been out of it & family venting

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Comments

  • ittapp
    ittapp Member Posts: 383 Member
    You need a break
    Heading into chemo this morning but read your post and it made me so sad. I want you to know that my husband also has depression(bad) for years he did nothing about it. But I kept demanding that he see someone and finally did. He is like a different mand in the good way. He has patience with the kids, stress, coaching. He also see's his Dr. quarterly for talk therapy. Please get him in to see someone. Once he is fixed the kids will follow suit because the houshold will be a pleasant place to be. You need to take a break for yourself. It wouldn't hurt to have a family meeting and discuss these issues with everyone. Hang in there, Patti
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Sorry
    Lisa,

    I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. It's so hard when you're fighting the disease and trying to stay upbeat and then family things pile up on top of that.

    I'll be praying that sunny skies will abound soon!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Hi Lisa
    Don't apologize and don't worry aobut us, you have your hands full and need to address YOUR situation. We're not going anywhere soon. I think your actions are enabling them to continue their dysfunction. The amount of denial in people still somehow manages to amaze me. From people having family members with serious cancer dx and not getting a checkup to your situation. Clift's suggestion of leaving a copy of this post (or a slightly modifed version) is a good idea. I would also get EVERYONE into counseling. To me it sounds like the kids need it as does your husband and you too, you are all in this boat together, like it or not. I would imagine that the counselor would also get some of the family on some medication. Depression is a chemical imbalance. One word of caution, I would HOPE a good doctor would not prescribe antidepressants that are not designed for children. I was surprised to see that your youngest was on Wellbutrin, it's not made for kids and can cause more serious depression and worse. Please make sure YOU (or someone you trust) research what, if anything, they are prescribed. With depression it's not just medication that is meeded, you need to combine it with counseling too. I think that your husband needs it, as do your kids, as do you & your husband, and the entire family. I know it sounds like a lot and really it's none of my business but from how you described your situation, if it were MY sitation that is how I would approach it. I do not mean to judge you or your family at all so forgive me if I'm stepping on your toes. Your 16 yr old also is being a 16 yr old. That's bad timing for the cancer. They cop an attitude anyway at that age. We are entering that territory now with Dylan. I'm sure your having cancer is compounding his teenager-isms. This is not something that will just go away if ignored, it will get worse. I know you said your MIL always made excuses for your husband. "God help us if the neighbors find out that we are all normal human beings!" My Mom has some of that in her too, it's old school 'pretend it never happened' mentality. Well, it did happen and it is happening. Your husband has to snap out of it. What would he do if God forbid something were to happen to you with or without it being cancer? He needs a wakeup call. Sometimes the truth hurts.

    Too often many men try to be too manly (whatever the F that means?) and suck it up and deny or pretend they are not depressed when in fact they are. It comes out sooner or later.

    Hang in there but try to get professional help, at least do it for yourself so you can deal with the rest of your family.
    -phil
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    HI Lisa
    Hi Lisa,
    I woke up this morning thinking about you. I've said a prayer for you and our family. I hope that your husband will get into therapy. Depression can be lifted from people with good therapy and meds. You are a very strong lady and you need to take care of yourself. Please do something kind for yourself, whatever makes you feel good. Also, there has been talk about exercise helping depression and that is soooo true. Will your husband walk with you in the evening? Maybe if you make it about you getting out and not him he'd be willing to go.
    I'm so sorry your family is suffering like this. Cancer is indeed a family situation. Are your kids teachers aware of your situation? We have pulled in everyone at school and neighbors, etc to get some help. Every little bit helps.
    Take care. I'll be thinking of you today.
    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • donnare
    donnare Member Posts: 266
    Hi
    ((((Lisa))))

    Sorry to hear you've got so much on your plate right now. Try to put yourself first (hard for moms, isn't it) and take good care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Donna
  • luv3jay
    luv3jay Member Posts: 533 Member
    Oh Lisa! I'm sorry you are
    Oh Lisa! I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm glad to hear that it sounds like you are able to handle it all. I know last year when I was first dx'd, my children went through a phase...they all failed 2nd quarter. But we were able to talk to the guidance counselors and they bounced back well. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    -Sheri
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064 Member
    16 yr olds + Cancer = hell hole
    ((((LISA))))

    I am so sorry you're going through all this at a time when you need the troops to be rallying around you.

    Honestly, I don't know how we mothers get through cancer and having teenagers. My son was AWFUL to me at that age when I was going through my stuff. As for the 13 yr old crying, sounds so typical hormonally especially when put with the emotional upheaval of having a sick mama. Everything at 13 is magnified by 1000. I feel for you. Thankfully I was homeschooling most of my kids at the time, so school could be as relaxed and simple as I needed it to be. I made sure that the teachers for the ones in school were aware of what we were going through.

