Do you really think it can be beat?

christinecarl
christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Honestly there has been so much sadness here lately it makes me question what my expectations should really be. I do not want to just put on rose colored glasses and believe because I am NED that I have truly beaten cancer. I mean can you beat it for good or only win a few rounds to be taken down later by it? But then I think I am missing the whole point of being NED and that means being happy in the moment and tomorrow will take care of itself. What about you, where are you at with this?
«134

Comments

  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    Can it be beat....?


    Can anything be beat?

    Heart disease forums:
    http://ehealthforum.com/health/heart_attack_symptoms.html
    http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Heart-Disease/show/114

    Crohn's disease forums:
    http://www.crohnsforum.com/

    Ulcerative Colitis forums:
    http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=38

    Addisons-Diabetes forum:
    http://addisons-diabetes.gkznet.com/addison_diabetes_forum.htm

    MS Forum:
    http://ehealthforum.com/health/lyme-disease-mimics-ms-t131383.html
    http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=103683


    I hope that puts cancer in perspective.....

    I try to concentrate on today, and if tomorrow comes, I'll try
    to make the best of that, too.

    Think good thoughts, and do your best to be as healthy as you can.


    Stay well,


    John
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    We don't know
    I don't think that when your NED, you'll know whether it'll come back, or you'll be completely free of cancer for the rest of your time here on this beautiful earth.
    For me, I'm just grateful that I'm still here, that I saw another grandchild come into
    my world, that I get to hold him.
    I'm grateful for this chemo that has kept me here. While it has the neuropathy that I dislike, and though I long for a glass of that sweet ice water I used to drink, and to crunch on ice once again (that time will come I'm sure)I'm just happy to be alive.
    Next month was supposed to be my expiration date, even with chemo. It won't be, I'll hopefully be here for at least a year, hoping for more.
    I don't have to put on rose colored glasses because everyone around me seems to be wearing them. I'm the pessimist, their the optimists, we end up making a good team. For every thought of death I have, they have my life lasting.
    So here's my thoughts, put on those rose colored glasses, enjoy your NED. Keep up with the check ups, but mostly if the board is making you sad or worried, leave for awhile. FORGET about the cancer for a while. Don't let the cancer you had define you. ENJOY LIFE!!!!
  • sasjourney
    sasjourney Member Posts: 395 Member
    I feel the same way
    I am new to this board and saw your posting and wonder the same thing. Will I just be living test to test wondering when it will return. How can it be prevented if we don't really know the cause in the first place? What do we do differently to stop it from returning? It is hard to be happy in the moment when I know I will always think about it. Maybe it will get better as time goes on. I am still in the why me and why now phase.

    Everyone around me tells me to remain positive and not worry about tomorrow. Of course they don't have cancer and can't really relate.

    I know the mind and spirit have a lot to do with beating cancer, so stay strong and be happy. Every day is a gift!

    Take care,
    Sara
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member

    I feel the same way
    I am new to this board and saw your posting and wonder the same thing. Will I just be living test to test wondering when it will return. How can it be prevented if we don't really know the cause in the first place? What do we do differently to stop it from returning? It is hard to be happy in the moment when I know I will always think about it. Maybe it will get better as time goes on. I am still in the why me and why now phase.

    Everyone around me tells me to remain positive and not worry about tomorrow. Of course they don't have cancer and can't really relate.

    I know the mind and spirit have a lot to do with beating cancer, so stay strong and be happy. Every day is a gift!

    Take care,
    Sara

    Good Vibes, we need good
    Good Vibes, we need good vibes! Kick arse! Do all you can to be healthy!! One foot in front of the other.......
  • coolvdub
    coolvdub Member Posts: 408 Member
    Nana b said:

    Good Vibes, we need good
    Good Vibes, we need good vibes! Kick arse! Do all you can to be healthy!! One foot in front of the other.......

