Mom just diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, I'm her son.

Collins414
Collins414 Member Posts: 18
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Hi everyone. This is a God sent site. I got the official word today about my moms condition(Ovarian Cancer 4th Stage). The doctor told my wife that my mom would be lucky to see another 3 months. The cancer has spread to her lungs and heart. They did surgery on her yesterday morning to remove the fluid that had accumulated around her lungs and heart, my mom is 62. I love my mom dearly, we've been through so much. I have faith in God but I cant fight this feeling inside telling me I'm not going to have my mom anymore. She still has tubes in her that are draining the fluid,they should be out in a couple of days. She is able to eat but not much. My mom decided to heal from her recent surgery before she made any decisions on chemo or hospice care. Its crazy, just two years ago my mom survived a heart attack and a 5-quad bypass, just to end up with this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I have already read some encouraging things on the site and as I'm hurting I know I'm not the only one and my prayers are with everyone on this site as well. God bless!

Rick.
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Comments

  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    For You
    Rick my heart goes out to you and your family. Three years ago I lost my Mom to ovarian. It was stage 4 at the time of diagnosis. She had major surgery but was too weak for chemo. She was told..I was told.... to expect her to live no more than 2 weeks to 4 months. Well, she lived another 18 months. A lot depends on her attitude. A lot depends on God. This is not an easy path to walk. But sometimes the love and the bond between people defy any kind of timeframe. You have come to a good place, lots of support here. There are ladies here who have battled this disease for many years, one of them, Bonnie, has battled for 7 years. Don't ever accept that this is the end of things. Ask questions, pray and come here for support. Let us know how things are going for your family. Hugs, Cindy
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    best wishes
    Rick,
    Good luck to your Mom and your family. Yes, it is very scary and very sad!!! Giving your mom time to recover from surgery is important!!!! Hopefully she will start feeling better soon. At the age of 41 and in good health I was in the hospital initially for almost 3 weeks. So, it will take time!!! Be supportive and strong for your Mom. Yes, there are survival stories on here. I was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian in Sept. 08. Best of luck to your family! Let us know how she does.
    Nancy
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    PRAYERS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
    Dear Rick:

    I'm so sorry to hear that your mother and all of you have received such horrible news. We're never prepared for something like this, and only faith and time will enable us a way to deal with it all. I'm so glad to hear you have a strong faith, as it has seen me through much, as well as many of us here on this board. Please don't lose site of the fact that, as the other ladies said, much is in God's hands.

    Your mother sounds like a strong lady. Once the tubes are out, she is home, and she can absorb all the information, I'm sure she'll make the decision that is right for her. This is never easy, but with a concerned and loving son such as you, it will help her a great deal.

    Continue to find encouragement and hope here. And when you're able, keep in touch. In the meantime, I will be praying for hope, help, wisdom and healing for your Mom.

    Monika
  • LPack
    LPack Member Posts: 645
    There is always HOPE
    Rick,

    Sorry to hear about your mom. I know what that feels like.

    As others have said there is only One who is in charge of our Comings and Goings. Don't get discouraged regarding numbers and statistics. Our God is above man's time table. We know that doctors have to give their diagnosis because that is their job, but we also know The God who gave Job back more than he lost.

    Positive attitude and the will to fight go a long way, too!

    Thanks so much for sharing with us and keep us posted.

    Living for Eternity,
    Libby ☺
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    Dear Rick,
    We are so pleased that you found our discussion group. I am Stage 4 also, and have been treating this monster since 3/2/2007. I would not pay much attention to any doctor's time line. Keep your faith and we will add you to our daily prayers. The chemo I was on first shrunk my tumors by more than half, so I know that the chemo works on the tumors. (((HUGS))) Saundra
  • Collins414
    Collins414 Member Posts: 18
    Cindy54 said:

    For You
    Rick my heart goes out to you and your family. Three years ago I lost my Mom to ovarian. It was stage 4 at the time of diagnosis. She had major surgery but was too weak for chemo. She was told..I was told.... to expect her to live no more than 2 weeks to 4 months. Well, she lived another 18 months. A lot depends on her attitude. A lot depends on God. This is not an easy path to walk. But sometimes the love and the bond between people defy any kind of timeframe. You have come to a good place, lots of support here. There are ladies here who have battled this disease for many years, one of them, Bonnie, has battled for 7 years. Don't ever accept that this is the end of things. Ask questions, pray and come here for support. Let us know how things are going for your family. Hugs, Cindy

    Thank you!
    Thank you so much Cindy. Your words of encouragement are priceless for me right now. I will keep you updated, this is day 2. I'm sorry to hear about your loss and I pray Gods peace always keeps you.
  • Collins414
    Collins414 Member Posts: 18
    Thank you ALL!!
    I want to thank you guys so very much for your words of encouragement and hope. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go thru. I did not know where to turn for advice or comfort. I truly believe God has used all of you to bring that comfort I needed. I was at the hospital today with mom and shared with her my experience on this site. This is day 2 and looking into her eyes was piercing my heart, but one day at a time I know God will strengthen us all. Again, Thank you, and God bless you all!