    Is your family getting enough Vit D and Fish Oils? Living in the northern climes, if I don't get enough I can feel myself spiral down into the blues big time. That's something your hubby and kids would maybe be open to taking since it's not "medication" but much needed nutrients. Is your family eating too many sweets and junk foods? That can create personality changes, surly moods, depression etc. Just some thoughts and these are areas that you can contribute to and control somewhat--at least what comes into your house.

    My prayers go up for you today.

    Hope all goes well with your PET and mamo.

    peace, emily
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    thanks again everyone
    Hi again everyone,

    Thank you all so very, very much for your words of advice and support. Emily- I appreciate you sharing about your kids with me. I'll address some of the others' individual posts later. I'm doing much better, but do have a busy day today. I have my PET/CT scan at 10:00 (Calif. time), then I'm on to pick up my son mid day out of his high school to take him over to the charter school he's enrolling in for a placement test (he's going to be on their independent study program- he really needed a change of scene for now). I have been reading up on some good advice for how to live with someone with depression (x4 people for me).
    Their situation hasn't changed much, but the way I'm looking at it and now planning on coping with it has changed, so it's making me feel sooo much better! I'm addressing the issues with my kids for now with 5HTP and sam-e. It seems to be working in my youngest- the older two need to give it a couple of weeks at least to see if it helps. We may end up going the prescription route if it doesn't work, but I want to give it a chance due to the bad experience we had w/ my youngest on prescription meds.

    Anyhow, I'm off to go drive kids to school, then on to my PET scan. I'll check in w/ you all either later today or tomorrow morning.

    Thanks again!
    Lisa
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    lisa42 said:

    thanks again everyone
    Hi again everyone,

    Thank you all so very, very much for your words of advice and support. Emily- I appreciate you sharing about your kids with me. I'll address some of the others' individual posts later. I'm doing much better, but do have a busy day today. I have my PET/CT scan at 10:00 (Calif. time), then I'm on to pick up my son mid day out of his high school to take him over to the charter school he's enrolling in for a placement test (he's going to be on their independent study program- he really needed a change of scene for now). I have been reading up on some good advice for how to live with someone with depression (x4 people for me).
    Their situation hasn't changed much, but the way I'm looking at it and now planning on coping with it has changed, so it's making me feel sooo much better! I'm addressing the issues with my kids for now with 5HTP and sam-e. It seems to be working in my youngest- the older two need to give it a couple of weeks at least to see if it helps. We may end up going the prescription route if it doesn't work, but I want to give it a chance due to the bad experience we had w/ my youngest on prescription meds.

    Anyhow, I'm off to go drive kids to school, then on to my PET scan. I'll check in w/ you all either later today or tomorrow morning.

    Thanks again!
    Lisa

    Lisa.........
    All my prayers and thoughts are for you today in your family concerns and also your scan...God Bless you.....Clift
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    Buzzard said:

    Lisa.........
    All my prayers and thoughts are for you today in your family concerns and also your scan...God Bless you.....Clift

    all the best Lisa
    another very very full plate. I will be thinking of you and your kids today Lisa. Good luck with the scan....fingers and toes crossed.

    mags
  • GOOFYLADIE
    GOOFYLADIE Member Posts: 232 Member
    lisa42 said:

    thanks again everyone
    Hi again everyone,

    Thank you all so very, very much for your words of advice and support. Emily- I appreciate you sharing about your kids with me. I'll address some of the others' individual posts later. I'm doing much better, but do have a busy day today. I have my PET/CT scan at 10:00 (Calif. time), then I'm on to pick up my son mid day out of his high school to take him over to the charter school he's enrolling in for a placement test (he's going to be on their independent study program- he really needed a change of scene for now). I have been reading up on some good advice for how to live with someone with depression (x4 people for me).
    Their situation hasn't changed much, but the way I'm looking at it and now planning on coping with it has changed, so it's making me feel sooo much better! I'm addressing the issues with my kids for now with 5HTP and sam-e. It seems to be working in my youngest- the older two need to give it a couple of weeks at least to see if it helps. We may end up going the prescription route if it doesn't work, but I want to give it a chance due to the bad experience we had w/ my youngest on prescription meds.

    Anyhow, I'm off to go drive kids to school, then on to my PET scan. I'll check in w/ you all either later today or tomorrow morning.

