Has Cancer Been ALL Bad For You?

ron50 said:

Sweet nothing
Twelve years of chronic ill health. Several doctors telling me I'm gonna die. The fact that I can no longer do the things I enjoy in life. A pharmacy bill that would match the gnp of many small countries.
If I catch that bird chirping outside my window he's toast. Heavy overcast suits my mood. I can't remember the lines of my wifes face because she left me three years ago because I was sick all the time.
The only reason I'm still around is that I am an eternal optomist and one night a little green guy is going to pop out of his space ship armed with his interstellar anal probe and fix all my problems.
Anytime now would be fine little green guy!

appreciate your sense of humor
Hi Ron - I am so sorry that you have been through so much. I appreciate your ability to inject a little humor and suspect that is the reason you are still here fighting the good fight.

Paula G. said:

All of you
All of you are so wonderful. Damn my man JR made me cry. The truth is he has been here for me with my battle and I am here for his.

I have to say this as a partner who cares so much is that I wish I could take the cancer for him. Not that I want it a long with MS but, well I think you caregivers understand what I am saying.

I have found that since his dx there have been very few moments that cancer doesn't creep into my head. I hate it and I am so thrilled at the end of a day when we have laughed and cancer has only creeped into my mind a little bit. Gee thanks Phil for this one. Paula

My thoughts...
Have cancer wasn’t something that was on my to-do list. It’s not something that I think I would have chosen. But if I had the opportunity, I don’t think I would go back and change it. I think it has made me a different person. I am stronger than I knew I was. I think I’m more compassionate. It’s given me a different outlook on life.

Cancer blows.. . . But like the old saying goes don't cry over spilled milk. I HAD cancer but now I am on the Road To Recovery! ! !

Cancer has taught me the irony of life, to think outside of myself and that there are many people from all backgrounds and all walks of life that are affected by cancer. Cancer has taught me that none of us are alone in the fight for life. Cancer has also taught me what it cannot do – it cannot kill the relationships with my family, or friendships we have. It cannot kill your hopes and dreams and passions.

Sundanceh said:

You bet cancer has changed me!
Just a few weeks before I was diagnosed my husband was up set because I am always doing 40 things at once. He told me in very matter of fact turms to either pull it back or something was going to make me stop. Little did we know how right he was!

I am more anxious to get on with the things that are important to me. I hate to see my kids waste time, and I know now what is important and it is not all the things I was doing in the past.

I can actually say for the fist time in my life that I know what I want to do and how I want to live.

Has cancer been worth it-the jury is still out with that one. But I know no matter what made me face the facts of my life it would have changed me.

I have also learned how couragous people are especially those on this board, and I am truly humbled
Jan

Crow71 said:

Beautiful Craig - simply
Beautiful Craig - simply beautiful. I love the line "No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in" The words roll together nicely and off the tongue bittersweetly. I used to be in a hurry all the time. Now I try to be mindful of the moment that I am living in. Every moment has an infinite capacity for happiness. Thanks for sharing.
Roger

Craig. What happened to your
Craig. What happened to your poem? Did you get censored? lol Bummer, I thought it was good.

Sundanceh said:

Not Sure, Roger - But Here It Is Again
There's no time to kill between the cradle and the grave
Father Time still takes a toll on every minute that you save
Legal tender's never gonna change the number on your days
The highest cost of livin's dyin', that's one everybody pays
So have it spent before you get the bill, there's no time to kill

If we'd known ten years ago today would be ten years from now
Would we spend tomorrow's yesterdays and make it last somehow
Or lead the cheers in someone else's game and never learn to play
And see the rules of thumb are all the same that measure every day
The grass is green on both sides of the hill, there's no time to kill

If we had an hour glass to watch each one go by
Or a bell to mark each one to pass, we'd see just how they fly
Would we escalate the value to be worth its weight in gold
Or would we never know the fortunes that we had 'til we grow old

No time to kill, even I've said it, and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill

-Craig

As Jagger and company sang:
"Time Waits for No One".......

lcarper2 said:

cancer
it sucks no matter how you look at it.

Amen
Amen to that. I can't think of a single thing positive that has come out of this. My husband worries himself sick over me, I can't work anymore at a job I loved, we can't travel as much because my doctor said no time off from treatments, I know I'm going to be dead before my oldest grand child graduates from high school (unless a miracle happens), I've long since lost my faith in a God, I'm stuck at home most of the time with nausea or diarrhea, the sun hurts my skin, so I can't garden (something I loved to do), my eyes have gotten weaker so I can't read as much and I HATE most television, I used to go see my parents every other weekend, now I haven't seen them in months. I can go on more, but I won't bore you with things that if you think about it, some or most of you have the same problems.

Debbie in Arkansas

dorookie said:

WOW
Reading all these post really makes me think. I really enjoyed reading everyones experiences or how they have dealt with this beast. I have really struggled with this subject, and I have to honestly say I am a bit ashamed of how I am feeling, maybe more confused I dont know. I have read so many stories and a few books, all of which led me to believe that once you got cancer, some big revelation was supposed to happen to you, some big wake up call that drastically changed your life. I feel like I missed that part, again I dont know if I am making any sense here.

