are you ever lonely?

13

Comments

  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    #42
    AnneCan said:

    Thanks Gail + Christine
    I was pretty upset, to the point where my husband was encouraging me to quit the book club. I talked it with one of my friends who was there afterwards + she said she wanted to redirect the conversation but was afraid that would be even more awkward for me. It is a large book club (15 people) + it was 4 or 5 people engaged in this conversation. Thanks for validating my feelings; I was worried I was too sensitive or something.

    You were not too sensitive
    The others weren't sensitive enough. I, for one, benefit from your sensitivity. Thank you.

    all the best, Leslie
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    #43
    AnneCan said:

    Yes
    Mags,

    At some point almost every day I feel some loneliness. It is a lonely disease. Some of my friends have basically disappeared + others have appeared out of nowhere. Sometimes I have to push myself to go out; you get tired of being the one with cancer. I belong to a bookclub. One month we were reading "Still Alice", which is about a female professor who has Alzheimers. When she is first diagnosed she makes a comment that she would rather have cancer than Alzheimers. I had to endure ~ 15 minutes of some members discussing that + how they agreed + why cancer would be better than Alzheimers. I was shocked that they would be so insensitive to me sitting there with cancer. I wanted to speak up but tears stopped me. I don't know if I have ever felt so lonely. They were saying how people are treated differently when people realize they have Alzheimers. I wanted to shout, "Hello, I feel like I am treated very differently since I have been diagnosed." I went home + had a good cry after.

    Your book club makes my blood boil
    How dare they judge how it would be to choose one disease over another as if they were choosing a dinner off of a menu. The worst part is you were sitting right there and they knew. I seriously want to kick some book club butt.

    Granted Alzheimers would really suck, cancer not exactly a walk in the park either.

    sigh, ok rant over
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #44
    angelsbaby said:

    I am lonely
    every minute of the day, missing my husband angel


    michelle

    I know you hurt...
    Hugs Michelle!!
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    #45
    AnneCan said:

    Thanks Gail + Christine
    I was pretty upset, to the point where my husband was encouraging me to quit the book club. I talked it with one of my friends who was there afterwards + she said she wanted to redirect the conversation but was afraid that would be even more awkward for me. It is a large book club (15 people) + it was 4 or 5 people engaged in this conversation. Thanks for validating my feelings; I was worried I was too sensitive or something.

    I want you to quit too, but
    I want you to quit too, but that is your choice. Seriously WTF were they thinking, couldn't they have chose to discuss how hard it is to get that kind of diagnosis and how you can still find things that could be worse, instead of saying in a calm voice how they would chose cancer. Well ok then I will take a broken arm instead of cancer, now how about that.


    ok I am ranting again....deep breath
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #46
    lesvanb said:

    You were not too sensitive
    The others weren't sensitive enough. I, for one, benefit from your sensitivity. Thank you.

    all the best, Leslie

    Thanks Leslie!
    That was very sweet! All the best to you too! Of course I don't have all your details, but I have a good feeling about how things will go for you. I know you can't cash "a good feeling" at the bank, but I wanted to let you know. Keep feeling good!
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #47
    christinecarl said:

    I want you to quit too, but
    I want you to quit too, but that is your choice. Seriously WTF were they thinking, couldn't they have chose to discuss how hard it is to get that kind of diagnosis and how you can still find things that could be worse, instead of saying in a calm voice how they would chose cancer. Well ok then I will take a broken arm instead of cancer, now how about that.


    ok I am ranting again....deep breath

    Thanks for caring, Christine!
    If you lived closer I would take you to the next meeting + you could ask them WTF they were thinking.... maybe they had too much wine? I have been to one meeting since then + it was much better, + have missed the last two due to treatments. I am just going to see how it goes. Some people (not the ones that did this) are very dear friends + I like seeing them. If I feel more negative than positive energy, I will quit.
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    #48
    AnneCan said:

    Thanks for caring, Christine!
    If you lived closer I would take you to the next meeting + you could ask them WTF they were thinking.... maybe they had too much wine? I have been to one meeting since then + it was much better, + have missed the last two due to treatments. I am just going to see how it goes. Some people (not the ones that did this) are very dear friends + I like seeing them. If I feel more negative than positive energy, I will quit.

    Well I am glad that the good
    Well I am glad that the good out weighs the bad for you with this crowd. Maybe they can learn from you instead of some story in a book for once. I am glad you have good friends there.

    I love to read also.
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #49
    christinecarl said:

    Well I am glad that the good
    Well I am glad that the good out weighs the bad for you with this crowd. Maybe they can learn from you instead of some story in a book for once. I am glad you have good friends there.

    I love to read also.