    Thanks again!
    Lisa

    Lisa
    Yeah, forward motion. Oh, how it feels sooooo good. You are back in control. Sometimes a break and gets to where we need to be . I am so glad to see you pushing forward. Keep going girl, there is great stuff coming your way, I feel it in your in your post. Keep moving on,YES!!!
    Make it a Great Day!
    Goofyladie (Cass)
  • rrob
    rrob Member Posts: 158
    Family issues
    Lisa,

    Haven't posted in a while. Sorry things have been rough. I'll add you to my prayers. My youngest son had just turned 17 when I was dx'd and I was pretty out of it with shock, etc. He seemed to handle it well, but he missed a lot of school with any illness you (or he) could imagine. I don't know if he needed to stay close or what, but we did battle quite a bit the next year over going to school. We both survived, but some days were really tough. I think having teenagers is difficult enough without having to deal with feeling so yucky, too. I hope the road smooths out soon for you. If you're like me, the bumps in the road are speed bumps that seem a little too high these days. I'm ready for a nice smooth patch. As far as the depression goes, my older son took a major nose dive when I was dx'd. He was in college, stopped going to class, slept all the time, and basically shut me out of his life as if I were already gone. He failed the semester. When he came home at Christmas and saw I was not dying, he seemed to snap out of it. I did have him see a counselor as a safety valve-he only went once or twice, but he has the relationship established if he ever needs it.

    Good luck. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

    Rebecca
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064 Member
    lisa42 said:

    thanks again everyone
    Hi again everyone,

    Thank you all so very, very much for your words of advice and support. Emily- I appreciate you sharing about your kids with me. I'll address some of the others' individual posts later. I'm doing much better, but do have a busy day today. I have my PET/CT scan at 10:00 (Calif. time), then I'm on to pick up my son mid day out of his high school to take him over to the charter school he's enrolling in for a placement test (he's going to be on their independent study program- he really needed a change of scene for now). I have been reading up on some good advice for how to live with someone with depression (x4 people for me).
    Their situation hasn't changed much, but the way I'm looking at it and now planning on coping with it has changed, so it's making me feel sooo much better! I'm addressing the issues with my kids for now with 5HTP and sam-e. It seems to be working in my youngest- the older two need to give it a couple of weeks at least to see if it helps. We may end up going the prescription route if it doesn't work, but I want to give it a chance due to the bad experience we had w/ my youngest on prescription meds.

    Anyhow, I'm off to go drive kids to school, then on to my PET scan. I'll check in w/ you all either later today or tomorrow morning.

    Thanks again!
    Lisa

    Good for you!
    Lisa,

    Way to go to enroll your son in a school that can better meet his needs at this time....thinking outside the box, I find, is a must in cancer livin'. My daughter, who's a senior this year and has been in public school since 8th grade, decided after the first day of school that she wanted to come back home to homeschool. It was her decision and it's turning out to be a real blessing since I have been struggling with this Mast Cell Activation Disorder.

    A couple years ago that son of mine who I told you was AWFUL (yes, in caps) to me, told me that when he found out that I had cancer he stayed home alone in his room and cried all day while the rest of us had gone off to a water park for a "fun" family day before I left for my surgery. At the time he was just a surly ugly-acting teenager. Little did I know he was in such turmoil and pain. I know, how ignorant and naive of me to not see it. I tell you this to learn from my mistaken opinion....in hind sight (20/20) I wish I had more understanding and awareness of his stuff, but I just thought he was being a typical selfish creep. (which he was don't get me wrong). HA! So hopefully you won't find out years later what was really going on inside.....

    I hope all goes well with your PET today.

    Jeremiah 30:17

    peace, emily
  • dmdwins
    dmdwins Member Posts: 454 Member
    rrob said:

    Family issues
    Lisa,

    Haven't posted in a while. Sorry things have been rough. I'll add you to my prayers. My youngest son had just turned 17 when I was dx'd and I was pretty out of it with shock, etc. He seemed to handle it well, but he missed a lot of school with any illness you (or he) could imagine. I don't know if he needed to stay close or what, but we did battle quite a bit the next year over going to school. We both survived, but some days were really tough. I think having teenagers is difficult enough without having to deal with feeling so yucky, too. I hope the road smooths out soon for you. If you're like me, the bumps in the road are speed bumps that seem a little too high these days. I'm ready for a nice smooth patch. As far as the depression goes, my older son took a major nose dive when I was dx'd. He was in college, stopped going to class, slept all the time, and basically shut me out of his life as if I were already gone. He failed the semester. When he came home at Christmas and saw I was not dying, he seemed to snap out of it. I did have him see a counselor as a safety valve-he only went once or twice, but he has the relationship established if he ever needs it.

    Good luck. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

    Rebecca

    Just wanted you to know that
    Just wanted you to know that I will continue to pray for you and your family.

    Dawn
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    Thinking of you
    Hi Lisa,
    I just said a prayer for you and your family. Thinking of you today.
    Aloha,
    Kathleen