    Sure it can
    Christine,

    Here is how I choose to look at it. I won the lottery, no not the financial one, the lottery of life. I'm thankful for each day now and really happy to watch things God has given us to look at grow from the top side instead of the root side. Oh yeah, we have a beautiful new puppy in our life too. Her name is Bailey and she is a handful, but in a good way.

    Don
  • dasspears
    dasspears Member Posts: 227
    In perspective..
    In my opinion, it all depends. I'm an early stage survivor....NED after 25 months. May last much longer or cancer may decide to rear it's ugly head again. Can't be predicted. In some circumstances, you may well beat cancer - that is my hope at this point, but there are no guarantees. Regardless, the best thing for anyone is to be happy in the moment. I will take care of tomorrow because it is still in my power to do so and that I think is a key - it's in my power.
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    christinecarl -


    You wanted a real answer, and all you got were cliches' from me
    and the gang.

    OK, Here:

    Cancer is only a normal cell gone bad. It was supposed to die,
    as any damaged or split 1/2 cell normally does - but only it didn't.

    Instead, it decided to live on like an amoeba, using the fermentation
    process by eating glucose and pooping lactic acid. The cancer cell
    steals the glucose away from normal cells, and continues to grow.

    It really doesn't want to kill us, since that will kill it also, but it has
    no brain; no control over what it's doing. So it survives by living
    it's life by stealing food from our body, and growing at whatever
    rate it can to get even more food.

    Western Medicine science just can't seem to interrupt the cell's
    eating habits, even though many ideas and suggestions have come
    to be. What's not totally ignored, seems to fall by the wayside
    from a lack of investors that could further the possible usage of
    the ideas.

    If we can get our immune system to get rid of the cell that was
    supposed to die, that would be the cure for cancer. Using chemicals
    to try to kill a tumor, only kills normal cells and our immune system
    along with it. Sure, it kills some cancer cells in a tumor stage, but
    single cells will live on, under the chemical's radar.

    Will cancer ever be cured?

    That's a tough question. I'm a cynical SOB, because I know what
    big business and economy thrives on. The cancer industry is just that,
    an industry. It employees millions upon millions and reaps billions
    upon billions of profit yearly.

    I'm not a "conspiracy theorist", and I don't have black helicopters
    flying about over my domain....... but one should face the stark
    reality of this day and age.

    "Trovax" was a pharmaceutical developed by Oxford BioMedica,
    an offshoot of Oxford U in the UK. It was an anti-cancer vaccine
    that encouraged a good immune system to focus on a cancer cell,
    and destroy it.

    Unfortunately, they could not get any investors to further the testing,
    until one major chemotherapy drug manufacturer decided to buy into
    the Trovax license.

    That company insisted that Trovax be tested against cancers that
    it hadn't previously been tested with, and used along with
    chemotherapy drugs.

    Well..... if the product is going to use a good immune system to
    do the fighting, and chemotherapy usually destroys the immune
    system.... what do you suppose would be the outcome of such testing?

    Yup. Trovax failed test after test, and the investor gave the license back
    to Oxford. No good; seeya'. They invested millions, but they continue
    to make billions from products that are still in demand. Other investors
    now refuse to invest......

    Will cancer ever be cured?

    There are other options to "big pharma", and one just has to have the
    guts to seek the alternatives out.

    Maybe not a cure, maybe a cure, but regardless..... not as many side effects.

    I'd rather be healthy while trying to get better, wouldn't you?

    The old adage: "what doesn't kill you, makes you better", can be
    better afforded to the cancer within, than the body that's struggling
    to remain alive.

    "What doesn't make me sick, will make me better".

    Best of health! You'll do fine, just keep your immune system
    at it's peak!


    John
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    Many options
    It's a good question, and one which many of us ponder (if not struggle with) regularly.

    Certainly we all know people -- from this board and from other parts of our lives -- who have beaten cancer and who are, by any definition, cured. Hoorah and yea -- they keep us going and bring us joy.

    But then there are others (including me). For me, right now, I think it is frankly unlikely that I will be looking at "cure". However, I think it is highly possible that I will be living -- and I mean "Livin'!" -- with this condition for a long long time -- occasional bouts of treatment, lovely stretches without - as I have been for the past almost 8 years. That's OK, for me -- truly OK.

