Sad Poll: Who was not there for you?

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Comments

  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    lisa42 said:

    my heart is aching- my thoughts for you all...
    Pamysue and so many others here- wow. My heart is aching for you all. I have quickly been made to realize by reading all your posts here how fortunate I have been with people around me. The only significant friend in my life who's ditched me since my dx is a friend who I had thought my best friend since elementary school. That makes me really sad. But, she's been the only one like that- family and friends around me have been great.
    I guess when people in your lives have checked out, it's just that for whatever emotional/mental reason, they could not deal with your sickness. Either way, they were/are being selfish, of course. Either they don't want your sickness to "bring them down"- can't deal with bad news in other aspects of life, I'd bet- or they can't deal with it because they "don't want to see you suffer or die". Again- either way- it's very selfish.
    So sad- but- you've got to try to forgive and let it go. NOT that that's what they deserve from you- but for YOUR sake. Although I'm not dealing with this particular hurt in my life- so maybe it's easy for me to talk, you may be thinking- but I have dealt with other kinds of hurts in my life and I know from firsthand experience it's healing and catharctic to forgive others, even when you don't want and even when they truly don't deserve it. It's for YOU. Think of them as emotionally ill, in that they cannot deal with anything unpleasant, that affects them in some way, anyhow. That really is a handicap for people like that in life.
    I had all kinds of hurts from my dad (who died of AIDS in 1995)- things I found out about his past, how he lived a double life and a lie to us- I always thought he was a straight laced guy. Well, I discovered my dear old dad was soliciting gay prostitutes in public bathrooms. There- I said it- I've never told anyone outside my family and close friends who already knew that. After he died, I found out lots, lots more. It was horrible.
    I was horrified and very angry with him for a few years after his death. It was a process to get to the point where I realized he was also a victim from his childhood of some awful things and that this is the sad way he responded to his broken situation. I know this is a totally different situation than friends and family turning their backs on you when you got your cancer diagnosis, but my correlation here is that it was very healing for me to get to the point where I cried and talked out loud to my dead dad and forgave him and told him I understood why he behaved in the way he did and that I loved him.
    You may have the opportunity to do this face to face with those who have "abandoned" you. Or maybe not. But if not face to face, even just to them in your mind/heart- for YOUR sake. Just some food for thought.

    Take care and hugs to you all-
    Lisa

    Thanks everyone
    I wanted to thank everyone for sharing their experiences with being shut out by people who really should've been there for you. None of us deserved it. All of your stories either reminded me of my situation and or helped me see different sides to it. Lisa, I am sorry about your dad, I am glad you were able to find peace with it and thank you for sharing. Thanks again everyone, it really did help to hear your stories. If anything it has helped me see who my true friends are and allowed me to appreciate the ones that really matter.
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    pamysue said:

    My older sister
    We had always been there for each other. Whatever the other needed. Never kept score.

    My son was only 20 when I had my bowel resection, etc... then I went into renal failure. 5-7 day hospital stay turned into 3 weeks. I don't even remember the first week. Psychologist said it was not unusual. Said it was a psychotic break.

    On day 4, I was told later, my sister left. She did not call my son. Said she was sick and tired of me acting like a whiny little **** and when I wanted to apologize she would speak to me again. I have no memory of this.

    We have no other family here. But have really good friends.

    But she left my son alone. Her first and "favorite" nephew. She was there when he was born. That's been over 2 years ago and neither me nor my son have heard from her. It still hurts me deeply that she could just leave him. I hate her.

    Pamysue, I am so sorry
    that you had to deal with your sister's abandonment along with your illness. It's very hard. Wise Lisa talked about forgiveness and I do believe that can be healing for your soul. It's sometimes hard, though, to think about forgiving when you are hurting. Lisa, I too came to forgive my Dad, probably a few months before he died (suddenly). Different reasons, different story, of course, like all of us. I do understand the hurt, the devastation of being let down by the ones who we expected to love us, and the healing power of forgiveness. And I'll say again, it's hard, and it's a process.
    I think we need to be patient and kind with ourselves.
    I am glad, Pamysue, that you have really good friends.
    Holding us all in the Light for healing (physically, emotionally) and Peace.
    ~Aud
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    lisa42 said:

    my heart is aching- my thoughts for you all...
    Pamysue and so many others here- wow. My heart is aching for you all. I have quickly been made to realize by reading all your posts here how fortunate I have been with people around me. The only significant friend in my life who's ditched me since my dx is a friend who I had thought my best friend since elementary school. That makes me really sad. But, she's been the only one like that- family and friends around me have been great.
    I guess when people in your lives have checked out, it's just that for whatever emotional/mental reason, they could not deal with your sickness. Either way, they were/are being selfish, of course. Either they don't want your sickness to "bring them down"- can't deal with bad news in other aspects of life, I'd bet- or they can't deal with it because they "don't want to see you suffer or die". Again- either way- it's very selfish.
    So sad- but- you've got to try to forgive and let it go. NOT that that's what they deserve from you- but for YOUR sake. Although I'm not dealing with this particular hurt in my life- so maybe it's easy for me to talk, you may be thinking- but I have dealt with other kinds of hurts in my life and I know from firsthand experience it's healing and catharctic to forgive others, even when you don't want and even when they truly don't deserve it. It's for YOU. Think of them as emotionally ill, in that they cannot deal with anything unpleasant, that affects them in some way, anyhow. That really is a handicap for people like that in life.
    I had all kinds of hurts from my dad (who died of AIDS in 1995)- things I found out about his past, how he lived a double life and a lie to us- I always thought he was a straight laced guy. Well, I discovered my dear old dad was soliciting gay prostitutes in public bathrooms. There- I said it- I've never told anyone outside my family and close friends who already knew that. After he died, I found out lots, lots more. It was horrible.
    I was horrified and very angry with him for a few years after his death. It was a process to get to the point where I realized he was also a victim from his childhood of some awful things and that this is the sad way he responded to his broken situation. I know this is a totally different situation than friends and family turning their backs on you when you got your cancer diagnosis, but my correlation here is that it was very healing for me to get to the point where I cried and talked out loud to my dead dad and forgave him and told him I understood why he behaved in the way he did and that I loved him.
    You may have the opportunity to do this face to face with those who have "abandoned" you. Or maybe not. But if not face to face, even just to them in your mind/heart- for YOUR sake. Just some food for thought.

    Take care and hugs to you all-
    Lisa

    I am so sorry for everyone's
    I am so sorry for everyone's pain with this issue. I have had a few disappointments in this area but the positive people have far outweighed the disappointments. Some of the people who have been there for me are complete surprises; people I would never have guessed would be there in the way they have.

    PammySue, I am really sorry that your sister abandoned you and your son when you needed her the most. It is hard enough when someone lets us down but when they also let our kids down...that is really difficult.

    Lisa, That must have been a very tough experience for you to go through, thinking you know someone and then finding out he had a secret life. Good for you for forgiving him. Thank-you for sharing that story with us + trusting us enough to do that.

    Take good care, everyone + try to focus on the people who have been there for you during this journey. Let them know how much you appreciate them + all they have done for you.
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    lisa42 said:

    my heart is aching- my thoughts for you all...
    Pamysue and so many others here- wow. My heart is aching for you all. I have quickly been made to realize by reading all your posts here how fortunate I have been with people around me. The only significant friend in my life who's ditched me since my dx is a friend who I had thought my best friend since elementary school. That makes me really sad. But, she's been the only one like that- family and friends around me have been great.
    I guess when people in your lives have checked out, it's just that for whatever emotional/mental reason, they could not deal with your sickness. Either way, they were/are being selfish, of course. Either they don't want your sickness to "bring them down"- can't deal with bad news in other aspects of life, I'd bet- or they can't deal with it because they "don't want to see you suffer or die". Again- either way- it's very selfish.
    So sad- but- you've got to try to forgive and let it go. NOT that that's what they deserve from you- but for YOUR sake. Although I'm not dealing with this particular hurt in my life- so maybe it's easy for me to talk, you may be thinking- but I have dealt with other kinds of hurts in my life and I know from firsthand experience it's healing and catharctic to forgive others, even when you don't want and even when they truly don't deserve it. It's for YOU. Think of them as emotionally ill, in that they cannot deal with anything unpleasant, that affects them in some way, anyhow. That really is a handicap for people like that in life.
    I had all kinds of hurts from my dad (who died of AIDS in 1995)- things I found out about his past, how he lived a double life and a lie to us- I always thought he was a straight laced guy. Well, I discovered my dear old dad was soliciting gay prostitutes in public bathrooms. There- I said it- I've never told anyone outside my family and close friends who already knew that. After he died, I found out lots, lots more. It was horrible.
    I was horrified and very angry with him for a few years after his death. It was a process to get to the point where I realized he was also a victim from his childhood of some awful things and that this is the sad way he responded to his broken situation. I know this is a totally different situation than friends and family turning their backs on you when you got your cancer diagnosis, but my correlation here is that it was very healing for me to get to the point where I cried and talked out loud to my dead dad and forgave him and told him I understood why he behaved in the way he did and that I loved him.
    You may have the opportunity to do this face to face with those who have "abandoned" you. Or maybe not. But if not face to face, even just to them in your mind/heart- for YOUR sake. Just some food for thought.