    Straying the subject a
    Straying the subject a little sorry....but I just read this book, Water for Elephants. While I was reading it I was wondering why oh why am I reading this. Then...I LOVED the ending :)
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #50
    lesvanb said:

    Mags
    Since my positive lung biopsy last week I was holding it together until Saturday (came down with the flu Saturday too) but part of it was having everyone appreciating my attitude, and what I had written on my update, and how I was a good example yahdayahda....but, did they actually see me, feel me? Yet, do people commonly ever see you or feel you, and you know it for the gift it is when it happens. One of my good friends wrote to me today when I acknowledged feelin' the blues, she asked "what would my zen teacher say?" Well I wrote back that she would say that she had never met a Buddha, a few were close, but mostly just fellow humans. Sometimes I feel like I have to be the perfect patient, not show the flaws of weakness or fatigue and yet I do know that when I am open and not buried in the sand, that gift of connecting with someone else is more likely to happen.

    So yes, it sure can feel lonely at times.

    all the best to you, Leslie

    Leslie
    Leslie,

    What an honest post. It sound like you know yourself very well. "Sometimes I feel like I have to be the perfect patient, not show the flaws of weakness or fatigue and yet I do know that when I am open and not buried in the sand, that gift of connecting with someone else is more likely to happen."

    I hope that you have a warm place and some people you can let it all go with. No need to be perfect my friend. You are a wonderful, caring person and I know that people want to help you through this very difficult time.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #51
    lesvanb said:

    Mags
    Since my positive lung biopsy last week I was holding it together until Saturday (came down with the flu Saturday too) but part of it was having everyone appreciating my attitude, and what I had written on my update, and how I was a good example yahdayahda....but, did they actually see me, feel me? Yet, do people commonly ever see you or feel you, and you know it for the gift it is when it happens. One of my good friends wrote to me today when I acknowledged feelin' the blues, she asked "what would my zen teacher say?" Well I wrote back that she would say that she had never met a Buddha, a few were close, but mostly just fellow humans. Sometimes I feel like I have to be the perfect patient, not show the flaws of weakness or fatigue and yet I do know that when I am open and not buried in the sand, that gift of connecting with someone else is more likely to happen.

    So yes, it sure can feel lonely at times.

    all the best to you, Leslie

    G'day Les
    I call it last straw syndrome mate. It confounds me how much angst we absorb with this disease. Then there is allways another straw ,it really isn't fair waiting to see which one is the LAST one. I just hope that there is a strong wind and you catch a break, god knows you and everyone else on this board deserves one. Hugs my friend..... Ron
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #52
    AnneCan said:

    Yes
    Mags,

    At some point almost every day I feel some loneliness. It is a lonely disease. Some of my friends have basically disappeared + others have appeared out of nowhere. Sometimes I have to push myself to go out; you get tired of being the one with cancer. I belong to a bookclub. One month we were reading "Still Alice", which is about a female professor who has Alzheimers. When she is first diagnosed she makes a comment that she would rather have cancer than Alzheimers. I had to endure ~ 15 minutes of some members discussing that + how they agreed + why cancer would be better than Alzheimers. I was shocked that they would be so insensitive to me sitting there with cancer. I wanted to speak up but tears stopped me. I don't know if I have ever felt so lonely. They were saying how people are treated differently when people realize they have Alzheimers. I wanted to shout, "Hello, I feel like I am treated very differently since I have been diagnosed." I went home + had a good cry after.

    Anne,
    Anne,
    That must have been awefull to have the woman talking and being so insensitive. I think you're wise to figure out if this group is adding to your life and peace or taking away from it. My situation with our daughter was a bit different. She has special needs and early on I figured out that my life was better without some people.
    Thinking of you.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #53
    lisa42 said:

    sometimes I still can't believe it
    Even after being on chemo for 3-1/2 years now, I still sometimes can't believe that I really have cancer. That this is me- this is my life now. I hear other people talk about it, see people talk about it on TV, and almost feel shocked to think that I have cancer too. That the person's obituary I read about in the newspaper today who "lost their battle with cancer after 5 years"- that that could be me. I guess I feel the most lonely when I think that I'm different from all my friends and that they'll never know exactly how I feel. I pray that they don't- that they are spared from ever experiencing cancer.
    I imagine my funeral sometimes- do you all ever do that? I hear a song that is especially moving & I think about how I'd like that one played at my service. Then I imagine what my husband and kids' faces will look like during the service. WHY do I do that??????
    I HATE that I do that! I want to live!!! I don't want to think of the sadness my family will go through if I don't make it. I know life will go on without me- life always does go on, but I want to be part of it all!!!
    I hate that I have to carry this burden of wondering if I'll be alive when my kids get married or have my grandkids- or if I'll even see them graduate from high school. YES- I want to live!!! I feel far from dead now, but I know how quickly it can go downhill too & that is definitely a lonely, scary feeling. I have gotten stronger in my faith in Jesus since thinking about all this & that definitely makes me feel less alone, but makes me feel even more alone and different from my friends.

    I'm grateful for this forum that we can share these feelings with each other- we're all here for each other & we all GET IT.

    Hugs to all,
    Lisa

    and darling we don't call the shots
    I am always thinking of ways to love the wife and kids better today.