    -Rick
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652

    Thank you ALL!!
    I want to thank you guys so very much for your words of encouragement and hope. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go thru. I did not know where to turn for advice or comfort. I truly believe God has used all of you to bring that comfort I needed. I was at the hospital today with mom and shared with her my experience on this site. This is day 2 and looking into her eyes was piercing my heart, but one day at a time I know God will strengthen us all. Again, Thank you, and God bless you all!

    -Rick

    each day is precious
    Hi Rick,
    I've been caring for my mother for almost a year, and she is still having mostly happy days. That's what this journey is about, and there is much joy to be found amidst the sorrow. My best advice is to be ready to sit and talk. Make time just for that. Your mother looks like a beautiful lady. Keep telling her that she's beautiful, too, because this disease takes its toll on a woman's soul.

    You are welcome to visit the caregivers and emotional support forums along with this one -- a rare assemblage of truly wise women and the people who love them.
  • Mawty
    Mawty Member Posts: 133
    Barbara53 said:

    each day is precious
    Hi Rick,
    I've been caring for my mother for almost a year, and she is still having mostly happy days. That's what this journey is about, and there is much joy to be found amidst the sorrow. My best advice is to be ready to sit and talk. Make time just for that. Your mother looks like a beautiful lady. Keep telling her that she's beautiful, too, because this disease takes its toll on a woman's soul.

    You are welcome to visit the caregivers and emotional support forums along with this one -- a rare assemblage of truly wise women and the people who love them.

    Prayers for your mom
    Rick, thank you for sharing the news about your mother. As the other ladies said, many prayers will be said for her, and even though the doctor said three months, she may live much, much longer. It's wonderful she has a son like you to help her out. I will remember her in my prayers. What's her first name if you don't mind sharing?

    Marty
  • Collins414
    Collins414 Member Posts: 18
    Mawty said:

    Prayers for your mom
    Rick, thank you for sharing the news about your mother. As the other ladies said, many prayers will be said for her, and even though the doctor said three months, she may live much, much longer. It's wonderful she has a son like you to help her out. I will remember her in my prayers. What's her first name if you don't mind sharing?

    Marty

    Hi Marty.
    I strongly believe in the power of prayer! The prayers of the righteous availeth much!! I don't mind sharing at all, my moms first name is Pearl, Pearl C. Collins. Thank you so much, I really mean it, thank you!
  • Collins414
    Collins414 Member Posts: 18
    Barbara53 said:

    each day is precious
    Hi Rick,
    I've been caring for my mother for almost a year, and she is still having mostly happy days. That's what this journey is about, and there is much joy to be found amidst the sorrow. My best advice is to be ready to sit and talk. Make time just for that. Your mother looks like a beautiful lady. Keep telling her that she's beautiful, too, because this disease takes its toll on a woman's soul.

    You are welcome to visit the caregivers and emotional support forums along with this one -- a rare assemblage of truly wise women and the people who love them.

    Hi Barbara.
    Thank you Barbara, I will visit the other forums. I'm praying for you and your mom as well! It is my prayer that Gods grace and favor embrace everyone on this forum and it become a place of miracles that defy every doctors report! God bless and have a good night, I will keep you posted.

    Rick.
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    Dear Rick,
    I'm so sorry for your mom and you having to go through this. I was dx 3C June of 07 and am still here after 20 doses of chemo and several surgeries. God has given me grace each step of the way, and although I "freak out" sometimes, as long as I take it a step at a time, it works out. I have to say that I have met some of the most incredible people, and although it would sure be nice to meet them some other way, it has been a huge encouragement. Tell your mom that Kathleen in Japan is praying for her today that she will have peace that is beyond understanding.
    Blessings to you, your family and dear dear mom!
    Kathleen
  • Collins414
    Collins414 Member Posts: 18
    kayandok said:

    Dear Rick,
    I'm so sorry for your mom and you having to go through this. I was dx 3C June of 07 and am still here after 20 doses of chemo and several surgeries. God has given me grace each step of the way, and although I "freak out" sometimes, as long as I take it a step at a time, it works out. I have to say that I have met some of the most incredible people, and although it would sure be nice to meet them some other way, it has been a huge encouragement. Tell your mom that Kathleen in Japan is praying for her today that she will have peace that is beyond understanding.
    Blessings to you, your family and dear dear mom!
    Kathleen

    You got it!
    Hi Kathleen. Thank you for your concern and your prayers!! I will definitely let mom know. The doctors have requested that the family be present tomorrow to hear what they have to say. My stomach is in knots and I have a permanent lump in my throat that is only relieved temporarily by a good cry. Maybe its just me being mad at the world at times but I feel like the doctors have already planned her funeral, I know that's irrational but its how I feel sometimes. But all the comments that I have received including yours are really helping me to cope with this. This is the first site I come to when I get on my computer. Well this is day 3 and God is still God, and I praise him and trust him to take care of my mom. Love you guys.

    Rick
  • AnitaW54
    AnitaW54 Member Posts: 2

    You got it!
    Hi Kathleen. Thank you for your concern and your prayers!! I will definitely let mom know. The doctors have requested that the family be present tomorrow to hear what they have to say. My stomach is in knots and I have a permanent lump in my throat that is only relieved temporarily by a good cry. Maybe its just me being mad at the world at times but I feel like the doctors have already planned her funeral, I know that's irrational but its how I feel sometimes. But all the comments that I have received including yours are really helping me to cope with this. This is the first site I come to when I get on my computer. Well this is day 3 and God is still God, and I praise him and trust him to take care of my mom. Love you guys.

    Rick

    Dear Rick
    I too am new to this site. Just signed up a few minutes ago. I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. I will keep her in my prayers. I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer Oct. 2, 2002 and have been through numerous rounds of different chemo regimens. The best way that I know of to deal with this ordeal is to stay strong in your faith, stay positive no matter what the outcome. Take a deep breath, exhale and let God be in charge. My mother has always told me to give my problems and worries to God. Once you do that you can never take it back. It now belongs to Him and He is in charge. We may not always understand why but always know that He will be there for you, your mom and the entire family. This is my prayer for you: May God's presence and His eternal love give you the peace and strength to conquer the battles that lie ahead. Amen.
  • MissBee
    MissBee Member Posts: 8
    AnitaW54 said:

    Dear Rick
    I too am new to this site. Just signed up a few minutes ago. I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. I will keep her in my prayers. I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer Oct. 2, 2002 and have been through numerous rounds of different chemo regimens. The best way that I know of to deal with this ordeal is to stay strong in your faith, stay positive no matter what the outcome. Take a deep breath, exhale and let God be in charge. My mother has always told me to give my problems and worries to God. Once you do that you can never take it back. It now belongs to Him and He is in charge. We may not always understand why but always know that He will be there for you, your mom and the entire family. This is my prayer for you: May God's presence and His eternal love give you the peace and strength to conquer the battles that lie ahead. Amen.

    Dear Rick
    Please remember Dr's aren't gods and they don't have all the answers.GOD is in charge of everything in this universe. Your mom could live for years with stage 4 cancer. The saying on this site is no one has an expiration date stamped on them. I don't know where your mother lives or where she is being treated but it never hurts to get a second opinion. I pray that you and your family will put this in God's hands and have peace in knowing that he Loves you and will never fail you. One thing you learn quickly after cancer diagnosis is that you are not in charge. You have to be strong and support your mother, help her make decisions that she will have to make.I pray that God will give you the strength and peace to endure.
  • Collins414
    Collins414 Member Posts: 18
    AnitaW54 said:

    Dear Rick
    I too am new to this site. Just signed up a few minutes ago. I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. I will keep her in my prayers. I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer Oct. 2, 2002 and have been through numerous rounds of different chemo regimens. The best way that I know of to deal with this ordeal is to stay strong in your faith, stay positive no matter what the outcome. Take a deep breath, exhale and let God be in charge. My mother has always told me to give my problems and worries to God. Once you do that you can never take it back. It now belongs to Him and He is in charge. We may not always understand why but always know that He will be there for you, your mom and the entire family. This is my prayer for you: May God's presence and His eternal love give you the peace and strength to conquer the battles that lie ahead. Amen.

