Has Cancer Been ALL Bad For You?

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Comments

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    pluckey said:

    Beth - I know exactly how you feel
    "I have read so many stories and a few books, all of which led me to believe that once you got cancer, some big revelation was supposed to happen to you, some big wake up call that drastically changed your life. I feel like I missed that part, again I dont know if I am making any sense here."


    I wa trying to explain to my sister that I feel like I'm failing the "How Cancer changed My Life" course - that I haven't decided on the "BIG THING" I will do with my life to make the cancer meaningful and "worth it"....it's an odd wierd thought process

    Peggy

    PEGGY, EXACTLY!!!!
    That is exactly how I feel, its like I said almost embarrassing or makes me feel ashamed that I dont have this big story to tell or share about how cancer changed my life. I have a story about how it changed my life, but nothing good in that story.

    Thanks for understanding, and for letting me know I am not as crazy as I thought I was.

    If you figure it out please let me know and I will do the same for you..

    *HUGS*
    Beth
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    dorookie said:

    PEGGY, EXACTLY!!!!
    That is exactly how I feel, its like I said almost embarrassing or makes me feel ashamed that I dont have this big story to tell or share about how cancer changed my life. I have a story about how it changed my life, but nothing good in that story.

    Thanks for understanding, and for letting me know I am not as crazy as I thought I was.

    If you figure it out please let me know and I will do the same for you..

    *HUGS*
    Beth

    Beth
    I certainly did not start the thread to make it seem that if everyone isn't "happy" about getting cancer there was something wrong with them. All things being equal I could have done without it.

    It doesn't have to be an earth shattering moment, it can be as simple as noticing sunsets more or appreciating being alive more. Again, it doesn't even have to be anything. There are many things people on this site experience that I do not. That's what makes us unique, just like everyone else.

    But I had this thought once:
    "If it wasn't for cancer, I'd say I have the perfect life. If it wasn't for cancer, would I even realize this?"
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    PhillieG said:

    Beth
    I certainly did not start the thread to make it seem that if everyone isn't "happy" about getting cancer there was something wrong with them. All things being equal I could have done without it.

    It doesn't have to be an earth shattering moment, it can be as simple as noticing sunsets more or appreciating being alive more. Again, it doesn't even have to be anything. There are many things people on this site experience that I do not. That's what makes us unique, just like everyone else.

    But I had this thought once:
    "If it wasn't for cancer, I'd say I have the perfect life. If it wasn't for cancer, would I even realize this?"

    Phill
    I think for some it's too hard to see through the clouds to search for a rainbow. (Like that one? I thought of it myself). But I think they all have had there rainbow moments that they haven’t seen or noticed yet but it will come. I'm so lucky to be here RIGHT NOW for my kids!! OMG, I could be dead! Everyday is a gift and now I see it as what it is... A GIFT!! Hunter starts T Ball next week. Now how cool is that?

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks
  • pluckey
    pluckey Member Posts: 484 Member
    Sundanceh said:

    Here's My Take
    Always one of the biggest philosophical questions there is in the world, right Phil?

    To quote you:" Do you think that possibly God wanted you to see something positive from this?"

    Harley got me up early this morning, so now that I'm up, I'll throw in my opinion (good thread BTW).

    As I get older, I'm not sure that we were given Cancer, rather I believe it boils down to the basics of chemistry and metabolism. We are living cells and when the programming goes awry, then cancer settles in and takes hold - our immunne system can either battle it off or not. I think this depends on many factors: Heredity, Genetics, Environment, and Lifestyle.

    If the premise that God were to give Cancer to people on purpose, then there are two many mean and evil people, who are getting away with it. Murderes, rapists, child abusers, corporate embezzlers, spouse abusers and the list is endless...while we don't have their CT scans to review, if they had Cancer, they did not know it and certainly did not learn from it.

    I look for no further evidence than my sister, Suzanne - 18, young and beautiful, with a brilliant mind and a wonderful heart and spirit. She believed in the Lord 100% and was a virgin, who was saving herself for her future husband "when she got married." Imagine that, a good old fashioned girl. She was the better half of us - if you like me, you would have loved her.

