Family

thready said:

Fun with family
Terry,
I would think you need to listen to your doctor. Getting the surgery over would be in your best interest. My husband is my caregiver and he took the week of surgery and the next week off of work to help me. The second week he did not need to be there the entire time because I was getting around pretty good by then.

I would think if you had your surgery in the next few weeks your daughter would not have to "disrupt" her life much. I agree that having a home health nurse come in when you are home would be to your advantage. they could keep an eye on your other health issues also. What about friends, neighbors, church or other organizations that you go to, can a few people just stop in once in a while?

I have two sons. My youngest son was living at home at the time of my diagnosis. He was thinking then that he wanted to get on with is life, but decided to stay home until surgery and chemo were over. He did offer a lot of company during that time. My oldest son just shut down, he had a very hard time with all of this. He is married and just lives across town so it would not have been too much of an inconvenience to stop by but if I wanted to see him we would have to go to his house, which we did. I came to the conclusion that he just could not deal with what was happening. I have been done with treatment for a bit over a month and I have heard from him a lot since the end of treatment . He also looks more relaxed. All this is just to say that we all handle this horrible stuff differently, so please don't be hard on yourself, but you need to take care of you.

Most of us wished we would have had our colonoscopies earlier, but you can't go back. I like to think that I am glad I did not wait because things would have been so much worse.

Let us know when you get everything scheduled. We can be there for you at least virtually.
Hugs,
Jan

KathiM said:

Aw, Terry....I'm sorry....
But you have a plan, set to go, 'let's get this over with' attitude. Which is COMPLETELY correct!!!

But, your daughter (and other loved ones) are just trying to wrap their minds around what is happening. Cancer is a terrible word. Up until the last 15 years or so, anyone diagnosed with it was whispered about using words like 'dying' and 'tragic' and 'wasting away'. It's much harder to hold onto reality when you are the caregiver. And usually they are the very ones that get no support from the 'outside'...the cancer warrior/survivor does, because, well, we are constantly being seen and monitored and checked up on. The caregiver is expected to hold down the fort, hear ALL the results ('we don't want to upset the patient now'...my beau was told flat out that I was dying. This was in response to his question as to whether he could leave me to go to Europe to help his mom, his dad having just died 2 weeks after I was diagnosed....I never heard that from my doctor, but HE sure had to deal with it...while grieving for his dad...sigh). And face the possibility of having to say 'goodbye' to our loved one.

I agree with others, as much as we, the warrior, have anger...so do the people who love us. Don't take anything serious about her comment...although, you might, if she mentions the colonoscopy thing again, say something like "You may be right....but it REALLY means YOU need to get in and have one done.....".

This is a battle we fight alone. Even when there are folks in the room with us. I remember sitting in the chemotherapy room, talking to a friend, when I was struck with exactly what was happening to me...I was able to voice how frightened I was, and she was right there for me, but, after all, I was the one with the chemicals dripping into my body.

Cancer gives you limited choices. And not one of those choices is 'do nothing'. That will land you in worse trouble. That leads to stress...sigh...

Concentrate on you. Tell your daughter that it's ok if she's not there...you will find someone else...don't, by all means, stress about it...you need to be number one!!!

Hugs, Kathi

tootsie1 said:

Hi
Terry, I'm so sorry your daughter is acting this way. Sometimes people just feel like their needs are more important than anyone else's. Of course you are the one with cancer, so she needs to put you first this time. I hope that as time goes on, she will be able to respond to your needs with a better attitude. Sometimes people also act very weird when they're scared, and she may be very worried about you underneath all this attitude.

*hugs*
Gail