    There's an expression "Living under the Sword of Damocles" -- for those who live, NED or otherwise, after a diagnosis of cancer. We will probably never be as 'carefree' again. But, it sure sharpens the mind, doesn't it?!. For me, the struggle is to have enough 'heightened awareness' so that it improves the quality of life -- and the decisions we make about how to live our life -- without so much awareness that we are overcome by fear. I'm not saying I always get that balance right...but that's the challenge.

    Tara
  • Kerry S
    Kerry S Member Posts: 606 Member
    Can I beat this crap?
    Can I beat this crap? Hell yes! Am I going to let this crap keep me in a constant depression mode? Hell no! I have a wife that needs me along with my 2 sons and their families. Plus, I just damn well enjoy living.

    Any time you feel like it is all over but the shouting, give yourself the Golden Shovel Award. Known as the GSA. I wish we had a box on our post that others could check when they read a GSA post. When the box gets checked more then 10 times you would be required to seek professional help.

    What you do with this award is go out in your back yard and start digging your own grave. Just maybe when your hands start blistering and your back gets weak you will realize it is much easier to have and keep a positive attitude. No one ever accomplished anything with a negative attitude.

    I was told a long time back that you can put your emotions into four boxes. Mad, sad, glad or scared. At the start of this cancer mess I was just “scared”. I then turned to “mad” as hell. Now I am “glad” that I am still alive along with enough “mad” to keep fighting it.

    I will admit I have had to give myself a GSA here and there in my journey. However, I can use my tractor to dig the damn grave. That makes it a lot easier. I am too damned old to dig it by hand.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Nobody gets out of here alive
    That's the bottom line. Obviously the whole part of being born is that we will one day die.
    It's in the fine print on our Birth Certificates. Really, it is!

    I happen to think NED is over-rated and/or that it gives people a false sense of beating death or something. I do remember finishing the first 12 round cycle of chemo (200 some odd treatments ago) and the nurses having this "party" for me and I got a balloon and lollipop or something like that. I thought "this is cool" but I didn't think it was over as far as cancer goes. I've been living with cancer for 6 1/2 years. I think the word living is the important part. I'm not about to wait until some doctor or test tells me I'm NED. I feel very good and that's what is important to me. I'm pretty sure that I could be NED and feel like crap. I'd rather feel good and not be NED at this point. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to hear that I'm NED but my main goal is to enjoy my time here. If I don't hear it then I don't hear it.

    Just reading the posts on this site, how many times have you read that someone is NED and all excited about it, then a month later they are saying that their cancer is back and they are devastated. I have absolutely no desire to put myself through that. I feel I do not project gloom and doom for myself either. I just try to do my best to be in the moment as much as I can.

    There is a quote that I like that goes like this:
    "The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
    ~ Mitch Albom
    This can also be looked at as coming to terms with one's mortality.

    You say Christine that "But then I think I am missing the whole point of being NED and that means being happy in the moment and tomorrow will take care of itself." I believe that the whole point of LIFE is to be happy in the moment. We have little or no control over anything else. If we die from cancer, we die from cancer. Most of us probably stand a greater chance statistically speaking of being killed while driving to the doctors office than of dying from cancer.

    So to answer your question Christine, YES I think cancer can be beat but do I think that hearing/seeing the words NED is what I am striving for, the answer to that is NO. At some point we all will no longer exist on Earth. I guess that makes us NED & DEAD
    ;-)
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    Christine,
    Yes, I do believe it can be beat. I've always been a pretty optimistic person, and still am. When I was told I had cancer, I didn't wither or cry. I wanted to know what we need to do to get rid of it. Right now, I'm officially in remission. Did my kids wither and cry? Nope, I'm glad they got that from me. They laugh when I walk into walls or forget a name and I'm often corrected in some things I say. They and my husband are my reasons for living. That and I want to see my grand-kids that I might not ever get. At work, we make fun of it. I love making fun of cancer. I'm the bully in this fight.

