Male Answers to Male questions......Inquire inside..... :)

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  • idlehunters
    idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787 Member
    #22
    Buzzard said:

    dschreffler.......
    Thank you for the detailed info....That will help others more than you know. This is simply a thread to allow others to have info at their fingertips so that they can use what they see fit to make the best of their own situations. It is info that is invaluable to many more than you would think.....again thanks for sharing it.....


    My use of viagra is taking care of business but the Cialis ...I may try that for a change... Things after 2 years are finally working some on their own but it is a stimulus thing that becomes necessary before complete erection occurs...and yes I have found that very heavy petting helps tremendously as I think to me it takes my mind (mental again) off the job of making sure there is an erection. It just seems to now be happening for the most part naturally when I don't really concentrate on it.....If I dismiss the complete thought of having sex and simply get very close and cuddly with my mate then it is seeming to happen more frequently and naturally...It has taken almost 2 years to get this way though...Life gets better everyday.....

    Jennie....My guess is to find a female nurse practitioner that deals with the chemo and ask her about the oral ingestion.... It is a hazardous chemical but I wouldn't fathom a guess on safety or dilution rates of sperm...But, unless your husband is on chemo where would the problem lie ?

    SueRelays.....Informative or entertaining...whatever gets us through the day...just glad it makes ya feel better whichever the case may be.......Buzz

    Buzz
    I was asking FOR my husband.... he ingests MY semen.... nevermind....
  • steve g
    steve g Member Posts: 58 Member
    #23
    idlehunters said:

    Buzz
    I was asking FOR my husband.... he ingests MY semen.... nevermind....

    Mental and physical problem Buzzard
    Since you and I had the same DX and the same end result, perhaps you can relate to my troubles. My wife is only 11 yrs. my junior but has maintained her physical characteristics for the 35 yrs we've been together and I have tried to stay in shape also but the surgery changed all that. Now I hesitate to use the shower if she is in the bathroom, who wants to look at an old man with a bag of crap attached to his stomach. After Craig's post relating to the same subject, I finally discussed this with her and as she said, " what would you do if I lost a breast to cancer, would you think any less of me", of course the answer is no but thats her not me. Even though she took over after the stoma nurse and change me for a couple of weeks, I still can't get over it. I guess as a former Marine it's a pride thing.
    Steve
  • miss vickie
    miss vickie Member Posts: 10
    #24
    colon cancer sex after math
    ok buzzard, i need to know the problems my husband has sexually , is caused from his cancer, and was it wrong for him not to have any kemo or radiation after his surgery just as like another step of i guess protection of the cancer realy being gone he went threw hell with the first surgery it was just the 5 cuts, but the second one they split him wide open he has lost at least 12 to 12 inches of his colon, still has terrible muscle spasams down in the rectal area is that also xcommon or something going on thanks for being here to talk to
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    #25
    idlehunters said:

    My Apologies
    I did not know this was a "male ONLY" thread. Sorry if you feel I hijacked it Rick. I thought it was an open thread. Patteee........... Buzz and Donna both said to be open. I am sorry if MY information was "too much" for you. Please let me withdraw my questions. I thought we were family and could talk about anything. Now I feel really bad and wish I had said nothing. Sorry if I offended any of you.

    Jennie

    no apologies needed
    Seems to me if your "uptight" about the thread or what may be discussed maybe you should skip this one instead of passing judgement on a legitimate adult question. just my two cents but the is no such thing on here as "to much information"
    As for the oral I would def. ask the onc. seems to me it would have some effect on semen as it seems to do a job on everything else. I noticed a difference in the smell of my sweat, and in my urine I realize completely different areas but still bodily fluid?

    I think the Hi jack post was a humorous one just poking fun at us manly men, LOL.
    It is a touchy subject with guys we are programmed to equate our "physical prowess" to our manliness.
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    #26
    headaches?
    As for me I am just now starting to see and increase in my sex drive. Although the depression meds seem to keep me from having and orgasm, sometimes if I do manage to get close, I begin to get a crazy painful headache...Anyone other guys experience the headache?

