New here and scared too

Wisp
Wisp, you have found the right place. We will be here for any questions and all the support you need. From from treatments, pain, foods, and even favorite brands of TP (which by the way will become very important to you). We share smiles and tears.

plh4gail

Wisp, i am sorry that you
Wisp, i am sorry that you are having to go through all this. My husband and I are 7 mths post diagnosis and the days immediately following diagnosis were the worst thus far. After that there comes a point where the focus is more about living than dieing. During one part of this, our 19 year old daughter complained that we were leaving our kids out because like you, we didn't want to worry them. They want to be included so now I try to share more with her. One experienced wife told me I would get used to my new normal. I didn't believe her but the day to day responsibilities have a way of insuring that you keep moving one foot in front of the other. Here are my two favorites quotes that I learned on this Board that keep me going. "Feed the faith,starve the fear" and "This is a marathon, not a sprint". Lisa

Hello there
I didn't know I was ill either, I think a bunch of us didn't know when we were diagnosed at stage 4. I found it difficult to get into the chat room as well for months actually and I've been told it's working fine, so I don't know if it's the internet browser or what, then sometimes it worked just fine.
I told my son the first week about my cancer, I brought up how far I was along into it (my doctor had given me 4 to 6 months with chemo, after chemo and surgery and more chemo, here I am, one year and 10 months later doing just fine and dandy) over the next week, we cried together, I told my daughter about 3 months later how bad it was, she was living in Ohio and I didn't want to tell her I was "dying" over the phone. We cried a lot when I did. But they all helped encourage me to keep going, to survive, along with the people here on the colorectal I received plenty of encouragement.
I stayed strong for my family and they stayed strong for me, and we also all had our moments,(I don't know how many times I cried myself to sleep)nothings perfect in cancer land, and they would appreciate your discussing these things with them. For instance your chemo's, after you learn what they are and possible side affects you might have, it's always best to let the family know before they see it. Could be a shocker if mom's hair was to fall out and they had no idea (and no, not everyone's hair falls out, I still have my long hair that I had in the beginning)or if you lose weight (again, not a problem I had but many do)you don't want them thinking it's the cancer eating you up, you need to let them know it was the chemo causing loss of appetite, etc., in other words its best to discuss these things with them and even your worries, otherwise everyone is worried in their heads; too scared about bringing everyone else down to talk to one another. You have to let them know by talking, that it's okay to talk about it, so that they aren't just thinking about it, sometimes things are best discussed then held back.
That's just my bit of advise.
I'm sorry you have to be here, but you've found a good place for information about what is happening, to ask questions about side effects that others have experienced for the particular chemo's you are going to have and to just talk about it or even other things.
My heart to you,
Winter Marie

Welcome
So sorry that you had to find us but you will get a lot of support and knowledge here so feel free to ask away. I've tried the chat when first joining, but it's all different types of cancers and thought (for me personally) that the message boards were best suited for what others could help with. We are here to help you.

Kim

Wisp said:

Thanks Alice
I find that i really want to hear from others going thru this as well. I'm encouraged by your success and really hope for the same. Did you set goals to keep you positive? one of my goals is to see my son graduate from college in 3 years. Then of course I want to see him land a good job and be self-sufficient. It's just me and him and he needs to be able to take care of himself. I want to know that he'll be all right. This really hit him hard.
My doctor doesn't want me to return to work since I had a very high stress job. So now i'm on short term disability for the duration of my chemo, when it starts. Then he wants me to go on permanent disability. i really don't know yet what i will do. i will miss working - all of my coworkers are friends. But it is stressful. I have a sister nearby and her family who are very supportive but i think it's going to be me who will have to be strong thru this.
Sorry this is so disjointed. And thanks for your response.

I think what you decide to
I think what you decide to do at the work place is a personal decision but for my husband it was necessary to make a decision so that we could apply for the disability as it takes a minimum 6 months to process. We didn't want there to be a gap between end of sick leave and collection of disability. Because he made the decision early, there will be less than a couple week gap. I still have hopes that one day he will return to a workplace because I think that will help his emotional health. Lisa

Wisp, I'm sorry you needed
Wisp, I'm sorry you needed to join this forum. I am married and I have one child, a
21 year old daughter. We have always been very close so my diagnosis (Stage 3 rectal) was
very hard on her. To me, this is the hardest part, the worry about others being okay.
You sound strong to me and you have goals to be here. I hope this forum gives you the support you need. Like others have said, the days surrounding the initial diagnosis were the worst for me. I didn't know how I'd get through. It is okay to cry and grieve for your life before cancer. For you, there are many Stage 4 survivors on here, amazing people. I hope that you have support from some friends too. Everyone needs someone to cry to before they pick themselves back up.

Laura

Don't be scared!
Hi Wisp:
I was diagnosed Stage IV in October by surprise! Stage I - 2008
This forum is great for encouragement and knowlege which is
power against this disease! It helped me to read encouraging stories,
meditation, prayer and to go forward.
A comfort level with your doctor is so important and surrounding yourself
with supportive people.
I am new to this but would love to chat.

Wisp said:

Thanks
I'm still learning my way around on this board. I haven't even gotten my port but that will be inserted in 2 days. They want to start chemo after the holidays. Not sure what side effects to expect but i'm hoping i'll be able to drive myself to the chemo as my son still doesn't like driving and just has a learners permit.
I've noticed my family won't let me talk about it much because it gets them down. i realize that it's probably harder on them right now because i'm still a little in shock. but the doctor said he might be able to give me 2-5 years with the chemo. I really want to see my son graduate from college so that's my first goal.
i want to be a fighter and not settle for the doctors diagnosis. And i'm not very religious so don't have that to turn to. How did you learn to accept and be positive about your diagnosis? I really want to enjoy the years i've got.

scared
Wisp, I'm sorry you are here. I'm new, but think I can say this. You should not drive to chemo. Many places prohibit it. It's not s good idea. Also, take charge and stand tall. Be in the best hands you can find. Trust is important believe me. Take notes, be calm, and ask anything and everything. Get your armor on and go kick butt. Have a bulldog mentality. The mind profoundly affects your body. Be gentle. Cry if u need to..no one can stop you. I'm on my second round of folfox6. Rectal in 08, met to lymph nodes in April. I'm here for you.