    Take care and hugs to you all-
    Lisa

    .
    @Lisa: I say good for you. Not the fact that you told us...but the fact that you could still forgive him...I amazed. See? That is a huge difference between your point of view and mine...I will NEVER EVER forgive to anyone, including this whole world about what happened, and how they happened...NEVER! And I am angry, mad, full of hate, but I cannot change it because I cannot go against my very own thoughts...so, I'll just stay unforgiving, and angry...but you are a good person, I can tell. You forgave him. You were able to reason why he acted/lived the way he did...truly, you are amazing!
  • PGLGreg
    PGLGreg Member Posts: 731
    What was my experience? I
    What was my experience? I expected nothing, so what I got was a wonderful surprise. That's the advantage of being a pessimist about people and life.

    --Greg
  • 462lt
    462lt Member Posts: 117
    My boyfriend broke up with
    My boyfriend broke up with me Thursday because he "was not strong enough". Isn't that special. Good riddance.
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    462lt said:

    My boyfriend broke up with
    My boyfriend broke up with me Thursday because he "was not strong enough". Isn't that special. Good riddance.

    Sister
    One of my sisters, the only that is only 2 years older than I. She has never called to check up on us. She wrote a happy e-mail a few months ago and I e-mailed back, well, a vile e-mail. She wrote back, I'm sorry but so far, no call. At this time if she did call I think I would hang up.

    On the happy side, I wrote over 40 thank you notes when George came out of the hospital, he got more flowers, books, hand held video games, visits and the like that truly floored us. Not a week goes by that many, many check up on us. I send out e-mail updates and get more responses then I have time to read.

    Tina
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    geotina said:

    Sister
    One of my sisters, the only that is only 2 years older than I. She has never called to check up on us. She wrote a happy e-mail a few months ago and I e-mailed back, well, a vile e-mail. She wrote back, I'm sorry but so far, no call. At this time if she did call I think I would hang up.

    On the happy side, I wrote over 40 thank you notes when George came out of the hospital, he got more flowers, books, hand held video games, visits and the like that truly floored us. Not a week goes by that many, many check up on us. I send out e-mail updates and get more responses then I have time to read.

    Tina

    Tina,
    On the happy side, I wrote over 40 thank you notes when George came out of the hospital, he got more flowers, books, hand held video games, visits and the like that truly floored us. Not a week goes by that many, many check up on us. I send out e-mail updates and get more responses then I have time to read. (I don't know how to italicize)

    Tina. I love that people email you. I also got so many letters and gifts. It's hard to keep up. :)

    Love and Hugs,

    Holly
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    HollyID said:

    Tina,
    On the happy side, I wrote over 40 thank you notes when George came out of the hospital, he got more flowers, books, hand held video games, visits and the like that truly floored us. Not a week goes by that many, many check up on us. I send out e-mail updates and get more responses then I have time to read. (I don't know how to italicize)

    Tina. I love that people email you. I also got so many letters and gifts. It's hard to keep up. :)

    Love and Hugs,

    Holly

    Holly
    But for one, family and friends have gone beyond what I ever would have thought. One of the young girls that works for George even put together a basket with sports magazines, hand creams, hand held video games and all kinds of stuff, wrapped it up and had her Dad deliver it to the house. It was a most precious gift that she put a lot of thought and time into. Her thoughtfulness and card blew George away.

    Take care - Tina
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    geotina said:

    Holly
    But for one, family and friends have gone beyond what I ever would have thought. One of the young girls that works for George even put together a basket with sports magazines, hand creams, hand held video games and all kinds of stuff, wrapped it up and had her Dad deliver it to the house. It was a most precious gift that she put a lot of thought and time into. Her thoughtfulness and card blew George away.