Yes my life is different in that I am always scared and I have a harder time of hiding my feelings than I did before. I have always hid my feelings, always thinking of others before myself, it just made my life easier that way. I know its a cop out but that is how I live. I have always worked (many hours a day, law enforcement job) I found that work was so much easier than raising a child, keeping a household, or maintaining a relationship. Work was my hideaway, have you noticed I use the word HIDE alot???

I have always been grateful for being blessed to have had a child, having a job, being able to pay my bills, having food and having some really great friends. I have just always been a grateful person, a caring person, one that would do so much more for others than for myself. Which when I was DX'd, the WHY ME question hit me pretty hard.

My head is spinning, I am not even sure what I am saying makes any sense. My point is I feel like I am waiting for that wake up call feeling, the one that like so many of you have experienced and are now out there working out, eating right, stopped smoking, looking at life totally different....WHY DIDNT THAT HAPPEN TO ME????? I am left feeling scared, even more afraid than ever before, and alone.

I am in the HATE category, I HATE CANCER, I hate what it has done to my body, my mind and my family.

Now I am scared for writing this, because I dont want God to get mad at me or think I am not grateful to be alive. I have my scans on Monday and I am really like Freaked out, more so than I can express.

Well, I am thankful for this board and for all of you here. If I had to say one thing positive about having cancer it would be that it brought me here and I have had the pleasure of knowing and sharing parts of our lives with one another.

Thanks for letting me ramble, but most importantly thanks for all of you being there for me!

Thanks
Beth

you are not alone, always remember that
And since God knows your thoughts, He won't be surprised by what you just typed! We are human, we have to allow ourselves to be less than perfect! I think the stupidest comment we all hear, and it just grates every time I hear it, although I always smile and thank the person offering it is the standard "You are so strong!". NO I'M NOT STRONG! I want this beast to be gone, and I want my old life back! Oh yea, that's not possible, and I am certainly still here, so I appear to be stronger than the beast, at least for now! I cry sometimes, but I don't think I've ever been angry about getting cancer. I feel sad for how this has changed my daughter's lives, how much security was wrenched from them at 16 and 19, and for all my loved ones, especially when they have to hold vigil while I recover, yet again, from a procedure or other. But I don't kid myself, WHY NOT ME? Who else would I wish such a situation on? (well, maybe my ex, but we won't go there ) Life has it's ups and downs, and we all have our burdens to bear. All you have to do is look around to see that so MANY of us are suffering. At the same time, all you have to do is look around to see that so MANY of us are enjoying life DESPITE those burdens we carry! We just have to decide that we can let it win or we can decide, as Kimby always says, to enjoy life every.single.day. Remember to enjoy the tiny things, but also remember you are allowed to be mad, sad and whatever else you feel for WHATEVER reason; be it your cancer or the loss of a dear friend or anything else. Let the emotions out, just remember to reel them back in and pick yourself back up again. The rainbow ALWAYS comes after the storm.
mary

dorookie said:

WOW
Reading all these post really makes me think. I really enjoyed reading everyones experiences or how they have dealt with this beast. I have really struggled with this subject, and I have to honestly say I am a bit ashamed of how I am feeling, maybe more confused I dont know. I have read so many stories and a few books, all of which led me to believe that once you got cancer, some big revelation was supposed to happen to you, some big wake up call that drastically changed your life. I feel like I missed that part, again I dont know if I am making any sense here.

Yes my life is different in that I am always scared and I have a harder time of hiding my feelings than I did before. I have always hid my feelings, always thinking of others before myself, it just made my life easier that way. I know its a cop out but that is how I live. I have always worked (many hours a day, law enforcement job) I found that work was so much easier than raising a child, keeping a household, or maintaining a relationship. Work was my hideaway, have you noticed I use the word HIDE alot???

I have always been grateful for being blessed to have had a child, having a job, being able to pay my bills, having food and having some really great friends. I have just always been a grateful person, a caring person, one that would do so much more for others than for myself. Which when I was DX'd, the WHY ME question hit me pretty hard.

My head is spinning, I am not even sure what I am saying makes any sense. My point is I feel like I am waiting for that wake up call feeling, the one that like so many of you have experienced and are now out there working out, eating right, stopped smoking, looking at life totally different....WHY DIDNT THAT HAPPEN TO ME????? I am left feeling scared, even more afraid than ever before, and alone.

I am in the HATE category, I HATE CANCER, I hate what it has done to my body, my mind and my family.

Now I am scared for writing this, because I dont want God to get mad at me or think I am not grateful to be alive. I have my scans on Monday and I am really like Freaked out, more so than I can express.

Well, I am thankful for this board and for all of you here. If I had to say one thing positive about having cancer it would be that it brought me here and I have had the pleasure of knowing and sharing parts of our lives with one another.

Thanks for letting me ramble, but most importantly thanks for all of you being there for me!

