help me

soccerfreaks said:

End of LIfe Assessment
The first thing I would do is to seek a second opinion. When dealing with something of this nature, I would not rely on the estimation of one individual to provide a final 'verdict'.

The second thing I would do is to realize that there is no expiration date stamped on our foreheads, and that even if we have cancer that has metastasized to vital organs, there is really no surefire way for anyone to predict our demise. Each case is different, each person different, each cancer different, each treatment different, each effect different.

That said, and assuming the worst, there are a number of pro-active measures you and your husband can take to make these months (and years?) memorable ones.

I like to remind folks that cancer, by its nature, can take much from us, including our lives, but it is us who allow it to take much more, so much more, our happiness, our serenity, our love, even. Which is to say, there are certain things beyond our control, perhaps, when it comes to cancer, but there are a great number of others that we CAN control, if we will ourselves to do so.

For starters, get the legal mumbo jumbo out of the way at once. It is a very difficult thing to do, to decide on code orders (DNR and so forth), wills, and such, as they cold, stark reminders of impending demise. So: get them out of the way and behind you as soon as possible. They do not mean death after all, and will still be there 30 years from now if this diagnosis is incorrect.

Next, decide that you are going to have memorable times together, happy times, "bucket list" times, if you will, rather than wallowing in despair. Do NOT let cancer take away these last days and months and years. Make them the best of your lives. You are entitled to these days and months and years. Cancer will have what it will, but it is NOT entitled to these days, these months, these years.

As for chemotherapy, talk to your doctors, of course. It sounds like you are heading quickly into quality versus quantity of life issues. It is a slippery slope between living longer and living better. There will come a time, if the diagnosis is correct, when quality of life will go by the wayside, and your husband will be living only to sustain the quantity of life. You folks need to decide what to do, where the line must be drawn.

Chemotherapy can be a vital part of sustaining both quality and quantity of life. Your doctors know this. If they are any good at their craft, they will play with the treatment in such a way that they extend life without abusing quality in a drastic fashion, for as long as possible.

That is a blunt assessment.

I wish your husband and his family the very best.

Take care,

Joe

kopykay said:

Don't go by me but Memorial
Don't go by me but Memorial Sloan Kettering in NY is investigating the effects of Maitake Mushroom extract believed to help aid and possibly cure some cancers.
I found it in a vitamin store for my husband who has stage 4 lung cancer which is now spreading to his liver.
I think anything we can do to help our loved ones using alternative methods besides the conventional ones is worth a shot.


I too cannot stop the crying. My husband is the one with the strength and fortitude to give this disease a fight all the way. He was diagnosed the day after Thanksgiving Nov 2008 (he calls it his "Black Friday") and they only gave him an estimate of 3-5 months. but the good Lord has not taken him and he says he's not going anywhere yet.

His attitude and the support of me and my children and family and friends is what gives him his strength. I suggest you surround yourself with positive energy and live with cancer - do not let it take anything from you.

I pray for you and your husband on your journey. It will be a rollercoaster ride - go with the bumps and turns . . you will make it out the other side.

Maryann