caregiver--now it is my turn...prayers, please

dash4
dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hello all,
Many of you don't know me, but I am an oldie...My husband was diagnosed October, 2004 Stage IV. We still had 5 wonderful years together, but he went through so much and this board was my strength. He passed away on September 25, 2009...I am still trying to adjust to life on my own-everything is so difficult. As his caregiver, I knew I needed to start to care for me and had all my regular yearly checkups. On 1/20/10 they found a mass in my right breast. All the tests are done now - it is cancerous...my surgery is scheduled for 2/16/10. I believe I am with great doctors (when they first asked what surgeon I wanted to see-I had absolutely no idea - I know the best colon and liver surgeons, but just now learning about the "breast" world). Anyhow, I know the power of prayer and am asking for your prayers.
Thank you for listening..keeping all of you in my prayers daily..
Mary Kay
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Comments

  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    I am sorry for the loss of
    I am sorry for the loss of your husband and that you have to go through this.
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    You got them.......
    Remember everything you did for hubby and do it for yourself! Hugs!
  • lcarper2
    lcarper2 Member Posts: 635 Member
    Nana b said:

    You got them.......
    Remember everything you did for hubby and do it for yourself! Hugs!

    Dash4
    So sorry for your loss and sorry you are here now as a patient please know we will pray for you and help in anyway we can...

    Louann
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Mary Kay
    My thoughts are with you. You've certainly have been through a lot.
    -phil
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    I am so sorry for all that
    I am so sorry for all that you have been through and for your loss...As everyone was your strength through your husband I know we all will be the same for you! This site and everyone on it is truly a life line!!

    Loves,
    Mel
  • betina61
    betina61 Member Posts: 642 Member
    I remember you
    I am very sorry for your loss,but be sure that your husband will be watching you from heaven and he is closer to God than we are and he will be asking God for your health everyday.And for sure you can count on my prayers too.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    betina61 said:

    I remember you
    I am very sorry for your loss,but be sure that your husband will be watching you from heaven and he is closer to God than we are and he will be asking God for your health everyday.And for sure you can count on my prayers too.

    Thank you..
    Thank you all...you have touched my soul...your strength and your belief inspires me..I will keep in touch.
    Mary Kay
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    dash4 said:

    Thank you..
    Thank you all...you have touched my soul...your strength and your belief inspires me..I will keep in touch.
    Mary Kay

    @Mary Kay: a wonderful
    @Mary Kay: a wonderful person like you who was "so there" for her hubby deserves to make it all fine! Now, my advice: pull a chair close to a window on a late night when it's pitch dark outside already...look up the sky, and choose the brightest star. It will take a while, but you'll find the brightest one! Yes, that's him! And just look at him and whisper him for advice! He'll be there, and will give you advice, and support you! He'll make you live long and happy and let this upcoming surgery be just a nightmare in the past!
    I'll be thinking of you! My stars are shining for me, and I spending a lot of time with them....
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    sharpy102 said:

    @Mary Kay: a wonderful
    @Mary Kay: a wonderful person like you who was "so there" for her hubby deserves to make it all fine! Now, my advice: pull a chair close to a window on a late night when it's pitch dark outside already...look up the sky, and choose the brightest star. It will take a while, but you'll find the brightest one! Yes, that's him! And just look at him and whisper him for advice! He'll be there, and will give you advice, and support you! He'll make you live long and happy and let this upcoming surgery be just a nightmare in the past!
    I'll be thinking of you! My stars are shining for me, and I spending a lot of time with them....

    what a comforting thought...
    Thank you for the thought...right now I miss John so much, but I am so wrapped up in my "fight" that I barely have time to think or grieve...but I will look for that star. Thanks for reminding me that I still can find comfort through my husband. I feel so alone right now -even though there are so many good family and friends-it is just not the same... so I will do some star gazing and try to find my peace...
    Mary Kay
  • jillpls
    jillpls Member Posts: 238
    very sorry
    Hi Mary Kay
    I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you have a good care giver to help you as you helped your husband. I will keep you in prayers and just know that God is there for you
    JIll
  • victory10
    victory10 Member Posts: 75
    dash4
    My husband went through an emangiopericytoma 22 yrs ago and while he is still alive, I am going through this journey now. What I would like to share with you is that everyone has a different journey and just because your husband passed away doesn't mean that it is your time to leave this earth. I am believing that this is just a mountain that you will climb in order to share your story to give others hope. We all know people who have passed on from this evil invader but we have to know that cancer is not an automatic death sentence so now is your time to take that Sabattical and care for yourself and allow others to care and love on you!!!!! (That's what I find is happening to me and I'm finding this time to be an excuse to just take time to strengthen myself and take a breather before going back out there... I pray for you that God will give you a peace that will overcome all the fears that are floating out there.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    victory10 said:

    dash4
    My husband went through an emangiopericytoma 22 yrs ago and while he is still alive, I am going through this journey now. What I would like to share with you is that everyone has a different journey and just because your husband passed away doesn't mean that it is your time to leave this earth. I am believing that this is just a mountain that you will climb in order to share your story to give others hope. We all know people who have passed on from this evil invader but we have to know that cancer is not an automatic death sentence so now is your time to take that Sabattical and care for yourself and allow others to care and love on you!!!!! (That's what I find is happening to me and I'm finding this time to be an excuse to just take time to strengthen myself and take a breather before going back out there... I pray for you that God will give you a peace that will overcome all the fears that are floating out there.