    Did I beat it? I really believe in my heart that I did. Like Kerry, I have a family that needs me. I am NOT going to dig my own grave. I cherish every day that God gives me and if I'm hit by a bus, so be it. I can die in so many other ways than cancer. God has a plan, and even though I may not understand His motives, I don't doubt for one second that He didn't know what He was doing.

    If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I still won't let this get me down. I just want to know what to do to treat me. I plan on living for a long, long time.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    PhillieG said:

    Nobody gets out of here alive
    That's the bottom line. Obviously the whole part of being born is that we will one day die.
    It's in the fine print on our Birth Certificates. Really, it is!

    I happen to think NED is over-rated and/or that it gives people a false sense of beating death or something. I do remember finishing the first 12 round cycle of chemo (200 some odd treatments ago) and the nurses having this "party" for me and I got a balloon and lollipop or something like that. I thought "this is cool" but I didn't think it was over as far as cancer goes. I've been living with cancer for 6 1/2 years. I think the word living is the important part. I'm not about to wait until some doctor or test tells me I'm NED. I feel very good and that's what is important to me. I'm pretty sure that I could be NED and feel like crap. I'd rather feel good and not be NED at this point. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to hear that I'm NED but my main goal is to enjoy my time here. If I don't hear it then I don't hear it.

    Just reading the posts on this site, how many times have you read that someone is NED and all excited about it, then a month later they are saying that their cancer is back and they are devastated. I have absolutely no desire to put myself through that. I feel I do not project gloom and doom for myself either. I just try to do my best to be in the moment as much as I can.

    There is a quote that I like that goes like this:
    "The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
    ~ Mitch Albom
    This can also be looked at as coming to terms with one's mortality.

    You say Christine that "But then I think I am missing the whole point of being NED and that means being happy in the moment and tomorrow will take care of itself." I believe that the whole point of LIFE is to be happy in the moment. We have little or no control over anything else. If we die from cancer, we die from cancer. Most of us probably stand a greater chance statistically speaking of being killed while driving to the doctors office than of dying from cancer.

    So to answer your question Christine, YES I think cancer can be beat but do I think that hearing/seeing the words NED is what I am striving for, the answer to that is NO. At some point we all will no longer exist on Earth. I guess that makes us NED & DEAD
    ;-)

    I raise my glass....
    Yup, I agree with you, phil....

    As you know, both of my cancers (rectal followed closely by breast) were in the lymph system. No far mets..but, well, plently of 'dust bunnies'.

    I fought long and hard for the opportunity to live life...so I AM living it!!! Let tomorrow take care of itself! That said, I watch what I eat, don't smoke, and drink plenty of water...I laugh every day, and try not to stress about stuff, as I used to...

    Can it return? Of course, but, again, I'm not thinking too much about it...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    I get it, and who knows?
    I can sure relate to your question, as for an answer well I think you have to "get there" yourself. We all have different ways of dealing with the various situations we find ourselves in. Taking control of our diet, exercising, education, etc.. are all ways we try to come to grips with where we are. A positive attitude is important but I know I wasnt whistling zip-a-de-do-da 24/7 before all of this so should I expect to do so now?
    I hear so many stories of people who through a crisis such as cancer transform their lives. They become more, more religous, more active, more open, more caring, more tolerant. They create for themselves a life that from outside appearance anyway, is so much fuller, richer then the lives they had before the crisis. I keep looking for some grand awakening in myself. So far I havent found it. Mind you I am not waiting for this to happen, I am actively trying to find this source for myself.
    I think (and this is just my two cents) maybe I am trying to find something that isnt there. Why should the fact that I have cancer suddenly answer questions that quite frankly I had before all of this. The fact that we may die sooner then we thought will definetly change things, but I doubt that the majority of us will suddenly find some well spring of inspiration that drives us to do great things or live some magical life. I am, within reason, the same person I was before Cancer. I always took joy in the little things, I wasnt a slave to my job, I loved my family dearly, and rejoiced in the life I was given. I took pride in the fact that my daughters would call us if they saw a beautiful sunset and didnt want us to miss it. I also struggled with who I was, where I wanted to be, etc...
    I dont mean this as a negative, and I speak only for myself and my feelings, but I was an "average" guy before cancer, full of questions, doubts, and fears, why should I expect a life threatening illness to transform me into something I am not. I try to keep that in mind when I am stuggling with the "what the h@##'s".
    I realize this may not be what you are looking for, but I think it has helped me deal with my current situation, so I thought I should post.
    chris
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    taraHK said:

    Many options
    It's a good question, and one which many of us ponder (if not struggle with) regularly.

    Certainly we all know people -- from this board and from other parts of our lives -- who have beaten cancer and who are, by any definition, cured. Hoorah and yea -- they keep us going and bring us joy.

    But then there are others (including me). For me, right now, I think it is frankly unlikely that I will be looking at "cure". However, I think it is highly possible that I will be living -- and I mean "Livin'!" -- with this condition for a long long time -- occasional bouts of treatment, lovely stretches without - as I have been for the past almost 8 years. That's OK, for me -- truly OK.

    There's an expression "Living under the Sword of Damocles" -- for those who live, NED or otherwise, after a diagnosis of cancer. We will probably never be as 'carefree' again. But, it sure sharpens the mind, doesn't it?!. For me, the struggle is to have enough 'heightened awareness' so that it improves the quality of life -- and the decisions we make about how to live our life -- without so much awareness that we are overcome by fear. I'm not saying I always get that balance right...but that's the challenge.

    Tara

    I agree
    the trick is to get the balance, I struggle with it daily, I am currently NED, but I do realize there is a good chance it will come back, I pray it doesnt, but I dont want to be naive and have it crush me if it does come back. Its a very hard balance....

    Beth
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member

    I get it, and who knows?
    I can sure relate to your question, as for an answer well I think you have to "get there" yourself. We all have different ways of dealing with the various situations we find ourselves in. Taking control of our diet, exercising, education, etc.. are all ways we try to come to grips with where we are. A positive attitude is important but I know I wasnt whistling zip-a-de-do-da 24/7 before all of this so should I expect to do so now?
    I hear so many stories of people who through a crisis such as cancer transform their lives. They become more, more religous, more active, more open, more caring, more tolerant. They create for themselves a life that from outside appearance anyway, is so much fuller, richer then the lives they had before the crisis. I keep looking for some grand awakening in myself. So far I havent found it. Mind you I am not waiting for this to happen, I am actively trying to find this source for myself.
    I think (and this is just my two cents) maybe I am trying to find something that isnt there. Why should the fact that I have cancer suddenly answer questions that quite frankly I had before all of this. The fact that we may die sooner then we thought will definetly change things, but I doubt that the majority of us will suddenly find some well spring of inspiration that drives us to do great things or live some magical life. I am, within reason, the same person I was before Cancer. I always took joy in the little things, I wasnt a slave to my job, I loved my family dearly, and rejoiced in the life I was given. I took pride in the fact that my daughters would call us if they saw a beautiful sunset and didnt want us to miss it. I also struggled with who I was, where I wanted to be, etc...
    I dont mean this as a negative, and I speak only for myself and my feelings, but I was an "average" guy before cancer, full of questions, doubts, and fears, why should I expect a life threatening illness to transform me into something I am not. I try to keep that in mind when I am stuggling with the "what the h@##'s".
    I realize this may not be what you are looking for, but I think it has helped me deal with my current situation, so I thought I should post.
    chris

    Chris, ME too
    I have struggled with this too, like where is the rebirth that is suppose to happen after something like this? Why is it others are having these life changing events and I am not? I couldnt and probably wont ever figure it out, I like you am just ordinary, I am a bit of a slave to my job, love my family so much, and I find peace and happiness in small things. Just a simple person, trying to live, love and laugh...