    Anyway, she was about to graduate, and her prom 2 weeks away (her dress hanging in her closet) when she was brutally murdered and tortured by a 4X serial rapist. Her life, full of goodness, with a lifetime ahead of her of being a good person, snuffed out in a horrifying 2 day event.

    My point here, is that God no more gave her death, than he gives us Cancer.

    Things happen, because the world is a random, dangerous place at times. Look at the quakes in Haiti and Chile. Mother Nature nearly killed us in an F-3 tornado with 200 mph winds and we walked away.

    Again, there are NO ABSOLUTES in this world, except that the "meter is running" and "you better have it spent before you get the bill."

    Now, what I do believe, is that we are "challenged" at various points in our life - these trials and tribulations lay the groundwork for how we deal with adversity in our lives, how we respond to them, and how we work to overcome a bad or life threatening situation and make it better. This is the true test of a Human Being. How we handle these challenges totally rely upon each individual and what they can or cannot do.

    For me, I have always chosen to fight - if I go down, I go down with the knowledge that Craig gave it all that he had - and all that he never knew that he had. That way, I can go to sleep at night.

    Cancer is a mixed blessing - what has tried to kill me, ultimately changed my outlook on life and forced me to realize there are "others" out there besides myself - and for whatever reason my Cancer has been more about me worrying and trying to help others from what I've learned. Sort of a "cathartic experience for me, so that I'm not consumed in self - I learned that Cancer is an "Equal Opportunity Destroyer."

    Anyone who watched my TV news clip, heard me say, "I never went into Denial - always straight to Anger. Sure, I'm pissed of what it did and tried to do...there were a real couple of times, when it looks like we were going to "turn off the lights" for ol' Craig. And honestly, that was scary...you think you are ready to die, but this is the bravado that you paint on, to get you mentally prepared in case this were the scenario.

    On the other hand, Cancer taught me how to appreciate the simple things in life, and to not get too caught up in the BS that is all around us.

    Cancer has helped form who I am today - and who I am today to each one of you on the board - whether I mean something to you or I do not - I will still be your friend and try to help you. I love the good side of humanity of people loving and helping each other.

    So there you have it, Phil.

    Man, you got me awake now! Take care, NY'er, Tex still loves ya'.

    WTG again on your 6-years...Craig

    Craig - I echo your
    Craig - I echo your sentimetns - "Now, what I do believe, is that we are "challenged" at various points in our life - these trials and tribulations lay the groundwork for how we deal with adversity in our lives, how we respond to them, and how we work to overcome a bad or life threatening situation and make it better. This is the true test of a Human Being. How we handle these challenges totally rely upon each individual and what they can or cannot do. "

    I don't believe God gave us cancer.

    Craig and Phil - you are wonderful thought-provoking beautiful men- I think what you give us here is EXACTLY what you shoul be doing - it's a gift we all treasure...

    So get your **** to Chicago so I can meet you!!!!!
    Peggy
  • GOOFYLADIE
    GOOFYLADIE Member Posts: 232 Member
    I have one thing good only!!!!
    I had 3 boys ages, 10, 7 and 4 when I was diagnosed. I had been sick for
    1 1/2 years. My medical bills were outrageous. I had to file bankruptcy after all my treatment was done. I was alive but we were broke. Now 12 years later, still on medicine for the rest of my life about $200 a month with insurance for just me and being off work for over a year. My great health which isn't always great since we still don't know when I get to go back to work. They say maybe July.It is looking like I may have to file bankruptcy again!!!! I know of no other way. My bills are way too high each month we go back wards. My boys all work. One full time the others part-time and all go to school full time. 2 in college , 1 in high school. I don't see anything except being SCREWED by the beast.
    Goofyladie (Cass)
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    bdee said:

    Amen
    Amen to that. I can't think of a single thing positive that has come out of this. My husband worries himself sick over me, I can't work anymore at a job I loved, we can't travel as much because my doctor said no time off from treatments, I know I'm going to be dead before my oldest grand child graduates from high school (unless a miracle happens), I've long since lost my faith in a God, I'm stuck at home most of the time with nausea or diarrhea, the sun hurts my skin, so I can't garden (something I loved to do), my eyes have gotten weaker so I can't read as much and I HATE most television, I used to go see my parents every other weekend, now I haven't seen them in months. I can go on more, but I won't bore you with things that if you think about it, some or most of you have the same problems.