Thanks
Beth

Beth - I know exactly how you feel
"I have read so many stories and a few books, all of which led me to believe that once you got cancer, some big revelation was supposed to happen to you, some big wake up call that drastically changed your life. I feel like I missed that part, again I dont know if I am making any sense here."


I wa trying to explain to my sister that I feel like I'm failing the "How Cancer changed My Life" course - that I haven't decided on the "BIG THING" I will do with my life to make the cancer meaningful and "worth it"....it's an odd wierd thought process

Peggy

PhillieG said:

It Ain't no Disney Film...
While there are some positive things that came out of this experience for me, it certainly has not been like a Disney film with birds singing and flying round my head and everything smelling like roses. I've just stopped to smell the roses MORE and to notice the birds MORE. Yes, once in a while the birds drop a load on my head too. I remember one time right after my dx when I was driving into work the morning after a pretty good snowfall. The sun was starting to rise and the way it hit the snow on the trees made me stop my car and get out to look in awe at the beauty of the moment. To see what Mother Nature provides us with is amazing. Scenes like that will go on with me or without me.

There have been plenty of times when I've felt this is possibly the absolute worst thing in the world. The only thing I can think of that would be worse is if my kids had cancer instead of me. I've have numerous operations and almost all of them had me in the hospital for 2 weeks at least. I've had so many treatments of assorted chemo and I've thrown up everything I had eaten since the forth grade. It's caused fear in my wife and kids. Yet, while I've always known I'm going to die at some point, being so close to it and putting it off (at least from cancer for the time being) has given me new eyes to see things.

There have been quite a few religiously based replies to this question. I know that many do not believe God gave them cancer but there are also some people who believe God did give them cancer. Do you think that possibly God wanted you to see something positive from this?

Here's My Take
Always one of the biggest philosophical questions there is in the world, right Phil?

To quote you:" Do you think that possibly God wanted you to see something positive from this?"

Harley got me up early this morning, so now that I'm up, I'll throw in my opinion (good thread BTW).

As I get older, I'm not sure that we were given Cancer, rather I believe it boils down to the basics of chemistry and metabolism. We are living cells and when the programming goes awry, then cancer settles in and takes hold - our immunne system can either battle it off or not. I think this depends on many factors: Heredity, Genetics, Environment, and Lifestyle.

If the premise that God were to give Cancer to people on purpose, then there are two many mean and evil people, who are getting away with it. Murderes, rapists, child abusers, corporate embezzlers, spouse abusers and the list is endless...while we don't have their CT scans to review, if they had Cancer, they did not know it and certainly did not learn from it.

I look for no further evidence than my sister, Suzanne - 18, young and beautiful, with a brilliant mind and a wonderful heart and spirit. She believed in the Lord 100% and was a virgin, who was saving herself for her future husband "when she got married." Imagine that, a good old fashioned girl. She was the better half of us - if you like me, you would have loved her.

Anyway, she was about to graduate, and her prom 2 weeks away (her dress hanging in her closet) when she was brutally murdered and tortured by a 4X serial rapist. Her life, full of goodness, with a lifetime ahead of her of being a good person, snuffed out in a horrifying 2 day event.

My point here, is that God no more gave her death, than he gives us Cancer.

Things happen, because the world is a random, dangerous place at times. Look at the quakes in Haiti and Chile. Mother Nature nearly killed us in an F-3 tornado with 200 mph winds and we walked away.

Again, there are NO ABSOLUTES in this world, except that the "meter is running" and "you better have it spent before you get the bill."

Now, what I do believe, is that we are "challenged" at various points in our life - these trials and tribulations lay the groundwork for how we deal with adversity in our lives, how we respond to them, and how we work to overcome a bad or life threatening situation and make it better. This is the true test of a Human Being. How we handle these challenges totally rely upon each individual and what they can or cannot do.

For me, I have always chosen to fight - if I go down, I go down with the knowledge that Craig gave it all that he had - and all that he never knew that he had. That way, I can go to sleep at night.

Cancer is a mixed blessing - what has tried to kill me, ultimately changed my outlook on life and forced me to realize there are "others" out there besides myself - and for whatever reason my Cancer has been more about me worrying and trying to help others from what I've learned. Sort of a "cathartic experience for me, so that I'm not consumed in self - I learned that Cancer is an "Equal Opportunity Destroyer."

Anyone who watched my TV news clip, heard me say, "I never went into Denial - always straight to Anger. Sure, I'm pissed of what it did and tried to do...there were a real couple of times, when it looks like we were going to "turn off the lights" for ol' Craig. And honestly, that was scary...you think you are ready to die, but this is the bravado that you paint on, to get you mentally prepared in case this were the scenario.

On the other hand, Cancer taught me how to appreciate the simple things in life, and to not get too caught up in the BS that is all around us.

Cancer has helped form who I am today - and who I am today to each one of you on the board - whether I mean something to you or I do not - I will still be your friend and try to help you. I love the good side of humanity of people loving and helping each other.

So there you have it, Phil.

Man, you got me awake now! Take care, NY'er, Tex still loves ya'.

WTG again on your 6-years...Craig