    I do believe my situation is probably 60/40 now mental over physical. I went from a very physically fit athletic guy to....well a soft, scared up, mess with little stamina. while things are improving I am finding my mind is the one "muscle" I am having the hardest time with.
  • TxKayaker
    TxKayaker Member Posts: 176
    #27
    greybeard64 said:

    headaches?
    As for me I am just now starting to see and increase in my sex drive. Although the depression meds seem to keep me from having and orgasm, sometimes if I do manage to get close, I begin to get a crazy painful headache...Anyone other guys experience the headache?

    I do believe my situation is probably 60/40 now mental over physical. I went from a very physically fit athletic guy to....well a soft, scared up, mess with little stamina. while things are improving I am finding my mind is the one "muscle" I am having the hardest time with.

    I've never experienced a
    I've never experienced a headache but I can think of several things that might cause one but my reasons may bump this into a X rated board.
    Best of luck to you Greybeard!
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    #28
    TxKayaker said:

    I've never experienced a
    I've never experienced a headache but I can think of several things that might cause one but my reasons may bump this into a X rated board.
    Best of luck to you Greybeard!

    LOL
    Are you saying a bit of descretion may be in order ;)!

    I am sure in time, it will pass. Seems that is alot of what fighting cancer and all that goes along with it is about,waiting...wondering...and then adapting.

    thanks for the good luck wish.
    greybeard
  • TxKayaker
    TxKayaker Member Posts: 176
    #29
    greybeard64 said:

    LOL
    Are you saying a bit of descretion may be in order ;)!

    I am sure in time, it will pass. Seems that is alot of what fighting cancer and all that goes along with it is about,waiting...wondering...and then adapting.

    thanks for the good luck wish.
    greybeard

    No I was trying to make a
    No I was trying to make a joke nothing has bothered me in this thread. But things have certainly changed in our lives due to our battles. Still best of luck to you Greybeard.
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    #30
    TxKayaker said:

    No I was trying to make a
    No I was trying to make a joke nothing has bothered me in this thread. But things have certainly changed in our lives due to our battles. Still best of luck to you Greybeard.

    I got it
    I got it, I was trying to be funny also. :)
    greybeard
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #31
    steve g said:

    Mental and physical problem Buzzard
    Since you and I had the same DX and the same end result, perhaps you can relate to my troubles. My wife is only 11 yrs. my junior but has maintained her physical characteristics for the 35 yrs we've been together and I have tried to stay in shape also but the surgery changed all that. Now I hesitate to use the shower if she is in the bathroom, who wants to look at an old man with a bag of crap attached to his stomach. After Craig's post relating to the same subject, I finally discussed this with her and as she said, " what would you do if I lost a breast to cancer, would you think any less of me", of course the answer is no but thats her not me. Even though she took over after the stoma nurse and change me for a couple of weeks, I still can't get over it. I guess as a former Marine it's a pride thing.
    Steve

    Steve, its how you approach it....
    Remember that I am only giving my thoughts and only that which was/is pertinent to my situation, I take my situation (my bag and the way I thought about it) and replace it with something that my wife has told me doesn't exactly make her feel 100% such as shape, boobs size, etc, something that men may not worry about but it really upsets the woman. I spoke with her and she tells me that whether I had a bag or not is not the issue because she tells me of all the flaws that make her feel less than a woman and to hear her speak of it makes me feel like we are more on an even keel than I thought. She lets me know that neither one of us are exactly the way we would like to be so we put that aside and concentrate on things to allow our lives to better function with each other with what we have, not what we wish we had. Am I making any sense here ? Don't let a bag bother you...what about some of the things most women do on a monthly basis...Do you think that makes them feel adorable or sexy, naw, but like our bag it is something that they have to deal with as does ostomy patients as well. Another facet of life that makes us manipulate our thinking so that we can feel "adequate" for our spouses.
    I am though after almost 2 years with it feeling like it is a part of me now and accepting and even making jokes about it, which makes it easier for me "mentally" to cope with and also easier for me to feel like it is "accepted" as ok by my wife. Your right , for me it use to be 110% mental...now its only about 40% mental and 40% physical and 20% Viagra... Hope this helps you, it did me........Buzz
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #32
    miss vickie said:

    colon cancer sex after math
    ok buzzard, i need to know the problems my husband has sexually , is caused from his cancer, and was it wrong for him not to have any kemo or radiation after his surgery just as like another step of i guess protection of the cancer realy being gone he went threw hell with the first surgery it was just the 5 cuts, but the second one they split him wide open he has lost at least 12 to 12 inches of his colon, still has terrible muscle spasams down in the rectal area is that also xcommon or something going on thanks for being here to talk to

    miss vickie
    As far as post op chemo that is an individual decision that I will beg to decline that answer. I chose my option and you both made the decision for yourself to not have it . That is just something that is left to an individual and what they think is necessary for their health. As far as sex and post op chemo I do think it made me sick enough to not want to fool with anything, didn't have the strength or desire to even try. Radiation I didn't have any problems just slight mild sunburn and as I remember my "finish" was a little painful.
    Surgery , well, surgery, it saved my life, and it has been very detrimental to my sexual prowess, feeling, and libido. When they do surgery down there they remove a lot of nerve endings or have a tendancy to destroy a lot of the nerves that allows us to get an erection, ejaculate, or even feel the desire that these areas of the body hold, thus when this happens (and its suppose to happen in about 50% of men with this type surgery) then the libido, and desire wans for no other reason that I guess when a cat or dog gets castrated, all hey wanna do is lay around and get fat and sassy, their desire is gone. So it goes for the male (as far as me, I am only speaking for what I go through ) what we did (wife and I ) is really get into depth about what bothers us and how we can repair it. The heavy muscle spasms in the rectal area are ever so present when orgasm occurs. I had my backside sewn shut so I don't really know whats going on back there but it is very "different"...not so much uncomfortable, just very different....I would think its normal........Good Luck, Buzz
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #33
    greybeard64 said:

    headaches?
    As for me I am just now starting to see and increase in my sex drive. Although the depression meds seem to keep me from having and orgasm, sometimes if I do manage to get close, I begin to get a crazy painful headache...Anyone other guys experience the headache?

    I do believe my situation is probably 60/40 now mental over physical. I went from a very physically fit athletic guy to....well a soft, scared up, mess with little stamina. while things are improving I am finding my mind is the one "muscle" I am having the hardest time with.

    Blood Pressure I think may cause the headache...
    and your right the "mental" muscle is normally 75% of our trouble.......
  • RickMurtagh
    RickMurtagh Member Posts: 587 Member
    #34
    idlehunters said:

    My Apologies
    I did not know this was a "male ONLY" thread. Sorry if you feel I hijacked it Rick. I thought it was an open thread. Patteee........... Buzz and Donna both said to be open. I am sorry if MY information was "too much" for you. Please let me withdraw my questions. I thought we were family and could talk about anything. Now I feel really bad and wish I had said nothing. Sorry if I offended any of you.

    Jennie

    laf
    I saw all of it as a hoot, no apologies needed. I t just struck me funny with the title of the first post bering male answers to male questions and the women had more "answers" or at least were willing to talk about it and there was nada from the men.
  • RickMurtagh
    RickMurtagh Member Posts: 587 Member
    #35
    david54 said:

    My wife is so thin and
    My wife is so thin and emaciated with her cancer and chemotherapy that to be honest, the idea of sex ….doesn’t. Please do not judge me, I love her so much! But the thought …...I am so afraid she would somehow be injured. That does not mean there is no intimacy. Intimacy is expressing thought, rubbing her sore back, kissing her beautiful face and simple holding her when she is so cold after Oxaliplatin – I guess that is where our sex life starts and stops. I know plenty of Gregorian Chants if any of you are interested!

    I love gregorian chants
    I am glad that you found intimacy that works for you new normal. You post was touching.
  • RickMurtagh
    RickMurtagh Member Posts: 587 Member
    #36
    you guys
    you guy (and gals) are great.

    Sex for us, post trauma, has been fleeting. For me, no sensitivity and very few erections leads to not much actual sex, but I am trying to keep my wife happy and like David, sex with the new normal even though it does not often involve erections and orgasms has been very gratifying. Who knew that just touching could be so satisfying. I mean, who would not like and explosive orgasm - but so far I have learned to live without it and my wife does not seems I no longer constantly beg for sex - laf - just a joke. I think having a great sex life prior to cancer has helped us prepare for this new normal.