    Debbie in Arkansas

    Debbie
    You have lived long enough to HAVE grandchildren. I hope to see my youngest graduate from college. I gave up the job of my dreams a year ago and will probably never work again. You don't travel AS MUCH? Hmmmm....that means you get to travel some, right? I'm 46 and home all day because I can't get around by myself, can't swim even indoors (my passion) because of illness issues right now.....I'm just saying...I have a WONDERFUL life.

    My husband worries and I want to take that from him, but he has been so wonderful to me. We are closer now than ever. My sons have learned some wonderful life lessens, even if they won't have their mom around as long as they want. I will leave them with wonderful memories. I enjoy the sunshine from inside most of the time now. I sit in the window and turn my face to the sun; I love it.

    I could go on but it is the same list that most of you could name if you tried hard enough. I make it a rule (my only rule with this ridiculus disease) to have FUN every.single.day. No exceptions. No matter how sick I am there is a way to enjoy some of the day.

    Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

    Kimby
  • lmliess
    lmliess Member Posts: 329

    I have one thing good only!!!!
    I had 3 boys ages, 10, 7 and 4 when I was diagnosed. I had been sick for
    1 1/2 years. My medical bills were outrageous. I had to file bankruptcy after all my treatment was done. I was alive but we were broke. Now 12 years later, still on medicine for the rest of my life about $200 a month with insurance for just me and being off work for over a year. My great health which isn't always great since we still don't know when I get to go back to work. They say maybe July.It is looking like I may have to file bankruptcy again!!!! I know of no other way. My bills are way too high each month we go back wards. My boys all work. One full time the others part-time and all go to school full time. 2 in college , 1 in high school. I don't see anything except being SCREWED by the beast.
    Goofyladie (Cass)

    While I hate cancer with every once of me....
    I was also awaken to a new way to live.....'not to stress the small stuff', and believe me and I am sure all of you can agree, it is ALL small stuff compared to hearing those words..'you have cancer'.

    I didn't realize until recently how good my life really is. Not that I was a whiny baby before but I always was searching for the bigger house, more kids, a better job and blah blah blah.... Well after coming face to face with the devil himself, I love my life and took alot for granted.

    I felt extremly guilty for a few years because we were having trouble having another child. That put ALOT of stress on me because it was like everyone was having their second child and we were not getting anywhere. (Even though it was weird...my first happened very quickly...??) Now, I don't care if someone has 1 or 12 kids! My family of me and my daughter and my husband is perfect. And will stay perfect because I will stay healthy!

    Not sure where I am going with this, just that I appreciate my life more now and the people in it. I have had to weed a few out...but they were taking too much valuable time anyway.
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    eric38 said:

    Phil
    Holy crap! Judging by the amount of posts and strong feelings associated with them, in perfect Phil style, you have stirred up another big bowling pot of discussion stew. I like the perfect life post and especially like the man behind the the big giant spoon that stirs things up. You are not just Phil. You are THE Phil. Enough said.

    Eric

    Eric
    You said that perfectly. Thank you, I agree.

    Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

    Kimby
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    lmliess said:

    While I hate cancer with every once of me....
    I was also awaken to a new way to live.....'not to stress the small stuff', and believe me and I am sure all of you can agree, it is ALL small stuff compared to hearing those words..'you have cancer'.

    I didn't realize until recently how good my life really is. Not that I was a whiny baby before but I always was searching for the bigger house, more kids, a better job and blah blah blah.... Well after coming face to face with the devil himself, I love my life and took alot for granted.

