her voice again. She was my best friend and not a day goes by that I don't laugh and smile and cry and sob for missing her. No one I know has gone through this so I didn't have anyone to lean on from that perspective. But a very dear friend has gone so far above and beyond to talk to me. She tells her stories about her daughter who passed and I talk about Mom. That's helped a great deal. 

    I haven't been able to look to far into the future. It feels weird to know that she won't be there for the plans. And for me I can wake up and be ok and then by the time I'm showered and dressed I'll be a mess. I've had crying jags while shopping for groceries, taking a walk, getting coffee, and at work. There really isn't any way this is easy. Everyday is hard. The only things that help are knowing she wouldn't want me to be miserable and I do my best each day to remember something that made her smile or laugh. Whether it was a joke or just some goofy thing...it's getting me through right now. 

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