    Beth
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    dorookie said:

    Chris, ME too
    I have struggled with this too, like where is the rebirth that is suppose to happen after something like this? Why is it others are having these life changing events and I am not? I couldnt and probably wont ever figure it out, I like you am just ordinary, I am a bit of a slave to my job, love my family so much, and I find peace and happiness in small things. Just a simple person, trying to live, love and laugh...


    Beth

    u got it!!
    "Just a simple person, trying to live, love and laugh..." thats it Beth!
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    HollyID said:

    Christine,
    Yes, I do believe it can be beat. I've always been a pretty optimistic person, and still am. When I was told I had cancer, I didn't wither or cry. I wanted to know what we need to do to get rid of it. Right now, I'm officially in remission. Did my kids wither and cry? Nope, I'm glad they got that from me. They laugh when I walk into walls or forget a name and I'm often corrected in some things I say. They and my husband are my reasons for living. That and I want to see my grand-kids that I might not ever get. At work, we make fun of it. I love making fun of cancer. I'm the bully in this fight.

    Did I beat it? I really believe in my heart that I did. Like Kerry, I have a family that needs me. I am NOT going to dig my own grave. I cherish every day that God gives me and if I'm hit by a bus, so be it. I can die in so many other ways than cancer. God has a plan, and even though I may not understand His motives, I don't doubt for one second that He didn't know what He was doing.

    If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I still won't let this get me down. I just want to know what to do to treat me. I plan on living for a long, long time.

    For what its worth, here's my three cents.......
    Whether cancer can be beat or not I aint ready to die yet (and I'm now afflicted with two of the top three killers in the US).....I can't do sheit about yesterday and I don't know (no matter what my plans)if I'll be here tomorrow so the sensible thing is to live for now...which I try to do....I was told I was NED after my first post-everything CT last month and yet now this Mon I'm going into the hospital because fluid was then noted inside me inside my surgical site......so you never know......

    I'm cognizant of the most current stats on stage 3 and mets (and I'm not a baseball fan)and I subscribe to numerous sites that provide me tons of reading on current research being conducted to better understand and defeat cancer but I still have to live. So based on everything I've learned, with concurrence from onc and other doctors, I'm trying to make myself as strong as possible as fast as possible (smartly tho)so if things are going to happen, hopefully I can defer it or at least be at full-strength to deal with what I'll need to deal with (I had never been as weak in my life as I was following colostomy--and the subsequent chemo further weakened me)But this phase is over......

    I went to my first Relay last month and met people who've been living quite a number of years with their cancer--the first person I met began her journey(as a child of course) over 50 years ago!!! Others I met have been living for quite some time and looking at many, you'd never know it
    When I'd see little kids entering the pediatric unit for theirs while I was doing my chemo, besides making me cry, I would then get real pissed and channel that anger into my own battle (anger/vengence has always motivated me, big time(tell me I CAN"T do something I want and I'll show you I CAN-watch!!))

    It doesn't take much for me to appreciate living--just looking out my apartment's kitchen window, where the tree outside has now started to block my view-I love it: the clouds/sky above and greenery at eye level and below til the leaves wither and randomly,haphazardly drop; a bird here, a squirrel there, some wasps and dragon flies...I enjoyed so much this spot when I was able to get out of bed while undergoing treatment (and when that was all I could do); even more so now .

    This disease has wrought so many changes in my life,not just medical,null and voiding much of what I had "planned' on doing now and down the road apiece (retired almost 5 years ago after thirty-three of working for same gov't org. Consequently,it was back to the drawing board and from now on, no matter what I do,my "third eye" will forever be on the lookout for those one or two (or three or four or five) cells that evaded the surgeons tools and chemo and radiation's destructiveness...... But NO WAY WILL I STOP FROM LIVING.......steve
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    I know what you are talking about
    When i first came to this site. I cried all day, because everywhere around me was metastic mestastic metastic. I felt like that there was no hope, but slowly I've come to take the cancer news of my mother day by day.

    Do something good for yourself! Enjoy your life!

    By the way does anyone know if you can get a pedicure/manicure while under chemo?