    I felt extremly guilty for a few years because we were having trouble having another child. That put ALOT of stress on me because it was like everyone was having their second child and we were not getting anywhere. (Even though it was weird...my first happened very quickly...??) Now, I don't care if someone has 1 or 12 kids! My family of me and my daughter and my husband is perfect. And will stay perfect because I will stay healthy!

    Not sure where I am going with this, just that I appreciate my life more now and the people in it. I have had to weed a few out...but they were taking too much valuable time anyway.

    weeding
    You are so right, that has got to be one of the biggest benefit; facing the fact that some people are just drainers, and need to be weeded out of our lives! I had a few that were just too taxing and once I was diagnosed with cancer, I had no problem leaving them behind. Simplify, simplify, simplify!
    mary
  • kkkelley1
    kkkelley1 Member Posts: 22

    I have one thing good only!!!!
    I had 3 boys ages, 10, 7 and 4 when I was diagnosed. I had been sick for
    1 1/2 years. My medical bills were outrageous. I had to file bankruptcy after all my treatment was done. I was alive but we were broke. Now 12 years later, still on medicine for the rest of my life about $200 a month with insurance for just me and being off work for over a year. My great health which isn't always great since we still don't know when I get to go back to work. They say maybe July.It is looking like I may have to file bankruptcy again!!!! I know of no other way. My bills are way too high each month we go back wards. My boys all work. One full time the others part-time and all go to school full time. 2 in college , 1 in high school. I don't see anything except being SCREWED by the beast.
    Goofyladie (Cass)

    DIFFRERENT DAYS DIFFERENT MOMENTS
    My name is Kim 5yr. First yr was completly oriented on my family. My kids were ,boy and girl 10, boy in 1st yr college 19,(when you look in your childs eyes, and you see the pain, the fear, the absolute emotion you pray you never see out of your kids) and a husband that is more amazing every day for his love and compassion. I would have kicked myself out a while ago. That 1st yr even first 2 yrs all the treatments and emotions and that will to fight for yourself not because you want to or even thought about if you want to. Then the leftovers that take your mental and physical fight. Then you wake up one day and its five yrs.
    'HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT CANCER, HAS IT BEEN ALL BAD'?
    I'd have to say no because I'm a fighter, I'm 50 yrs old and this is the first thing ever that has actually whipped my a__. It has taken so much from the dreams I had. I have wondered, if I had not been left with severe neuropathy that reminds me every day, would I feel more grateful or would my kids of suffered less. When I think that my mind will probably never be as sharp as it once was. My body will never be as strong as it once was. My feet and legs will never give me the simple pleasure of just being there without torment and pain, On those days NO I can't see that cancer has been anything but what it is.
    BUT, on the days when I watched my twins start high school. When I saw my oldest graduate from college, when I look in my husbands eyes and see more love than even 5 yrs ago. On those days even if they seem rare at times those are the days I try hard to grab onto. Thats when I have to make myself realize that God has not taken away my dreams He has just made new dreams. Sometimes new dreams are more precious when you realize you almost were'nt able to have anymore dreams.
    I'm trying hard to live and stay in the moment or day that still feels and sees HOPE and when I'm not in that day I'm trying to give myself permission to be there also. There is no big or small revelations when it comes to all of us with this THING its knowing we are all now living miracles trying to cope.
    kim
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    msccolon said:

    you are not alone, always remember that
    And since God knows your thoughts, He won't be surprised by what you just typed! We are human, we have to allow ourselves to be less than perfect! I think the stupidest comment we all hear, and it just grates every time I hear it, although I always smile and thank the person offering it is the standard "You are so strong!". NO I'M NOT STRONG! I want this beast to be gone, and I want my old life back! Oh yea, that's not possible, and I am certainly still here, so I appear to be stronger than the beast, at least for now! I cry sometimes, but I don't think I've ever been angry about getting cancer. I feel sad for how this has changed my daughter's lives, how much security was wrenched from them at 16 and 19, and for all my loved ones, especially when they have to hold vigil while I recover, yet again, from a procedure or other. But I don't kid myself, WHY NOT ME? Who else would I wish such a situation on? (well, maybe my ex, but we won't go there ;) ) Life has it's ups and downs, and we all have our burdens to bear. All you have to do is look around to see that so MANY of us are suffering. At the same time, all you have to do is look around to see that so MANY of us are enjoying life DESPITE those burdens we carry! We just have to decide that we can let it win or we can decide, as Kimby always says, to enjoy life every.single.day. Remember to enjoy the tiny things, but also remember you are allowed to be mad, sad and whatever else you feel for WHATEVER reason; be it your cancer or the loss of a dear friend or anything else. Let the emotions out, just remember to reel them back in and pick yourself back up again. The rainbow ALWAYS comes after the storm.
    mary