    wow...
    It was an impromptu moment that had me posting on this site again....I am so glad that I did. Thank you for your words of strength. I did not even realize that I do need to be reminded that my journey can be different from my husband's. My head knows that, but my heart has to catch up...I keep being told that this is "about me" now...such a hard concept to grasp and to live...I will remember your words..thanks for taking the time to share them.......my prayers are with you also..
    Mary Kay
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    Mary Kay
    Mary Kay,
    You have been through so much. I hope and pray there is someone to help you through. I have said a prayer for you.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Oh, dear.
    Mary Kay,

    I am so sorry you're going through this, especially after you've already experienced such a loss. I will be praying for complete healing for you. Let us know how everything goes!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    tootsie1 said:

    Oh, dear.
    Mary Kay,

    I am so sorry you're going through this, especially after you've already experienced such a loss. I will be praying for complete healing for you. Let us know how everything goes!

    *hugs*
    Gail

    more strength..
    Thank you...After reading all the posts, it is so hard to explain how much it means. The support and belief I feel from all of you will be carrying me through my journey....even after all this time, I still feel a bond with this site and your words have meant so much..
    with love,
    Mary Kay
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    Stay strong
    Mary Kay,

    I am so sorry you have to get this news while you are still in the initial stages of grief for your husband. You were an awesome care giver (yes, I remember you), and I pray that you have a care giver as great as you were.

    You do have a fight on your hands, but remember, it is a winnable one! My sister was Stage 3 breast cancer a year and a half ago and almost everyone wrote her off, but she hung in there and fought, because I kept emphasizing that we are individuals, not statistics. She is cancer free at this time.

    So I guess what I'm trying to say is, stay with it, stay strong, and come here often. We all care about you!

    Hugs,
    Kirsten
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Hi MK
    I'm sorry you lost

    Hi MK

    I'm sorry you lost your husband - he went a very long way in his battle.

    Now, in your time of grieving, you are facing Cancer yourself - I don't know why these things happen at the time they do - when it all seems so tough and then new challenges get heaped upon us.

    There probably is no definitive answer - life throws things at us and we have to endure and overcome it seems - we wonder how we will have the strength.

    I hope that you will have all the strength that you can draw on to fight your new battle and to go on without your husband. That just has to be one of the toughest things to have to go through...I cannot imagine what you are feeling.

    I'm glad you came back - "things happen for a reason" and your impromptu decision to post again, was probably "no accident."

    Sending good thoughts for your 2-16 surgery :)

    -Craig
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    kmygil said:

    Stay strong
    Mary Kay,

    I am so sorry you have to get this news while you are still in the initial stages of grief for your husband. You were an awesome care giver (yes, I remember you), and I pray that you have a care giver as great as you were.

    You do have a fight on your hands, but remember, it is a winnable one! My sister was Stage 3 breast cancer a year and a half ago and almost everyone wrote her off, but she hung in there and fought, because I kept emphasizing that we are individuals, not statistics. She is cancer free at this time.

    So I guess what I'm trying to say is, stay with it, stay strong, and come here often. We all care about you!

    Hugs,
    Kirsten

    thanks for your story...
    Kirsten,
    Thank you for sharing your sisters story..those are the stories that keep us strong....and thanks for caring and letting me know...
    Keeping you and your sister in my prayers...
    Hugs to you too,
    Mary Kay
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    Sundanceh said:

    Hi MK
    I'm sorry you lost

    Hi MK

    I'm sorry you lost your husband - he went a very long way in his battle.

    Now, in your time of grieving, you are facing Cancer yourself - I don't know why these things happen at the time they do - when it all seems so tough and then new challenges get heaped upon us.

    There probably is no definitive answer - life throws things at us and we have to endure and overcome it seems - we wonder how we will have the strength.

    I hope that you will have all the strength that you can draw on to fight your new battle and to go on without your husband. That just has to be one of the toughest things to have to go through...I cannot imagine what you are feeling.

    I'm glad you came back - "things happen for a reason" and your impromptu decision to post again, was probably "no accident."

    Sending good thoughts for your 2-16 surgery :)

    -Craig

    things happen for a reason...
    Craig,
    You are so right that losing my husband has been the hardest thing I have ever had to live with...many thought it was so difficult being the caregiver-but that was my privelege and my blessing that life allowed me to juggle my world and always be with him. Now, I feel like I have to put my grieving to the side so I can fight for me and that is a hard feeling to explain...so I keep him in my heart and just go on...but all of you are so strong and carry so much to keep going too. It reminds me to do the same. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me-I believe you are right-my posting did have a "reason for happening"....
    Keeping you in my prayers,
    Mary Kay
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    PM coming
    Hi Mary Kay,

    I'm sorry to hear of your breast cancer diagnosis. You've been through a lot with your husband's care and death. I'm so sorry.
    I guess you're probably already perusing the breast cancer board- hope folks there are as supportive as they are here.
    I'm sending you a PM- please check for it.

    Lisa