    Hugs

    Ketziah
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member

    I get it, and who knows?
    I can sure relate to your question, as for an answer well I think you have to "get there" yourself. We all have different ways of dealing with the various situations we find ourselves in. Taking control of our diet, exercising, education, etc.. are all ways we try to come to grips with where we are. A positive attitude is important but I know I wasnt whistling zip-a-de-do-da 24/7 before all of this so should I expect to do so now?
    I hear so many stories of people who through a crisis such as cancer transform their lives. They become more, more religous, more active, more open, more caring, more tolerant. They create for themselves a life that from outside appearance anyway, is so much fuller, richer then the lives they had before the crisis. I keep looking for some grand awakening in myself. So far I havent found it. Mind you I am not waiting for this to happen, I am actively trying to find this source for myself.
    I think (and this is just my two cents) maybe I am trying to find something that isnt there. Why should the fact that I have cancer suddenly answer questions that quite frankly I had before all of this. The fact that we may die sooner then we thought will definetly change things, but I doubt that the majority of us will suddenly find some well spring of inspiration that drives us to do great things or live some magical life. I am, within reason, the same person I was before Cancer. I always took joy in the little things, I wasnt a slave to my job, I loved my family dearly, and rejoiced in the life I was given. I took pride in the fact that my daughters would call us if they saw a beautiful sunset and didnt want us to miss it. I also struggled with who I was, where I wanted to be, etc...
    I dont mean this as a negative, and I speak only for myself and my feelings, but I was an "average" guy before cancer, full of questions, doubts, and fears, why should I expect a life threatening illness to transform me into something I am not. I try to keep that in mind when I am stuggling with the "what the h@##'s".
    I realize this may not be what you are looking for, but I think it has helped me deal with my current situation, so I thought I should post.
    chris

    Profound.

    Re:
    "I hear so many stories of people who through a crisis such as
    cancer transform their lives. They become more, more religous,
    more active, more open, more caring, more tolerant. They create
    for themselves a life that from outside appearance anyway, is so
    much fuller, richer then the lives they had before the crisis. I
    keep looking for some grand awakening in myself."


    ".........So far I havent found it..................."
    ".......maybe I am trying to find something that isnt there....."

    It ain't here either, Chris.

    We all change for "the moment"..... but like after the 911 event,
    we go back to being %^#$&*'s a few months later...

    I personally do find, that I pay more attention to the things I
    don't like in my life. I know my mortality, and I hate wasting
    my remaining time on anyone that's being a pain in my stoma.

    You may not feel as though you've changed a thing about yourself,
    but it can be subtle, elusive to the eye... I'm willing to wager that
    you are paying more attention to what time you think might be
    remaining...... perhaps to contemplate what might become of
    those around you..... the pets.. the family.. that pile of highly
    valued garbage under the shop bench....

    The things that went by unnoticed before the dreaded diagnosis,
    are now billboards and sink-holes, interfering with our
    daily life that we somehow begun to realize may be shorter than
    we had planned.

    It's the subtle changes, Chris.

    But when you put all those very, very subtle changes into text,
    you find you're no different than anyone else that's managed
    to change into that "more" state of mind......

    It's only illusive if you're looking too hard.

    You can stop looking...... because you've already found it
    awhile back...... you just didn't realize it.

    But we knew you found it; It's that obvious.


    Stay well, friend.


    John
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    ketziah35 said:

    I know what you are talking about
    When i first came to this site. I cried all day, because everywhere around me was metastic mestastic metastic. I felt like that there was no hope, but slowly I've come to take the cancer news of my mother day by day.

    Do something good for yourself! Enjoy your life!

    By the way does anyone know if you can get a pedicure/manicure while under chemo?

    Hugs

    Ketziah

    Ketziah,
    I got pedi's while on chemo, but my gal had a mother who had cancer and was very strict about being clean. With all her clients, not just her mom or me. You almost have to have someone who is almost obsessive with cleanliness.

    Love and Hugs,

    Holly