    I also HATE that!
    "You are so strong" Well, what choice do I have? You just have to keep going, right?

    Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

    Kimby
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    PhillieG said:

    It Ain't no Disney Film...
    While there are some positive things that came out of this experience for me, it certainly has not been like a Disney film with birds singing and flying round my head and everything smelling like roses. I've just stopped to smell the roses MORE and to notice the birds MORE. Yes, once in a while the birds drop a load on my head too. I remember one time right after my dx when I was driving into work the morning after a pretty good snowfall. The sun was starting to rise and the way it hit the snow on the trees made me stop my car and get out to look in awe at the beauty of the moment. To see what Mother Nature provides us with is amazing. Scenes like that will go on with me or without me.

    There have been plenty of times when I've felt this is possibly the absolute worst thing in the world. The only thing I can think of that would be worse is if my kids had cancer instead of me. I've have numerous operations and almost all of them had me in the hospital for 2 weeks at least. I've had so many treatments of assorted chemo and I've thrown up everything I had eaten since the forth grade. It's caused fear in my wife and kids. Yet, while I've always known I'm going to die at some point, being so close to it and putting it off (at least from cancer for the time being) has given me new eyes to see things.

    There have been quite a few religiously based replies to this question. I know that many do not believe God gave them cancer but there are also some people who believe God did give them cancer. Do you think that possibly God wanted you to see something positive from this?

    Phil
    Those birds aren't supposed to fly around your head. When I stick my finger out they land and give me kisses. You need to try it!

    Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

    Kimby
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Buzzard said:

    I will never ever give cancer any credit for anything positive..
    It changed my entire life and after thinking about it has destroyed 2 years of mine and my families life. I think I was fine before and I am fine now, but to give cancer credit for anything is not flyin' here..........Cancer is a POS and will remain that way for me and mine the rest of our lives. It takes without remorse or guilt....

    Here's one thing Buzz
    You met a bunch of great people on this site. Maybe you could have done without ever "knowing" any of us, but I doubt it.
    :-)
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    dorookie said:

    PEGGY, EXACTLY!!!!
    That is exactly how I feel, its like I said almost embarrassing or makes me feel ashamed that I dont have this big story to tell or share about how cancer changed my life. I have a story about how it changed my life, but nothing good in that story.

    Thanks for understanding, and for letting me know I am not as crazy as I thought I was.

    If you figure it out please let me know and I will do the same for you..

    *HUGS*
    Beth

    Beth
    I never had that "big moment" either. It's just boring day to day stuff. It's those quiet, important conversations with my sons. It's the fun calls from my son in TX about a new girl he met, the text from my son in Columbus, OH about the new job he starts tomorrow, the planning for HS graduation with my youngest son. I'm a great-aunt again as of yesterday and she's beautiful!

    I chase the sun from window to window. (I don't live in AZ anymore - hahaha)I nap with my 3 dogs. Simpy things make up those life-changing moments. Just start stringing them together.

    For the record, I HATE cancer. I won't capitalize that word, ever. It doesn't deserve our respect. cancer isn't what gave me any of these blessings, really. It isn't a "gift". If I wouldn't wrap it up and give it to you for Christmas, it is no gift! I would return it if I could. I do think most chronic illnesses effect people profoundly. I would say that the uterine cancer (stage 2) that I had 7 years ago didn't effect me in the same way. I've been through a lot more now with no end in sight. stage IV sucks the big one, for sure!

    Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

    Kimby
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member

    Phill
    I think for some it's too hard to see through the clouds to search for a rainbow. (Like that one? I thought of it myself). But I think they all have had there rainbow moments that they haven’t seen or noticed yet but it will come. I'm so lucky to be here RIGHT NOW for my kids!! OMG, I could be dead! Everyday is a gift and now I see it as what it is... A GIFT!! Hunter starts T Ball next week. Now how cool is that?

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks

    Brooks
    What compassion, love, and hope you have for others!
    thanks,
    Aud
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    kkkelley1 said:

    DIFFRERENT DAYS DIFFERENT MOMENTS
    My name is Kim 5yr. First yr was completly oriented on my family. My kids were ,boy and girl 10, boy in 1st yr college 19,(when you look in your childs eyes, and you see the pain, the fear, the absolute emotion you pray you never see out of your kids) and a husband that is more amazing every day for his love and compassion. I would have kicked myself out a while ago. That 1st yr even first 2 yrs all the treatments and emotions and that will to fight for yourself not because you want to or even thought about if you want to. Then the leftovers that take your mental and physical fight. Then you wake up one day and its five yrs.
    'HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT CANCER, HAS IT BEEN ALL BAD'?
    I'd have to say no because I'm a fighter, I'm 50 yrs old and this is the first thing ever that has actually whipped my a__. It has taken so much from the dreams I had. I have wondered, if I had not been left with severe neuropathy that reminds me every day, would I feel more grateful or would my kids of suffered less. When I think that my mind will probably never be as sharp as it once was. My body will never be as strong as it once was. My feet and legs will never give me the simple pleasure of just being there without torment and pain, On those days NO I can't see that cancer has been anything but what it is.
    BUT, on the days when I watched my twins start high school. When I saw my oldest graduate from college, when I look in my husbands eyes and see more love than even 5 yrs ago. On those days even if they seem rare at times those are the days I try hard to grab onto. Thats when I have to make myself realize that God has not taken away my dreams He has just made new dreams. Sometimes new dreams are more precious when you realize you almost were'nt able to have anymore dreams.
    I'm trying hard to live and stay in the moment or day that still feels and sees HOPE and when I'm not in that day I'm trying to give myself permission to be there also. There is no big or small revelations when it comes to all of us with this THING its knowing we are all now living miracles trying to cope.
    kim

    Kim
    Thanks

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    kkkelley1 said:

    DIFFRERENT DAYS DIFFERENT MOMENTS
    My name is Kim 5yr. First yr was completly oriented on my family. My kids were ,boy and girl 10, boy in 1st yr college 19,(when you look in your childs eyes, and you see the pain, the fear, the absolute emotion you pray you never see out of your kids) and a husband that is more amazing every day for his love and compassion. I would have kicked myself out a while ago. That 1st yr even first 2 yrs all the treatments and emotions and that will to fight for yourself not because you want to or even thought about if you want to. Then the leftovers that take your mental and physical fight. Then you wake up one day and its five yrs.
    'HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT CANCER, HAS IT BEEN ALL BAD'?
    I'd have to say no because I'm a fighter, I'm 50 yrs old and this is the first thing ever that has actually whipped my a__. It has taken so much from the dreams I had. I have wondered, if I had not been left with severe neuropathy that reminds me every day, would I feel more grateful or would my kids of suffered less. When I think that my mind will probably never be as sharp as it once was. My body will never be as strong as it once was. My feet and legs will never give me the simple pleasure of just being there without torment and pain, On those days NO I can't see that cancer has been anything but what it is.
    BUT, on the days when I watched my twins start high school. When I saw my oldest graduate from college, when I look in my husbands eyes and see more love than even 5 yrs ago. On those days even if they seem rare at times those are the days I try hard to grab onto. Thats when I have to make myself realize that God has not taken away my dreams He has just made new dreams. Sometimes new dreams are more precious when you realize you almost were'nt able to have anymore dreams.
    I'm trying hard to live and stay in the moment or day that still feels and sees HOPE and when I'm not in that day I'm trying to give myself permission to be there also. There is no big or small revelations when it comes to all of us with this THING its knowing we are all now living miracles trying to cope.
    kim