    The depth and quality of the love we give and share today is the only thing that will
    last a generation. Feel all the feelings but ultimately let out as much love and care as you can. Excercise your heart. I am honestly trying this everyday.

    All my friends will be
    happy at my funeral that I loved them as much and as long as I could. thats enough and thats all we can do anyway.

    I hug all my friends goodbye now even the men.

    hugs to you
    Pete
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #54
    ron50 said:

    G'day Les
    I call it last straw syndrome mate. It confounds me how much angst we absorb with this disease. Then there is allways another straw ,it really isn't fair waiting to see which one is the LAST one. I just hope that there is a strong wind and you catch a break, god knows you and everyone else on this board deserves one. Hugs my friend..... Ron

    lets go fishing
    do you want to go fishing one day, I'll drive up.
    All these emotions make me hungy and that fish looks huge.
    cheers,
    Pete
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #55
    pete43lost_at_sea said:

    lets go fishing
    do you want to go fishing one day, I'll drive up.
    All these emotions make me hungy and that fish looks huge.
    cheers,
    Pete

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #56
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Hugs Grace
    Take care of yourself mate ,you are the best person to do it,you are the only one who really knows how you feel. I alway get by with little gems of advice my dad gave me. The best has always been'When life does not meet your expectations,lower your expectations'. Life rarely disappoints me now. My health is my only worry,I just had an mri to see if my spine will support me for a while longer. I don't have to worry about christmas , I get a bunch of high school home economics sewing machines so I work christmas day ,boxing day and new years day. Saves me from lame excuses as to why I won't go to parties ect. I've stayed good friends with my ex wife,we are probably better friends now than when we were togeather she just doesn't have to put up with me 24/7 :) Stay well grace and try to find a little peace and happiness in your life. Ron.
  • TMac52
    TMac52 Member Posts: 352
    #57
    ron50 said:

    Hugs Grace
    Take care of yourself mate ,you are the best person to do it,you are the only one who really knows how you feel. I alway get by with little gems of advice my dad gave me. The best has always been'When life does not meet your expectations,lower your expectations'. Life rarely disappoints me now. My health is my only worry,I just had an mri to see if my spine will support me for a while longer. I don't have to worry about christmas , I get a bunch of high school home economics sewing machines so I work christmas day ,boxing day and new years day. Saves me from lame excuses as to why I won't go to parties ect. I've stayed good friends with my ex wife,we are probably better friends now than when we were togeather she just doesn't have to put up with me 24/7 :) Stay well grace and try to find a little peace and happiness in your life. Ron.

    Grace thank you for the
    Grace thank you for the words. Subcontiously i think i have been trying to push her away since my diagnosis. But she hangs in there with me and says she always will????? Go Figure!!! I guess time will tell and thats something that I have now that the surgery was a sucsess.
    Ron you are one of my new inspirations you are a real power of example and i am happy to have met you. I only wish you were closer so we could go fishing together.
    This has been an great thread to read and partake in. It really hits home.
    Tom
  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    #58
    ron50 said:

    G'day Les
    I call it last straw syndrome mate. It confounds me how much angst we absorb with this disease. Then there is allways another straw ,it really isn't fair waiting to see which one is the LAST one. I just hope that there is a strong wind and you catch a break, god knows you and everyone else on this board deserves one. Hugs my friend..... Ron

    Ron
    "It confounds me how much angst we absorb with this disease" hit me like a bolt of lightening when I read it. Thanks, you can't really do anything with something you can't see. Thanks for helping me see THAT one!

    I love a good stiff breeze to sail in!

    Fair winds and following seas, mate.
    Leslie
  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    #59
    TMac52 said:

    Grace thank you for the
    Grace thank you for the words. Subcontiously i think i have been trying to push her away since my diagnosis. But she hangs in there with me and says she always will????? Go Figure!!! I guess time will tell and thats something that I have now that the surgery was a sucsess.
    Ron you are one of my new inspirations you are a real power of example and i am happy to have met you. I only wish you were closer so we could go fishing together.
    This has been an great thread to read and partake in. It really hits home.
    Tom

    Tom
    One of the most difficult lessons I've been learning on this cancer path, is to love myself well enough to just accept things at face value. Then I don't fall off center over analyzing. She stays, you get to love her. Enjoy.

    I'm enjoying getting to know you Tom :-)

    Leslie
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #60
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Graci
    Thanks for the kind words! Would you ever try to re-connect with the guy turned your back on? Don't answer if this is too nosy! I can hardly believe family members are saying those things to you! My understanding is you have done really well, especially with so little support. I have been amazed when you have said what you have done.
  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    #61
    ron50 said:

    G'day Les
    I call it last straw syndrome mate. It confounds me how much angst we absorb with this disease. Then there is allways another straw ,it really isn't fair waiting to see which one is the LAST one. I just hope that there is a strong wind and you catch a break, god knows you and everyone else on this board deserves one. Hugs my friend..... Ron

    Kathleen
    thanks so much for your steadfast continued support.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

    Leslie

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