    Intimacy used to always culminate in sex, now it is just satisfaction. I can life with that!
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #37
    RickMurtagh said:

    you guys
    you guy (and gals) are great.

    Sex for us, post trauma, has been fleeting. For me, no sensitivity and very few erections leads to not much actual sex, but I am trying to keep my wife happy and like David, sex with the new normal even though it does not often involve erections and orgasms has been very gratifying. Who knew that just touching could be so satisfying. I mean, who would not like and explosive orgasm - but so far I have learned to live without it and my wife does not seems I no longer constantly beg for sex - laf - just a joke. I think having a great sex life prior to cancer has helped us prepare for this new normal.

    Intimacy used to always culminate in sex, now it is just satisfaction. I can life with that!

    one up on me
    ONCE IN A WHILE WOULD BE GREAT. Unfortunately surgery and chemo completely scuttled me . If they played God save the Queen no one or no thing would be upstanding. I believe it is the reason my wife left me. I have asked my gp and got the response "oh is that a problem." Well hell yes ,but none of the tablets helped so I have resigned myself to the fact that what is gone is gone. I guess,nothing else works ,why the hell should that. Ron.
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #38
    ron50 said:

    one up on me
    ONCE IN A WHILE WOULD BE GREAT. Unfortunately surgery and chemo completely scuttled me . If they played God save the Queen no one or no thing would be upstanding. I believe it is the reason my wife left me. I have asked my gp and got the response "oh is that a problem." Well hell yes ,but none of the tablets helped so I have resigned myself to the fact that what is gone is gone. I guess,nothing else works ,why the hell should that. Ron.

    One of my surgeons colleagues........
    informed me that if after surgery if I found out I could not perform that he could implant a pump...but that never had to come about...just a thought.....Buzz
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #39
    Buzzard said:

    One of my surgeons colleagues........
    informed me that if after surgery if I found out I could not perform that he could implant a pump...but that never had to come about...just a thought.....Buzz

    Myself, no more surgery unless life-threatening....
    Do any of you men also get this reaction to stimulation, that you feel it in the area of the stoma (if you have one) ? When I should be getting hard,I feel something in stoma area inside of me. My docs are aware and onc supposed to refer me to urologist; also still have urination problems-all, I believe, due to surgery, not chemo/rad.

    Its almost like it used to be.Me and my girlfriend used to make love like dogs:

    I'd beg
    and
    she;d roll over and play dead.........steve
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #40
    coloCan said:

    Myself, no more surgery unless life-threatening....
    Do any of you men also get this reaction to stimulation, that you feel it in the area of the stoma (if you have one) ? When I should be getting hard,I feel something in stoma area inside of me. My docs are aware and onc supposed to refer me to urologist; also still have urination problems-all, I believe, due to surgery, not chemo/rad.

    Its almost like it used to be.Me and my girlfriend used to make love like dogs:

    I'd beg
    and
    she;d roll over and play dead.........steve

    Just a thought on the subject.....
    My thoughts on that are when we had our surgery (and your surgery was similar to mine) that we had the nerve endings that were in the rectal area moved to reroute the intestine for the ostomy protrusion . I think that the nerve endings that use to be lower before the surgery (actually where the intestine should have been) have now been transferred to the ostomy site and the same feelings are there but simply have been moved to a different location through surgery...
    The urination problem is the loss of the spincter muscle that helps control or cut off the urine stream.....Buzz
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #41
    Buzzard said:

    Just a thought on the subject.....
    My thoughts on that are when we had our surgery (and your surgery was similar to mine) that we had the nerve endings that were in the rectal area moved to reroute the intestine for the ostomy protrusion . I think that the nerve endings that use to be lower before the surgery (actually where the intestine should have been) have now been transferred to the ostomy site and the same feelings are there but simply have been moved to a different location through surgery...
    The urination problem is the loss of the spincter muscle that helps control or cut off the urine stream.....Buzz

    Steve....
    ...You're too damn funny LOL

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna

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