    Kim
    What a brave, wonderful soul you are! And you've also helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself in this area when I read -- and I'll quote -- "Thats when I have to make myself realize that God has not taken away my dreams He has just made new dreams."
    (I was having a good ol' pity party for myself, knowing it would be financially smarter to hold off seeing my granddaughters (they're in Germany) until I save up more money and pay some current, and potentially future, medical bills.)

    Here's to New Dreams!
    Aud
  • kkkelley1
    kkkelley1 Member Posts: 22
    kkkelley1 said:

    DIFFRERENT DAYS DIFFERENT MOMENTS
    My name is Kim 5yr. First yr was completly oriented on my family. My kids were ,boy and girl 10, boy in 1st yr college 19,(when you look in your childs eyes, and you see the pain, the fear, the absolute emotion you pray you never see out of your kids) and a husband that is more amazing every day for his love and compassion. I would have kicked myself out a while ago. That 1st yr even first 2 yrs all the treatments and emotions and that will to fight for yourself not because you want to or even thought about if you want to. Then the leftovers that take your mental and physical fight. Then you wake up one day and its five yrs.
    'HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT CANCER, HAS IT BEEN ALL BAD'?
    I'd have to say no because I'm a fighter, I'm 50 yrs old and this is the first thing ever that has actually whipped my a__. It has taken so much from the dreams I had. I have wondered, if I had not been left with severe neuropathy that reminds me every day, would I feel more grateful or would my kids of suffered less. When I think that my mind will probably never be as sharp as it once was. My body will never be as strong as it once was. My feet and legs will never give me the simple pleasure of just being there without torment and pain, On those days NO I can't see that cancer has been anything but what it is.
    BUT, on the days when I watched my twins start high school. When I saw my oldest graduate from college, when I look in my husbands eyes and see more love than even 5 yrs ago. On those days even if they seem rare at times those are the days I try hard to grab onto. Thats when I have to make myself realize that God has not taken away my dreams He has just made new dreams. Sometimes new dreams are more precious when you realize you almost were'nt able to have anymore dreams.
    I'm trying hard to live and stay in the moment or day that still feels and sees HOPE and when I'm not in that day I'm trying to give myself permission to be there also. There is no big or small revelations when it comes to all of us with this THING its knowing we are all now living miracles trying to cope.
    kim

    Now I Know It's Not All Bad
    I know it's not all bad because all on my own I figured how to add this picture. For me folks this is huge. So see there is still some learning after cancer. Have a great day my new friends out there.
    kim
  • Jaylo969
    Jaylo969 Member Posts: 824 Member
    kkkelley1 said:

    Now I Know It's Not All Bad
    I know it's not all bad because all on my own I figured how to add this picture. For me folks this is huge. So see there is still some learning after cancer. Have a great day my new friends out there.
    kim

    Kim
    You did a good job...very good picture.If I were a betting person I'd bet you had an easier time adding your picture than I did :(
    But....I kept at it, and although I'd like to change my pic to a newer one I believe I'll leave it alone.

    -Pat
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    PhillieG said:

    Beth
    I certainly did not start the thread to make it seem that if everyone isn't "happy" about getting cancer there was something wrong with them. All things being equal I could have done without it.

    It doesn't have to be an earth shattering moment, it can be as simple as noticing sunsets more or appreciating being alive more. Again, it doesn't even have to be anything. There are many things people on this site experience that I do not. That's what makes us unique, just like everyone else.

    But I had this thought once:
    "If it wasn't for cancer, I'd say I have the perfect life. If it wasn't for cancer, would I even realize this?"

    Phil
    Thank you, great quote. SInce you put it that way, there are somethings that AI have changed, mostly because I had to, but for the good. I will continue to search, but keeping my eyes open in the meantime.

    HUGS
    beth