Scan results, not good. :-(

Change in approach
As I read the above messages from you I sense a change in some of the ways you are thinking that remind me a lot of myself after I had the conversation with the docs that there is nothing out there likely to offer a cure (last year before they came back with the current surgical option). I think it does trigger a different way of thinking about the situation for some of us. For some people thay want to try and explore every avenue no matter waht to fight this illness but for many of us there comes a stage when that isn't the focus and there is an acceptance of the situation that allows you to think differently. I may be wrong but it sounds like whilst you haven't given up, perhaps your focus is shifting from thinking about exploring every trial and treatment to thinking about how to optimise the quality of the time you have.

I think this is very healthy and reflects an acceptance of the reality of the situation you are facing. It is not about giving up but a more subtle shift in the way you think about the situation. For me it was incredibly sad to make that shift but also brought about a calmness in the acceptance I felt. You talk about it being a turning point for thinking about work and telling family and that again reflects perhaps a shift in how you are thinking it is best to approach your situation. We recently faced having to tell our children stuff we wanted to protect them from and it was one of the hardest things we have done in this whole journey. However, once done and given time to settle it has again brought about a greater cohesiveness in our family that the kids are included in this huge thing in my life and whilst I would give anything to avoid that being so, it has also been a relief that we no onger have to try and hide it from them.

I am sorry the treatment hasn't been more succesful but you wound like you coming to a point of accepting that. I would still encourage you to explore possible treatments if that is what you want but also to continue in this healthy shift to accepting what you are facing and focusing on quality in every moment you have together.

My thoughts are with you,
steve