    Hi Anita.
    Its so encouraging to hear that you have been winning the fight against cancer! I too will pray for continued peace, power,joy and long life for you. Thank you for your kind words of advice and hope. And what you say is so true "LET GO AND LET GOD"! I'm sure you will gain many new friends,prayers and encouragement on this site. Ive only been apart of this group for a few days now, and the people on here have helped me tremendously! Again thank you and God bless. Oh, by the way, my mom starts her first treatment of chemo tomorrow. I pray her body responds well to the treatment, but God is in control. Love yall!

    Rick
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834

    Hi Anita.
    Its so encouraging to hear that you have been winning the fight against cancer! I too will pray for continued peace, power,joy and long life for you. Thank you for your kind words of advice and hope. And what you say is so true "LET GO AND LET GOD"! I'm sure you will gain many new friends,prayers and encouragement on this site. Ive only been apart of this group for a few days now, and the people on here have helped me tremendously! Again thank you and God bless. Oh, by the way, my mom starts her first treatment of chemo tomorrow. I pray her body responds well to the treatment, but God is in control. Love yall!

    Rick

    My first chemo was the hardest....
    I had a reaction and they had to stop the infusion for 45 minutes, then start it back at a much slower rate. I left the building in a wheelchair and felt like road kill for the next two days. Tell your mom not to be discouraged if this happens. My number 2-4 sessions were much, much easier.

    My "cancer team" of doctor, nurses, techs, etc has been wonderful (save one). They really, really care about their patients and I'm sure your mom will get wonderful care, too. I went to a "Look Good, Feel Better" thing at the hospital yesterday and stopped to see my nurses from Sept/Oct. Two of them friended me on Face Book and we "talk" often, but there is nothing like a good face-to-fac hug. I ran into my Oncologist at the nurse's station and said, "Have you seen my lab report......my CA125 is NINETEEN"!!! He hugged me, too. And this morning, when his nurse called to schedule my CBC for tomorrow morning (to determine if I can finally have my root canal), she said, "Your tumor marker is down to NINETEEN"!!! They want the best possible outcome for me, almost as much as I do.
  • lisazee
    lisazee Member Posts: 12
    Hi Rick,
    I know that feeling

    Hi Rick,

    I know that feeling you have in the pit of your stomach - you're not ready to lose your mom. Me neither. When my mom was first diagnosed I went back and forth between: We can beat this, it's going to be ok - and, I need to prepare myself for the fact that she may not make it. When I am optimistic I feel I am not realistic, when I am realistic I feel that I am giving up on her. I know about the shock you are going through, and I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.

    I am going to give you some advice I wish someone had given me - stay off the internet, except sites like this... Sometimes less info is better when you're going through the initial shock. Don't look up statistics, any generic info... Talk to your mom's docs about your mom - and focus on what's right for HER.

    Just let her know you're there for her and you love her. The rest will come. I know it's cliche, but one day at a time is best. Keep us posted.

    Lisa
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    Hello Rick,
    I just read your

    Hello Rick,

    I just read your concerns and they are valid. Your mom's story sounds so much like mine and many others; I too was told upon my initial diagnosis that I would be lucky to survive 3 months with my stage 4 ovarian cancer.

    Guess what? Next month will make me a 3yr cancer survivor!

    First remember this; keeping positive with faith and prayer makes all the difference for your mother and you, so be sure to continue to surround her with that positive energy!

    One thing I have learned on this journey of ups and downs is that with each day there is always hope; with each day is a possibility of newer medicines/treatments becoming available. I tell you I even participated in a research study that further extended my life.

    I cried so many, many times and my daughter was with me with more strength than I could ever imagine and her strength helped me through a dark hour.

    I don't want to ramble, so my point to you is this...what the doctors say is never written in stone (they usually just give a worst case scenario so in the event the worst happens). My doctor is still amazed that I am here :-). We have that kind of relationship. :-)

    I'm keeping your mom, you and your family in my prayers.

    Please keep in touch with how she is faring.

    Sharon
  • Monieschild
    Monieschild Member Posts: 1
    Keep fighting Rick
    I just wanted to relay my story about my Mother diagnosed in Oct 2004 with Stage IV Ovarian Cancer. We were so uninformed at the time about the fact that some women do survive for long periods of time. We were offered no hope only treatment that might extend life for a short period. We opted to fight until all therapy was exhausted. Well long story short, my Mom is not only alive but has a fantastic quality of life! We had surgery, eight rounds of chemotherapy, a little over a year of no cancer activity, then some cancer activity, more therapy, and we are almost on the two year mark of no activity again. We shop, she does all of her housework, cooks, it is almost as if she never had cancer. I did take her to MDAnderson two times for second opinions and they were wonderful.