    Take care - Tina

    Tina,
    That is very

    Tina,

    That is very thoughtful + shows how highly she thinks of George, to put that much thought into it. Good employee!
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    462lt said:

    My boyfriend broke up with
    My boyfriend broke up with me Thursday because he "was not strong enough". Isn't that special. Good riddance.

    462lt,Good riddance is right! If
    462lt, Good riddance is right! If he thinks he is not strong enough he probably is not! Others who are strong enough will reveal themselves, if they haven't already.
  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    Hope this doesn’t sound
    Hope this doesn’t sound too smaltzy-I am a husband of a spouse with stage 4 colon cancer. I am with her, and I am with ALL of you, perhaps not physically, but emotionally, spiritually………. I am at your sides 24/7. I mean that 100%.

    David
  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    462lt said:

    My boyfriend broke up with
    My boyfriend broke up with me Thursday because he "was not strong enough". Isn't that special. Good riddance.

    This is choking me up here.
    This is choking me up here. I don't know you (Obviously) but your boyfriend lost the most beautiful person he will ever have in his life. His loss! Respectfully-he didn’t deserve you!
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    462lt said:

    My boyfriend broke up with
    My boyfriend broke up with me Thursday because he "was not strong enough". Isn't that special. Good riddance.

    I am so sorry...
    I wish he would have stayed and at least helped you through. If he wasn't strong enough, then his weakness wasn't your fault. It was his. I am still so sorry that he left.
  • Lisa_R
    Lisa_R Member Posts: 59
    OMG i was just going to post
    OMG i was just going to post something similar .. my best friend of 20 yrs , moved back to the area after i was "stable'and not on treatment... she said that it was fate so she could be closer and help out... after about a year of her being back, i had a liver resection and a full hysterectomy and received a 2 nd dx of uterine cancer ...i haven't talked to her in a month and when i texted her to ask her what her problem was and i needed her... she said she needed time and had a life too... Up side my in law family have been rock solid and my family does what they can... but live far away... but i am still sad about michelle ... i think cancer makes people sad and its been a death sentence for so long that most people dont get the fact we are living longer and stronger...
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    462lt said:

    My boyfriend broke up with
    My boyfriend broke up with me Thursday because he "was not strong enough". Isn't that special. Good riddance.

    What a JERK
    That is too bad he is not man enough to handle cancer. One thing this disease has done, is brought some realy clarity to my vision of the people that are true friends, F*ck the rest.
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    Lisa_R said:

    OMG i was just going to post
    OMG i was just going to post something similar .. my best friend of 20 yrs , moved back to the area after i was "stable'and not on treatment... she said that it was fate so she could be closer and help out... after about a year of her being back, i had a liver resection and a full hysterectomy and received a 2 nd dx of uterine cancer ...i haven't talked to her in a month and when i texted her to ask her what her problem was and i needed her... she said she needed time and had a life too... Up side my in law family have been rock solid and my family does what they can... but live far away... but i am still sad about michelle ... i think cancer makes people sad and its been a death sentence for so long that most people dont get the fact we are living longer and stronger...

    Love
    I don't know of anyone that wasn't there for me. I was and am very fortunate!

    So sorry to hear that people have run when you needed them most!
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    Nana b said:

    Love
    I don't know of anyone that wasn't there for me. I was and am very fortunate!

    So sorry to hear that people have run when you needed them most!

    Angel
    Had a few friends that came over to visit but his brothers and sisters and mom and dad in california were there for him off and on for 18 months but now only his mom and dad and one sister calls me the other 2 brothers and 2 sisters don't even call me or visit.It seems like when angel died so did their love for me died too,My son from califonia calls me 2x week and my other son only calls to talk to his kids or wants money for drugs. I have known his brothers and sisters for 35 plus years Maybe they didn't really like me that much but just pretended to because they loved their brother. I am sad and angry that they can just forget about me. But you know what i am ok I have the grandkids that love me .Angels mom is so worried about me being alone when she calls she just cries and tells me how sorry she is I just love her so much. I know one thing, angel is probably very mad at the way they are treating me right now. It has been 14 almost 15 months since angel died and i think i am doing pretty good and i really don't need those kind of people around me anyways. Sorry just venting.It was about angel and we all did our best to care for him.

    michelle